Zero

^Top kek, Svec

With the news that's broken recently about the prevalence of cocaine and other substances in the NHL, some people have turned their attention to the VHL to see if things were the same here. The VHL is pretty well-known for having much more lenient standards for its players, who often brag about how much they party, among other things.
 
"I'd say at least half the guys in the league are using, just like it was when I was still playing," says retired VHL Hall of Famer J.D. Stormwall, "the VHL clubs don't test for it much, if at all, and generally nobody cares to bring it up anyway."
 
When Stormwall was asked if he could drop any names for us, he was quick to respond. "Jardy Bunclewirth was in love with the coco. It's probably the main reason why a 3rd round pick ended up playing so well and making the Hall of Fame. Brother was doing a line every intermission. You can fight a guy on steroids, but a guy on cocaine will literally skate through a brick wall and keep going. How do you beat that?"
 
When we asked Stormwall if he ever partook, J.D. scoffed. "As if I'd involve myself with that. Now, if you'll excuse me..." he trailed off as he made a beeline for the bathroom. It was probably a bad idea to do this interview in a bar.

Yay for continuity!

I've thought about this for a lot over the past few weeks, and I've come to the decision that I'm going to be stepping down from the Blue Team. Work has really picked up for me over the past month, and I just don't feel I have the free time or really just the drive to do all the things the Commissioners have to do.
 
These past 9 months have been a blast, and it felt great giving back to the VHL community. I've been a member of the VHL for...2 and a half years now (?), and I can honestly say it's one of the best online communities I've ever been a part of. I know I may disagree with some of you from time to time, but in the end, we're all part of what makes the VHL such a great sim league. The nature of the job forces you to make a decision which often leaves at least one party unhappy, and I can say it's pretty shitty having some relationships strained as a result of the job. In the end, none of it is personal, but it's still an awkward situation all around. 
 
I'd like to thank some combination of Higgins, Jardy, Victor, and Sterling for giving me the opportunity to be Blue Team. It was great working with you all.
 
Draper, it's been a pleasure working with you as well. I'd like to think we did a pretty good job together, as we managed not to burn the whole thing down. I'm sure you'll continue to do a fantastic job.

Ranking My Players
 
So because I'm just not in the mood to do a podcast this week, I'm going to rank all of my previous players by how much enjoyed being them, and you're going to sit here and read it. I think this is a happy compromise, so without further ado, let's get this done.
 
7. Jensen Bracken, D
S29 10th Overall Selection (Toronto)
S29 Founder's Cup Champion (Oslo Storm)

I honestly can't tell you too much about this guy. He was one of my failed players when I tried to make comebacks to the league in previous years. I think by the time he was drafted, I had already gone inactive, and he probably ended up just hanging around in the VHLM for the majority, if not all of his career. At the end of the day, I don't even know if he was on a team when he was auto-retired after 8 seasons.
 
6. Penis Anthony Doubligné/Hudson, D
S37 14th Overall Selection (Toronto)
432GP - 19G - 110A - 129PTS - -205 - 860PIM - 1,177HIT - 852SB

Penis didn't fare too bad, all things considered. Even though he was drafted lower than Bracken, he was in a better draft class, and he actually had a solid VHL career. He spent a couple season with the Legion before moving on to Davos, Riga, and ending off with the Helsinki Titans. He was mostly used as a warm body on bad teams who couldn't fill their rosters, hence his terrible +/- rating, but I'm glad to know that many of the VHL's all-time greats, at one point or another, got nailed by Penis in the corner.
 
5. Wesley Kanaan, D
S23 3rd Overall Selection (Seattle)
72GP - 8G - 21A - 29PTS - -33 - 101PIM - 89HIT - 112SB

It might be weird that I have Kanaan, whom I retired after just 1 season in the VHL, over Hudson who had a full career. The reason I do that is because Kanaan had the potential to be so much more than he was. I should not have retired him, and just let him be a warm body as Hudson was, but at the time, I felt bad just leaving after Greg Harbinson drafted me so high. I still enjoyed being Kanaan more than Hudson because there was a time, early in his career, that I thought I would stay active. Oh well, you can't change the past.
 
4. Bitch Higgins/Jory Rose, C
S46 Draft Eligible

I'm already putting this guy above the other three, and he certainly has the potential to go higher depending on how things go. Maybe defensemen building just isn't for me, and I need to focus more on the other positions in the game to keep having fun here. Jory's having a decent year in the VHLM right now, and hopefully, he'll get me back to the championship picture.
 
3. Jon Church, LW
S1 Supplemental 3rd Overall Selection (Hamilton/New York)
S2 5th Overall Selection (Avangard/Davos)
291GP - 114G - 168A - 282PTS - -47 - 185PIM - 118HIT - 87SB
6GP - 0G - 3A - 3PTS - -2 - 0PIM - 2HIT - 5SB

Jon Church, for all intents and purposes, was a failed experiment. Back in the early days of the VHL, we didn't know as much about player builds as we do now, so I tried to be different. While everyone else was putting all their TPE into scoring, puck handling, checking, and the like, I tried to make Church into a pure playmaker and put all my TPE into passing. That failed miserably, and Church only lasted a few seasons. Still, he holds the distinction of being the first ever draft pick of the Avangard Havoc, and being involved in the VHL's first ever 3-way trade, which saw him spend 2 days as a Seattle Bear before being traded back to Avangard. He made the playoffs once, in his final season in the league, but was generally not an impact player aside from his 95 point season in Season 3.
 
2. Dominik Stryker, G
S6 2nd Overall Selection (Helsinki)
S5 Founder's Cup Champion (Toledo)
S6 Continental Cup Champion (Helsinki)
S5 Skylar Rift Trophy Winner (VHLM Playoffs MVP)
449GP - 188W - 215L - 27OTL - .924S% - 3.24GAA - 11SO - 18,697SA
20GP - 9W - 10L - 1OTL - .926S% - 3.11GAA - 1SO - 874SA

Dominik Stryker's career started with pure success. A founder's Cup followed by a Continental Cup in his rookie season set the table for what was sure to be a great career. Honestly, I still believe Stryker had a great career, but unfortunately for him, I was the GM of Helsinki throughout most of it. The Titans were bad for a while, but Stryker did his best given the circumstances. His 18,697 shots against still stands as an all-time record today, and it's not even close. His .924 save percentage is also among the best, and after his retirement, his #31 was retired by the Helsinki Titans. He was traded to the New York Americans to finish off his career and give him one more chance at the Continental Cup, but that didn't work out. I still wonder how good Stryker would have been on a better team, and if I stick around to see out Jory Rose's career, I'm going to strongly consider making another goalie.
 
1. Joakim Daniel "J.D." Stormwall, LW
S14 5th Overall Selection
S18 & S19 Continental Cup Champion (Calgary)
S21 Continental Cup Champion (Toronto)
S18, S19 & S20 Scott Boulet Trophy Winner (Top Two-Way Forward)
S18 Daisuke Kanou Trophy WInner (Playoffs MVP)
S22 VHL Hall of Fame Inductee
533GP - 316G - 324A - 640PTS - +238 - 1,336PIM - 1,865HIT - 237SB
41GP - 15G - 17A - 32PTS - +2 - 126PIM - 167HIT - 26SB

I mean, I don't think there was ever any doubt here. Far and way, Stormwall was my most successful and talented player. It was always fun to see how well he was doing, but it's interesting enough to note that I was very close to going inactive at the beginning of his career. Still, we got it together and he ended up doing...well, all that you see above. He spent most of his career in Calgary before being traded to Riga, then signing as a free agent in Toronto to win one more Continental Cup. All 3 of his Continental Cups were won as Team Captain, which may be a VHL record (I'm too lazy to fact check this). At the time of his retirement, Stormwall was the VHL's all-time hits leader as well, and it was obvious that his #13 was never to be worn again by anyone in the Wranglers franchise. I don't know that I'll ever have a player as successful as Stormwall ever again, thanks to TPE inflation and what have you, but it's nice to know that he made a mark on the league during his active era in the VHL.

Ranking My Players
 
So because I'm just not in the mood to do a podcast this week, I'm going to rank all of my previous players by how much enjoyed being them, and you're going to sit here and read it. I think this is a happy compromise, so without further ado, let's get this done.
 
7. Jensen Bracken, D
S29 10th Overall Selection (Toronto)
S29 Founder's Cup Champion (Oslo Storm)

I honestly can't tell you too much about this guy. He was one of my failed players when I tried to make comebacks to the league in previous years. I think by the time he was drafted, I had already gone inactive, and he probably ended up just hanging around in the VHLM for the majority, if not all of his career. At the end of the day, I don't even know if he was on a team when he was auto-retired after 8 seasons.
 
6. Penis Anthony Doubligné/Hudson, D
S37 14th Overall Selection (Toronto)
432GP - 19G - 110A - 129PTS - -205 - 860PIM - 1,177HIT - 852SB

Penis didn't fare too bad, all things considered. Even though he was drafted lower than Bracken, he was in a better draft class, and he actually had a solid VHL career. He spent a couple season with the Legion before moving on to Davos, Riga, and ending off with the Helsinki Titans. He was mostly used as a warm body on bad teams who couldn't fill their rosters, hence his terrible +/- rating, but I'm glad to know that many of the VHL's all-time greats, at one point or another, got nailed by Penis in the corner.
 
5. Wesley Kanaan, D
S23 3rd Overall Selection (Seattle)
72GP - 8G - 21A - 29PTS - -33 - 101PIM - 89HIT - 112SB

It might be weird that I have Kanaan, whom I retired after just 1 season in the VHL, over Hudson who had a full career. The reason I do that is because Kanaan had the potential to be so much more than he was. I should not have retired him, and just let him be a warm body as Hudson was, but at the time, I felt bad just leaving after Greg Harbinson drafted me so high. I still enjoyed being Kanaan more than Hudson because there was a time, early in his career, that I thought I would stay active. Oh well, you can't change the past.
 
4. Bitch Higgins/Jory Rose, C
S46 Draft Eligible

I'm already putting this guy above the other three, and he certainly has the potential to go higher depending on how things go. Maybe defensemen building just isn't for me, and I need to focus more on the other positions in the game to keep having fun here. Jory's having a decent year in the VHLM right now, and hopefully, he'll get me back to the championship picture.
 
3. Jon Church, LW
S1 Supplemental 3rd Overall Selection (Hamilton/New York)
S2 5th Overall Selection (Avangard/Davos)
291GP - 114G - 168A - 282PTS - -47 - 185PIM - 118HIT - 87SB
6GP - 0G - 3A - 3PTS - -2 - 0PIM - 2HIT - 5SB

Jon Church, for all intents and purposes, was a failed experiment. Back in the early days of the VHL, we didn't know as much about player builds as we do now, so I tried to be different. While everyone else was putting all their TPE into scoring, puck handling, checking, and the like, I tried to make Church into a pure playmaker and put all my TPE into passing. That failed miserably, and Church only lasted a few seasons. Still, he holds the distinction of being the first ever draft pick of the Avangard Havoc, and being involved in the VHL's first ever 3-way trade, which saw him spend 2 days as a Seattle Bear before being traded back to Avangard. He made the playoffs once, in his final season in the league, but was generally not an impact player aside from his 95 point season in Season 3.
 
2. Dominik Stryker, G
S6 2nd Overall Selection (Helsinki)
S5 Founder's Cup Champion (Toledo)
S6 Continental Cup Champion (Helsinki)
S5 Skylar Rift Trophy Winner (VHLM Playoffs MVP)
449GP - 188W - 215L - 27OTL - .924S% - 3.24GAA - 11SO - 18,697SA
20GP - 9W - 10L - 1OTL - .926S% - 3.11GAA - 1SO - 874SA

Dominik Stryker's career started with pure success. A founder's Cup followed by a Continental Cup in his rookie season set the table for what was sure to be a great career. Honestly, I still believe Stryker had a great career, but unfortunately for him, I was the GM of Helsinki throughout most of it. The Titans were bad for a while, but Stryker did his best given the circumstances. His 18,697 shots against still stands as an all-time record today, and it's not even close. His .924 save percentage is also among the best, and after his retirement, his #31 was retired by the Helsinki Titans. He was traded to the New York Americans to finish off his career and give him one more chance at the Continental Cup, but that didn't work out. I still wonder how good Stryker would have been on a better team, and if I stick around to see out Jory Rose's career, I'm going to strongly consider making another goalie.
 
1. Joakim Daniel "J.D." Stormwall, LW
S14 5th Overall Selection
S18 & S19 Continental Cup Champion (Calgary)
S21 Continental Cup Champion (Toronto)
S18, S19 & S20 Scott Boulet Trophy Winner (Top Two-Way Forward)
S18 Daisuke Kanou Trophy WInner (Playoffs MVP)
S22 VHL Hall of Fame Inductee
533GP - 316G - 324A - 640PTS - +238 - 1,336PIM - 1,865HIT - 237SB
41GP - 15G - 17A - 32PTS - +2 - 126PIM - 167HIT - 26SB

I mean, I don't think there was ever any doubt here. Far and way, Stormwall was my most successful and talented player. It was always fun to see how well he was doing, but it's interesting enough to note that I was very close to going inactive at the beginning of his career. Still, we got it together and he ended up doing...well, all that you see above. He spent most of his career in Calgary before being traded to Riga, then signing as a free agent in Toronto to win one more Continental Cup. All 3 of his Continental Cups were won as Team Captain, which may be a VHL record (I'm too lazy to fact check this). At the time of his retirement, Stormwall was the VHL's all-time hits leader as well, and it was obvious that his #13 was never to be worn again by anyone in the Wranglers franchise. I don't know that I'll ever have a player as successful as Stormwall ever again, thanks to TPE inflation and what have you, but it's nice to know that he made a mark on the league during his active era in the VHL.

Yes?

while you are at it....write those for me as well please!

The newly-named Jory Rose was off to a slow start when the new VHLM season kicked off, only registering a single assist in his first few games with the team, despite playing over 20 minutes per night. However, that all changed when Rose exploded with a hat trick a couple games after his name change was made official and now, he is about to crack the top 20 in VHLM scoring. Furthermore, the Red Wolves just keep on winning, which only makes it easier for Rose to play well, but they're in a tight 3-way battle in the European Conference with the Bern Royals and the Oslo Storm. However, Moscow could start to pull away with their recent acquisitions of Sandro Clean and Lukas Zhukenov, two guys who were drafted in the S45 entry draft. Draft projections these days have Rose being around the end of the first round, or the beginning of the second round, which seem to be fair enough predictions thus far, but with consistent hard work and dedication, it wouldn't be completely out of the question to see Rose jump firmly into the top round and stay there. Time will tell whether or not this Rose will blossom or if it will die.

Some say love it is a river,
That drowns the tender reed.
 
From now on - you are Betty Midler's adopted son

The newly-named Jory Rose was off to a slow start when the new VHLM season kicked off, only registering a single assist in his first few games with the team, despite playing over 20 minutes per night. However, that all changed when Rose exploded with a hat trick a couple games after his name change was made official and now, he is about to crack the top 20 in VHLM scoring. Furthermore, the Red Wolves just keep on winning, which only makes it easier for Rose to play well, but they're in a tight 3-way battle in the European Conference with the Bern Royals and the Oslo Storm. However, Moscow could start to pull away with their recent acquisitions of Sandro Clean and Lukas Zhukenov, two guys who were drafted in the S45 entry draft. Draft projections these days have Rose being around the end of the first round, or the beginning of the second round, which seem to be fair enough predictions thus far, but with consistent hard work and dedication, it wouldn't be completely out of the question to see Rose jump firmly into the top round and stay there. Time will tell whether or not this Rose will blossom or if it will die.

37,000+ posts and still the smallest dick in the LR

Hi all,
 
I don't have the power to do it myself, but to avoid confusion, I was hoping my player page and update thread titles can be updated to reflect my name change?
 
Thanks <3
 
http://www.vhlforum.com/index.php?/topic/22683-bitch-higgins-updates/#entry269844
http://www.vhlforum.com/index.php?/topic/22670-s46-c-bitch-higgins-tpe-70/

http://www.vhlforum.com/index.php?/topic/22670-s46-c-the-player-formerly-known-as-bitch-higgins-tpe-70/

scotty WITH NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE

Link: https://soundcloud.com/detectivezero/vhl-podcast-3-solo

Enjoy <3

Edgar is indeed Tyler Edgar!
 
Nice podcast! Great listen! Do more! Reveal your proper new player name!

Link: https://soundcloud.com/detectivezero/vhl-podcast-3-solo

Enjoy <3

Podcast is going up tonight, lads. Thanks for your questions!

Fun fact: Tom Slaughter and Penis Anthony Hudson are both S37s
 
I'll let you guys decide who had the better career.
 
(Happy trails sterling)

I'll be doing a podcast, practice facility, and Fan 590 this week. Can't do training camp since I did it last season.

After waiting nearly 24 hours from declaring eligibility for the VHLM, the Moscow Red Wolves won the bid for right winger LeAndre St. Pierre. A 5'10, 185 pound speedster from France, St. Pierre took the country by storm after scoring 72 points in 58 games during his senior year of high school for the Versailles Central Vipers. While not an imposing force on the ice, St. Pierre uses his agility and quickness to create space for himself and get into the tough areas. He has a nack for getting the puck to the net and creating easy opportunites for his teammates. In addition, St. Pierre has above average back checking skills and was forced to play some defense when his team needed him to. He is still a very raw 18-year old skater, but has the potential to grow into something great. His stay in the VHLM should also develop his strength, which is something he lacks. With the amount of right wingers currently playing for Moscow, there is a chance St. Pierre shifts over to the left side for the start of S45.