enigmatic

Yesterday was one of the most exciting moments in Hiroshi Okada's life. After being drafted by the Calgary Stampede, it was time for him to play his first game with his new team. After the ref threatened to have him removed from the game if he didn't stop wearing a cowboy hat instead of his hockey helmet, Hiroshi knew he was blacklisted. While he didn't take any penalty in this match, the ref did everything he could so Hiroshi wouldn't score like the scoring machine he is. It's the only logical explanation why he got no points because everybody agrees he's a prodigy. After the game, Okada kept his cool and refused to call out the referees: "They ale just doing theil jobs... they can't have one playel scole too many goals duling his filst game. It's bad fol business." How can someone his age be so humble even if he has every right to brag? Who knows. We can only be thankful the Stampede blessed us with this player, people of Calgary. This message was paid for by Hiroshi Osaka, who is totally not Hiroshi Okada.

1. On a scale of 1-10, how strict was your VHLM GM (Or VHL)? DMaximus was my GM and he was a pretty chill dude. I'll say 6 just so people don't underestimate his au-to-ri-tay. But really, he's probably a 2. 3. If you could time travel, when would you go? Probably in the future because the past was trash. You were as likely to die in war as you were from drinking water. People say things are getting worse but I disagree so I would like to see what happens in the future. 4. What personality trait has gotten you in the most trouble? People in general love Hiroshi Okada but some men find his confidence menacing. It's not his fault women love him and ignore other guys. 9. Would You Rather sleep wearing handcuffs or a bike helmet? I feel like I would have less of a chance of losing a limb if I slept with a bike helmet. If the bloodflow gets blocked while you sleep, shit's not funny. 10. Would You Rather be uncontrollably laughing for the rest of your life or uncontrollably crying? Uncontrollably laughing. Then I could justify becoming the clown prince of crime. 12. What are your movie theater popcorn habits? I throw them up and catch em with my mouth. I make sure to sit in the first row to make sure everybody witnesses my awesomeness.

Thanks for the lick golden labrador.

F - Mikko Aaltonen D - Smitty Werberjagermanjensen @Beketov

Feels good to be a goon.

You made my season in Philly super enjoyable. We were so close to making it to the playoffs and I'm sure you'll get there very soon

Thanks! That's definitely the goal

Hiroshi Okada was not pleased with his draft rank last night and was seen crying a little harder every time a player that wasn't him was selected. The cameraman and producers seemed particularly amused because they would cut to him after each pick and zoom on his face. Okada was finally selected 9th overall by the Calgary Wranglers but he wasn't even their first choice. The Wranglers preferred RJ Rubis to him at 5. Okada went on stage, eyes as red as his new team's jersey. "We love all our players equally", said Calgary GM Tyler Barabash Jr when asked to comment on his decisions on draft night. He did not convince anybody with this statement but Okada has proved in the past that draft rankings wouldn't stop him being a better player than projected so fans and experts in Calgary are all excited to see what he will bring to the Wranglers. Hiroshi Okada refused to speak to media following the draft, simply saying he was too tired... it was probably from all the crying but he'd never admit it.

Excited to play with you this season

1) The draft is this week. Are you excited? I'm so excited and I just can't hide it. 2) Describe the outfit you’ll be wearing to the draft. I will be attending the draft with my mother who will transport all my clothes, which will be colour-coded for every VHL franchise. She has been working out for the occasion. She's buff af. 3) If you could create a new franchise, where would you put them? How come? Somewhere in Asia (Japan obviously) to break with the League's tradition of only having teams in America and Europe. 4) Describe the first goal you ever scored. It had been a frustrating first season. No goals and like 2 assists. For my time in Philadelphia, I wanted people to remember me. So my first goal was spectacular. The goalie looked stupid. He had never seen hands faster than mine. He wept when he saw how well I skated. And, blinded by tears, he just couldn't make the save. That or I deflected someone's shot. Who knows anymore. 5) Check your pockets. Choose 1 item. Why is it in your pocket? How did it get there? Probably a chick's phone number. Women go craz... well, you know. 6) What is your favorite smell? Why? My own body odor.

Yes

Season 68 was one of great growth for the man who could become the best VHL player the league has ever seen. He went from being a VHLM roster filler to a true game changer in just a couple of months and now this absolute legend is turning his attention to the upcoming VHL draft. Various experts think he will be selected in the first round since he's "one of the top earners of his draft class", whatever that means. Okada bragged to anyone who would hear it that he was contacted by numerous teams already and although it's technically true, we found out that that number was actually 2 teams, both of which have very high picks. For this reason, we are doubtful Okada would land on any one of those because some prospects are way ahead of him in development and are sure values for general managers. Hiroshi Okada stated that he had no true preference on where he would go in the VHL draft. He obviously thinks very highly of himself so he thinks he deserves to go in the first round but as far as going to a rebuilding team or a contender, he said it didn't matter to him. A rebuilding team would give him more room to play and grow as a player and a contender would, obviously, give him a chance to win early in his career.

1) The VHL Finals are Malmo vs. Seattle. Who do you think is going to win? Why? I have looked in the future and predict a Seattle victory. 2) The VHLM Finals are Yukon vs. Houston. Who do you think is going to win? Why? The planets are not as well aligned for this series but I will give the edge to Houston. They seem to be able to generate a little more offense. 3) What non-hockey activities are you doing in the off-season to stay fit? I've been doing some street fighting to make money on the side. 4) What non-hockey activities are you doing in the off-season that are making you less fit? I've been doing some street fighting to make money on the side. It's not going well. 5) Did you form a romantic relationship with someone in Philadelphia? Will they be following you to your new team (or staying with you for another season in Philly)? Is that a good or bad thing? Girls all become crazy when they catch a glimpse of Hiroshi Okada. So he enjoys it while it lasts and will wait before he commits to a relationship. 6) The Reaper fans created a tradition where they send all players unique gifts at the end of the season. What was your favorite gift you received from the fans? A grandma knitted a life size Hiroshi Okada kind of plush. Most people find it terrifying but I loved it. Margaret and I are now great friends.

1) Philadelphia missed the playoffs by 1 point. Describe your feelings about this. Missing the playoffs sucks but missing them by 1 point is even worst. Our record wasn't that great so we only have ourselves to blame for it, though. 2) How do you feel about your personal performance this season? I did way better than I expected. I never built a player that would lead his team in anything so it's been awesome to follow. 3) Are you rooting for a specific team in the VHLM playoffs? What about the VHL? There are some people in the league I like and would be happy to see them win championships. I'm just too lazy to look up what team they play for. 4) Now with the off-season beginning, focus turns to next season. If you haven’t been drafted yet, is there a team you hope you’re drafted by? If you already have been drafted, what are your expectations for next season? I would like to go to a team with a fun locker room. That's one of the only reasons why I join sim leagues. I'm going into the draft with an open mind and would be glad to play with any team. 5) Do you plan on travelling anywhere this off-season? Where and why? Just go back to Japan so my people can worship me like the god I am. 6) You’re allowed to keep 1 item from the Reaper arena, The Crematorium, what are you taking? I will be taking the Soulcrusher, which is basically a blue lagoon maker.

Missing the playoffs is never fun but it's even worse when you miss them by 1 point. This is what happened to the Philadelphia Reapers who held on to the hope of making it until the very last minute. In the end, (it didn't even matter) the Mexico City Kings qualified and the Reapers were sent packing earlier than any of them hoped. Despite having one of the best offense in the league (4th in goals scored), Philly could never truly recover from the loss of their starting goaltender, who was called up to the VHL at the beginning of the season. Some games that would have given them the edge over Mexico City ended in overtime losses or in 1 point losses. On a more personal note, Hiroshi Okada also narrowly missed an important milestone this season, falling just short of a 100 points season. He started slow but he was able to find chemistry with his linemate Bud Knight quickly enough, to finish the year with 98 points. He would never admit it but despite the initial disappointment of not reaching the magical number, he never expected to produce so much so fast. He is now looking forward to the VHL draft and to show off his golf skills until then.

Thanks man! I always thought your graphics were awesome and I definitely looked at them when I was starting, to improve. I still love seeing what you can come up with.

1) The Reapers have a tough end to the schedule, playing multiple games against top ranked opponents with only a couple of easier games against cellar-dwelling teams. Can the team survive this gauntlet and make the playoffs? As long as we do better than the Kings we should be good. 2) Do you prepare differently for games against tough teams compared to games against easier teams? Of course. Tough teams deserve more attention. Against the others I just shoot and score. Can't help it. 3) G - Isak Sjostrom ( @Austin2997 ) earned his first shutout in a 6-0 win against Ottawa. How important was that for him and the team? I think it's encouraging for us to have a solid goalie in net. Ottawa isn't exactly doing good these days but not allowing goals against them is a great start. 4) The Reapers have only had a few fights this year. In fact, LW - Ben McGirr ( @cartoes ) has the most fights with 2. Why do you think that is? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? We're a team of pussies and I think some of us should stop slacking. Other teams need to start respecting us. 5) Say you’re hosting a video game tournament for the team. What game are you picking, how come? Something like Mario Party. I just wanna win and don't care about making friends. All your stars are belong to us. 6) What snacks would you provide for the tournament? Some weird asian snacks like chicken bbq chips.

Wandering the streets of Philadelphia after yet another game lost by a goal, Hiroshi Okada decided he would try his luck at lottery. After all, he was quite a lucky guy, having won the only bingo night organized by his school when he was 6. He needed some joy in his life, and the thrill of spending a two dollar on a ticket that could make him rich was the easiest way to get it. Hurray! He won three million dollars. He hadn't really planned on winning so he asked advice to the only person he knew he could trust: his general manager Domini Maximus. She told him about some juice that would help him be better on the ice and that the league actually encouraged its players to buy them. At one point five million a bottle, he demanded to see some proof that they actually worked. Domini Maximus had just started explaining that Benny Graves bought one some time that Hiroshi was already halfway to the store.

Of course. Very happy you like it