The European Butt

[fonziGG 1,065]

 

Well, I don't have the time to be a shit-house currently. As I'm going to mention later in the article, I have been absolutely swamped. So, I mean, I'm eating decently. You know what? I found a new muscle under my knee this morning. I am fucking jacked as F U C K right now because of all the gains. Marcus was making a mean meal this morning and I just walked up to him, pressed my butt on his butt and let her rip. Poor bastard went flying into the living room. I had to literally check his pulse. I think he stopped breathing for about 15 minutes but it seems he was okay. He retaliated when I was leaning on the island. I ended up flying out of the balcony. But you see, I have a special innate power that Marcus doesn't have. I have the power of P R O T E I N F A R T S. I literally levitated letting it rip. Soft landing and that you know? Well, do you? I don't know what all of your fitness goals look like or your current physiques so I'll leave that up to interpretation.

 

A lot of shit has happened and I don't mean it came out of my butt. Do you know how much nervousness and excitement I had for the draft? Not a lot to be honest. I heard a lot of the other draftees were taking drugs and getting WICKED rocked at the club. I can't fault them for being nervous wrecks. I was a nervous wreck during the VHLM draft. I thought I'd be going undrafted. alright, I guess I should be getting somewhat serious now huh? Alright then.

 

The draft took place last night and I ended up being selected in the third round at pick 22. I knew I wasn't going to be as valued walking into the VHLE draft, but that's okay. We just needed to know where I was being placed in Europe. The gang and I are already here in Sweden. We had to interview with every single team in the VHLE so it was easy and quick to get there within twenty-four hours. Let me tell ya about my interviews.

 

My first VHLE interview was with the team Bratislava Watchmen with the GM John Frostbeard (@FrostBeard). He asked me if I was willing to go to Bratislava if I was to be selected by them. The funny thing about this question is, it was universal. Every single GM asked me this question. Want to know my answer? I told them all no. Would be fun as hell to see the madness that insued. Okay seriously though, I did tell him I would be willing to go to Bratislava IF and IF the food was tasty. I was told to try Goulash (? did I spell this right?). I hated it, so secretly, I sort of didn't want to go to Bratislava for only that reason. John Frostbeard is a well known GM in the VHL community. So I had no doubt in my mind that he would help me with my development, so truly it had nothing to do with him or the team. Just the city and food to be completely honest.

 

My second VHLE interview was with the Rome Gladiators with GM Zack Gagnon (@InstantRockstar ). Now the thing is, I love Rome as a city. Except, I also hate the city as well. I'm a big football/soccer follower and I don't like Lazio or Roma as teams. So, I instantly knew I wasn't going to come to Rome. I have a good relationship with  GM Zack and I know that he can help further me develop extremely well. He's a great GM and I have no doubt in his ability. Rome also has a an incredible roster so I wouldn't even know how or where I would be able to get into that team. Between Aky, Remy, Jugs, and X Man, I just don't see how I get into this team and truly make an impact going forward. I mean, the food though? The weather? The gains potential per game is huge and XPI (expected protein intake) is incredibly large. I mean, have you had real ITALIAN pizza? I have. Shit is undercooked but delicious as hell. I'd eat that every day if I lived there.

 

I think I'll let you just know about these two GM interviews ONLY because uh, well, I'm incredibly lazy and tired this week. I mean, you decide. Let me know in the comments below if you want me to write a full article on the interview process. I think next week, I will talk about my interview process with the Red Wolves and the Vikings. Adjusting to EU timing, training, draft interviews and being apart of the draft combine has been a lot. It's not like my life slows down now that I got drafted. We're currently in Stockholm, looking for a place that could handle all 4 of us bums and it being near to the training facility (usually because we get a bus to the stadium on home game-days). The city was incredibly nice. The training facilities are also top notch here in Stockholm. GM @thadthrasherand AGM @Kisslingerhave both assured me that Stockholm is historically a place where butts are quite good so they mentioned that I will be the strongest Butt in the country. Maybe even the world.

 

I just want to spend a few minutes talking about my time in Philadelphia and all of my fans there. Thank you for tuning in every single game. Thank you for the cheeseburgers. Thank you for just being so loyal to all of us. With GM @Alex leaving to be the Davos GM, I also want to congratulate him formally. The Reapers were a strong part of my career. You all are incredible and I will never forget my time there. I'll be keeping an eye on the new GM and the team and they will always remain in my heart.

 

(For those new people who don't know who I am, I am Seymour Butts. Now don't knock me a point in your reviews)

Edited January 21, 2022 by fonziGG

[Daniel Janser 1,983]

I liked the EuroTrip reference.

[fonziGG 1,065]

11 minutes ago, Daniel Janser said:

I liked the EuroTrip reference.

Protein farts didn't do it for ya?

[Daniel Janser 1,983]

9 minutes ago, Squidward2 said:

Protein farts didn't do it for ya?

nope prefer beer farts, sorry mate

[fonziGG 1,065]

3 minutes ago, Daniel Janser said:

nope prefer beer farts, sorry mate

Muscle Milk > Corona 1v1 me bro

[KaleebtheMighty 1,426]

2 hours ago, fonziGG said:

I will talk about my interview process with the Red Wings and the Vikings.

 

Did we just undergo a quick name change?

 

[fonziGG 1,065]

2 hours ago, KaleebtheMighty said:

 

Did we just undergo a quick name change?

 

I was a bit too drunk off all the muscle milk. My bad!

[thadthrasher 1,692]

I can already hear the chants ringing out in Stockholm, "We want Butts!"

 

[Shindigs 1,771]

16 hours ago, fonziGG said:

We're currently in Stockholm, looking for a place that could handle all 4 of us bums and it being near to the training facility

Knowing Stockholm, you will end up sharing a second-hand studio apartment and paying your entire E salary in rent.

 

16 hours ago, fonziGG said:

Stockholm is historically a place where butts are quite good

You're not wrong. It's not only the Capitol of Sweden. But also referred to as Stockholm BC (Butt Capitol). I'm surprised you knew about that so soon!

 

16 hours ago, fonziGG said:

I heard a lot of the other draftees were taking drugs and getting WICKED rocked at the club.

A certain Board Game may have done something like that, according to sources. We at #TeamClue HQ would like to say that all those rumors are baseless. The journalists spreading those rumors are just jealous cause they don't have unlimited access to Clue Thirst™ when they hit the club.

[fonziGG 1,065]

9 hours ago, Shindigs said:

Knowing Stockholm, you will end up sharing a second-hand studio apartment and paying your entire E salary in rent.

Ah so Marcus and I can literally involve the rest of them with our fart contests.

 

9 hours ago, Shindigs said:

You're not wrong. It's not only the Capitol of Sweden. But also referred to as Stockholm BC (Butt Capitol). I'm surprised you knew about that so soon!

It was actually written on my Birth Certificate that I was born in Stockholm so that’s how I know that one. My mother is Swedish and my father is ASSgardian. So really my butt is out of this world.

[Shindigs 1,771]

4 minutes ago, fonziGG said:

Ah so Marcus and I can literally involve the rest of them with our fart contests.

Oh you will probably involve your neighbors too. It will be that cramped.

 

5 minutes ago, fonziGG said:

It was actually written on my Birth Certificate that I was born in Stockholm so that’s how I know that one. My mother is Swedish and my father is ASSgardian. So really my butt is out of this world.

Hymns of its thiccness will echo off the walls in Butthalla!

[fonziGG 1,065]

Claiming for 2nd week.