Robert Report "Say my name bitch"

[BluObieZ 1,125]

Look at who it is. It's me Robbie Zimmers. The one man that everyone was a cancer and scares away new members, but look at me now. I am ranking the next draft class and you the reader if you are even interested in learning who is in the draft you may or may not have come to the right place. Why? well it's simple if you are looking for a professional looking article then please leave now. I'm being nice so do it now. Next up I will not be "ranking" players because that's just lame as fuck and I don't have the time nor do I give a fuck about doing all the research into who gained the most points every week. I like to do things quick and dirty. If you like it then you will enjoy these articles. If you do not like my style and my brash attitude then leave now. 

 

Now since I got rid of the people that I mentioned, I am stuck with you. Fuck... save me now. If this is anything like Autograph, you may not have to put up with these much longer. That's not mentioning After Ko Kane retires I am only making one last player. Any ways... Let's not make this about me totally. Even though I fucking rule. I'll wait for the applause... I SAID I WILL WAIT! for fucks sake! come on people. I am doing the job no one wanted. I think that deserves some kind of recognition... It doesn't? well... shit. Why am I doing this then? it's sure as hell not because I enjoy doing this. I get a little more pay for this, which in turn makes Ko Kane that much better. So I am doing this for selfish reasons. Yes go ahead call me selfish. 

 

ANYWAYS! let me make a third attempt to get on track here... fuck. God Damn it! 

 

 To the Prospects:

 

Instead of just listing off prospects one by one I will be picking top five prospects each and every week. If you want to make this list. YOU HAVE TO WORK YOUR ASS OFF AND MAKE ME RECOGNIZE YOU. For a man that ignores 99.99% of league things it will take lots to catch my attention. If you think you get fucked one week. Don't bitch and complain. Work harder the next week. Make me put you on the next week. Make it impossible for even a blind person to not recognize your player. Sound fair? no? well though shit.  

 

Top Prospects at a quick "Robbie Glance"

 

Samuel Gate

@street

Position: D

Samuel Gate. Sounds like an American living during the civil war. Seriously. Are the British coming? I sure the hell hope not. Them and their horrible teeth, breath and tea drinking ways. Now with all that "Robbie Rant" aside I shall tell you fine folks reading that Gate is my pick right now to go first overall. Why? is it because he has the most TPE at the moment? fuck no! it's because Streets reliability of making great players. If Gate does not go first then I should not be writing these... wait... Even I don't think I should be writing these. But here I am. So enjoy.

 

Matt Thompson

@Beketov

Position: LW

I used to know a guy whose catch phrase was "I'll tump you in the head" Why is that relevant here? I have no clue. That name is just odd and I don't like it. Shit I think I am really developing a story line here. Names. All the top prospects names suck balls. God their mothers should have swallowed. Having said that mean shit. Thompson or Tumpy will be a top three pick. Bekey is a well liked person around here. He makes legit fucking players. If you want to win which I am assuming that you do, then you will draft this guy.

 

Sebastian Ironside

@DollarAndADream

Position: D

Could you have more of a lame name? seriously. Your parents must be geeks and liked Transformers. Name aside this guy easily will be one of the top picks in the draft. Why? well come the hell on. 111TPE early this season. This guy will continue his upward climb up the hill. Dollar is known for creating good players so other then the shitty name, he may actually have yet another good one here.

 

Podrick Cast

@Victor

Position: C

Seriously? I mean fucking seriously? this ranking list should be the list of shitty names. Retire and rethink bro. Truly shitty. Having said this. Cast may cast himself on the league and become a force. That is if Victor actually gives a fuck anymore. I have seen shit around when I am on that Victor may or may not care. Or am I seeing shit. Or is it that I am making all this up? I don't know. I will go off my initial hunch and say Victor right now has a good looking player (atty wise not looks) and if you want to take a flyer at maybe 4th or 5th you may get a good player. I would not draft him at 1 through 3

 

Arvid Aamo

@Daniel

Position: G

Even though I do not like this name, it is the most normal one on this list. If this player is not Finnish then, you sir got fucked when you were born. With my player V2A retiring now and most of the old guard retiring now/soon he may actually have a chance to play and become a franchise goaltender. Draft him mid to late first round and keep him active. If you do both you will have a steal of the draft.

 

Well that's it for my first one of these. If you don't like my opinion you can by all mean fill out a complaint form and... shove it up your ass. I am the ranking dude around here and this is how I do things. Like it or not. Welcome to the new ranking age

Edited April 30, 2018 by BluObieZ

[Banackock 8,044]

Yawn.

 

Pay Kendrick 11 TPE a week to bring back his amazing work

[DollarAndADream 3,356]

@BluObieZ

The Ironside actually has nothing to do with Transformers. I made Torstein Ironside while I was enjoying the Vikings TV show, where there is a character named Bjorn Ironside. So I just decided to go with Sebastian Ironside, Torstein's cousin.