Jardy's Hecking Podcast, S2 Episode 1: My Neighbour Horcrorro

[JardyB10 4,869]

*LISTENER DISCRETION ADVISED*

 

We've got suicide chat, abuse chat, spoilers for the film The Invitation. Truly advise your discretion!

 

https://anchor.fm/jardy-b/episodes/Jardys-Hecking-Podcast--S2-Episode-1-My-Neighbour-Horcrorro-e1cu33d

 

Intro + Outro: Grant ft. Jessi Mason - Are We Still Young

 

Today I primarily talk about what @fishy wanted to listen to: The Ericander Kacrux saga!

 

It's not that good because I have COVID and I ramble a lot. In hindsight this would have been a better subject with a guest.

 

One thing I very much meant to mention but didn't, is that I regret nothing. I thought Horcrux was someone who needed help and needed a friend, and I provided that. In the end I had egg all over my face, but I'd rather getting an eggy face than not provide friendship for someone who ultimately could actually use it. Which is maybe what it was anyway.

 

Mentions:

@fishy @samx @Doomsday @N0HBDY @Shindigs @bigAL @Spartan @Moon

 

Brief Passing Mentions:

@WranglersSuck @thadthrasher

Edited January 13, 2022 by JardyB10
Song Source

[Spartan 4,531]

4 minutes ago, JardyB10 said:

I thought Horcrux was someone who needed help and needed a friend, and I provided that. In the end I had egg all over my face, but I'd rather getting an eggy face than not provide friendship for someone who ultimately could actually use it.

Before I listen, I just wanted to say that to a degree, I think Kachur did need a friend even if it was behind the eyes of Horcrux. I'd like to think that you helped somewhat, because even "Horcrux" mentioned to me that you helped her out a lot. So maybe someone who needed significant help got a little bit from you, even if you may not have gotten a good resolution from it. I'd say it's worth it in a way.

[N0HBDY 1,131]

It won’t let me quote that last paragraph but you know what I’m trying to respond to now, going to listen but before I do I’m just going to say even though you got absolutely jebaited at the end of the day a person can look at you as I am now and say that you showed your true character and that you are truly a nice person and not deceiving us.

 

[fishy 1,757]

Quote

last visited thursday? sir, it's tuesday. get your shit together

golden.

 

I also wanted to refer to Horcrux as she/her even though I knew it was Kachur. can't stop me.

 

l o l  horcrux cared more about being misgendered than i do

 

Quote

I'm not a mental health expert or anything like that. I don't know what people suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts need. I don't know what they want or if I can even help. All I know is if someone's in trouble, clearly crying for help, I'm going to offer them help.

I think this says a lot about you, and don't undermine my statement

(p.s. i slowed the podcast down to 1x and your voice is much lower than I thought it was. also you talk slower than i thought)

 

lol @ the spartan part. the horcrux v spartan feud was hilarious from my viewpoint. she messaged me, unprompted, not even after an argument between the two of them, telling me that she was trying to get spartan banned. all i could do was laugh

 

fuck you. you know what for.

 

how ironic that she was on that website. sometimes people tell on themselves and you don't even know that they're doing it.

 

-------

 

i've laughed a lot about the fact that we got played like fiddles. i was asking mod team jokingly if we could ban horcrux after various situations where she was causing problems. i was close enough to the situation that i saw what she was doing in public spaces, dealt with the situations, and gained her trust (at least for a time, she probably added me to her shit list near the end where i stopped giving her the benefit of the doubt). the whole thing feels so maniacal that all i knew how to do was laugh. how else do you react to a spectacle like the horcrux personality?

 

since then, though, i've had some time to step back and really think about the impact that the character had and on how many people they impacted. I'm a naturally giving person, with time, information, energy, etc., and i got really lucky to have not been sucked in. when she first joined, she was messaging me non-stop, and we developed a relationship about the fact that we were both queer. that was cool for me even though her energy was, like, a lot, in a way that i didn't really vibe with. we established that initial connection so easily, and, like so many other people, i got the same stories of a deeply traumatic past and a view of someone who very clearly was unwell. i think, just because of my own past and experiences with people like the person we thought horcrux was, i got lucky that my little red flags flew up and started vigorously waving–not from a mod sense in that this person wasn't who they said they were, but a self-protective series of flags that told me to get the fuck out.

 

i don't want to say that i'm an empath because everyone i know who claims to be an empath is next-generation satan. i will say, though, that it hurts to know that people were suckered into this person's shtick. it's so easy to pull people–especially good-hearted people–into a facade to bait emotional sympathy and energy. i really hate knowing that a wide range of folks that i know to be really great humans were manipulated & taken advantage of by this person.

 

it also sucks, jardy, to hear you regret so much of the time and energy that you gave this person. you said multiple times that you felt like a dummy, like you got played, but i don't think it's fair for you to hold that against yourself. we as humans shouldn't expect ourselves or anyone else to constantly have protective shields up. I think it's an admirable quality to feel confident and comfortable enough to navigate life without being on high-alert all the time. it says that you're not cynical or closed off. i understand that you feel responsible for "falling for it" or "not being watchful or perceptive enough" or "not seeing the signs," but it's really not fair to you for you to hold yourself responsible for other people's actions. horcrux did you wrong, and regardless of who that person actually is, their actions can't be undone. they did what they did, and for what reason, we'll never know.

 

i want to have sympathy for horcrux/kachur. i think i said this on the podcast i did with sam–i hope they get the help they need, because i really do think that there's something, even if not what they told everyone, that this person needs to think about and work through. a happy and healthy person doesn't do the thing that horcrux did, creating a persona and extracting information and energy and time from people. at the end of the day, you did what you thought was right, and i commend you for that. i hope that they understood the value of the friendship you gave them.

Edited January 14, 2022 by fishy
i always edit long posts

[N0HBDY 1,131]

@JardyB10you are now my official dj, there is no denying this job 

[Gustav 6,469]

One of the things I appreciate about this is that you can start a serious discussion with "hey there all you dipshits" and it's not at all out of place.

 

I didn't gather much about your talks with Horcrux/Kachur/whoever from the outside, other than that you talked a lot. My own interactions were quite similar to what @fishy described--talked a lot initially, I started to get some red flags eventually, but I never suspected what the reason was for that.

 

I'll also agree with the others above that I think you may have made a positive difference in someone's life, regardless of who it was you were really talking to, by reaching out and doing what you could to help someone who needed it. Something that this league neglects sometimes is that caring about mental health doesn't necessarily mean you know what you're talking about, and in some cases, this can be super (unintentionally) harmful...but even though you admit that you're not qualified to deal with these things yourself, I think you did it quite well.

[Shindigs 1,771]

@JardyB10First of all how dare you reveal my true identity?! Also I'm one year older than you. So not a young man, at least not by VHL standards.

 

Now with that out of the way. Let's get to the actual post.

 

Your experiences basically mirror mine, down to the point of feeling guilted into sharing. So that seems like a pattern with them. Probably what they were after. And I agree there were red flags all over. But just like you I saw those as a broken person lashing out and needing help. I'm nowhere near cynical enough to ever think they were anything else in the moment. But hindsight, yeah that's another story. Just manipulation like crazy.

 

I've also wondered what parts were real. Who Kachur was in those stories, I mean what if Kachur was the brother? But even knowing all I know I still don't want to talk about it, really. That's what gets to me. Even though it was a damn made up character I talked to, I still don't want to break the trust of what was said in private (I have commented on things that had already been leaked though). Sure I had to share screenshots with mods as part of the case evidence, but even then it was the bare minimum. Like how can I feel obligated to keep the secrets of a fake person? That just blows my mind. But I can't help but feel that way.

 

Even worse than that. I legitimately missed Erika, not Horcrux on the forums. But Erika in DMs was a different person (no shit lol). And as broken as they were we still connected in a way. Especially the way they left was just so sudden and weird, and really all signs pointed towards something really bad having happened. Then the ban thread just drops out of nowhere.

 

I'm all about loyalty and trust, and when someone does what Kachur did. They are done. Add in my past experiences I have with people who manipulate to that degree and I just have to try to not feel anything about them as a safety mechanism.

[JardyB10 4,869]

Claiming Week 2/2 (Week ending January 23, 2022)