Because I shouldn't just limit my personal life to daBears lockerroom:
"Well Phil, on saturday night I went to a birthday party for one of my former co-workers. She's quite the catch... and newly single. We went to a Country Night Club - and yes, it played at least 3 Shania Twain songs and had a mechanical bull. It was me and 2 of her closest girlfriends. We had a great time - if that wasn't enough - there were no less than FOUR (4) BACHELORETTE PARTIES also at that night club.
The long and the short of it was my penis before and the morning after. "