Stop being a Butt

[fonziGG 1,065]

That was me this morning. I woke up extremely dehydrated, bloated and I farted around 3 times. Protein farts are satisfying as hell. Have you ever smelt those? They are absolutely ferocious. Holy moly, I think I ripped up a room earlier this week. The lads had to walk out of the house for a mid. Mid cook, Marcus said fuck this and left. I mean,I have been D I S G U S T I N G. Granted, my gains have been absolutely fucking insane. I found a whole new muscle right under my traps. I had no idea to be completely honest. I'm lifting shit like it's easy now, and farting my way to gym every single day. My life has been great.

 

Marcus has been cooking up a storm after the training and nutrition regime Devon and Jarrod have created. I'm actually not even eating at the facility right now. I'm bringing lunch like a little kid right now. Well, I'm eating close to 2 meals when I'm at the facility and training. Which is absolutely absurd compared to the rest of my teammates. Training has stayed consistent every single day, which is positive IMO and when we're playing away our schedule looks very different. However, when we are playing at home, our schedule looks something like this.

 

We usually get in around 6 AM, eat breakfast together, get a morning skate in and do some stretching and conditioning. Then its official practice at around 10 AM. Practice finishes around 12 PM and we all eat lunch together. After lunch is done, we do some video review and then strength training for around 2 hours. It's around 3 PM and most of the guys head home. I stay back and get some training done till around 6 PM. I'm usually working on the core fundamentals and my skating. I'm just trying to catch back up to where I used to be. I'm certain I'll get there too. Then 6 pm hits, I have a protein bar and head home. Thats where Jarrods waiting for me to formulate a quick home workout and we all eat dinner together. Oh, I forgot to mention that Jarrod comes with me every single day. All the players bring their physical trainers to the facility.

 

On away days, nobody comes with me. In fact, I bring a bag for my clothes and a bag for all my food. What helps is that I'm on a strict plan currently so I'm never deviating away from the plan we currently have. Marcus is the engine in this core group. My guy is always cooking stuff, trying out new recipes and whatnot. This dude is literally the goat in my opinion. I mean, Devon created a plan for all of us, Jarrod is training everyone and Marcus is cooking the food for all of us. In fact, Marcus came into the house over 50 pounds over weight and he's dropped around 25 pounds of fat in a month. He's gained around 10 pounds in muscle as well. Devon and Jarrod are absolutely shredded already. I think Devon could bench press around 375 without Jarrods help. Now Devon is able to bench press around  425. All in 2 weeks. That is insanity. Jarrod has finally been able to have abs. Usually he's this use godzilla like being. But right now, he has ab and looks like he's in the best shape in his life. This dude is so knowledgeable is crazy.

 

We absolutely cleared out our last opponents. We're currently facing Las Vegas and we're tied 2-2 right now. It's been a tough series but we've been playing extremely well and confident the entire series. We just need myself and a few other key players to step up and show our prowess as much as possible. As long as we continue to focus together and work hard, we got this. I was speaking to some of my teammates and a few of them are getting distracted with all the fame and being a local celebrity. However, since the mood has been more focused, we came back from 2-0 to 2-2. If we keep this attitude up, I can see us winning it all!

 

I think I'm nearly reaching my cap here in the VHLM. I think no matter what happens here with the Reapers, I've reached my limit of potential. I'm prepared to head up to the VHLE now. We've been looking at the rosters in the VHLE and we are very excited to see what team might potentially draft me. In fact, the entire team of Butts is most excited to join Oslo or Vasteras. Me on the other hand, I'm excited for any team that has faith in ME. If they believe I can be the next big thing, I'm ready to play even for the worst team in the E. For me, this is all development. I'm preparing myself for the VHL anyways. I'm also entering the VHL draft as well, so even though it's exciting to know what my potential future looks like, I'm mostly excited to see where I go in Europe. I think if I get the right situation in Europe, it could help me become elite in the VHL. Also, red wine guys. It goes with every meal over there or something. I mean, I like getting drunk as shit.

 

Have I told you, I've never been to Europe. If we can skip the stop overs in Frankfurt or London, I've never actually entered those countries. I always usually go to African countries or Japan. Japan is actually really nice. We went there for a hockey tournament, absolutely DOMINATED the local talent and got to see the entire country. I love Japan, hell, when I retire I want to move to Japan. Have you ever been? If you have, reply. Tell me what you thought of it. I just love Tokyo, the language, the vibe and much more. I mean the culture is just amazing. Korea is also pretty dope. Actually, I'd probably be happy to retire in either country. 

[Doomsday 4,043]

Review:

 

I came here looking for absurdity, and I got it. Normally, I'd say a pack of gym rats getting ready to conquer the VHL is the weirdest thing I've seen, but seeing as I've spent the last week scouting an inanimate object playing hockey in the VHLM, I think I've seen everything. However, the idea of someone powering themselves to the gym with the thrusts of protein farts is the perfect type of absurdity that makes a media spot stand out. 

 

Not only is it humorous, but it's very well-written. This took love. This took care. This is someone that didn't want to torture the reader with horrific formatting, terrible typos, and sentences that just don't end. You done good. 

 

10/10

[a_Ferk 760]

I expected a weird article, and I received one of the weirdest VHL articles I've ever seen. Why is the entire thing in italics by the way? It's a little bit odd also. The VHLM playoffs are 2-2 and it seems like the series could go either way right now. The Reapers eliminated my team so I kind of want them to lose but good luck regardless. I hope your VHLE experience next season is a good one. 10/10

 

 

[fonziGG 1,065]

10 hours ago, a_Ferk said:

Why is the entire thing in italics by the way? It's a little bit odd also.

It's the subtle weird things isn't it?

[fonziGG 1,065]

12 hours ago, Doomsday said:

This took love. This took care. This is someone that didn't want to torture the reader with horrific formatting, terrible typos, and sentences that just don't end. You done good. 

This took fonzi copy and pasting into word counter multiple times in order to get 2 weeks cronked out as well

[fonziGG 1,065]

Claiming for 2nd week

[Rhynex Entertainment 447]

Very nice article. Good read! When I saw the title, I was expecting something different  Very well structured, easy to read. A very nice daily journal style narrative article. Expecting the series to go the long way. Look forward to seeing the best team win! 10/10