Zero

<3 I honestly don't know where the right place is to request a sig, so I'm just gonna do it here. Lars Eller would be my preferred player pic base, but it doesn't have to be him. Mikkel Boedker would be legit too. I leave everything else up to whoever decides to undertake this great task.

I tend to do that. It's a gift and a curse.

It does...well, it did. This was a good 3 years ago, and we have other dogs now roaming my house. Still, he was a good boy.

Cancerous tumour pretty much took it over. It was easier to amputate it than try and treat it. Didn't really affect him that much in his life once he was out of the hospital, though he did pass away a year or so later due to other issues.

No, seriously. I was really bored just now and was looking through the league index page. As it turns out, there is an entire section filled with coaches, if they can even be called that, since they are all unemployed. What's even more interesting is that some of these coaches are former VHL players, such as the geriatric Marrko St. Urho who is 71 years old (which, when you assume that every VHL season is one calendar year for our players, isn't too far from being pretty accurate), and the clear-cut best coach of all-time, Terence Fong, who somehow makes $69 per year for 0 years. As an Asian man, I would expect Mr. Fong to be a little better at math, because $69 x 0 is still 0, you dingus. There's Grimm Jonsson, who apparently hasn't aged at all at age 32. It's odd because he may have played at the same time as Marrko St. Urho, who's old enough to be his dad. What's even going on? Oh, and there's Sterling Labatte, who apparently followed up on a brilliant VHL career with a significantly less brilliant lobotomy, judging by his '1' ranking in every attribute. Like, my dog's amputated toe could be a better coach than him (coincidentally, the toe's in talks to coach the Helsinki Titans next season because nobody else is willing to do it). Oh, and there's Nigel Niggerman from Nigeria. I don't think he was ever a VHL player, and I also doubt that this man is a real person, otherwise I'd love to see the etymology behind that last name - like how the Millers were actual millers back in the day - what is the history of House Niggerman? Funnily enough, my auto-correct keeps switching 'Niggerman' to 'Nigerian', which also strikes me as pretty racist in and of itself. I could go on, but I won't. I was just bumfuck stunned that this existed.

Idiot. There's always next time though

BITCH FUCKING HIGGINS

:|

Nobody uses MSN anymore. What is this 2003?

I imagine many of you already do

Skype Name: detective.zero.o

Weird. I don't know why you can't just listen to it :/

http://www28.zippyshare.com/v/eXCfeKue/file.html Basic stuff: league recap and I answer my questions. Enjoy

I'm in

HERE WE GO

MY HEART HURTS Those who know me and my history would agree that of my numerous VHL players, J.D. Stormwall stands above the rest, and I'd agree with them. He had the individual accolades, he had the team success, and he was a well-respected leader and proven winner who rightfully earned his place in the VHL Hall of Fame about 20 seasons ago. Many would also agree that aside from Stormwall, my player resume isn't all that impressive. Jon Church had promise, but was ultimately doomed to fail. The same can be said for Wesley Kanaan, and I don't think Jensen Bracken ever had much hope to become anything great. As for Penis Anthony Doubligné/Hudson, he was more for the laughs than anything else. I hope to change that with Bitch Higgins. There's one name I left out, and that would be the one time I ever built a goalie: Dominik Stryker. If many of you are seeing this name for the first time, I would not be surprised because he retired almost 30 seasons ago, and never had the individual accolades or Hall of Fame induction that would immortalize him in VHL lore. However, my heart still hurts when I look back and reflect on how Stryker's career would have gone had he not been stuck on Helsinki for the majority of his career. In Season 6, Dominik Stryker was drafted 2nd overall to the Helsinki Titans, where we promptly won a Continental Cup in the following season. After that, the GM at the time, falco (Daric Radmonovic) handed the reigns over to me, and both he and just about everyone else on that team who was good was either traded away, left via free agency, or retired except for Dominik Stryker. Stryker barely saw any playoffs action until I stepped down as GM several seasons later (I want to say Season 12) and Stryker was traded to the New York Americans in what would be his final year. After that, I retired him and went on with Stormwall. I guess I've always wondered about how good of a career Stryker could have had if I declined to take the GM position in Helsinki, and if someone more competent at the job had been in charge. If you want an idea of how alone Stryker often was on some of those Helsinki teams, take a look at the all-time stats. At the time of his retirement, nobody had faced more shots than Dominik Stryker's 18,697. Today, I learned that not only does that record still stand today, but that no goalie has even come close to touching it. 2nd all-time behind Stryker is Remy LeBeau at 16,564 - more than 2,000 shots less in about 60 more games than Stryker ever played. Yet still, with so many shots faced, Stryker's save percentage is 7th all-time with a .924, behind no less than three Hall of Fame goalies (Benoit Devereux, CAL G, Tuomas Tukio), and ahead of many others. That said, aside from the Continental Cup run in Season 6 (and a Founder's Cup win with the now defunct Toledo Scorpions in Season 5, earning him the Esposito/Skylar Rift trophy), Stryker never managed to fill up his trophy case. He has 20 career playoffs games to his name, most of which came in that first Continental Cup run, and as good as he was, he was never the best in the league in any given season. Plus, again, he just wasn't on many good teams. His 215 losses rank him 4th all-time, but every goalie ahead of him as a save percentage of .910 or less. His goals against average of 3.24 is 64th all-time, which is terrible yet understandable, and his 188 wins place him 27th. At the end of the day, those stats, while being more team-focused, just aren't very good. I don't really know why I wrote this, or why I'm only claiming 2 points for it (really relying on that podcast I guess) but I just feel it was a long time coming. There aren't even that many people left in this league who would remember those days, that are now around 6 years ago, but still, I think this was cathartic to write. I don't expect any HOF nominations to come out of the woodwork, nor do I think Stryker deserves them, but I do think he was - and still is - underrated, and was definitely overshadowed by some terrible teams where he was often the only one showing up to work. Though he's not a real person, I'm hoping old Dominik is reading this in his rocking chair up in Bavaria, Germany and smiling, feeling the silent vindication he's been longing for, but again, he's not a real person so...probably not going to happen. THE END

This is (hopefully) happening TOMORROW, friends. Any more questions, get them in sooner rather than later!

I've seen this before

THE BITCH MAKES HIS MARK

I suppose it depends on your nomenclature

If I'm gonna be active again, it's most likely gonna be with podcasts as a driving force, and since I need to re-learn the league a little bit, I'm hoping you guys can give me some direction. Ask me anything league-related: about the league now, about league history. Hell, you can ask me how my day was even if you want (it was fine, thanks for asking). Really anything to help me get back into the swing of things. Don't hold back. Cheers

Yeah

BITCH MOTHERFUCKING HIGGINS Yukon Rush

Sn-ub-bed

Gosh darn it. +4