Tagger 2,722 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 (edited) "It's a Fucking Disgrace!" - Didier Drogba, Wednesday 6th May 2009 Usually I’d like to think that I’m a fairly relaxed person around this league. When I bother to turn up, I like to be just about having fun, enjoying my time and seeing all the great stuff that goes on in the league. But that’s changed now, because quite frankly, I’m pissed off. Hear my story: ------------------------------------- After updating the league’s all-time penalty minute stats, as I do because I am the league’s greatest historian of all-time, I came across a single digit figure in the PIM column for one long-term player. 9. 9 PIMs. Naturally, I laughed it off and dismissed it as an anomaly, my keyboard must have jammed at the crucial point and this 9 was simply one half of the equation. So after calculating all of the other PIMs, I returned to the figure, this 9. How did you come about? Surely this great league could not have been poisoned by a man incapable of putting up no more than 9 minutes of PIMs? I rushed down to the kitchen and reached to grab a beer, but held back. This was no time to party, the situation at hand required a thinking man’s drink. Returning to my computer with a fresh glass of tomato juice, it became clear that I was going to have to go back in time, traversing through the mass amount of minor and major penalties accrued in the league, along with the ever-elusive double minor, to extract each and every penalty that “Mr. 9” had picked up. Season 37: 7 PIMs I put up a sigh of relief, thank goodness it was just an error after all. There was absolutely no way that any hockey player on the face of the earth could only muster two penalties minutes over the course of two and a half seasons. But… Season 38: 0 PIMs I froze. A zero PIM season? Utterly despicable! Thank goodness the O’Neal’s and the Lefevre’s that made the VHL the great league that it is today were no longer around to witness this abomination. And then the realization: Season 39: 2 PIMs Season 40: 0 PIMs No, it couldn’t be… Total: 9 PIMs The world may be busy dealing with another killer virus, but the VHL had one of its own, and its name was Tom Slaughter. ----------------------------------------------------- Tom Slaughter, I don’t know who you are, where you are, what position you play or what the capital of Gonnorrhea actually is, but I do know one thing, you are a complete piece of garbage. How dare you enter this league without mustering up any of the will or courage that the many warriors that came before you put up in their efforts to consistently get to the penalty box. How dare you taint the VHL Championship with your presence. But know this, if you and I share the same hockey…court(?) again, it won’t matter if you keep skating away from me. My gloves will be off from the moment we set the hockeyball down on the ice, I will be coming for you, and when I’ve ripped your head from your torso, when your soul ascends to the skies, when you reach the pearly gates of the big man upstairs, you will know you’ll have another five penalty minutes to your name. Do you know what I am saying? Edwin Encarnacion Edited October 30, 2014 by YEAH! Doomsday, CoachReilly, HawksFan19 and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Victor 10,829 Posted October 29, 2014 Admin Share Posted October 29, 2014 Drogba would curb stomp Slaughter tbh. diamond_ace and Tagger 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sterling 1,996 Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I'll be happy if there's another line brawl and Tom beats up poor Edwin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doomsday 4,120 Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 You know, for a guy named Slaughter you'd expect a hell of a lot more penalty minutes instead of Pussy Award candidacy. Landry had zero PIMs as a rookie, but made up for that with the rest of his career. CoachReilly 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Baozi 1,658 Posted October 30, 2014 Moderator Share Posted October 30, 2014 Hahah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoachReilly 688 Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Utterly despicable. Lack of courage/fortitude Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sterling 1,996 Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Y'all don't need courage to winn dem Cups Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Victor 10,829 Posted October 30, 2014 Admin Share Posted October 30, 2014 lol @ pluralisation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HawksFan19 89 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 COntent: 3/3 HAHAHHAHAA, what a great idea for a Media Spot. I laughed the whole way through. How many PIMS do you have? 527 words. Grammar: 2/2 box. = box? presence. = presence? court(?) = court (?) hockeyball = hockey ball Appearance: 1/1 FINAL: 6/6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kesler 1,514 Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 Claimed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sterling 1,996 Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 General Fight at 19:30 of 1st overtime period Tom Slaughter beats up Robert Gow III at 19:30 of 1st overtime period No, you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tagger 2,722 Posted February 7, 2015 Author Share Posted February 7, 2015 General Fight at 19:30 of 1st overtime period Tom Slaughter beats up Robert Gow III at 19:30 of 1st overtime period No, you And to think I predicted you to win the Pussy of the Year award again! Maybe you do have some balls! Maybe it's not too late for you to recover your 689th standing in PIMs after all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sterling 1,996 Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 You're banned for lack of foresight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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