Phil

Starting to use my body I see

On the plus side, I'M STILL THE WORST SHOOTER EVER.

JANU-CLUTCH FTW!

On the plus side, I'M THE WORST SHOOTER EVER

L - Is for the way you look at me O - is for the only one I see V - is very, very extra-ordinary E - is even more than anyone that you've adored

WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH,,, WOAH.. WOAH... lois this is not my batman cup

gg!

TRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUE I'll join in on the celebratory festivities.

lol oops... i wasnt signed in... me want!!!!!!!!!!!

oooooo dat 2nd period, PP hatty

So.,,, I must express my excitement as well. And going back to Hot Dragon Lady not doing anymore nudes scenes : She requested it because she didn't want people to watch her for her body along, as she's not in the porn industry and wants to be taken seriously. Honestly, she's smoking with clothes on so not that much harm done.

Phil Villeneuve's Scouting Report With about half of the thirty-sixth season gone, it is that time again where we hockey scouts look towards the next batch of all-stars and perform in-depth scouting reports to give to head coaches in the VHL. This gives the coaches the information they need to set rosters, make call ups, or negotiate contracts. Over the course of this season, I have been looking at one specific player in order to give GM Mike Szatkowski of Riga a better assessment of Phil Villeneuve’s skill set. The highly confidential information has been released below to bring you some scandal and mayhem in your probably otherwise mundane existence (I will overlook the fact that they will undoubtedly fire me for releasing this information – not to mention that Mike will probably come after me with a crowbar that he just removed from the fire for giving away his future player’s secrets to his game). Name: Phil Villeneuve Position: Defenseman Jersey #: 51 Height: 6’4” Weight: 230lbs Birthplace: England Age: 18 Villeneuve is English. I would delve into the topic of why this needed to be stated and why it is odd to see the English playing hockey, but since the VHL is an international league and have had some great English players over the course of its history, I think I will leave it almost untouched. Villeneuve is a big boy. At 18 years of age, he is already a whopping 6’4” and is liable to grow more. Weighing in at 230lbs, this mammoth’s long reach, huge presence, and ice coverage will be and already is a problem for the forwards on the opposing team. Villeneuve makes use of his reach and has a very good capability of always having an active stick on the ice. From watching him in the last 5 games, I don’t think I ever saw his stick stay still. He is always cutting off the passes or closing down angles which make it much easier for his goaltender behind him. Look for Villeneuve to be a value on the penalty kill and great at breaking up odd-man rushes and counter-attacks. Villeneuve is a physical player. He uses his size effectively. He throws heavy hits in almost every part of the ice. He can slowly guide an opposing forward into the boards simply because the forward has nowhere else to go and the play will end with a thunderous hit against the boards. Of course, there’s always a trade-off with physicality – you’re more likely to get ‘dinged’ for some penalties. Expect Villeneuve to be excellent at breaking up cycles in the defensive zone, dispossessing opposition but he will take a number of penalties due to the nature of his game. Villeneuve has soft hands. We may be looking at calling him the Gentle Giant based on the fact that for a big man, he has incredibly soft hands. He has shown that he can move the puck very well and, when the situation calls for it, will put him in a great situation to shoot the puck and get it off quickly and accurately. Although he knows his role and you will not see him try to dangle through the team very often, the capability is there. He has a cannon of a shot but also a very effective snap shot. My recommendation is to get him to shoot when he can. The one thing that Villeneuve will really need to hone in on and improve is his passing. He has the ability to become a great mover of the puck but sometimes it seems like he drops his focus and throws the puck up the ice right to the visitors. He seems to be stuck between 2 worlds – the big-hitting, stay-at-home defenseman, and the forward-moving, finesse driven, attacking defenseman. You will need to work with him and let him know what role he is expected to play and lay it out for him. This will lead to less giveaways and hesitations in his game. Here are his stats from Bratislava this season: Games: 22 Goals: 7 Assists: 13 Points: 20 +/-: +4 PIM: 23 Hits: 47 SB: 15 PPP: 9 Hopefully, this is what you were looking for when you drafted him, Mike. I’ve been scouting for 25 years and I must say that you were really fortunate to nab this guy at 8th overall. If you need any other pieces of information, just let me know.

It was quite unexpected that when Villeneuve's player agent, Phil Knight, told the media a few weeks back that he'll be making more appearances this season, that he would actually follow through with it. However, three weeks later and approaching the first third of the season, he has been present and motivating Villeneuve to actually practice. And believe me, he needs it - he fucking sucks. The undefeated Watchmen are killing it. Villeneuve is on the top line defense and does - to be polite - shit all. He has (apparently) 4 goals and 4 assists in 14 games but I've checked every game thread and I've only seen him get one - so I don't know what that's about. Regardless, the Watchmen have 70 goals in 14 games and Villeneuve has only contributed 8 times. This wouldn't even be a bad thing, if he did the defensive stuff. but he doesn't. He is tied for a team-low of +1 - way off the leader who's +35. He has a moderate 29 hits and 10 shots blocked. In short - because he sucks he should be demoted to the second line and replaced by David Janujza or however you spell it. Wow I could have probably converted this into a crappy MS but that sounds like too much work and that frightens me.

Me for 4

YA!! FIRST GOAL / POINT!

This was the hottest video of the 90s. Expect for maybe T a T u booKP974B0k

So I am back - kinda. For how long, you ask? Of course you don't ask - you couldn't give a dog fart. But regardless I sit here writing a Point Task for the first time in a few weeks. The only person that should really be happy about this is Mike. So Mike, this one's for you. Thank you for drafting me and having the faith that I would be a useful edition to your team. 8th overall is not too shabby and honestly, those who didn't pick me are assholes or incompetent - or Alfie. VIlleneuve will not be a superstar by any stretch of the imagination but he will have over 500TPE. Of course, 500TPE was superstar status back in the day. But softies made it easier to get TPE. However, I'm not complaining because I can pretty much do shit-all and get a fantastic player build in. So here's to VIlleneuve and his lazy-ass agent. Here's to Mike and Riga's Organization. Here's to svec because I miss him. And here's to being a pretend active member on the VHL! Also, here's to Jamie because awesome.

Alexander Lascrub

wooot!

woo bigger win!

woo big win!

Happy New Year from the Older, worse Knight

PV - 4TPE

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