omgitshim

EFL 6

Uno mas

Part I - Pick em' (Pick the correct winners of all three games for 2 TPE) Game 3 - Calgary Wranglers @ Quebec Meute Game 4 - Calgary Wranglers @ Quebec Meute Game 5 - Quebec Meute @ Calgary Wranglers - No game 5 due to the Wranglers sweeping the series Part II - Predict the Score (Predict the correct score and winner of this game for 3 TPE) Game 4 - Calgary Wranglers @ Quebec Meute Wranglers 3-1 Part III - Player Predictions (Predict the correct player for each category, 1 TPE for each correct answer) Series leader in points: Jasper Canmore Series leader in goals: Oyorra Arroyo Series leader in assists: Jasper Canmore

Hit them quick and hard!

Clutch

Louth v. Louth. 2 men enter, 1 man leaves. Then the other leaves because the ice rink closes at some point you can't stay here forever dude.

This series was too stressful for what it should have been. Good fight Bears making it a tough match!

2nd use: Update ending 9/30

Ray Zerr Blades You can wear regular ice skates if you want to be a casual, but if you really want to excel in the VHL, your only real choice is Ray Zerr Blades! Designed and tested by former NHL equipment manager Ray Zerr, these blades are the sharpest on the market! The blades etch themselves directly into the ice to allow for incredible precision and control when skating. You'll be so engraved into the ice that you can even stay upright even from the most vicious hits. And if someone does knock you on your ass, you can always take off your cleat and try to stab someone with it!* *Stabbing other players is not endorsed by the VHL. Fit Kat You ever crave that sweet taste of chocolate crispy wafers but are stuck on a strict athletic diet? Well fret no more! Officially endorsed by NASA, FEMA, and the Red Cross, Fit Kat provides all the vitamins and nutrition required for modern athletes while retaining that same sweet taste you've grown to love! The secret is a magically goo injected directly into the wafer that comes from the most fit individuals in the world! Each bite is a taste sensation that strengthens body and mind alike. Try it once and you'll be addicted for life! VPS Ever order some hockey gear online just to have it arrive AFTER game day? Well worry no longer! The VHL has officially founded the VPS (Victory Postal Service), the world's first delivery service specializing exclusively with hockey goods and services! Got a 2 PM game but your gloves tore in warm-ups? Place your order at VPS.VHL.virus.edu.gov and watch as our delivery van will bring you new gloves in half an hour or less, or your next order is free!* VPS utilizes a unique underground travel system created by visionary Milon Ellusk that allows our vans to travel at the speed of light!** Give us a try and you'll never go back to the old ways! *Free order is only applicable on merchandise valued at $2 or less. Limit 1 per person, void where prohibited. **Light speed travel not yet implemented.

Sept 17-23 5 Question 5  Question

1.) Are the Wranglers going to win the Cup? 2.) Who do you think will give you the most trouble these playoffs? 3.) Are you upset that you did not lead all defensemen in points this season? 4.) What are your plans for Johnsson next season? 5.) What do you think has been the biggest surprise this season?

I joined the other one since I didn't see this one oops.

EFL 6

That's an ominous way to end the regular season. But yo I broke 100 points.

Sept 10-16 5 Questions 5 Questions

1.) After a rough season, do you think Yukon will bounce back next year? 2.) Who was the toughest player to face? 3.) Is there any player in the league that you want to knock out? 4.) Which parts of your game need the most work? 5.) Do you have any unique pre-game rituals? @Pierogi Tuxedo

1.) Do you believe Las Vegas can beat Halifax in a playoff series? 2.) You had a better shooting percentage and points per 20 minutes than Julian Borwinn. Do you think you deserved to be in the first line? 3.) Who is the toughest defender to play against? 4.) Is there any VHL team that you want to play for in particular? 5.) What is your best quality? @Jose Gonzalez

I had to revise my first draft because it went way too far off the rails. Not to say this is on the rails at all, but it feels better than the original. @Quik

Good evening, and welcome to Truth Facts with your host Grizzly Notabear. Every person has a story to tell, but that story isn't always what it seems. My job is to dig deeper and reveal the TRUTH hidden inside everyone's personal story. Today we will be digging deep inside of the story behind Wranglers' star defenseman Mats Johnsson. Let's start from the beginning: Mats birth to Johan and Emma Johnsson in Gothenburg, Sweden. Wait did I say Gothenburg? Johan and Emma? Oh boy this is gonna be a long one. See, Mats parents are actually the couple known as John and Emily Johnson, neighbors who grew up in the Bronx in New York. As a child, John's father was attacked by then Yankees closer Goose Gossage, which despite living in a Yankees neighborhood, made him a diehard Mets fan. John's passion for the Mets grew so much that he even decided to name his first son after the team. Obviously people in the area did not take too kindly to this, and eventually riots broke out. Cars were overturned, street lamps were pulled down, even buildings were destroyed! Gunfire was heard on a nightly basis (well moreso than usual) and finally it all came to a breaking point. The FBI decided they need to take the Johnson's into the Witness Protection Program, and shipped them off to Gothenburg, Sweden as Johan, Emma, and Mats Johnsson. Now it turns out, Sweden is boring as hell. Frustrated, Johan went to the store to buy a baseball bat to take his anger out with, only to find out that all they sold was hockey sticks. He relented and picked one up. One swing of the stick and he knew he was destined to be a hockey great. Leaving Emma and Mats behind, Johan flew to Calgary to become a hockey legend. At least that's what he told the family. After 5 years, Emma had finally saved up enough money on her own to move out to Calgary with Mats. The reunion was bittersweet, as Johan was actually little more than a water boy for the Calgary Flames. Still, he was glad to see his family again... for all of about 2 weeks. See, Calgary orchestrated a huge trade with the Minnesota Wild, but unfortunately fell just $200 over on their cap. Due to a weird loophole in the NHL bylaws, Calgary CEO Gabriel Garrop was able to add Johan Johnson to the deal to get under the cap despite the fact he was not actually a player. Johan took Mats and moved to Minnesota while Emma was left in Calgary, alone for 10 months before rejoining Johan and Mats in Minnesota... Growing up, Mats became enamored with hockey. He spent all his free time hanging out at the hockey rink, learning the game from the pros while his father cleaned all the vomit in the stands. Living in America, Johan was constantly paranoid that one of the old Yankees fanboys would recognize him and finally finish the job. Everytime the New York Rangers would come to town, Johan would find any excuse to skip the game. Whenever he had to show up, he would immediately move the family out of state. From Tampa Bay to Anaheim, the Johnssons were jerked around all over the country. Emma increasingly became more and more fed up with her husband's shenanigans while Mats spent more and more time with his hockey friends than at home. When Mats was a teenager, family relations finally reached a head, with Johan and Emma nearly coming to blows. Shortly after, Emma moved back north to Calgary, leaving Johan behind for good. Johan took Mats and moved back to Sweden. Back in Gothenburg, Mats was finally allotted the freedom to grow as a hockey player. Johan had finally taken up a real job and his son finally had some stability in his life. Mats became a star defenseman for his team, eventually joining the Frolunda HC U-16 program as a 15 year old. He spent 2.5 years in the Frolunda Junior program with the U-16, U-18, & U-20 teams, all while maintaining excellent marks in school and falling in love with his high school sweetheart Olivia. It was an incredible time for Mats, and they were the only years of his life posted in his public biography that actually matched his true experiences. At age 18, Mats was selected to join the SHL. Excited to finally get a shot at the pros, he threw a celebration party with all his high school friends and teammates. It was at this party where disaster struck. The night was stormy, with heavy rains and booming thunder. The lightning was fierce and approaching quickly, but the drunk teenagers at the party were none-the-wiser about it. Suddenly a loud crash was heard from the kitchen: a bolt of lightning had struck the microwave and set it ablaze. The flame grew quickly as occupants were forced to flee. Three people were lost to the flames, but fortunately Mats and his then fiancé Olivia were ok. Still, the loss of their friends grew heavy on them, and Mats decided to forgo the SHL, staying in Gothenburg to help support the families of his lost friends. After a few years Mats got the itch to go pro again, this time with the VHL. He joined the VHLM affiliated Yukon Rush, ranking second on the team with 87 points and leading the team into the second round of the playoffs before getting smashed by the Las Vegas Aces. Mats was drafted by the Stockholm Vikings, a team that ended up being so bad that they won just 4 games his rookie season before the entire team was contracted from the league. Ironically, Mats found his way back to Calgary the following season. The Wranglers' weren't a great team, but Johnsson was improving as a player. The most notable moment was reuniting with his father's former boss Gabriel Garrop, whose son Gucci was said to be a fan of the team. Mats and Gucci became quick friends, and Mats would show the teenager all his hockey tricks. Ultimately, the reunion was bittersweet, as Mats soon found out that Gabriel had remarried to a woman named Emily. Mats caught a glimpse of Emily just once when dropping Gucci off at home after he had missed the bus from hockey practice, and that was enough. A single tear slid down his eye as he drove home. After the season, Mats requested a trade from GM Tyler Barabash to get out of Calgary. The request was granted and he was part of a three team trade that saw him join the Seattle Bears. It was in Seattle where Mats finally excelled, posting the first positive +/- of his VHL career, leading all defenseman in the postseason in points, and winning his first VHL championship! Meanwhile off the ice, Mats and Olivia finally had a child named Juan Pierre (while some claim that there was a child named Pierre born much earlier, official records show no evidence of said child, kapeesh?). The Bears put in a valiant effort to repeat the following season, but they fell short, losing in the second round of the playoffs. After the season, Seattle traded the rights to Mats Johnsson to HC Dynamo Davos, but ultimately he became a free agent. With a newfound confidence, a championship cup, and a son, Mats decided it was time to repay back Barabash's kindness and rejoin Calgary one more time. The addition of Johnsson helped transform the Wranglers from a playoff team to a true contender. Calgary earned a Victory Cup for having the best record that season, but ultimately lost in a heartbreaking game 7, ironically losing to Davos in the championship game. Johnsson's contribution to the team went noticed league wide, and he was honored with the Sterling Labatte Trophy as the top offensive defenseman in the VHL. Still, the bitter taste of losing ran deep in his blood, and he was determined to get a Continental Cup to Calgary if it was the last thing he did. And so far this season, things are looking Calgary's way, as the team is well on pace to lock up another Victory Cup in the coming days. Calgary currently has the best offense and defense in the entire VHL, with Mats already breaking the 100-point plateau this season. In addition, he learned that his old friend Gucci Garrop had made the leap into the VHLM! Things are looking bright for Mats Johnsson these days. Or are they? New forensic evidence has been discovered from the scene of Johnsson's house fire from over 10 years ago, and the results are disturbing. It was discovered that the jaw from one of the people found dead at the site matches identically to records dentists had on-hand for Mats Johnsson prior as a teenager, suggesting that Mats had died that day. This evidence is strengthened by the fact that Johnsson's jaw structure as an adult was significantly different from that as a kid, something that was once written off as a hockey injury. So, who is this new Mats Johnsson? Was it another former teammate at the party who wanted a new life for himself, or could it be someone completely different? Was this why Johnsson did not pursue his SHL career? Many questions still remain unanswered, but one thing is certain: this current "Mats Johnsson" is a damn good hockey player. 1584 Words, to be used for weeks ending 9/16, 9/30, & 10/7

Bears 5-2

285 Bears 286 HC Dynamo 287 Reign 288 Wranglers

If you end up with an odd number of teams by time of the draft feel free to kick mine. Head to head leagues with bye weeks are trash.

I don't know what I'm doing but I'm in.

Mats Johnsson it is. Got some ideas already, probably get it up when I have time this weekend.

Looking for a volunteer to get treated to a high quality writing experience that might go a tad off the rails. Quote this post if you're in! There will be no rails left when we're done.