Phil

Yea, I thought that my lines would stay the same until I re-submitted them rather than reverted back to my original lines. Oh well. GWG for me. That's nice.

so close Mercs!

That win feels soooooooooo good

first period attack and then the shut-down. Noice work MURICA

It would be a sacrifice bunt.

I tagged you to say "hi" and that I miss you

Remember that time people called me a suck up? By “people” I mean @boom. And by “suck up”, he must have meant “the best member ever”. That is why I am writing this article. It’s not even for TPE. It’s for all of you glorious free agents. @Victor @sterling @STZ @TheLastOlympian07 @Draper. You guys all are such valuable members to the site and honestly, any one or combination of one of you guys would be an amazing edition to our team. I am pretty confident in saying that if only one of you sign here with us, that we’ll win the Continental Cup… and since I’m pretty positive that you all want at least one, why not have your first one (minus Victor and Draper, and they’ve already gotten 2 with me as we destroyed the league) be with me in Cologne? I hope you all are seriously considering this destination. Besides, why wouldn’t you want to come here? Boom himself say I’m the best member ever and I’m in Cologne. Come join me!

Breaking Down Team Europe - Part 2 Welcome back to part two of the thrilling two-part series on Team Europe. We are 4 games into the round robin (and potentially 6 by the time I post this) and we still have half the team to talk about. Let’s dive straight into it and continue with the Forwards: Forward Power: If there’s one thing to watch for with this team, it will be its second-line center, Sean Blacker - @frescoelmo. Blacker has a knack for getting himself into trouble, and his parents must be goddamn prophets, because they couldn’t have picked a better surname for him. “Black-eye”, as he is known around the league, is his nickname because clearly Sean takes his last name too seriously. Every time he goes out he tries to act “Blacker”. It didn't work the first time and it didn’t work the 249th time, with a similar result of getting punched in the face. He’ll walk into a bar obnoxiously, ask where his homies are, and then things just get worse from there on. You can fill in the blanks from there. Hopefully, this won’t be a problem in Switzerland. Next up on the roster is LeAndre St. Pierre, an actual black man - @atw2592. This guy, aside from being a talented hockey player, for some reason will not socialize with Sean Blacker. LeAndre started off his career as an aspiring UFC fighter. With a name like St. Pierre, it kind of made sense, until he realized he took a punch about as well as a bulimic girl in a wheelchair. Since then, he’s found his calling. Defensemen: Well, what can we say about Team Europe’s defenders? There’s four of them, and unfortunately for the rest of the team, 3 of them are brothers. We have Phil, Jeff, and David Hamilton, three poncy, pompous, snot-nosed, little English breadsticks - @Knight @sterling. These are the types of lads who will start a towel fight in the showers and then the moment their victims start fighting back will use the towel as a white flag, making whimpering, squealing noises, not unlike an aardvark which is being mounted by a rhinoceros. However as majestic as these Brits are, they still play hard. This is due to the “gladiator effect” whereby as soon as they don protective equipment they believe themselves to be invincible. This caused a lot of problems for Jeff but ironically was also the solution. When Jeff is not playing hockey, he spends time in Saskatchewan. Nobody knows why, as no one wants anything to do with Saskatchewan. He was having trouble with the local natives coming onto his property and took a swing at one of them, who immediately roundhouse kicked Jeff in the balls. Jeff ran away crying, but within 10 minutes he came out fully equipped in his hockey gear (sans skates) and clubbed the natives back into the forest. Considering the natives had tomahawks, that could have gone very poorly but all’s well that ends. Luckily, there will be no Natives in Switzerland to worry about. Then we have stevo a.k.a. World B Free - @stevo. This libertarian believes that the World liquor supply should be accessible to all and flow freely, and he’ll have no problem exfoliating his worldly views all over the bar counter. What Team Europe will need to watch for is that Free actually turns up to games sober, as the liquor here is astronomically cheaper than back in his homeland, and thus more aligned with his views. Expect him to take full advantage of that and make sure that he doesn’t die of happiness/alcohol intoxication and Europe will be fine. Substitutes: Finally, Team Europe, in its infinite wisdom and progressiveness, is the first World Cup team in history to bring substitutes along with them. Two forwards and one defender. We’ll only talk about the two important ones: Elijah Don’trun and Max von Holdenthedoorforme - @Paramorise @RomanesEuntDomus Both will for the most part, do their best furniture impersonations but should have more than one use, like a hotel futon. The coaching staff have decided to be kind to them because soon, they realized, these two will be an integral part of the team. Conclusion All in all, it should be a decent tournament for Team Europe. That is if Wingate (@CowboyinAmerica) manages to show up in the right country, if Muller (@TheLastOlympian07) doesn’t ditch the team to try out for FC Basil, if Ravenwing (@der meister) can stop reciting Shakespeare off a balcony to Kohler (@Kendrick), who will be in a bizarre hat (which as it would happen, actually suits the Shakespearian era), if Blacker doesn’t get shot for being himself, if Humbert (@Mr. Power) can be slightly better than mediocre, if St. Pierre doesn’t take a hit, if the Hamilton brothers don’t start a towel fight with a bunch brownie girls, and if World isn’t intoxicated throughout the entire tournament… but what’s the likelihood of all of those things happening, right? Right?

Yea we always do pretty well in them ahah. You're having a terrific tourney so far!!!!

Wow good game World! At least our second line showed up (hell ya, @der meister - ironically not what we'd expect) World did an excellent job of shutting down our top line

Wow Von Braxton robs the US!!

7 demolishing hits from Koponen.. jeez keep that shit up and he'll be on Boulet track!

The young goalies making it interesting haha!

Wow! Crazy game!

#CLEGANEBOWL #1!!! @Kendrick 1 - Tyson Kohler (EUR) 2 - Phil Hamilton (EUR) Brah, we're meant to be together

Wranglers Banned for a season

All the Free agents thinking about coming to Cologne: You are magnificent

Hey, @TheLastOlympian07 Come to Cologne. You'll like it there.

Lines are sent in for #CleganeBowl We play the Mercs today and tomorrow, so I'll keep the lines as is (at least the starting goalies) for the time being.

Snorlax powers ftw!

Review (Part 1 - Someone Else Better Also Review): - Yea Toronto finally pull off the first ever three-peat - NO particular reason he's going to visit you? Nah, it's just to fuck with your day. - I don't like smarmy people either. Fake, plastic trees people - Moral of the story - ask before you invest time looking for stuff? lol - WORLD CUP YEA! Yea, Ravenwing had a quiet couple of games, but lots of key faceoff wins, which is more than key to winning. Depending on how we do in today's sim, I'll be looking to switching up the lines. You're at 0 +/- but you're definitely doing well on the defensive side of our games! - lol PJs are comfy. - High Schoolers with Elementary kids? It does seems rather inappropriate. - I think, as long as the members with 2 players maintain their activity levels, then it will be a very good thing, as more players = more depth = better games and. But yea, we'll see. - lol sometimes, people just don't understand things. (dual monitors) - Nice! What positions do they (your daughters) play (hockey)? - I forget sometimes that you don't know what I am commenting because your aren't listening to your podcast. I gotta work on that. - Wait, what? At 5pm in the afternoon!? That's Ludicrous - Hope you feel better and if not, then that you infect smarmy dude. - We will break the league together! Heads up to @Advantage, to save your S52 draft pick for me. - A Tuesday evening event? I imagine a James Bond-esque tuxedo party with weeny cocktails, poker, and an attempted heist. Let me know how that turns out. - I do not disagree - long term having someone to look up to as a role model is more important, having that role model be your coach is the best thing that can happen. - Well done on the publication of the sci-fi story!!!!! Totally deserved! - Can't wait for the Piano! Extended Edition -

CLEGANEBOWL HYPE IS REAL!!!!

@Draper

Yes we do! And we are off to a rip-roaring start! I can't really explain my 22 (all minors) penalty minutes, as for the most part our sliders are on 0 or 1 physicality, but clearly the lines worked fine for now. @Victor you'll get at least 3 games towards the end of the round robin. @Paramorise and @RomanesEuntDomus, you two weren't on the rosters to I could put you in these games, but hopefully when higgy adds you I can give you a couple of games! We are on top after two games with Canada right on our heels. We play them tomorrow, so that'll be a key game. Big ups to @sterling who's leading the tournament in assists so far. @atw2592 and @Kendrick are both only one goal of the lead in goals.. @CowboyinAmerica is killing it in Save percentage and GAA atm! Basically we are slaughtering! @der meister @Knight @TheLastOlympian07 @stevo @Mr. Power @frescoelmo Holla back at me if you are pumped to get a Gold Medal!!!

ANother crazy-close game!!