The Seattle Bears as Final Fantasy Tactics Classes

[HenrikZoiderberg 469]

The Seattle Bears as Final Fantasy Tactics Classes

 

 

Welcome back, boys and girls. This week we're going to answer the question that everyone's been asking - which Final Fantasy Tactics class (or Job) would each of the Seattle Bears be if they lived in the world of Ivalice? I know that a few of you keen VHL sports writers have tried to answer this very question in the past, but as you lack my shrewd hockey sense your answers were somewhat lacking, and needed a trained expert to provide a competent evaluation free of the biases that your own experiences provide. As such, let's begin.

 

Ninja - Joel Ylonen @Esso2264

 

 

The Bears' assists leader, Ylonen can move across the ice like crazy, weild a stick in each hand to make his plays, and *Hamedo* dodge out of a hit and deliver a counter-blow before it arrives. Joel skims along the edges of a game, and when the moment is right, pops in and makes his attack, then returns to his position out of danger before it has the chance to strike. 

 

Knight - Hulk Hogan @HulkHogan

 

 

The tank of the Bears, Hogan is equally good at taking punishment and dealing it out. Especially skilled in breaking his opponents' gear, Hogan is a threat no matter where he is on the ice, but he's best deployed on the front lines where he can cause damage and be a physical shield for his supporting cast(ers).

 

Dragoon - Dan Wilinsky @oilmandan

 

 

Another precision striker, Wilinsky lead The Bears in goals this season. Knowing exactly when to jump in on the play and press the attack, Dan's another strong front-line fighter. Also a weird affinity for belts, don't look too deep into his bedroom. He may take on the nickname JUMPMAN if he continues this level of play.

 

Chemist - Berocka Sundqvist @Berocka

 

Two rules man. Stay away from my fuckin' percocets, and do you have any fuckin' percocets?

 

Squire - Henrik Zoiderberg @HenrikZoiderberg

 

 

Maybe he's the future of the team, maybe he'll grow into a knight, a thief, or an onion knight, but Zoiderberg remains the young underdog of The Seattle Bears. Able to hold his own out on the ice, but always better when supported by those around him. He'll RUSH up the ice, FOCUS on the play, and leave the other goalies STONE cold. 

 

Calculator - Maxim Kovalchuk @Banackock

 

 

Attached to the mastermind behind The Bears, Kovalchuk runs the numbers, figures out the lines, and min/maxes until the cows come home to lead his team to victory. It takes a lot of study in each position to grow into the role of a calculator, and it's not a feat that everyone can achieve, but Maxim has more than one cup ring to prove that he's got what it takes to pull of this position with gusto.

 

Dancer - Rayz Funk @Rayzor_7

 

 

To the left
Take it back now y'all
One hop this time
Right foot let's stomp
Left foot let's stomp
Cha cha real smooth

 

504 Words

TPE for week ending December 29

[diamond_ace 3,112]

So you and Berocka are starter classes?

[diamond_ace 3,112]

Also, I see you listened to the old woman.