pennypenny

The Downfall of the Rush The Yukon Rush was the second-best team in the VHLM this year, right behind the Ottawa Lynx – who dominated the regular season impressively. In the end, there were battles and pucks strewn about the battlefield. But there was nothing that could stop the Lynx in this last preceding season. The Rush flew high with a strong beginning, putting themselves ahead of the Saskatoon Wild in the first round after 6 games. This strong start continued, as they went on to dominate the Las Vegas Aces in 5 games. This was the last round before the finals, in which the Ottawa Lynx completely flipped our asses around and spanked our little bottoms worse than we ever could take it. Four games were all it took for the Rush to come down to a pitiful halter. And really, there was nothing we could do. We were a team built up by a GM with inadequate experience in the true test of it all. Someone who had never been in that finals position before. They were ill prepared for the ultimate challenge and couldn’t adjust the lines accordingly. In the end, do I blame him? Of course, I do. There was little we had to worry about during the regular season, and we ended up tying the series with Lynx in the regular season 3-3. But with these big games comes bigger prices, and the price to win was too much for a certain GM to prepare for. They couldn’t stand up to the challenge and really fight for victory. From my perspective, I see a team that fought as strongly as they could. A team that had a lot of power and strength in their pockets – but they faltered… they dropped the ball tremendously. There was a lot of teeth polish in the locker room, and a lot of people poking around with their dental floss. It came down to nothing though, because even though they had wonderful and flawless looking teeth – they forgot the most important thing to work on. Being good at hockey. Although they made it to the finals, the Rush. They never actually learned how to play hockey. They forgot a lot of things while on the ice, as they were mesmerized about how they were able to fit DiGiannantonio onto a nameplate for his jersey. Gino knowing how off the team was, he always tried to motivate them. He put them into drills that allowed them to succeed on the ice – but they never listened or did them. They were lost. Lost souls that never actually found their way. And that cost them. Just like the Yukon Rush were in a Rush to win, they were also Rushing to lose with that finals. They tried their hardest, but in the end – it doesn’t even matter. I just want to give a quick shoutout to my boys over there in Yukon who fought till the end. Zyrok, you’re a beast. Vin Calia, love you man. As far as everybody else that was there – I am very disappointed with your performances, and you all should be ashamed of yourselves.

1. It's awful. I think if we put a lot more pucks on the net, we'd have won absolutely. 2. Getting drafted by the best team in the VHL of course. Only the best team has Gino. 3. 100 goal season for Gino, of course. There's no other option. 4. Hmm, I think we gotta be looking at JET JAGUAR over here, because he's got the biggest dick of the bunch. 6. I sure do love me the surf, because I got me the water flowing in me. 7. Absolutely gonna get worse if you guys don't have Gino. I think the Quebec Wolves will suck dick honestly. The Vancouver Wolves will be worse off.

The VHL is full of nothing but fucking clowns. Especially @Matt_O

Gino’s Diary Entry of April 20th 2020 Today I’ve had great games and an absolutely wonderful day. I smoked the Bulls, Reapers and Kings all today – and I could not be any happier. Today is also an incredibly special day, since I will get to go home and visit my wife! I haven’t seen her in a good while, since she’s been on trips, but graciously I get to visit her since I have a break for the next few days. There’s been a lot of things happening in the locker room since I got back into sports, and especially hockey in general. I’ve been doing daily cleanings on everybody’s teeth. Bo Burrows has an absolutely rancid smell coming out of his mouth though, and it’s disgusting that he won’t even listen to the dentist in the room. I think besides that development in the locker room, our team has been well balanced. I get along with everybody well, especially my boy Zyrok and Calia. Those two are a riot in the locker room. They don’t care about how my hair looks too, which is really nice of them. They also taught me how to be better on the breakout, which was one of my strongest suits – but still polite and nice of them to show me in their ways. We all got together yesterday and agreed that we’d all smoke up after the game. So, I rolled my fattest blunts before the game, and we all smoked one up real nicely afterwards. Zyrok was rolling over laughing half the time because he had not been high in over a year, which I found bizarre! How could one individual not smoke up in over a year? Every time I get out there on the ice, I’m usually stoned. The coach never found out, and they were totally okay with it back in the NBA. So I just kept doing it every time before I play. That’s why I’m writing this today. Because today is a special day, month, and year. Today is the only day in this century that we’ll ever get to 4/20/20 on 4/20 at 4:20 PM. It’s one of the most special days, and yet people don’t agree with it. I really want to know why people don’t agree with the thing that brings me the most joy outside of my wife. My wife, weed, and hockey is all I need nowadays. Without those three things, I am nothing but a lowly dentist – and that isn’t all I wanna be in life. I want to have many things going for me. I want to be the best hockey player in the world, like I was one of the best basketball players in the world. Smoke weed everyday, and puff puff on the puck. Puff it right into the net every single time I play. That’s what I DO. THAT’S WHAT I DO! I AM A WINNER. I will never let anyone put me down. I will continue being the greatest player there is, and I will push this team into the playoffs no matter what!

Penny’s 2nd year in the VHL It’s now been a solid 2 years since Penny has joined the VHL. What can I say, except for – what a WILD time it really has been. In the last two years, I have dropped two of the greatest players to ever exist. Robert Malenko was the best defenseman in a long time. Proving that Penny’s influence on the league was tremendous by reaching the last 100+ point season for a defenseman – this has not been duplicated yet since that eventful season. He also has one of the greatest and largest trade trees that the VHL has ever seen, courtesy of Rayzor’s hard work and dedication. Yup, it’s really been a wild ride. We’ve been through a lot, and now we’re in the midst of a resurgence. The man who is going to bring Penny back into the forefront of being a pure beaut, that’s right – Gino DiGiannantonio. Gino, much like Penny, has been banned from numerous sim leagues. His ability to shock an entire crowd with his hairdo, alongside his pure scoring prowess has made Gino an extremely scary competitor on the ice. However, that’s not what’s important. What’s important here is that everybody knows that two years ago the man who has had everybody hung up by their puppet strings is still breathing. Pennypenny has always been here to give everybody his two cents on every opinion, and he will continue to give his two cents for as long as he stays in this silly sim league. Stay frosty, simp leaguers.

1. I think a 5 game series would've been ideal, but that's okay. We needed to pad some stats on them. 2. They're doing great, but Zyrok and Gino need to step it up right away! 3. Ottawa probably takes this series in 5 games, easily. 4. Philly is a lot easier, so probably would go with them. I think we'll sweep those buggers. 5. Twitter for the NSFW, IG for the usual everything else. 6. I am mad boring. Monopoly is the SHIT.

what a fuckin BEAST of a trade tree. #MALENKOWASROBBED #MALENKOFORDOTY

The VHLM Season Wrapping Up Well, with the season popping off, and near its final day in the regular season – the VHLM has seen some real spectacles in the players. The Ottawa Lynx were absolutely the best team this year, with two forwards that put up ridiculous numbers. Can you guess who these two were? That is right, none other than the two men putting up the mega numbers all year: Penisson and Syreck. Absolute monsters these two are. I am in absolute awe. Anyways, you thought this was going to be about the best players this year. Wrong. It is time to pay attention to the shitters for once. Houston managed to dig itself out of a hole, and shove Mississauga and ugly Mexico City down there – disgusting. Mexico City even had players like KSI, and James Rose on their team – and they did awful. KSI is an internet phenomenon who swept the internet by storm with his funny FIFA videos, and his transition into rapping and regular commentaries. The fact that he is playing hockey now is disgraceful to the sport. You’re allowing a man who’s never stepped onto a patch of ice in his life to play in a hockey league? He put up 14 goals and 20 assists, but this man is pure sweat. Worse year than last year too, SHAMEFUL. This is now a KSI hate post. I hate you KSI and I hope you never ever make it into the VHL. You’re an absolute disgrace, and you should be ashamed for what you’ve done in your time with the VHLM.

The Fix of Recruitment! The VHL! Hello everyone, I am here to introduce a new and improved idea to creating the VHL to become the best sim league in the world! First off, I want to thank my sponsors at Dollar Shave Club – use promo code pennypenny for 10% off your next purchase! The VHL is a fickle creature that has had a lot of adaptations over the years – as well as many personalities come and go throughout the passage of time. Penny is one of the biggest personalities in the VHL, and yet he still secures his position in being here every time he writes up his last-minute media spots. The whole idea of the VHL was to create a sim league that is inviting and engaging to the consumer – and allows for a fun and enjoyable time for everybody involved! Therefore, I personally believe to secure that engagement we have had over the years and further it; we must start putting down some real ground rules. Recruitment first off, needs a bit more incentive. The whole purpose of recruiting to people who are competitive in this league is solely for extra TPE. You can see TP whores like McWolf or Gorlab if you look closely to the side. When the recruit has 50 TPE, the individual who recruited him sees 1 TP. 250 becomes 5, and 500 becomes 15. 15 TPE from someone who had to earn 500 TPE. It is a ridiculous amount – isn’t it? Well, let us look at it from the perspective of a usual season lasting 2 months, and welfare/practice facility being considered. The recruit does NOT care about being in the VHL for the purpose of this example and will only invest 250 TPE. Every week without effort, you can claim 6 TP from Practice Facility and Welfare. 24 TP in a month. A welfare player reaches 50 TPE by 5 weeks with minimal effort in anything else. That is 1 TPE to the recruiter. Well for the next 200 TPE that the recruit must earn, it will take him 33 WEEKS to earn. By that time, the recruiter’s player is retired. So, what do we do here? What gives? Well, I will tell you what. The player recruiting the recruit should receive instead of TPE, an allowance of $$$ per 100 TPE the recruit gets. Say, a million. If we are not going to allow for extreme builds of players anymore, and we are preventing players from reaching high TPE from uncapped TPE, why do not we just reward these TPE whores with dosh! Think about it, my man Gorlab hits a lick every night before he goes to bed – right? Imagine how much money he could earn if every time he hit a lick; he had a recruit. Now, just because he is a man involved in the dabbling of marijuana does not stop his cause – because with these recruits he gathers, he can now afford certain skills and assets that will help him along the way. Did I mention the recruitment $ is separate from your regular shop? We have a new recruitment shop too! Inside is capped TPE opportunities, uncapped double/triple prediction points, position changes, name changes, leadership, and all these other little things that people may not actually put their money into. Now you have got these players who originally would never ever buy a triple for prediction points, finally going out and using it. This can allow for extreme player builds – but at the same time, not being too overpowered. Take it into consideration fellas. Make the VHL great again! Let us implement a recruitment shop and allow for these shop items that are rarely bought to be bought. Depreciation is all people save up for. Let us put an end to that and change the recruiting/recruit a friend system over to a money shop. This post sponsored by SquareSpace.

1. I am absolutely not active in any other sim leagues, because sim leagues are a waste and a bane on society to begin with run on sentence. 2. Wow, I am so impressed with you guys. You're all so cute and good at hockey. 3. I am doing fantastic in the VHLM, I am the best player on my team, and carrying the team on my back. Big flex. 4. Absolutely a Frappucino. Now that I mention it, I am going to get one tomorrow. 5. A solid 6 out of 10 I'd say. Pizza Hut's 5 Cheese Stuffed Crust is probably my favorite. 6. Just one other, and that was the greatest D man of the 61-69 era, Robert Malenko.

Moscow 4-1

Gino’s Days Off Gino DiGiannantonio can be considered a madman sometimes. The reason today why he’s considered an absolute madman, is because he did in fact drink his orange juice after brushing his teeth. Yes, that’s right ladies and gentlemen, Gino drank his orange juice immediately after brushing his teeth. That’s just one of the silly things Gino does on his days off. People in sports always have such a condescending vibe to them, from what I have seen. The belief that taking a day off is absolutely forbidden, an asinine thought honestly. Gino has been in the NBA and is currently dunking pucks into the net in the VHLM. Gino takes days off. Gino also makes sure to dangle basketballs off strings tied to the roof. You may wonder why Gino does this, and honestly, I wonder too – but Gino has his methods to practicing and solace. These basketballs represent his past. His times playing with the LA Lakers and Kobe of all people. This is a reality that people don’t really think of all the time – these athletes are absurd. They have their weird rituals. Even when quarantined outside of the games, and when he’s destined to stay inside until the next series – Gino will always find interesting things to do that others find absurd. Gino will bounce basketballs on the roof, dangling them by strings, and drink orange juice after brushing his teeth – but that’s only the start to the absurdity. Let the man do his thing, and things will be okay. Even if you think he is an absolute weirdo. LET GINO LIVE HIS LIFE

The Yukon Rush in Competition The Yukon Rush are currently the 2nd place team in the VHLM, behind the Ottawa Lynx only by 6 points. However, the goal differential between the two is a massive telling story. Outside of the fact that the Rush and Lynx have competed 4 times and have reached a stalemate in the series, going 2-2 together; the Lynx are just a better team. 68 more goals in the differential for them, as well as the fact that the three best players in the league are still Lynx members, Richard Penisson, Adam Syreck, and Big Chungus. These three players combine for 425 points in only 56 games, a ridiculous and insane amount considering the VHLM is not that heavily stacked for an individual team this year. Even though they’re occupying the top 3 players in points, they’re still not occupying what the Yukon Rush are very heavily favored in – that’s defenseman points. Zyrok12 and Alex Armstrong are both part of the Rush, and they’re 1st and 3rd in the defense category respectively. The 3 players below Armstrong are all Lynx players too, with DeFenz Mann only one point behind Armstrong, and Aamon Grim three points behind. It’s a very close comparison, but the Rush have a better defense overall. Not to mention the fact that their forwards are a lot more defensively sound than the Lynx. Even though the Lynx have a 168-goal differential, they still struggle with the fact that they’re running their one goalie dry. Although Yukon may be doing the same thing, these goalies are going to get peppered and ravaged in the playoffs. The players to look out for on the Yukon Rush are currently the top players in Zyrok12, Ray Sheilds, Vin Calia, Alex Armstrong, Gino DiGiannantonio, and the goalie Nicolas Fomba. With these five skaters, and main goalie out there on the ice – the Yukon Rush are an absolute force to be dealt with. Zyrok nearly leading the league in assists and leading in defenseman points, Sheilds nearly over 100, as well as Vin Calia, Armstrong and Gino nearly edging up there. Gino is currently the player with the most goals on the team, setting up more goals than assists – a wicked 46 and 43 goal/assist amount. Shooting at 14.42% as well, so a real solid amount of shots going in for Gino. Looking at Gino too, you can see he is the highest +/- on his team, which indicates his presence for defensive gameplay. A side note as well on Gino’s GWG category, leading the team and nearly the whole league with 9. This is all supplemented by a great defensive core in Armstrong and Zyrok, for sure. The Yukon Rush is a team built from the top down and is not afraid to really set something up this season in the finals. The likely ending to the VHLM season will be a Lynx vs Rush finale, with the Rush coming out ahead as the underdogs; but we shall see as the season continues on, and we will see whether or not the Rush can pull out the victory that they’ve been waiting for all their lives.

1. Oh absolutely we will, we are just a force to be reckoned with. There's no doubting we'll finish 2nd, and hey - maybe 1st as well. 2. I'd say Zyrok is the only one who will get it, but Gino definitely is getting up there with his goals. 3. I'd say so, but I also like players who absolutely crush. This is a better team game, but VHLM is more for the player anyways. 4. I just wanna keep seeing those hat tricks flying in. Gino wants 60+ goals. 5. iPhone fo sho, and I've been using one since 2011 so that's why I am mostly an iPhone dude. 6. My humor knows no bounds, it just depends on what the situation is. I got many different jokes/feelings though.

You haven’t really exposed me. I didn’t do anything last night cus I had forgotten. Works out too if it was a WW night. Plus I’ve played enough of this game to know it’s usually the ones who try really hard are the ones who are scum. So that’s what I find.

you can point fingers at me all you want, hatter is acting mad suspicious the way he's talking to begin with. if you're not going to make a claim, then you're suspicious from the start. first off, if you're a TI and not saying your results every night - you're also not doing what you're supposed to be doing. and yes, I am sheriff. I checked McWolf and he's INNO/GF. what's hard to understand about that?

Yeah I am pretty sure Hatter is WW. He won't claim, and he got hit in the night. if Jailor isn't going to confirm he was jailed, then hang Hatter.

? what's your claim

n1 - McWolf INNO