a_Ferk

Once in a place far away, a very long time ago there was an boy named Roger, he was tall but a bit round. He lived in a big city where unusual things seemed to happen everyday. For example, his uncle died. Anyway, Roger had lots of enimes in the city, all the people he used to like were now his enimes because he changed. He used to be a really succesful banker named Ron, but he decided to go another way and now he is a hobo named Roger. Because of this his friends thought they didn’t like him anymore so they said “your our enimy now!!!” and Roger was like “oh no, I have no friends but loads of enimes ” Roger lives day to tomorrow by the change he gets off strangers outside mcdonalds but sometimes he. When he gets enough money he goes to the local shopping centre called “teco”. He can only buy things when they are on sale so he oinly buys things when they are on sale because he doesn’t have any much money. Sometimes he even gets enough change to buy chicken when its on sale and he goes into Kfc and says “can you cook this for me” and they do it because they are his enimes and spit in the food, yuck. Today, on the most windy and stormy and rainy and cloudy and sad of days he decided he needed to eat and went to teco. When he went inside there was no baskets, this was weird, Roger thougth that that must be giveing them a break today so he kept going. He saw that thre bread was on sale so he was going to buy it and then an big fat hairy man ran up to him and said “NO That not f”or you! and he took the sale sign away which made the bread go back up to $100,000!! This is all in the future so thats normal for the future. Roger made a face similar to this ? and he said “But if you dont give me that I will strve” and the fat man laughed and his fat went bouncy from laughiung. Then one of ron’s enimies died so ron felt his anger rising (that happens when his enimys die” and he punched the mnan so hard that his fat fell off and the man was so angry that he cried blood. Then the lights went out so fast that roger knew he was going to be murderd. A black mist came out of the cereal boxes and the bacon was flying everywhere, pancake mix splashing over the counters, freezers freezing at higher tempratre that normal so that it was freezing the frozen pizzazas too much. ROn ran way far away to that isle thats always full of people, it has like loadsa sweets and crips, yummy. there was like 10, no wait, 15 monsters there, all black with eyes oogying with blood and tears thhat looked like bacon but were actually dead peoples skin. he screamed “fat man, help!!!” but when the fat man camer he said “You punched my fat and now you will pay………………………………………………I am your enime……” and then he ran and went iunside a freezer but forgot that the freezers froze too hard now and he died from freeze. Roger ran to a exit and was almost out when he tripeed on something, he looked down and saw his enimie saying “help me, the pancakes were too string” and then he said “no i am roger, you were ron’s friend not mine, smelly” and he ran out the door. He was safe, he got out, he escaped, he avoided death, he was alive, he was tall, he was safe, he was ROGER. Then he wenty back in for the bread but forgot about the monsters! So when he got the bread, the monsters came out between the slices and cried blood from their months saying “we are your enimes, RON” he said “how do you kn”ow my old name? and then they ate him and he just fell down on the floor crying from death his last words were, “i am all your enimes”. Then he fell down and died. Just before he died he said “I will now be a supermarket monster”. So when you are in a supermarket remember that ron is waiting… (in the futere tho because its in the future remember?)

Hello. I liked your dream team article, and thought your selections were pretty good, though I bet this was easy because of how short Miami has existed lol. Anyways, I would have maybe did something different with the headers for each player. I think it would have benefit from having a label for each player as well as each position. Other than minor formatting changes I think this article is worthy of 10/10

I like how you include everyone in these media spots lol. Looking forward to being part of the security team, please do more of these Bear's Den articles 10/10

Dakota Lamb - C - Warsaw If you’re choosing the Stolzschwieger Trophy based purely off of points, Dakota Lamb has the strongest case out of anyone to take it home. Drafted 10th overall by Warsaw in S73, Lamb became a crucial part of their team in S74, scoring 43 goals and racking up 47 assists for a grand total of 90 points. He even cracked the top 10 in goals for the league, coming in at number 8. To my knowledge this has to be the best statline for a rookie in a very long time, however it probably won’t hold as much weight due to the recent expansion which has driven up scoring. Dakota Lamb scored 7 game winners for his club, which accounted for more than a quarter of Warsaw’s wins in S74. Lamb also managed to maintain a +/- of exactly 0, which is impressive for a player on the 14th ranked team in the league. John Merrick - C - Toronto John Merrick is the only rookie here that didn’t play for an expansion team in S74. This doesn’t mean that he didn’t have a great rookie season with what he had to work with, however. He finished the season with 38 goals, and 46 assists for a total of 84 points. Merrick had a much better +/- than Lamb, but this can be attributed to Toronto’s success. To judge how well he played, you first have to keep in mind how good Toronto was in S74. They finished 6th in the standings, and Merrick was the third best forward on the roster. Both Lamb and Merrick played first line minutes for most of the season, but unlike Lamb, Steve Merrick was never relied on to carry the team. It has been proven that STHS rewards good players on bad teams with an inflated statline, just look at Hunter Hearst Helmsley’s stats from last season. Voters might argue that the 6 point difference does not mean a whole lot when these factors are taken into account. Matty Socks - D - Chicago Unlike the first 2 candidates that I feel have a chance to take home the hardware, Matty Socks is a defenseman, not a forward. This makes it more difficult to judge quality of performance. Socks had a campaign that produced 25 goals and 46 assists, and the more impressive 181 shot blocks. In fact, Matty Socks led the entire league in shot blocks. Being in the top 10 in a stat category, let alone first, is almost unheard of for a rookie. This will be the biggest driving force behind Socks’ case for the Stolzschwieger Trophy, if I were to guess. Much like Lamb and Merrick, Socks benefited immensely from being one of the best players on the team at their respective position. Socks finished the season with a +/- of -24, which is less than ideal for a defensive player. This is more due to Chicago’s 12th place finish more than Sock’s performance, however. TL;DR: Lamb had a heckin lot of points, Merrick did well in spite of the engine, Socks needs new shin pads

yeet

VOTE JORG

How does Trapper work again? Caboose should have been able to place his trap last night correct?

Berocka knows my role but imma refrain from claiming until I'm pressed to

That was me

I think we had an expansion or something a while back, there are more than 12 teams now

Pretty good for an early attempt man. ?

After going on a 2 week bender, I'm back for this week's press conference. Sorry about that. 1. It's a cold night in Saskatoon. How have you been adjusting to the weather? 2. Now that we are clinched for playoffs, what do you think we'll have to do to compete? 3. Who do you think has stepped up to lead the team in this final stretch of the regular season? 4. What are your thoughts on Las Vegas AGM JigglyGumballs lurking in our Locker Room? 5. What are you going to do to pass the time during the NHL offseason? 6. Out of all Saskatoon skaters, who is the best fighter?

I think your media spot was well written. The beginning statement was a good opener. I like how you went through the team's regular season performance, a bit of a preview for who you will be playing in the playoffs, and your expectations once you do reach the playoffs. The idea of Mexico beating Yukon in the first round is a good one, so I hope you do. Other than the odd grammatical error you have a nice article here, 8/10.

I like the use of green for Las Vegas. The idea of a progress report is something I have not really seen before in a media spot, but I think it was a good idea. The tweet was a nice add I must admit, hopefully VHL twitter can take off even thought I'm not a fan of twitter. I like the analytics media spots and would have gave you a perfect score, but I'm going to give you a 9/10 because Vegas just beat Saskatoon 3-0. Sorry.

1. What is something you want to get done this week? I want to do my PTs early instead of last minute 2. What were your thoughts on the boring trade deadline? It wasn't boring, we got rid of Dil 3. What did you think of this seasons theme week? Who was your MVP on your team? My MVP was probably Kazimir Komarov. He was playoff MVP in our S72 Founder's Cup run in Sasky 4. What do you think next seasons theme week should be? Something that isn't stupid like the previous few seasons lol 5. A company wants to sponsor your player. Who is it? CCM, my player uses their equipment 6. Your player bought a pet. What did they buy? What did they name it? A pet rock named hoop

After the huge success of the recent recruitment drive, we’ve seen an unprecedented influx of new members on the forums. This was a welcome sign for the S75 draft class in particular, which was looking very sus due to the lack of recruitment. I thought that I would spotlight a few of these new members, both for new user engagement and the fact that I couldn’t think of anything else to write about. A little note, this is by no means a comprehensive list of first gens that recently created, not even close. If it was we’d be here all day. This is more of a showcase for some of the users that I thought of while I was scrambling to get this week’s tasks done. @RedSus RedSus is a member who joined on October 2nd and created a player named Cabe McJake. They signed with the Marauders and started earning a great amount of TPE right out of the gate with a total of 10. It didn’t take long for RedSus to muster up the energy to write a media spot, and they have max earned ever since while also getting every uncapped opportunity they could find. McJake has seen a decent amount of playing time with Miami and this shows on their statline. They currently have 22 points in 31 games and ranks 17th in the S75 class for TPE. @tcookie25 Joining on September 28th, I believe this is the only member on the list that did not join due to the recruitment drive. tcookie25 was an extremely promising new member straight out of the gate, joining Miami and writing their Junior Review a day or so after they joined. They also max earned their first week, and every week since, which is almost unheard of for a first gen. tcookie25 is very active on the forums, with a content count of 28 and reputation of 35, respectively. Their player is Addison McLaren, who currently has 23 points in 37 games and ranks 19th in the S75 class. @Gaikoku-hito This user caught my attention because of their unusual profile picture. After joining on October 4th, they made a player named Robert Bouchard and signed with the Minnesota Storm. Out of the first gens I mentioned so far, they had the slowest start with their TPE earning, only managing 6 in their first week, likely due to the fact that the week ended the day they joined.. However, like McLaren and McJake, Bouchard has been max earning since their second week in the league. Robert Bouchard currently has 21 points in 24 games and ranks 30th in the S75 class. @fromtheinside fromtheinside was one of my first recruits in Saskatoon from the recruitment drive, and they have been making a name for themselves. fromtheinside created at the end of their first week, which made it so he could only earn 6 TPE. Like everyone else on the list however, they have max earned since their second week in the league. fromtheinside’s player is called Scotty Kaberle, and currently has 19 points in 30 games and ranks 25th in the S75 class.

What the tarnation did you just tarnation say about me, you little snap crackle pop? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my town in the game, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret N2 shootings on Ranked Practice, and I have over 300 confirmed mayor kills as vigilante. I am trained in gamethrowing and I’m the top vigilante in the entire TK list. You are nothing to me but just another important town role. I will wipe you the tarnation out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this game, mark my tarnation words. You think you can get away with typing that flummery to me over this game? Think again, tarnation. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of vigilantes across the servers and your IGN is being traced right now so you better prepare for N2, maggot. The N2 that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call "fun". You’re tarnation dead, kid. I can be in any game, anytime, and I can ruin your game in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with vigilante. Not only am I extensively trained with vigilante, but I have access to the entire arsenal of M O O N M A N's bots and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable pillon off the face of this game, you little flummery. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” message was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have not pressed your tarnation enter key. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you god gee golly idiot. I will make gamethrowing bots go into all of your games and you will drown in their spam. You’re tarnation dead, kiddo.

@bigALLook at the top right on the forums

@NotJared Hey man, welcome to the league, here is our discord https://discord.gg/fpbAPjh

@StopDontTouchMeThere Hey man welcome to the league, here is our discord https://discord.gg/fpbAPjh

Enough said.

advice*