Healthy Scratch - Scratch This!

[Thunder 1,202]

If you are reading this, that means the title got your attention, or you were unlucky enough to have been tagged.  Sorry to disappoint you but there is nothing perverted in this media spot.  Its a discussion about a bullshit call by a referee in game #101 of the pro/am.  I’ve seen hundreds, if not thousands of game recaps and have never seen anyone get suspended.  It could be part of the Simon decision making, well obviously it is because it happened.  So, this media spot is dedicated to the event at hand, as well as what if’s regarding Simon decision making and how it would affect the VHL.

 

It’s early in the third period of a closely contested game between Atlantis Apocalypse and Pretty Pandas Playing Piano in Paris.  Juan Ceson, @dylanjj37 has been causing problems all game and when Nic McMuffin passed the puck out of the PPPPP zone, Ceson thought he’d get away with a slash and smacked McMuffin on the back of the leg with his stick.  Instead of skating up the ice, Ceson continued the rampage and went after PPPPP star goalie, Alexander Minion, @UnknownMinion.  Juan Ceson skated into the crease and raised his elbow into the shoulder of Minion with total disregard for gamesmanship.  Fortunately for Minion, the blow did not injure him and it only made Minion more determined to get a victory for his team.

 

Jake Thunder was on the bench getting a quick breather and he saw the unscrupulous works of Juan Ceson.  After Ceson ambushed Alexander Minion, Thunder decided enough was enough.  Jake Thunder has been friends with Juan Ceson ever since their time together at Las Vegas and Thunder has followed Ceson’s career with respect, but Juan Ceson has gone rogue, senile, and is completely out of control.  Perhaps Ceson has been spending too much time at the Juan Ceson zoo, but that’s neither here nor there.  At any rate, Thunder made the decision to stick up for his teammates and at the next line change Thunder went directly to Juan Ceson for the challenge.

 

After a brief exchange of words, both Ceson and Thunder dropped the gloves and the fight ensued.  Now, Thunder was giving Ceson a message not to screw with PPPPP but he didn’t want to hurt Ceson so the fight ended in a draw.   This is where the unusual call came by a Simon referee wanting to make a name for himself.  Thunder and Ceson each got a five minute penalty for fighting, Thunder got called for instigating a fight, and also a game misconduct, and was ejected from the game.  And then, to rub salt to the wound, a one game suspension came down from Simon.  WTF.  Well, it happened, and Jake Thunder is taking it in stride, even when his pro/am teammate Brian Payne, @Scurvy has been rubbing it in ever since it happened, enjoying the ribbing and frivolity.  And to top it off, the way the sims work for whatever reason, Thunder didn’t miss just one game for PPPPP, but 14 frigging games.  What a break.  Ugh.  I just hope Thunder is back in the lineup for the next set of games.

 

This brings up the what if portion of this media spot.  What if Simon added multiple game suspensions?  What if Simon added injuries? Or better yet, what if Simon added other unique circumstances which caused players to miss games?  The GM’s would definitely have their hands full having to keep up with changes, healthy scratches, injured reserve, etc.  I mean, could you imagine if Callum Murray, @Berocka, the star defender for the Los Angeles Stars, were to miss three games at the end of the season because his fiancé wanted him to see her family.  Would @InstantRockstar have what it takes to make the adjustments?  Or what if Baxter Arcanum, @ctots, celebrated a little too much after winning the U.S. Disc Golf Championship, and he were unable to step up for DC Dragons.  Could @FrostBeard manage the lineup and keep the Dragons in the games without Arcanum, while ctots remains in the metro drunk tank.

 

This brings me to my reimagining the VHL.  Imagine if you were the GM for the Rome Gladiators, @Baby Boomer, and you were all excited to have picked up Bjorkabjorn Bjornabjorkson, only to find out that @JardyB10 was in a road rage incident way up in the ice roads of Saskatoon or Saskatchwan, and Simon decided to give Bjorkabjorn Bjornabjorkson a lower back injury and spend the first twenty games in physical rehab.  There is no doubt that Jardyb10 is an inspiration to his teammates at Rome and the locker room would be in disarray without Jardyb10 causing commotion and riling up the VHL community.  Now, Simon could make adjustments of course, and allow Bjorkabjorn Bjornabjorkson come back sooner if only Jardyb10 were to do his famous podcasts more frequently.

 

And this wouldn’t be any good if I didnt reimagine Rip Wheeler, @ScottyP, and Brian Payne, @Scurvy.  Starting with Rip Wheeler, recently drafted by Riga in the VHL and the Oslo Storm for the VHLE.  What if Simon were to evaluate Rip Wheeler and determine that he’s undeserving of the name and automatically reverts Wheeler’s name to his true identity, Jimmy Hurdstram.  Would @JB123, be able to make the adjustments after thinking that he drafted a stud player with grit and determination, only to find Jimmy/Rip turning into a milk toast with sponge blades and a bamboo stick.  Jimmy/Rip could try to get Simon to change its mind; however, given the improvements in AI, its highly unlikely that Simon would make any favorable adjustments as the league progressed.  Jimmy may try to drink the whiskey like Rip, but he’s definitely lacking in the set of stones.

 

And now the best part, Brian Payne.  Payne is already the jack booted knuckle dragger for the Warsaw Predators.  If there’s anyone Simon should be looking at to suspend it would be Payne.  But, lets imagine Simon going AI on us and picking up on scurvy’s elaborate taste in expensive whiskey.  It would go something like this.  Brian Payne is suspended indefinitely due to his violation of VHL standard of conduct as it relates to responsible drinking and locker room demeanor.  Mixing white claws with Maker’s Mark in the Predator locker room while watching animated porn in the team media screen room.  @N0HBDY would have to make a tough decision on whether he looks to trade Brian Payne for a more responsible defender and get rid of the locker room problem child, or if he chooses to keep Payne, Simon might look at the decision as a non-commital on Nohbdy’ s part to correct Payne’s transgressions.

 

There are so many examples I could throw out there that might or might not stick given whether or not Simon’s abilities to vary on the list of unpredictable decisions it makes to determine the outcomes of the games, but since this is all fantasy league, there’s no need to go on!

 

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[Thunder 1,202]

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