probably not noah

dis b da behst

Nobody is better than Gifford Shock.

Gifford Shock Turns Back the Clock Lost Tales of the VHL- Season 4, Episode 1 Time travel, gypsy curses, secret murders, Jardy. While it may seem normal enough on the surface, the VHL holds dark secrets that terrify and astound. Lost Tales of the VHL is a documentary series aimed at revealing the true conspiracies behind some of the VHL’s strangest stories. This is the third image that comes up when you Google 'Gifford Shock.' Coincidence, or conspiracy? The trail of Gifford Shock has wound its way through the VHL for the better part of several decades. Every time talk of new prospects comes up, the name Gifford Shock is a faint whisper in the shadows. Scouts are constantly reporting on a top prospect named Gifford Shock, yet the prospect never appears. It’s a name so powerful that aspects of it have even shown up on the nameplate of regular VHLers. Damien Shock. Caillou Gifford. Ring any bells? Some may attribute this to consequence, others to superstition, but we here at Lost Tales have a devotion to letting the truth get out. We spent hours delving into ancient VHL tomes, lore and footage and have discovered the shocking secret behind Gifford. Many years ago, an episode of Lost Tales explored the separation of the VHL timeline from that of the regular world. In short, this universe was created by a slap shot from Sterling Labatte so hard that it tore a hole in the spacetime continuum. We used to think that this was the only outcome of the infamous slap shot, but we were wrong. As it turns out, at the moment of this slapshot, a youth by the name of Gifford Shock was experimenting with mortality and sticking a fork in an active electrical socket. At the exact instant of the tear in the spacetime continuum, the outlet shot a jolt through young Gifford’s body. The simultaneous events caused Gifford to be split into countless iterations of himself and scattered across eons of spacetime. Archeologists have found traces of the name Gifford Shock being used hundreds, and even thousands of years ago. Certain Sumerian cultures worshipped a god named Gi’ffa S-uk. In the European dark ages, there are writings of a powerful wizard they call Shok, and we all know the infamy that Gifford Shock has gained in the modern VHL. In a paradox that defies even the slightest semblance of scientific logic, a countless number of fragments of Gifford Shock have been quietly working behind the scenes of humanity, guiding its growth and technologies with help from subconscious fragments of his future selves. Shock has been shaping reality itself as if it were a ball of clay, eventually getting to the point we are at today. The point where the true Gifford Shock can emerge the greatest hockey player in the world. Or perhaps this isn’t the case. Perhaps some unsuspecting mother who carried the name Shock felt the subconscious vibrations of the time explosion, and became attached to the name Gifford. We’ll never truly be able to say if Shock is the chosen one himself, or just a side effect of a time vibration. It seems that the true story of Gifford Shock may forever remain a Lost Tale of the VHL. We’ll see you next time, when we discuss what really happened behind the failed VHL movie, The Assassination of David Knight.

What the shitballs TPE inflation has gotten way the fuck out of hand. Stahp. Stahp now.

You forgot to put Monday Sept. 22nd- The Shockening Begins

#theshockening2014

It's a name that has been heard echoing around the VHL for decades. It seemed he was more myth than man. A messiah who would lead the VHL's chosen people to the promised land. He was to be the greatest hockey player ever to hit the ice. And now he's here. Gifford Shock has announced his eligibility for the VHL Entry Draft. It's an event catching eyes worldwide, with the event already being called "The Shockening." Will he match the hype? Can he really be the next Scotty Campbell, can he live up to the legend of the Shock? I'm not one to make wild claims, but yes. Yes he can. And will. Gifford Shock will be the greatest thing the VHL has ever seen. And how do I know this? Because I'm Gifford fucking Shock. This league will never be the same. Get ready for the revolution. The Shockening 2014.

Not sure if I need to do this or not, but I'm retired now. Bitches be trippin.

Names are hard. Everyone wants their player's name to sit among the league's greats like Raoul Thundercat and Srraxxarakex, but it takes a certain kind of name to achieve such greatness. Not all of us can be Eggly Bagelface. Or can we? Look no further, because I have come up with the definitive list of the next great VHL names, each ripe for the plucking. But wait too long and they'll all be gone. Behold, the future of the VHL: Chuggalugga "ThaBrothaHugga" Thugganugga Dirk Firkley Crest Tooinone Turd Burgler Mastercraft Cheesecake Cuntly Buntly Vladimiryvich Sadoqueeryvitch Tasty Sandwiches Uncle Joe Intuitive Rattlesnake Fuckwad Jones The Bootysnatcher Brometheus Fedora Trim Slimley Thirteen Ninjas Toblerone Fartell Steve Zedzerman Dimples St. Johnson Churgledeefurgle Ultimate Frisbee Fart-Two Dee-Two Grandmaster Funkenstein So there you have it. A list of names for you to use in the future when you need names. Now you all stay frosty.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Nl0VUaPP9U

Am I allowed to draft Tretiak? If so, Vladislav Tretiak, if not Ken Dryden

AAAAAWWWWW YEEEEAAAAHHHHH!

Can't believe he's fallen this far, with the eighth overall pick, the Toronto Maple Leafs are proud to select Mike Bossy #steal

AAAaawwww yeeeeehhh! TRUE NORTH STRONG AND FREE

Yeah Nikolai Lebedev. Inconsistent career, but was an important member of the Seattle Six, member of the Triple Gold Club and a case could be made for him having the best single season in VHL history in S28.

A case could be made for Lebedev, but a case could also be made against Lebedev.

Why do we need 30 to start? Can't we just roll with however many people want to join?

Agreed. Not a huge fan of this

I'll snipe me some Leafs if Molholt doesn't mind, elsewise Blues me

Yeah, watching /r/asoiaf explode was almost as much fun as the episode itself

HOLY FUCKING SHIT ITS THE FUCKING GODDAMN NIGHT KING WUT WUT WUWUUTUUUTT WWUUUUUUTTT also ser pounce. fuck yeah.

Well fuck

I voted for three.

I lied. One more.

I'm done now.