It's been a while since I've had a good drunk story.
I still don't. But here's my week:
Wednesday, Sept 25: Wake up in the morning like it's every other day. Suddenly I get a phone call from my mother...
Me: Hello?
Mom: Hiiii Jordan, happy birthdayyyy!
Me: ......oh yeah!
Armed with this good news, I figured it might be a decent day. I decide to check my Snapchat for some evening birthday messages from my BFF in France, and sure enough there's like, 8, that read like this:
1. Wake up, get dressed
2. Go downstairs
3. Proceed to your liquor basket or equivalent.
4. Pour a shot, even though its the morning
5. Who am I kidding, you're probably drunk already
6. FaceTime me
So yes, I poured a couple shots at 9:00am and had a nice video chat with my buddy in France.
The rest of the day was pretty depressing, I just did homework and talked with Steez until I crywanked and fell asleep.
Thursday: I fucking hate Thursdays. Just the longest day ever. Had a meeting with my student group, and it sounds as though our back to school bbq beer night tomorrow is gonna be a great turnout. I extend an invite for pre drinks (foreshadowing). When the evening came my brother started cracking beers, determined to go out for drinks. Then we just got tired. Again a crywank before bedtime.
Friday:
Just wakin up in the mornin gotta thank God
I don't know but today seems kinda odd
Etc.
I notice there's two open beer that my brother must have cracked and not drank the previous night. I'm not letting that shit go to waste! So I once again forego breakfast in favour of boozing.
A short day at school, lunch at DQ with other BFF, a little GTA V, and soon enough it's time for pre drinking.
There wasn't a lot of people to show up.
Perfect conditions for 7-11 Doubles.
Needless to say it was a satisfactory pre drink. The beer night begins at 9, so feeling good, we leave to make it for that time. For those who don't know what I mean by a beer night, our $10 ticket gets us all the beer we can drink from 9-11. Our event was also supposed to get a burger with that ticket, but they quit serving them by the time we got there because the Scuz is a bunch of Jews. But that is neither here nor there.
Arriving at the bar, it is already a pretty good crowd, and I knew pretty much EVERYONE there. And they all knew it was my birthday a couple days ago. That+7-11-Doubles+Infinite beer, and it didn't take long for me to start time traveling. You were only allowed to grab one beer at a time, so it was kosher just to slam a cup back and get a new one before leaving the line. I visited and drank and partied until about 11. That's when my other brother and his girlfriend bought tequila shots. It was game over from there. My only other clear memories between then and getting back behind the drivers seat were going outside to vomit and dancing with this cute broad I go to school with for an extended period of time.
When I come to, I'm waiting outside one of the bathrooms for said girl. My roommate approaches me and we chat, and she notes how she's never seen me this drunk (which probably isn't true, it's just that she also would have been that drunk). At this point I'm still about a 7-8, knowing I was certainly worse earlier in the night. I generally have a hard time cracking 7 at any time; I very rarely black out. So I'm like, "I know, right?" She says, "Yeah my [attractive] friend said you'd be a lot more fun if you weren't as drunk." The statement kind of confused me because at this point, I'm at the perfect drunken level. I'm not presently aware there is 3 hours of my life missing. So in my mind I'm thinking, "I'll fucking show you, I'll nail this friend of yours!" Although there's still the girl I'm waiting for. What's taking her so long anyway? When she comes out, I notice she is significantly more drunk than I am, and was probably just puking moments ago (not that I'd judge). All the same, I feel weird about it, and decide to try and smooth things over with the other girl, who is mad jealous by the way. I succeeded in making her less unimpressed by me, but by then it was too late to get anything going so to speak. Like literally it was 2:30 and everyone was too tired for life. Meanwhile the previous girl is dancing with another tall handsome fellow in my class. Fuck. So the rest of us proceed to walk home.
This is when some more flags start to come up. I start thinking, "Man, I knew every person in that bar, yet why cant I really remember talking to ANYONE?" Then another confusing flag came. I had gotten a text from one of my pre drinking friends, saying "Hey me and Jess are at your place." As if I had any fucking idea who Jess was. But whatever, I didn't question it. I got home (Jess turned out to be another girl in my class), made everyone Dirty KD, crywank, sleep.
Saturday: Feel like scrunched up asshole. It was a typical hangover day, really. Arrested Development marathon, Five Guys, some GTA V, meatballs and perogies at my aunties. That is, until...
Finally got a call from a girl I wanna dig out
Different girl again. This was 10:15pm.
"JORDAN IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY WEEK AND WERE COMING OVER AND TAKING YOU AND ROOMMATE TO THE BAR!"
When her and her entourage arrived, we had a bar. This is when I FINALLY realized that my night previous was not saved to hard drive...
Buddy: So you had fun last night eh?
Me: Yeah, it was a good time.
Buddy: Man I love your Hangover shirt. Almost as good as your shirt last night.
Everyone laughs in agreement. I thought he was fucking with me.
Me: Were you there?
Buddy: Yeah man! You were wearing that striped t shirt with the hood, it was so easy to find you.
Me: Really? I must have not seen you...
Buddy: Man, we talked! You don't remember?
Me: .....yeah, yeah! I kind of remember now, it was by that front bar...
Buddy: Yeah! We bought you a Hot 100 shot.
Me: You what!?? I don't remember that part at all!!
At my usual drunkest, even when I do forget shit, it generally comes back to me when reminded. This was not. This started to explain why it seemed like I never talked to anyone I knew and all the other oddities. I got fucking BLACKED. I start to worry because at the best of times, I sometimes stutter and have a hard time forming sentences. Now it's possible I've attempted to talk to everyone I know or seen before. That could be embarrassing.
Anyway, the rest of the night wasn't that great. Mostly sober bar trips are gay. We went to Denny's after, which took ages, and we all got home at like, 5. Quick nap to gain energy for a crywank. Sleep.
Sunday: Just a puzzle building day, really. Here's a group message with my two roommates and a good friend (also girl).
Roomy: Btw Mary, Alex said he wants to have sex with you.
Mary: Haha omg
Me: I'd also have sex with you...
M: You felt me up pretty good on Friday night too. Lol. Best part, it wasn't even on purpose.
R: Haha! How can that not be purposeful
M: He came up and hugged me from behind but was so hammered that he almost fell, and got a good handful of my chest. Lol.
Again, this was news to me. And again, my friends were really surprised by this because there's never been a time where so many specific things happened to me that I simply don't recall at all. That text convo pretty sums my night up in a nutshell, really.
Me: Do I even form sentences when I'm like that? Cuz I have hard enough time with that sober.
Roomy: Lol not really. You try and you kinda studder on some words and then you just go pft and look at the floor
The only other thing I learned that day was that I danced with my brothers girlfriend and her friend that night too, which admittedly is something I'm not sure I'd usually do. I got a similar description of my communication attempts.
Anyway, that was my week. Nothing too exciting, but it's first time in a long long time I got that blacked, and probably the first time ever that I've forgotten so many specific details. It seemed an appropriate anecdote to christen this thread with.
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