VHLM All Star Game Roster Announcement!

[Tetricide 570]

Hey everyone, my name is Bobbus Dingus on the Victory Hockey Network (not to be confused with the VSN!) and welcome to the Season 92 VHLM All Star Game announcement! I know it's been a long time since some of you have seen me, but long story short I've been doing a lot of heavy lifting behind the scenes! Anyway, I'm very excited to be your host on today's announcement on the return of the All-Star Games. It would seem the VHLM commissioners have finally come out of their inactive slumber and thrown some fun into the mix for our future prospects. Our main event will be the actual game itself of the fan favorites in the Western Conference against those in the Eastern Conference! Each conference will have at least two players from each team. Here are your finalists!

 

Western Conference

First Line 

 Left Wing - Forum Content @frescoelmo 

38G/38A/76P || +16 || 12.66 SHT%

Born right out the hot gates of Santiago, Chile and drafted to Saskatoon during his stay in the taint of Texas (Waco) is Forum Content. A winger with strengths and hockey sense in all the right places to be the next Scotty Campbell, adding some spice and flare to his goal attempts making goalies watch for his number. It is no surprise Forum Content scored so high as a fan favorite.

 Center - Caesar Monterrey @CaptainGatsby 
20G/32A/52P || +11 || 10.53 SHT%

Does anyone have any background info on this guy?! Because we sure don't. We'd love to know the man known as CAESAR MONTERREY! Not too far from home in Mexico... There's actually a city in Mexico called Monterrey...did you know that? Anyway, Monterrey here is the best centerman in the west winning 56.16% of his faceoffs out of a total of 1,569 and Vegas fans absolutely love this guy!

 Right Wing - Trimiskez Artav @jake  

30G/37A/67P || +26 || 14.63 SHT%

Houston's Trimiskez Artav has been rightfully selected to represent the first line in the western conference. An absolute treat to watch on the ice, Artav is a true testament of how a versatile forward with incredible hockey sense can be with the right teammates to support his playstyle.

 1st Defensive Pairing

 Bric Sheithaus @Oldhead91 

14G/54A/68P ||157 Hits || 97 Shots Blocked

Vegas's Bric Sheithaus has been turning heads nearly leading the league in hits and tied for most points as a defenseman. Make sure to look for his number on the ice, otherwise you'd almost miss him at 5'10"!

Benjamin Abenduct - @Schnee 

17G/42A/59P || 128 Hits || 70 Shots Blocked

Ontario-born engineering prodigy turned hockey defenseman Benjamin Abenduct is such a cool dude to watch. He's got a great personality in interviews, and genuinely a great kid on-and-off the ice! I wonder if he can build me a robot that can wash dishes for me...

 

Second Line
Left Wing - Jean-Pierre Devote @eagle_3450 

39G/37A/76P|| +17 || 15.42 SHT%

Devote, the "Monacan Menace" as I've dubbed him, is a man to be feared on the ice. Never mind his current record... It's his 100 hits and leading all left wingers in the league with 45 shots blocked as a forward that you should be mostly worried about if you're not a Marlin. A man to be feared on the ice if you aren't already watching for his number!

Center - Adam @Adam Ma 

15G/41A/56P || +25 || 10.95 SHT%

Adam is an anomalous individual that has recently joined the league as a waiver for the Marlins and is rippin' it up on the ice. Despite a sub 50% win rate at faceoffs, his production certainly makes up for it. I think with the right strength training, Adam could be a nightmare for other teams!

Right Wing - Annie Oaks @Noodle Enjoyer 

30G/33A/66P || -1 || 13.33 SHT%

If you haven't seen Sheffield local Annie Oaks on the ice, she is an absolute rock star! The 5'10" British youngster has not only been running circles around her competition, but also throwing them into the boards with a staggering 96 completed hits. We're really looking forward to seeing her take on the East!

 

 2nd Defensive Pairing

Lucy Leitner @LucyXpher 

14G/44A/58P || 123 Hits || 72 Shots Blocked

Space City's very own Lucy, the "Lightbringer", Leitner has been lighting up the net and bodying players since she was just a kid. The smooth transition from her upbringing into the VHL's minors is no surprise as she puts up some impressive numbers including some gnarly hits that's sent her to the sin bin a few times.

 Free Gorlab @eaglesfan036 

23G/33A/56P || 137 Hits || 97 Shots Blocked

It's true...Gorlab has retired from the league, but he's played enough games in the regular season to be eligible to play and he will! Gorlab has also been making sure people check his number before they decide to drop the gloves.

 

 

 Goal Tending

Starting Goalie - Aleksanteri Kaskiniemi-Kekkonen @Snussu 

SV% 0.901 || GAA 2.63 || 29W/16L/3 OTL

Holding the 2nd best GAA and a save percentage above .900, Kekkonen may have all the sugar, spice, and everything nice to shut everything down before it even crosses the blue line towards him. Even if it does, he's faced enough shots against (3rd most at 1,296) to hopefully hit 'em with the blocker or glove save!

Backup Goalie - Samuel Wazinski @samthemancub 

SV% .903 || GAA 2.89 || 29W/18L/3 OTL

Wazinski may be the backup here, but don't sleep on this guy. He's had a total of 1,509 shots against him which is 187 more than the next highest!

 

 

Eastern Conference

First Line 

Left Wing - Wayne Shotzky @Kenamatic 

38G/38A/76P || +11 || 12.71 SHT%

Wayne Shotzky...could he be the next Gret--I mean Cambell? I think it's certainly a possibility with his production! We can already see the stars in the up-and-coming Canadian legend Shotzky and our fans seem to agree with him being voted so high to play in the All-Star Game!

 Center - Antonia Bucatini @CowboyinAmerica 

29G/30A/59P || -22 || 9.29 SHT%

Bucatini follows every letter in the saying, "when in Rome, do as the Romans." Except..well..she is from Rome! She is the strongest at faceoffs with a 57.45% faceoff win rate and has taken the most so far this season at an astounding 1,746! Add in the impressive record (let's forget about the +/- for a second) and you have a monster on the ice who is not afraid to take on anyone. A well-deserved first line position for a future prospect.

Right Wing - Yermolai Nabokov @fonziGG 

37G/46A/83P || +28 || 12.89 SHT%

Yermolai Nabokov, the Russian Lumberjack standing 6'8" without skates, has been annihilating his opponents left and right. A huge contributor to Philly's success at the top of the board by 14 points, the West will need all the defense they can muster to stop the Lumberjack from cutting them down!

 

 1st Defensive Pairing

Enn Jinn @jhatty8 

17G/51A/68P || 78 Hits || 87 Shots Blocked

Enn Jinn is probably Philly fan's favorite 2nd only to Nabokov! His production has been amazing and honestly some incredible defensive measures taken on the ice.

 

Bilbo Teabaggins @SackButter 

17G/37A/54P || 92 Hits || 67 Shots Blocked

From the Shire himself, Teabaggins has been hitting local Miami papers (a lot of tabloids, tbh) on what his actual origins are and whether or not he has a lot of hair on his feet. It doesn't matter. What matters is he's helping keep Miami afloat on the defensive side of things and people are noticing!

 

 

Second Line

Left Wing - Matthew Highmore @NineIQ v2 

29G/31A/60P || -1 || 9.97 SHT%

Miami's Matthew Highmore -- oh, captain, my captain! A Marauder playing his second season and on pace for another 90+ point season. Highmore has certainly been integral in Miami's success so far and will definitely be depended on in the ASG!

 Center - Wernher von Braun @Prof. Zach Enron 

24G/27A/51P || -15 || 11.82 SHT%

A strange pick from our fans, in fact one might think they were trolling... It's inconceivable to believe von Braun has just above a 40% faceoff win rate for someone with his stature. A lanky 6ft centerman with barely any strength and his stats could just be why Mississauga fans mass voted him.

Right Wing - Ivan Ivanov @KmaddFPS 

30G/49A/79P || +8 || 10.07 SHT%

The Russian Rabbit known as Ivan Ivanov is exactly what this line needed. Speed -- and some damn good hockey sense! The speed this kid has is dangerous, and he knows how to use it well to create space and score.

 

 2nd Defensive Pairing

 Pierre Ennis @DeciBell4 

8G/35A/43P || 137 Hits || 84 Shots Blocked

Ennis is not a man of many words. He lets his actions speak for him. 137 hits and 84 blocked shots is hard to ignore, and our Miami fans made sure the ASG commission couldn't. It's not about the points, it's about the journey of bodies we leave sliding across the ice from a questionable hit.

 John Season @dylanjj37 

12G/21A/23P || 100 Hits || 129 Shots Blocked

John freakin' Season. Where do I even start with this guy? He could be a one hit wonder, but right now he's a one hit K.O. Wherever the puck is, Season is right there to make sure it's in the right hands. Are you in good hands?

 

 

 Goal Tending

 Starting Goalie - Jorgen Lovstrom @Pifferfish 

.920 SV% || 2.31 GAA || 35W/4L/3 OTL

Greenland doesn't have much representation in the ASG and Lovstrom may not be very tall for an ideal goalie, but he has absolutely been slaughtering the competition. Especially when you compare how many wins HE has to how many any other team has...period. With two shutouts in the regular season and two Reapers to join his side in the ASG, it will be nearly impossible to get one by this guy.

 Backup Goalie - Marc-Andre Fleury @ElementStyx9 

.907 SV% || 3.24 GAA || 16W/15L/1 OTL

Fleury has played a lot less games than our other listed goalies here, which makes him kind of a wild card selection here. Mississauga fans have welcomed him with open arms and high praise after a messy start of the season. It seemed like no one was home in net (Gage Barclay, is that you?), but the fairly new signing has forced Fleury to sink or swim.

 

That concludes this season's All-Star Game roster announcement! Thank you for tuning in! My name is Bobbus Dingus with the Victory Hockey Network, and we'll see you on the February 7th at the Jolt Juice Arena in Minnesota!

 

Word counter site says 1,747 words for the above and I'm inclined to believe it.

Claiming for weeks ending:

4 Feb, 2024

11 Feb, 2024

18 Feb, 2024

 

And also theme week obviously.

Edited February 4 by Tetricide

[Tetricide 570]

Man I keep catching crazy little mistakes here and there and it's driving me nuts because I've spent way too much time on this

[Pifferfish 345]

@Tetricide I'm average sized I swear!

[AJW 1,746]

Just noticed this has 8k views S92 was a dream season