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Claimed: The Random Mock


ASIANBOUBABI
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When the concept of a mock draft with bonus tpe was announced, I was initially very excited. Then the reality of trying to determine who would go where hit me and panic set it. There was only one way to proceed and thanks to a very crappy randon number generator at http://jawjahboy.com/games/number-generators/  , I have come up with what I beleive is the most accurate mock draft to be posted so far. Numbers 1-10 were assigned to the top ten tpe earners as listed and the generator did the rest. Read on for this incredible mock draft!

 

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With the Toronto Legion being the lucky winners of the number one selection, they will turn to the incedible talents of Ottawa Lynx center Fook Yu, in order to build for the future of the franchise. They do need players at most key positions but with defenseman Roman Sokolov already on the roster, its time to start building the forward line. Yu has been in great form for the Lynx this season and had 100+ points to be a key part of Ottawas great season. From all accounts Yu has great management behind him and will be a top part of the Legions rebuild.

 

 

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Davos are on the clock with the second overall pick and GM Smarch makes a shocking selection and announces the worlds oldest hockey player Verner Reinholdt as the newest Dynamo player. With a ready supply of Bengay, Ibuprofen and prune juice the Dynamo are prepared for all the possibilities that come with this selection. Despite his advancing years Reinholdt will provide a spark from the RW position and the player agency is well known for producing good talent that tries hard. Thank the number generator for this doozie of a pick.

 

 

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Helsinki come to the podium and quickly announce that Torsten Ironside will be catching a flight to Finland as soon as possible. With Astid Moon prone to double vision and involuntary movements closely resembling seizures when in net, Ironside will quickly be prepared for the #1 Titans goaltender position. I am not saying Moons time in Helsinki is over but unless the medication kicks in fast, she will be riding the pine until Ironside suffers a catastrophic injury. Although given the alternative, GM Higgins may elect to make Ironside play through it anyway.

 

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The number four spot belongs to Riga and for reasons known only to themselves they select the other Asian in the draft, Takashi Fujimoto. Many believe its a case of mistaken identity and they think they are getting Fook Yu instead. We all look the same. Either way after the riots in the Latvian streets subside, they realize their error and try to send him back to the VHL. Unfortunately they cant find their receipt and are forced to accept the fact that their scouts are morons.

 

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Looking incredibly similar to his Uncle Wayne, Shawn Gretzky will be headed to Quebec. The Meute cant believe that a player of his skill and gene pool has survived until now and gladly enrol him in French lessons. The center position is very valuable and Gretzky looks like a very good talent and hard worker. He is always demanding to be chosen at number one but no GM is that stupid so he gets selected here at number five.

 

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Another selection that is purely down to the generator, we have the Stockhom Vikings selecting Vernon von Axelberry with the number six pick. Who knows why? Maybe its another identity error and they meant to pick Verner Reinholdt but just like Riga they are stuck with this guy. Known for his wild parties and cocaine abuse he may just be what a conservative Swedish team needs to liven up the place. From his photo we can see he has had to buy equipment from a local pawn shop due to his insatiable appetite for drugs and prostitutes. I feel sorry for him but he will get a nice contract from the Vikings so he can keep partying once that check clears.

 

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GM Higgins shocks the VHL and selects defenseman Hudson Abbott with the seventh pick of the draft. The Titans will dismiss rumors of Abbotts VHL heritage and concentrate on his steady play and potential for success. Abbott had to choose between the VHL and a career as a used laptop salesman and the VHL's fans are glad he gave up the latter in order to bring his skills to the league. Looks to be a very good defenseman for years to come.

 

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With Quebec returning to the podium here at number eight, we will see another defenseman taken in Aleksei Federov. This selection will further strengthen the back end of the Meute and provide them with a quality player who has dropped to them this low. I do not know much about Federov but his training hours suggest he is a hard worker and maybe that is what Quebec needs right now. I dont know, I am just making shit up at this point.

 

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GM Ryan Power in a lack of self belief will take the former number one favorite Marcus King and be adored by the success hungry New York fans. With MT Power in net the team has struggled to find confidence and by grabbing KIng they ensure they have a capable goalie for the future. Marcus King has been a workout warrior and leads all draftees in training hours showing possible GM's just how determined he is to succeed. 

 

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With the Wranglers manager demonstrating that he may be GMing using the same randon generator I used here, he finally gets lucky and selects Rudolph Therednosedreindeer or Schmekeldorf...whatever with the tenth and final selection of the first round. He is a very good player in truth but he just doesnt get the coverage he deserves because no one can remember his last name. What happened to all the Smiths and Jones's in the world? Anyway, GM Pablo looks smart with this pick, but later goes on to ruin his credentials by trading his next 2 first round picks for a 3rd rounder and 30 TPE goalie Arthan Lawrence to ensure goaltender depth.

 

Please direct all abuse emails to : thewebmaster@ridiculouslyshittyrandomnumbergenerator.org

 

 

*not sure if I need to tag @Will or @Higgins for bonus?

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