A Gustav 30 in 30, #15: Weewoo

[Gustav 6,322]

 

Dare to be horny in genchat? This GIF and many others probably haunted your dreams.

 

 

I had a license, too. Things were serious.

 

 

Lots of running jokes bounced their way around the VHL's league server during COVID times. @Beaviss couldn't get enough of Henry Cavill's body. @Baozi openly drooled over every single female Kpop icon (is that even the right terminology? You know what I mean at least). @Quik and @Josh both roleplayed as furries after a holiday auction gone sexual. In other words, some people were out having a heck of a time with their own fantasies, and this was something that had infiltrated even the highest reaches of VHL authority.

 

Now, it's not like mods and admins throwing around things that would get someone fired at a real-life job went unnoticed. For the most part, this was just funny. I don't remember anyone in the server expressing any actual issue with anything of the sort. The most that happened in response was that when Beav or Fong started hornyposting, they would just be made fun of a lot. I think that was pretty fair, and also pretty funny because they took it well. One way or another, eventually @gorlab posted the following image, which I found hilarious:

 

 

 

This was actually my first-ever exposure to a then-emerging set of memes, the most famous of which was the "go to horny jail" dog picture that you may have seen at some point. And yes, the first time I ever saw anything like it was on our league's server. 

 

I genuinely do not remember how I got to this point, but I eventually ended up changing my nickname in league chat to "Horny Police" and yelling at anyone who said anything even mildly suggestive. All I ever intended it to be was funny, but looking back on it, I think I was also kind of awkward when people made weird jokes or talked about which actors they liked and all that. I wouldn't say I was uncomfortable being around, but I think I was a little more comfortable with making it funny by taking a mock extreme stance against any and all horny that dared to enter my server.

 

 

I was fast. I was fearless. I was ferocious. Those were the only "f's" I'd tolerate in our community. And no, I had nothing better to do with my time.

 

 

As you can see, most of the league was in on the joke eventually. It was perfectly normal for me to open up Discord to a few pings from people calling for my services. I'd FBI-raid people. I'd chase them down the highway. I'd give them menacing cop glares. I'd twirl around a bike or set a dog loose or call in for backup or drift my car around a corner in hot pursuit. I'd even tackle fleeing suspects into the pavement. Anything that could be captured in a GIF that I found funny in the moment, I'd use as a response. Sometimes this was hours after the fact when I came home from work; sometimes I would pop open the server and happen to catch something that had just gone down a minute earlier. The latter happened enough times that I became known for almost being summoned by suspicious activity. 

 

For large portions of my time as Horny Police, I didn't work alone. I believe that @Matt_O was the first member to take on the role (and the nickname) of Deputy of Horny Police, prompting my final (and probably most familiar) nickname selection--Chief of Horny Police. Matt eventually disappeared, and in came @N0HBDY eventually. I think @a_Ferk also worked for the Horny Police at some point. In a weird way, I felt really cool in the same way I did when I was a VHLM GM--members who I think really looked up to me at the time were getting a shot to do things that I really liked doing with them. But overall, it was nothing if not fun. I'm sure some people liked pushing buttons and seeing what crazy things they could get me to say, and I'm sure some people found it super repetitive. But I've seen worse in genchat--we never bullied anyone or called anyone out on a personal level, and there were a few cases where we'd police-GIF comments and take over conversations that probably could have benefited from moderation action that the mods weren't around to give.

 

I was Chief of Horny Police for over a year straight, and it might have been approaching two years at the end--I'm not completely sure. The use of the name and the accompanying enforcement waned a bit over time as people stopped abusing the office of Horny Police to be part of the joke of the day and as I got busier in real life. Try to tell me, though, that you can stick closely to a Discord gag as much and as long as I did. I think you'd regret it if you tried, because that took lots and lots of time to pull off.

 

Eventually, in an article that's way down the line, I would be hired as VHLM Commissioner. This elevated my status from just BoG (fake important) to officially staff (sort of important). I was not necessarily told by the mod team but heavily suggested that I change my Discord name to better reflect my forum username, for both reasons of clarity and political correctness. I've been Greenstav in there ever since. Some people wanted to know why I'd retired, and I told them, and the same person who asked me to change my name insisted that no one ever did, but I digress.

 

Interestingly, the Horny Police still live on (despite the first word of the name no longer being allowable in a nickname in the league server):

 

 

The kids grow up so fast! I don't believe @N0HBDY enforces Horny Police policies with quite the intensity that I used to, but I suppose that maybe I was able to wipe all the horny off the streets already.

 

 

I got a few isolated comments here and there from people who did not find the Horny Police funny, and these started to make a bit more sense near the end of my time in that role. It was, after all, the same exact joke for 2-ish years. It also wasn't exactly "normal" conversation of the type that someone coming home from work or looking for a place to chill out may have hoped for. But I genuinely believe that I stayed on the funny side of the line in most cases, I generally knew when to shut up, and I have no regrets about--pretty objectively--being one of the defining features of our COVID-neurotic Discord server. I think being the Horny Police also taught me a thing or two about confidence--when you think about it, weird is weird up until the point where you believe in yourself enough that you no longer are weirded out by it yourself. It's something I've told myself in many situations in real life, and I wouldn't doubt it if my time as Chief gave me some good practice.

 

 

 

Read my other articles for the full Gustav experience:

 

#1: Lightning Glory Gonna Be My Name

#2: Can't We All Just Get Along?

#3: Who Needs Cybersecurity Anyway?

#4: The House That I Built

#5: Can We Fix It?

#6: American Beauty

#7: The Kids Are Alright

#8: Dogs In A Pile

#9: I Just Wanna Grill For God's Sake

#10: This Old House

#11: Go Directly to Jail

#12: If You Can Dodge a Color, You Can Dodge a Ball

#13: How I Messed Up Davos

#14: Ello Gov'nor

Edited June 4 by Gustav

[Victor 10,828]

That era was very virgin coded

[N0HBDY 1,108]

3 years of proud service

[N0HBDY 1,108]

The worst days are over, Covid times bringing in the freakiest people, specifically the one incident of furry role players in gen chat for some reason. Highlight of my career as a deputy at that point. Sadly the times of being on discord all day every day are over so I’ll admit I fail to enforce the f’s as well as you did

[Spartan 4,274]

Ignore the horny haters

[Gustav 6,322]

6 hours ago, Victor said:

That era was very virgin coded

 

AS IT DAMN WELL SHOULD HAVE BEEN

 

[Spartan 4,274]

 

Glad this meme popped up on reddit and reminded me of your post.