GM 359: New York vs. Seattle

[JardyB10 4,865]

 

Hello ladies and gentlemen of the VHL, and welcome to the single most exciting game of the S37 regular season, between the New York Americans and the Seattle Bears.  I'm your host, Benjen Naharis, and I can tell you we've got an exciting game coming our way tonight. With the Americans and the Bears battling it out for the final playoff spot in the North American Conference, it could be winner takes all!

[sterling 1,996]

Please die

[Guest]

This is fun

[Higgins 3,618]

Haha

[JardyB10 4,865]

Well said, Mr. Labatte.

 

The Americans and the Bears have met seven times so far this season, and it's been a pretty even matchup, with the Bears winning four of the seven, and the Americans taking the other three.  All seven of these games have been finished off in regulation, and both teams are hoping they can do as much tonight.

 

But that's enough preamble, let's get this bitch started.  The puck drops in six minutes.

[Smarch 3,100]

Where's Robbie when you need him

[Mike 708]

I'm not cheating i want the live play by play excitement for the team that is going to get knocked out in the 1st round of the playoffs.

[JardyB10 4,865]

Official Sandro Desaulniers comes to centre ice to drop the puck.  Let’s hope he doesn’t muck it up….

 

And he doesn’t!  It’s game on as Tom Slaughter gets a quick win to Odin Tordahl for ‘MERICA.  He dumps the puck into the offensive zone and it is retrieved by Karsten Olsen.  He passes it back and forth to James Lefevre as they make their way to New York’s zone, but OH – Olsen’s crushed by Conner Low that fat shit, and loses possession… luckily Lefefvre is right there for the recovery and passes it to Ethan Osborne in the slot.  Mother of God he’s taking a shot…

[JardyB10 4,865]

BUT HE’S STONED by a Brick Wahl for the cover.  What an exciting game this will be folks.  So exciting that I’m going to fast forward this shit 10 minutes because I just realized that this would otherwise take forever, and I simply don’t have the patience for this shit.  The time is 13:33 and SEA C2 wins a face-off back to Willie Weber against the plug Tom Slaughter in the neutral zone.   He moves it up to the Americans zone to pass, but it’s intercepted by the Norse god of something or another, who ups it to Xin Xie Xiao in the neutral zone.  He carries it to da Bears zone and lets it rip…

[JardyB10 4,865]

But it deflects off Odin and misses the net!  Weber recovers and carries it out of his zone and passes it to…FUCKING XXX, it’s intercepted again!  #cutweber.  XXX moves it Low in the Bears zone, who sets up Odin for the one-timer….

 

DENIED by Smyl for the cover.

[JardyB10 4,865]

A line change is made and SEA C2 wins a crucial faceoff back to Weber, this time against Giygas.  He manages to hand the puck off to Zack Sound, who ups it to Olsen at the red line.  He tries to pass it Ozzy, but it’s intercepted by Andrey Zadorov, who ices it like an idiot. 

 

With line 3 still on for the Bears in the offensive zone, Ozzy does what he does best and wins the faceoff against Giygas back to Olsen.  Olsen takes a rocket from the blue line….

[Mike 708]

You tricked me with the specific 10 minute fast forward i thought it was surely a goal.

[Corco 1,176]

Scores

[JardyB10 4,865]

DEFLECTED BY ZACK SOUND AND IN! IT’S 1-0 BEARS! WHAT WAS HE EVEN DOING IN FRONT OF THE NET?? With just under 6 minutes left in the period, da Bears draw first blood!

[JardyB10 4,865]

The celebration may be short-lived though.  Just one minute later, Godavari Yumalatopinto finds himself bulling down Odin in the neutral zone, earning himself two minutes in the sin bin for charging.  AMERICANS POWERPLAY.

 

  This PP is brought to you by Smitty’s.  Bring your family in for greasy buffet.  Smitty’s.

[BluObieZ 1,125]

The celebration may be short-lived though.  Just one minute later, Godavari Yumalatopinto finds himself bulling down Odin in the neutral zone, earning himself two minutes in the sin bin for charging.  AMERICANS POWERPLAY.

 

  This PP is brought to you by Smitty’s.  Bring your family in for greasy buffet.  Smitty’s.

Hey bitch hows it going? going around still crying?

[JardyB10 4,865]

Now in the Bears zone, Giygas totally doesn’t lose a faceoff for once, likely because it was against winger Ball J.  It goes to Tony Stark the Ironman, who takes a shot….

 

 

 

 

And misses the net like a fucktard.  Jame Leferefevere recovers the puck and sends it down the ice and goes for a line change.  Wahl greets the puck at the blue line and passes it to Zadorov.  He and Giygas go back and forth all the way back to the Bears zone.  Zadorov tries to go back to his old friend Giygas, but Weber Motumba’s that shit and ices it once more.  This shit seriously goes on for another minute, and the Americans cannot get a shot off on this powerplay.

[JardyB10 4,865]

Odin recovers one of the several dumps the Bears make and moves it up to Slaughter, who carries it down the entire ice like a boss.  He passes it Low, who tics it to Odin, who tacs it back to Low – tic-tac-……

[Corco 1,176]

Noe

[JardyB10 4,865]

NO!  Low misses the net, but XXX is there for the recovery!  He moves it back to Low, who gives it to Odin!  To Low!  To Odin!  To Slaughter?  To….. LEFEVRE, intercepting like it’s his day job!  He ends the only momentum the Americans had so far on this PP with a dump.  The rest of the penalty is killed off as the Americans manage to take zero shots on the only PP of the game.

 

Action is limited until 19:48, where SEA D2 takes a slashing penalty.  The period ends shortly thereafter, and the Americans will start period 2 on the powerplay.

 

So it’s 1-0 for the Bears after one.  Shots are 15-13 in favour of the Americans, and this game is far from over.

[Kesler 1,514]

Jardy doing a live pbp, showing he is the best drunken simmer oat

[Smarch 3,100]

Nerve racking 

[JardyB10 4,865]

Today’s game is brought to you by Robert Zimmers, who gave up his right to autonomy to become Jardy’s new bitch.  As a promotion for the intermission, fans will get a free coupon for Family Pizza every time he comes up with a unique insult against his overlord.  Currently we’re at two, with “crybaby” and “bitch.”  Thanks for watching fans, and cheer on your home team!

[JardyB10 4,865]

Welcome back, as we enter the second period on an Americans powerplay.  Tom Slaughter wins the opening faceoff to Low, who wastes no time getting into the offensive zone.  He shoots….and does not score, due to missing the net!  He retrieves it right away and takes another shot!.....

 

 

But Smyl saves it and holds it for the faceoff.  Osborne wins aforementioned faceoff to Lefevrereve, who does what he does best; dumps the bitch.

[JardyB10 4,865]

Wahl retrieves the puck and gives it to Odin, who places more x’s and o’s with his buddy Low to the neutral zone before dumping it in the Bears zone.  Sound and XXX are racing to the corner for the recovery.  Sound makes it there first, but XXX crushes him and takes it for himself.  He moves it to Tom Slaughter in the slot, he shoots!!!....