A Sense of Nostalgia
I'm not very nostalgic. At least, I think I'm not. I've never reflected on this before (hoho!)
But I think the combination of writing that Smalling Hall of Fame article, the VHL's 7th birthday, Knight actually not being here for a summer, my own crossroads with my life, and the untimely passing of my friend, has caused me to look back to different days.
I remember first creating a player in Season 12 or so. I don't actually remember the player's name. I had a different user name though - creamcheese.
David forced me to write a couple of articles for the player. I actually teased him about being on a virtual sim league. That's so ghey (here in a time where gay actually just meant uncool and had nothing to do with sexuality). He kept defending it, saying it was loads of fun. I was always ready to dismiss those types of comments.
I quickly went inactive and watched as David wasted many hours writing these fake articles for fake players with his internet nerd fake friends. All I wanted to do was go outside and play soccer, baseball, basketball, road hockey, even fucking mini-sticks with him (and no, there's nothing wrong with mini-sticks, I'd just rather run around than scrape up my knees on the carpet). "I just gotta finish this article, bro" he would always said, causing me to shoot my mouth about the league.
Then towards the end of Season 16, I finally semi gave-in and watched over his shoulder as he checked his stats. David Henman played for the Madrid Thunder at the time. As ludicrous as it was to have a hockey team in Madrid, I couldn't help but be drawn to it. As he checked his stats, I noticed he was first in assists - in prime position to win the Mikita Trophy (I think the name's been changed to Beketov Trophy now - top assists). His player was destroying. All the while, David continuing to try to talk up the league.
And so it was in the summer of... I don't actually remember, but probably 5 years ago, I created my first real-fake player. Phil Gerrard, under the username of ssdd911 - Same Shit Different Day, a motto I've been using since reading Stephen King's DreamCatcher.
I still had to be forced to write my first article. I actually have video evidence of it somewhere! It was shaping up to be another failed attempt to recruit me until I read a post from CoachReilly telling me he wanted to claim me for the Saskatoon Wild.
The rest is history - a history I look back at fondly. I got a PM from Sandro (I believe) claiming that I was Anderson and should just stop. I was so confused but when David read it he started laughing hard and explained.
Brooks, that awesome motherfucker, introduced me to The Wonder Years, and in particular, the album The Upsides. since then, whenever one of those songs come on, I think of Brooks, coachreilly, and the VHL in that summer.
I really quickly got into the league and begged the head grader **coughcoughDavidcoughcough** to let me have a job as just a podcast grader, as I religiously listened to all of them and they never seemed to get graded. He allowed it and off I went. (Back then, you had to grade 6 podcasts to get 1TPE and 10 MS's for 1TPE so stfu current graders)
I was hired as a full-on grader soon after and had various jobs as the HoF updater, European Conference Updater, the best World Cup Commissioner ever for 3 World Cups, a member of the BoG,VHL TPE Index Updater etc.
My biggest achievement would be the hundreds (no exaggeration) of hours I spent compiling the massive Single Season Records that I happily see people check often. Totally worth it. Along with the All-time World Cup Stats.
Also, among my favourite fan590s (and I have a few) would be my song adaptations, which for the lulz I will post below at the end of the article. Jardy, Ree_21, Q-Tip, and StevenStamkos81/Olympus
It's ridiculous how times have changed. I got sucked into the league from a variety of amazing members, and like Sterling mentioned in his article (which I noticed this has just turned into a less-cool variation of it) it's what sets this league apart - the community.
Shout-out to my oldest member friends: gregreg, Kendrick, Sterling, Quik, Brooks, Sandro, kyle, bushito, CoachReilly, Svec, Edgar, James, Hybrid, Arce/Islander4life, Clarence/muffins, Noah, Zero, STLZach.
Those I haven't mentioned, like Victor, tfong, Jason.. jesus the list would go on forever, it would be because I was never a teammate during my initial time or didn't talk with y'all much before that.But I must add a thanks to Jason for introducing me to this version of this song!
Celebrating my memories here I am going to change my username. It's always been ssdd911 but everyone knows me as Phil anyway so without further ado, I have changed it.
At the end of the day, it is now I that get the weird looks from my friends when I'm still on here "wasting" my time. You know what though? I wouldn't have it any other way.
PS.
And what the fuck... I went through that whole spot without mentioned NAGGER!!! My Toronto buddy. The guy I had plans with to meet downtown one day and they fell through. The guy who did a 4 hour podcast with me... AS A FAN590 just for the shits and gigs (actually the title of one of sterling's most famous podcasts)
In all honesty, there will be many of you I haven't mentioned but probably wanted to. Streetlight, SHYFT, Nagger, Devon, Spangle, Lobo, irishbucsfan, The Funk brothers, Advantage, Tyler, Squinty, McKullen, SILKY!! Nick Barr, Megster, Anderson of the past... and I could add in almost every active member on the board today.. but that's the beauty of this league and why I can't leave this place.
If anyone is ever in Toronto, hit me up. I would love to go for a pint with you. I also went so far as to go to Tobermory, ON where Penisfan lives and go to his place of work to try to find him, but alas it was his day off.
Shit, Scotty would probably be mad if I gave Nick Barr and mention and not him... so hi scotty.
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Like a J6 - Original Link
In honour of Jardy’s great Rookie season thus far and, perhaps more importantly, in attempts to get this fucking song out of my head, I have re-worded Far East Movement’s hit single “Like a G6” to describe the successful year Jardy has been having and his impact on other players in the VHL. If you play it with the song... it almost works. Thoughts? (other than this is totally fucked up)
JB steps out on the ice, Like a blizzard,
When he shoots he do it right, Goalies scizzard,
Slippin’ passes to the right, Like Sakic
Now he feelin’ so fly, Like a J6.....
Like a J6, like a J6
Now he feelin’ so fly, like a J6. (x2)
Gimme that fuck -fuckin puck,
Gimme that open slot - slot
Ladies love me hot, post-game show gettin’ wild
Get dem passes flowin’, Stromwall gets it to drop.
54 assists and you know it ain’t gonna stop.
HELL YEAA,
90 points, drink - drink it up,
When playas fags around me, they be shittin’ in their pants
They be shittin’ in their pants, shittin’, shittin’ in their pants
When playas fags around me, they be shittin’ in their pants
JB stepps out on the ice, Like a blizzard,
When he shoots he do it right, Goalies scizzard,
Slippin’ passes to the right, Like Sakic
Now he feelin’ so fly, Like a J6.....
Like a J6, like a J6
Now he feelin’ so fly, like a J6.
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The Legion Left Undone - Original Link
So after by bashing of the Toronto Legion in last week's fan590 Article I decided I would attempt to make it up to them with another parody of a song. It's not as good as my Like a J6 dedicated to Jardy, but the song I picked is so much better.
I dedicate this one to STLZACH for his awesome taste in Rise Against. I beg of you to read it along with the song
In ice rinks where good angels sleep,
I found a goalie on hot streak,
Bending there, crouched like a lion.
I tried to deke around his den
I pulled the puck like on a string
Finding there was no way in
And I know....
So I tell myself, tell myself it’s wrong
There’s a point we can’t pass - it’s called Aidan Shaw
I felt the cold ice from the coming storm
All because of you, I haven’t slept in so long
When I do I dream, of losing to the Legion
Longing for the Shaw, to finally let the puck in
I’ll follow your play; all you have to do is shout it out...
Inside my head Bencharski gets
His tough play gets my pants so wet,
Am I his seventy-third hit
I Push through Walcott like a jerk
Shakur returns me to the dirt
Frozen, cold, I skate away now
And I know...
Not a day goes by that I don’t feel that hurt
There’s a point we can’t pass - it’s called Aidan Shaw
I see the blue shirts of the coming storm
:pimp:All because of you, I haven’t slept in so long
When I do I dream, of losing to the Legion
Longing for the Shaw, to finally let the puck in
I’ll follow your play, all you have to do is shout it out...
All because of you...
All because of you...
All because of you, I haven’t slept in so long
When I do I dream, of losing to the Legion
Longing for the Shaw, to finally let the puck in,
..Or Spelman to stop scoring.
All because of you, I believe in legions,
Not the kind with wings, no not the kind with machine guns,
The kind that wins at home, when home becomes a strange place
I’ll follow your play; all you have to do is shout it out
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MGMT/NONU - Original Link
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The Wrangler's Song/ Until the End - Original Link
Dedicated to Percy Jackson – I miss you man
So horrid - distorted,
They’re done - it’s been reported
Alone they skate the wrong way
(there they’ll stay)
It’s over, why sober?
They pluck the dead last clover
They play to lose another game
...until luck brings them fame.
Why give up? Why give in?
It’s not enough. It never is.
So they will go on until the end.
They’ve become second worst
It’s not they suck, it just a curse,
So they will go on until the ENNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDD!
Zanetti’s, a fogy,
Chouinard’s a bust and bogie
Ahmed is still just a wee kid
(Soooo he hid)
From Jardy, and Grienke
Those two are way too kinky!
He knew his life would come to end,
If Roman yelled “BITCH BEND!”
Why give up? Why give in?
It’s not enough. It never is.
So they will go on until the end.
They’ve become, desperate.
It’s not enough. It never is.
So they will go on until the end.
They’ve lost their way.
They’re lost their way
But they will go on until the end.
Winning is, hard enough, without Matt fuck-ing UPPPPPPPPP
Why give up? Why give in?
It’s not enough. It never is.
So they will go on until the end.
They’ve become, desperate.
It’s not enough. Says Cederland
And who the fuck is K. Robertson?
They’ve lost their way.
They’re lost their way
But they will go on until the end.
The final fight Steen wins
The final fight Steen wins
The final fight Steen wins
But they will go on until the end.
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