dylanjj37

hELLO. MY NAME IS JUAN CeSON. THIS IS A STATUS UPDATE. I AM PERFECTlY FINE AND I AM NOT BEING HELD CApTIVE BY THE NEW LAS VEGAS ACES AGm, MY GOOD FRIeND VIpER. IF YOU HAVE HEARD THIS RUMOUR IT IS A LIE. PlEASE DO NOT LISTeN TO THIS RUMOUR. I LOVE THE LaS VEGAs ACeS.

does my cat count? they will earn just as much tpe as i do

Is that 15 TPE per person if they all earn 500 TPE or is it 500 combined from all the people or is it 15 TPE for one person but only one person?

1. good luck jason in your new job as penguin zookeeper. i will miss all your spelling mistakes. 2. the new agm must like bots and also be willing to buy ivan alcohol so that he can score more points 3. i know who the spy is but unfortunately they have paid me a lot of money to not tell anyone they are a spy. if you can beat their pay, i will tell you. 4. juan should give up earning points. he is a defenceman. just focus on hitting people (in the face). 5. atlanta thrashers are my favourite team (bonus points please). they have a very cool logo and i like the blue jersey. also they havent lost a game in over a decade. 6. yes, we can get a roulette wheel mascot. its name will be roully the roulette wheel. you will be able to play giant roulette with its costume.

LAS VEGAS ACES PRESS CONFERENCE 1. As you may know, Jason has stepped down as AGM. What is your favourite thing about/memory of Jason? If you don't know Jason that well, write a message wishing him luck in his new adventures or something similar. 2. What is one thing (or more) you would like to see in or from your new AGM? 3. There are rumours of a spy in the locker room. Who are you suspicious of? Is your player the spy? Who is the spy spying for? 4. Juan Ceson is currently first in number of games played for the Las Vegas Aces. Unfortunately, he is 8th all time in points and second last in points this season. Do you have any advice for how he could earn more points? 5. What is your favourite (real) sports team and why? (Bonus points if you pick the Atlanta Thrashers) (not really I can't give bonus points) 6. Do you think the Aces need an actual mascot? If so, what should it be and what is its name?

Thank you @rory . I am very happy to hear this wonderful news. I wish Travis all the best in his new position.

me

Once again, Juan has been contemplating retirement. He has had an offer from one of the world’s best casinos (that is run by Juan) who want to hire him to permanently live in their casino and gamble there all day, every day. This is a very tempting offer for Juan who would like nothing more than to be able to gamble all the time and not have to do anything else. However, he knew that he would be letting down the Las Vegas Aces if he did this and so spoke to his GM Blazzer before making any decisions. Unfortunately, it seemed that Blazzer was already making plans to dismantle the Juan Ceson empire in Vegas even though she had no claim to any of it. It is clear that Juan is not valued by the management in Vegas. Luckily for the Aces, Juan’s third favourite player on the team Ivan Varlamov happened to be visiting the management offices at the same time and Juan realised that they don’t allow ponies in the casino and he would have to be separated from his best friend so he turned the offer down.

Juan's Las Vegas empire is being disbanded as he plans his next move to a new city

they wont

dont worry, im not sure rc will last long under so much pressure

He wanted the Flamingo though.

You obviously didn't pay him enough

You could've asked Juan

You missed the start of his career in Vegas though

Ivan is very much not a house pony. He has a very active life. He does figure skating shows, drives the Zamboni and plays defense for the Aces.

Juan would like it known that he has started his own player management agency and will be advising future players who may hire him as their agent to sign with Houston and their wonderful AGM Triller. (Please note: Juan's agent is still RC, not himself)

Whilst this is a good overview of Juan's career, Juan would like to offer a word of caution to those who are using this in the future to learn more about the greatest man ever, Juan Ceson. 'The Beginning' is vastly underresearched, having no mention of the first season of Juan's career with Las Vegas and Halifax. It also claims he was unhappy with Saskatoon trading him as they didn't value him when it fact he did not like Saskatoon's former AGM, Bryn Yrwy, who for some reason was always around saying something about Juan selling his house.

thank you. you should get a new graphic from @rory to commemorate the occasion.

thank you. i made it.

Yesterday, Juan Ceson fired his long time agent, @Arce. This deeply upset his friend who had worked so hard for Juan’s best interests, helped him sign with his team this season and also started to be an agent for CBBE. However, what RC did not know, is that RC is actually getting promoted and not “fired”. RC is no longer going to just be manager of the Juan Ceson Complex, the group of LVA facilities in Las Vegas where Mandalay Bay once stood. Instead, RC will now be promoted to Chief Operating Officer of the Juan Ceson Co. and will have many more duties than simply running the hotel and being Juan’s agent. RC will now be responsible for things like building Billy bookcases for people who buy them from Juan’s furniture store Ikea and also for arresting people who break the laws Juan makes in Sweden. The chief duty of the COO, however, will be as security for Juan’s new magical forest which has already been destroyed once. RC will prevent people like Las Vegas management from entering the forest and will also be looking after Juan’s dragon sanctuary which has been relocated there and helping raise the baby dragons that Juan has taken into his care. Hopefully, RC will be happy with this promotion.

thank you for this article cole. i love it. now floatie piplup will go in a box and be replaced by turtwig. also rc youre fired

1) Juan has been very silent about where he’s going to sign, do you want Juan to sign with Vegas? No. I think that is a terrible idea. I hope he goes somewhere else and we don't have to put up with him. 2) What lineup do you think you’ll play in 1st 2nd 3rd or 4th? I will be on all the lines because I am the best player on the team. 3) Which VHLM team do you think are our rivals? All of the other teams are our rivals. There are no friends in professional sports. 4) What team do you think will be the hardest to beat this season, why? None of the teams will be hard to beat. We are the best team there is. 5) What team do you think we’ll do the best against, why? We are going to win every single game so we will be best against all the teams. 6) If you could dis-invent one thing, what would it be? I would dis-invent the E since it is the worst invention ever.

hi rory, who is point tasks? i have never heard of such a thing

no leaping!