Shackleford’s Expansion City Review List [1/2]

[K1NG LINUS 145]

Shackleford’s Expansion City Review List 

Greetings VHL, today the VHLM's resident functional alcoholic will be reviewing every city entering the VHL and VHLM. With Saskatoon missing playoffs, and getting barred from every country club in the city, I’ve had plenty of time to visit and experience the aspects of these cities that matter most during my long off-season. Without further ado, I present Rusty Shackleford’s Definitely Not a Flimsy Excuse to Show Cute Girls Official Expansion City Review List! 

 

Malmo 

The first city announced to be receiving a new team, and the first I visited. The Swedes definitely love hockey, and seem to be very excited about getting a VHL team. The city itself has a castle and some kind of twisty building, but I spent most of my time in the bars and nightclubs of the city. There were many pubs and bars to explore, and a variety of lovely beers and ales to choose from. With Malmo being so close to Denmark, there was a great selection of delicious Danish beer for me to choose from too. The weather there is beautiful right now as well, though that may change come winter. Talking to some of the locals, apparently it rains a lot here too, which is lame. While the city itself is lovely, players here will have to put up with about a 50% income tax, which may be rough on the bank account for some players. The best part of Malmo is that a lot of the girls here live up to the Swedish stereotype. Being a pro hockey player here is definitely a major selling point for the ladies, so I can only imagine how it will be for the future Nighthawk players. For those that prefer men, I guess there is something for you if you are into guys that look like people with the last name Karlsson. While Malmo is not going to be the biggest VHL city in the league, it should be a very fun city to play in. Copenhagen, Stockholm, and a lot of other fun cities are also just a quik train ride away, so there is plenty of opportunity for mischief in the nearby party centers as well. An excellent fit for myself, and many of my future teammates.  

 

 

 

Mexico City 

While not by any means a traditional hockey city, the VHLM's leap into the city has many excited about growing hockey in a new market. However, many of the locals that I spoke to, while aware that a team would be arriving, were not entirely knowledgeable about the sport. Some did not even know what hockey was, so it will be an extra challenge The Kings to educate and raise awareness about the sport and the team. However, with success in Houston already, I can easily see The Kings raising a dedicated following, and lure people out of the hot Mexico sun and into their nice chilly arena. Trying to use your street cred as a professional hockey player has little to no effect on the ladies here, making it far less effective than the alternative of simply flashing your cash. While their players may not reach the celebrity status that players enjoy in more traditional hockey markets, players will be able to enjoy their anonymity when going about their day in the city, which some players may desire more than constantly being in the spotlight. Even getting paid a VHLM salary, most players should be loving like kings, pun intended, while playing here due to the extremely cheap cost of everything. While it’s much harder to get VHL staples of drinking like Labat and Molson, there is an abundance of Tecate, Sol, and PBR for the more discerning lager connoisseurs. There are definitely some top-quality ladies (and men if you so desire) in Mexico City, making the night life fun and vibrant for just about any player into getting some spicy action.  

 

Mississauga  

A city to rival Saskatoon in spelling difficulty, Mississauga is almost the exact opposite of Mexico City. Located right next to Toronto in Ontario, this city will also face completely different financial challenges than The Kings, entering an already very saturated pro hockey market. For the players, this can be a double-edged sword, as while they will certainly get a fair amount of recognition from both fans and potential lady friends, this also means that they will be subject to the wrath of the notorious Toronto media, which has no shortage of negative coverage to give to anything and everything within its grasp. However, with a tax rate similar to Malmo's, a VHLM salary may feel a bit light living here as well compared to other some other VHLM cities. That being said, for players that wish to be treated like celebrities, they could do far worse than the hockey-obsessed Ontario area. The girls can be hit or miss, but going out with teammates after a game for some adult beverages can be a good time if you know the right places. I am almost positive that the local clubs will be more than willing to make special arrangements for Mississauga’s own VHLM hockey players. There is no shortage of Labat and Molson Canadian at the local bars and clubs, although it is worth checking out a local brew called La Fin du Monde. If the Hounds can find early success, they can easily rally the city around an up and coming new hockey team.  

 

San Diego 

California teams have already showcased just how successful they can be when their teams get rolling. San Diego should be no different. San Diego was my personal favorite city to visit, from the beautiful beaches, to the beautiful people on the beaches, to even the tasty beers on the beaches, I really liked the beaches. The people here are gorgeous, and know how to have a good time. Despite being in California, the Marlins players will actually be paying about half the income tax rate of Malmo and Mississauga, meaning that players will have a much larger chunk of change to spend on the fancy living available in this town. Some may even choose to live in the nearby luxurious Coronado Island, and just take a short commute to games and practice. The drinks available are a typical American selection, but do include some specialties in proximity to the beaches. Players in San Diego can expect a more relaxed vibe from fans and media than in Mississauga, and likely be able to walk the streets without getting recognized for the most part. Hockey fans in San Diego are used to attending Gulls games, so there is already a proven interest in minor league level hockey. The Marlins should fit right in. 

 

 

Word Count: 1125. Media Spot and Doubles Week (1st Gen Doubles and Donation Doubles) for Weeks Ending 05/12/2019, and 05/19/2019

 

Edited May 6, 2019 by K1NG LINUS

[Gustav 6,407]

15 minutes ago, K1NG LINUS said:

The girls can be hit or miss

@Phil what do you think about this

[BOOM 8,745]

I approve wholeheartedly of this article. 

[Phil 5,119]

26 minutes ago, GustavMattias said:

@Phil what do you think about this

 

I would fully agree with @K1NG LINUS! I have a crazy ex from Mississauga that ran at me with a butchers knife.  I dated her in high school and first year university. 

 

Conversely, my wife is the most awesome woman I’ve met and I adore her! 

 

they lived only 1.3 Km away from each other. I met them 10 years apart.

 

 

wonderful article btw 

Edited May 6, 2019 by Phil

[TheFlash 317]

Wow I def approve of Missisauga wowza! Get me on that team please!

[K1NG LINUS 145]

Claiming for 2nd Week and Donation Doubles.

[Renomitsu 934]

Review - Like a few other articles from the pre-S66 offseason, I always find articles discussing culture and non-hockey aspects of the VHL entertaining - it gives the league a little more life than we'd otherwise see. I did catch a couple of errors, e.g.:

 

Quote

Some did not even know what hockey was, so it will be an extra challenge The Kings to educate and raise awareness about the sport and the team.

 

but in general, the article flowed well and I'm not overly concerned. I think this is an easy mistake to miss in a first or second pass. Nice work!