HearnNation67

Canadian all-star goalie Woody McPine and his team took home the bronze medal in this seasons world junior championship after beating their arch rivals, USA six to four. After several celebratory beverages, McPine called up his father with a truly Canadian requst. He asked his father to create a consolation prize for the Americans. Father McPine, who owns a tree farm, got to work right away. He created solid oak plaques shaped like a number 4 for each player and coach, inscribed with their names, number, position, as well as the word “loser” and the score of the game in tiny letters at the top. These rewards will be shipped out immediately, except for McPine's Minnesota Storm teammates, Robin Winter and Gavin Harris, which McPine will deliver personally. There is no word yet on wether or not McPine has any plans to give Team World a prize for last place or not, but he would like to congratulate Team Europe on their gold medal win over Team Asia. Word count: 168

4-1 Moscow

391 D.C. Dragons @ Helsinki Titans 392 New York Americans @ Riga Reign 393 Seattle Bears @ Moscow Menace 394 Toronto Legion @ Vancouver Wolves

Have you dreamed about being an NHL superstar but maybe an injury cut your career short? Or you were too lazy like me and had very little athletic ability? Maybe you grew up playing street hockey with your friends, recreating iconic moments and creating your own. Maybe you played all the video games and wanted to see your face on the cover of the newest EA Sports game or the greater hockey series, NHL Hitz. Perhaps you dreamed of shining in one of Don Cherry's Rock 'em Sock 'em videos or be featured on his next techno single*. Or maybe you prefer to be the mastermind behind a dynasty, the next Lou Lamoriello, Ken Holland, or Peter Chiarelli. If you've ever imagined any of these scenarios, then the Victory Hockey League is the league for you. The VHL is a simulation based hockey league, where you control how your skills grow through various types of “point tasks”. Point tasks range from short, 150 word articles to 500 word media spots, team or individual press conferences, a quick podcast, or creating a graphic card for players or teams. You can use these point tasks to review the VHL and the world around you, or to grow the legend of your player. You can also get points by doing different jobs around the league, including being a General or Assistant General Manager. The GMs and AGMs are in charge of the 12 VHL teams and 11 VHLM (the minor league) teams. Controlling lines, signing free agents, trading, and asking press conference questions are just some of their duties. The are also a great help if you need something explained, or need some tips in building your star. Creating a player is easy as pie, and you're in control of their history, skills, position, and physical attributes. Pick the right country, and you could see yourself wearing the flag in the World Juniors or World Championships someday. You can name your player after yourself, someone famous, someone you know, a fictional character, or just make up a name. I myself am what they call a “first gen” player, which just means that I've created one player. I chose to create a goalie, who I named Woody McPine. Woody is named after a wooden goaltender my dad made me when I was a kid to shoot on, and my friends and I named him as appropriately as we could. Now, the original Woody McPine didn't have great movement but he was still a solid goalie, especially because I had no aim. His career ended tragically after his arm was broken by a soccer ball. The new McPine has a different backstory than that (and better movement), which has been a lot of fun to create, and is on his way to becoming a legend in the league. You can check it out on the VHL's website if you so choose. Once your character is made, you'll either get signed or drafted into the VHLM, depending on when in the season you create. And then, your journey to superstardom begins. * You're welcome Word Count: 518

1. Based on the performances of the other teams as well as our own, I think we'll finish the season in 3rd. 2. I'd love to get 13 more shutouts. 4. I'm confident that our team can take any team, so not scared of anyone. 5. I think it would be fun to play my former team, the Las Vegas Aces. 6. Gonna have to stick with Winter, he's been on a tear all season. 7. Donald Duck was banned from Finland for not wearing pants.

3-1 DC

Kevin Weekes & Johannes Benoit. Brick Wahl & Kevin Weekes. Woody McPine & Carter Fetterley? Can this new goaltending duo lead Canada back to World Junior glory since Wahl and Weekes went back to back (to back in Weekes' case, who also won in season 62) in seasons 63 and 64? McPine and Fetterley look to avenge Canada's heartbreaking loss in double overtime to the United States and returning goalie Stone Wolski in last season's tournament. Fetterely, picked 55th overall by Saskatoon in the season 70 draft, has a 4-1-1 record in 8 games this season while sporting a 0.879 save percentage and 3.87 goals against average and McPine, who was picked by Minnesota at 7th overall in the season 71 draft and is rocking a record of 33-10-1 in 49 games with a 0.875 save percentage and a 2.94 GAA. The two young goalies are poised to lead a strong Canadian team back to their rightful place at the top of the hockey world. Word Count:165

1. Great choices for both teams! Should be interesting to see what they can do. 2. Maybe in a future season when I'm not so new. 3. Love the juniors! It would be an honor to be picked to represent my country ? 5. Yes, it's absolutely worth it. It's a wild ride from start to finish of episode 7. 6. 5 wins in 5 games, so I'll give us a 5/5 rating. 7. Something with a bit of a kick, not too picky on the flavour

3-1 for DC

259 New York Americans @ Calgary Wranglers 260 HC Davos Dynamo @ Vancouver Wolves 261 Malmo Nighthawks @ Riga Reign 262 Toronto Legion @ D.C. Dragons

Woody McPine RB +3 (67-70) SC +4 (65-69)

Woody McPine Claim Cody McLeod

Week 3 claim Apr 13

Hoppy Easter sports fans, hope everyone is staying safe this long weekend and has a good egg hunt, much like the Minnesota Storm are hunting for first place in the VHLM. They've been on a roll lately, winning 11 of their last 15 games (including their last 4) and are right in the mix. It's a tight race (for 2nd place, goddammit Ottawa), with Yukon, Philly, and the Storm all within 1 point of each other. With each team having played 34 games, its anyone's guess who will eventually overtake the Lynx for first in the league. However, this being a mildly Easter themed article, it seems obvious that, with the return of Jesus Christ, comes the return of the true kings of the league, and Minnesota should be retaking their 1st place throne. With the first half of the season drawing to a close, we can only hope that the second half will be filled with as much, if not more, excitement and tight battles between each team. Have a blessed zombie Jesus weekend everyone, Woody Word count:177

1. That's a tough one, but I'd have to go with Grapenut 2. Mark Wahlberg has a new movie out called "Spenser Confidential". Shockingly, it's about corrupt cops in Boston. Way out of character for him. 3. 7-3 at the worst. 4. It's exciting! Keeps everyone competitive and on their toes. 5. I've always wanted to go to Norway, but Minnesota is a great hockey city. 6. The Prague Phantoms got this in the bag.

Week 2 claim Apr 6

Woody McPine Updating: PH +5 (50 - 55) SZ +5 (50 - 55) RB +2 (65 - 67)

Woody McPine Claim McDavid is gonna be leading scorer

Woody McPine and the Minnesota Storm had a couple days off to recharge in between games 88 and 96 of the VHLM season, and it was very beneficial for the team. They blew out of the break winning 3 of their next 4 games, including McPine's first career shutout in a 7-0 thumping of the Mexico City Kings. When asked about his first donut, McPine said it “Feels nice” and credits to his teammates for playing a complete game in front of him. Those 6 points propelled the team into a three way tie for 3rd place with the San Diego Marlins, who they beat in the first of those 4 games, and the Philadelphia Reapers, who played a clutch game and were the only team to beat the Storm during the 4 game stretch. McPine and the Storm will look to carry this momentum forward over the next stretch of games on their quest for the cup. Word count: 158

Claim for G Woody McPine 1. Connor McDavid 2. Martin Jones 3. Brian Elliott 4. Vladimir Tarasanko 5. Alexander Edler 6. Kris Letang 7. Jamie Benn 8. Seth Jones

I recently watched the phenomenon that is Tiger King and it inspired me to break some of the characters down into teams for a possible VHL expansion. Some characters were easier to write about because they got more screen time but I tried. The remainder of the teams can be made up by whatever staff and family members don't get mentioned. Here y'all go: Oklahoma Tiger Kings Joe Exotic/Schreibvogel/Maldonado-Passage – Founder, owner, CEO, coach, captain. Had top 6 potential when he first came into the league but wasted his prime partying and doing drugs. Should be in the minors but is playing first line center. Talks a big game but can't back it up no matter how hard he tries. In charge of dressing room music, plays his original tunes. Very unpredictable on and off the ice which makes him a huge liability and threat. His trash talking and off ice activities got him kicked out of the league and he's now trying to sue the pants off of everyone. Loyal to no one but Dillon Passage. Bhagavan “Doc” Antle – The Tiger Kings goalie and a doctor of natural sciences. Been in the game long before Exotic recruited him to his team. King of his own little paradise (some claim its a cult, but they're really just jealous of his several wives) and does his own thing off the ice but is laser focused between the pipes. Has an in person hearing with the commissioner for doping accusations. Has dreams and connections in Hollywood and used to go by Kevin. John Finlay – Joe's right winger but should be playing defence. Exotic recruited him as a young player and managed to keet him around until he eventually left to play for a different team. Blocks shots with his face. Travis Maldonado – Plays on Exotic's left wing, but like Finlay, should also be playing defence. Also got brought in as a young player a few years after Finlay. Tragically suffered a career ending injury off the ice at a very young age. John Reinke – Team manager and defenceman. Battled through some serious leg injuries. Is incredibly loyal to Maldonado-Passage. Loves the game more than his family. Erik Cowie – Loves the game, but not the coach. Doesn't give a fuck about Doc. Plays defence with Reinke and is glad Exotic got kicked out of the league. Made the team as a walk-on after seeing an ad online. Jeff Lowe – Brought in by Joe to give the team some depth but the relationship went south fast. A real 'fake it til you make it' kind of player, Lowe slowly took over Exotic's roles with the team and some say he encouraged the actions that led to his banishment from the league. Pulls some sketchy shit on the ice. Originally second line center, but moved to Exotic's right wing after Finlay left and is now the number one center. Very flashy off the ice and isn't shy about his “superstar” status. Big lady's man. Allen Glover – Joined the team with Lowe to add some grit and meanness to the team. Plays defence. In it for the money and will do anything for the right price. Loves to party. Helped get Exotic banned from the league. Kelci “Saff” Saffery – Second line winger. Major injury to her left arm but barely missed a game. Incredibly loyal to the team. Dillon Passage – Brought in shortly after Maldonado's career ended. Played left wing with Exotic until the latter left the league. Passage is loyal to Exotic and only Exotic, and left the team following Joe's banishment. Joshua Dial – Former WalMart worker, Dial was brought in late in Exotic's career as his agent. Hated every minute of it. Got Joe some publicity but it wasn't enough to keep him in the league. This was his first job as an agent and has moved onto a new career path. Marc Thompson – The Marty McSorley to Exotic's Gretzky. Rick Kirkman – The team camera man. Well, really Joe's camera man. Got some interesting footage that Joe didn't want to see the light of day. Bailed on the team after a fire destroyed most of his gear and films. Cheryl Maldonado – Travis's mom. A big supporter of the team, she was a constant on the sidelines while Travis was playing. Oversaw the signing of Passage, for some reason, and then distanced herself from the team. Lauren Lowe – Named assistant manager by Jeff after he took over the team from Joe. Kind, caring, and always happy to share, she lets Jeff make all personel decisions. Florida Big Cats “That Bitch” Carole Lewis/Baskin – Owner, manager, coach, captain. Founded the Easy Street Wild with Don Lewis but later changed the name to the Florida Big Cats. Ferocious competitor, will do anything it takes to win. Acts like the good girl in the league but has a dark side and she is very dangerous when provoked. Carole's a feisty, top line winger who drove Joe Exotic to madness, leading to his banishment from the league. Has some shady off ice tactics, and isn't afraid to play dirty. Jack Donald “Don” Lewis – Co-founder. Sex addict. A solid, top pairing defenceman who can jump into the play with his seemingly endless amount of resources which was a huge part of why Carole joined forces with him. Suffered a career ending injury late in his career shortly after asking for a trade. Nobody knows what he's up to now. Could be in Cuba. Howard Baskin – Don's replacement on the backend. More defensively minded than Don, but equally as effective. Helped the Big Cats become the powerhouse that they are. Very loyal to Carole, which could be triggered by either respect or incredible fear. Gladys Lewis Cross – Goes to every game because her daughters are there and definitely not because she's still in love with her ex husband. Kenny Farr – Equipment manager and Don's defense partner. Blames Carole for Don's injury. Joseph Fritz – Don and Carole's agent. Also not a fan of Carole, but a job is a job. Keeps a tight mouth about how much each players contract is worth. Anne McQueen – Joined the team when Don was still around, Anne is a trustworthy stay at home defencewoman. Fiercely loyal to Don and also blames Carole for ending his career. Gale Rathbone – Don's daughter, played top 6 minutes when he was with the team. She signed a long term contract, but Carole has her warming the bench every game. Lynda Sanchez – Another one of Don's daughter, she too used to play top 6 minutes with her sister but has also been reduced to a bench role. Tremendous potential wasted on both sisters. Jamie Murdock – Carole's daughter. Plays center on the second line but isn't very effective. Doesn't appear to have her mother's drive and ambition to win. Susan Bass – The teams goalie. She's steady, and always ready to bail the team out of any trouble they may get themselves in. Those 3 girls with the dead rabbits – This tricky trio is always in the mix. They make up the top line with Howard and Carole, and are certified pests. Whenever anything goes down however, they always play innocent and have the rest of the line, including Bass in nets, to bail them out of trouble. Others Mario Tabraue – Easily the biggest beauty in the league. Mario had some troubles early in his career trying to break into and keep himself in the league. But he took his punishment on the chin and now he's just glad to be on the ice without any distractions. Or so he says. James Garretson – Brought in by the league to help tame down the animosity between the Tiger Kings and Big Cats, James was a former player himself, albeit a very brief career in the minors. A big reason that Exotic got banned. Kody Antle – Doc's son, he is following in his Father's footsteps and is a very solid goalie in the minors. He's a bit more down to earth and in touch with the real world than Doc, and both are very popular with women. Amanda Green – A league executive who was part of the team that handed Joe Exotic his historic punishment. Larry Rhodes – Another league executive, who dealt with many of Exotic's minor outbursts. Issued a lot of warnings but never did anything. It was a hard fought battle both on and off the ice, between the two teams (and within the teams), with each side having the advantage at one point or another. But ultimately, the Tiger Kings wild tactics couldn't keep up with the Big Cats well planned ferociousness. They took the win in the first of what is sure to be many battles and I for one looking forward to seeing what comes out of all of this, and see who's still standing at the end. ?? Word count:1509 First claim: Mar. 30 - Apr. 5 Second Claim: Apr. 6 - Apr. 12 Third Claim: Apr. 13 - Apr. 19

4-1 Malmo

109 Malmo Nighthawks @ Vancouver Wolves 110 Toronto Legion @ Prague Phantoms 112 Helsinki Titans @ HC Davos Dynamo 113 Riga Reign @ Moscow Menace

1. Bit of a slow start but I think we can turn it around 2. I think we'll move up, currently on a 4 game win streak so that's helpful. 3. Nope, got a lot to work on to bring my GAA down 4. Goaltending and secondary scoring 5. Octarine, the Colour of Magic 6. We're in a state of emergency but I'm considered an essential worker so I just go to work and then go home. Sometimes stop for gas or groceries. So the only thing that's changed for me is that I don't do anything on weekends. But haven't lost my mind yet so that's good.