The Gossip Column
This week's edition of the Gossip Column shows some outrageous (and honest-to-goodness truths) events that some of the VHL's premier players have been engaged in. It is a roller coaster of a ride, so sit back, buckle up, and for god's sake do not urinate off the edge.
Norse Mythology is Only Mythology, right?
New York American franchise player Odin Tordahl may be in a sticky position in the near future. Sources have reported that the right winger may have been trying to re-enact a Norse story. The Norse God, Odin, "master of ecstasy" is known for having one eye. Legend goes that he sacrificed his eye for wisdom. This is all you need to know. You can probably put the rest of the pieces together. He was reportedly seen buying some drugs in Brooklyn with plans of ingesting them renally (up the whoo-ha) and then going to sacrifice his eye in the name of hockey. Authorities are investigating the matter as you read this and although nothing has been determined, Tordahl refuses to refute any of these allegations.
Podcast Host AwfulHomesick Facing A Dry Spell
The once-upon-a-time famous and popular podcast was reveled for its amusing content, informative analysis and well spoken host. However, ratings have been dropping faster than the skinny kids pants in the lunch room. The host has resorted to begging people for material to discuss. Pleading for questions so that he can have enough to talk about to fill his show. Many will come to the conclusion (as proven by the drop in ratings) that if you don't know what to talk about, you probably shouldn't have a talk show.
VHL Commissioner Under Fire
As always, one of the Commissioners of the VHL is in a spot of bother, particularly from the Swedish fans and the VHL faithful. In a press conference he said that If Vasteras do not win the Cup this season, that they should relocate. Not only does it show the lack of care for fans and community but decidedly showcases his abuse of power. The short man, Victor, towered up on the podium, like a 4'10" tree, and announced this to a reaction of boos and hisses. Many fans have sent him death or rapes threats. Like a midget at a urinal, he'll have to stay on his toes.
Big News in the VHLm
No one gives a shit.
The Valiq Trade Scandal
At the trade deadline, Quebec sent one of their stars, Tom Valiq to Seattle for a S41 2nd. However, what was not reported was that Valiq was also offered something he shouldn't have been. Sources indicate that he was bribed to agree to go with the promise of Hookers trained in the art of choke and stroke. Valiq was seen on his first night in Seattle, being introduced by his agent to a known local prostitute. However, can one really blame him? Why else would one ever want to go to Seattle.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yBu_4XdxVY
VHL Legend Returns with a New Player
Nibbz, the infamous agent who brought one of the first stars to the VHL - Petr Shirokov. His new client, Matt Cornell will be entering the VHL entry draft next season. Nibbz was very happy to be back in the community but is having a hard time adjusting to all the changes that have been put in place in the last 30 seasons. Like a blind man at an orgy party, he's going to have to feel his way around.
Tune in next week for the latest juicy gossip (which again I will once more reiterate is all completely factual)
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