Tsbagsuph 62 Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 (edited) KENDRICK E. TSBAGSUPH-DIKS FIRST WEEK IN BERN Kendrick E. Tsbagsuph-Diks has been in Switzerland (I think that is where Bern is but too be honest, I’m too lazy to google it) for a week and so far, has done nothing but go to team practices and masturbate in the toilet stall while the team performed shooting drills. So far, Kendrick has expressed frustrations with his current team. According to rumours, Ted Doughty keeps knocking on his bathroom stall offering to help rather than leaving Kendrick to masturbate in peace. I know what you are thinking. Just last week, Kendrick said he had contracted STDs from guys and girls (because he’s open and cool like that) and thus Kendrick shouldn’t care. Well, according to previous interviews with some Bern players, Ted tends to be really, really clingy. Like, the guy doesn’t know how to give his teammates enough space. In fact, his longest known relationship was only 3 days because his ex-girlfriend (if you can even call her that after 3 days) could not stand his shit anymore. Due to this already difficult relationship, Kendrick has asked that he be seated as far as possible from Ted during games so he can give himself a pocket jerk in peace between shifts. Respecting his new teammate’s wishes, Viljo Metsala has offered up his 6’2” body to act as a visual screen from Ted. Unfortunately, Kendrick is still stressed and it is showing up in his on-ice performance thus far. Kendrick has only produced 6 points over 18 games, far below the pace needed for his projection of 69 points over the entire season. When whoever the GM of Bern was asked about the frustrations between Kendrick and Ted and how it was affecting the team, he said, “Please don’t talk about it. It’s weird, I don’t like it, and I just keep reminding myself that I only have to deal with this for another half season before this will be over forever. In the meantime, don’t write stories about it or bring attention to it. I just want to manage a hockey team and don’t want to deal with any of this gross-ness.” An artist's rendition of the Bern GM As the quote above confirms, this is a very important issue to the team’s success that Bern’s GM wishes to get involved in to resolve quickly. While we do not have a status at this time, we will continue pursuing progress updates on the masturbation conflict in Bern. There is certainly no one better to ask. Aside from the aforementioned problem, Kendrick has been surviving in Bern. He has rented an apartment (which is hella expensive in Switzerland) and has enough to buy some rice and lychee fruit for nourishment with his remaining salary. Clearly his is living quite the high-life. Edited April 1, 2016 by Tsbagsuph FacePuncher, JardyB10, Jala and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsbagsuph 62 Posted April 1, 2016 Author Share Posted April 1, 2016 (edited) This media spot is a thank you to Ted for creating my bottom picture Edited April 1, 2016 by Tsbagsuph Molholt 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FacePuncher 1,343 Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 By far the best media spot ever created eaglesfan036 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JPL 151 Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 what did i just read? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jala 922 Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 I dont know why but that rabbit gif actually makes my stomach turn lol also, you cant get away from me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eaglesfan036 4,598 Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 this guy is the new @Munk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Da Trifecta 1,896 Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 Why does the name read as Kendrick eats bags of dicks? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLastOlympian07 2,388 Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 1 hour ago, Da Trifecta said: Why does the name read as Kendrick eats bags of dicks? cause its true? Da Trifecta 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evrydayimbyfuglien 600 Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 Review: I, like everyone else, have no idea what I just read. I will review this strictly based on grammar and appearance. It had only one error that I noticed. 14 hours ago, Tsbagsuph said: Clearly his is living quite the high-life. More of a typo. Otherwise, keep up the writing, it'll be entertaining if nothing else. eaglesfan036 and FacePuncher 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FacePuncher 1,343 Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 Review: honestly, there's nothing you can improve. I'm not sure if you need to ever write another media spot. Just claim this one for 600 TPE instead of the normal 6. Honestly I enjoyed almost every bit of this, except for the pictures. Please find different pictures.... 471 words eaglesfan036 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CowboyinAmerica 2,880 Posted April 11, 2016 Share Posted April 11, 2016 Claimed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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