Boheem

Boheem Bismarck is unexpectedly rejoining the Halifax 21st, ready to wreak havoc on all the teams that passed on him. Bismarck came into the S67 VHLM draft, having been told by many scouts that he was likely to go in the 10-20 range, however he fell all the way to Halifax, his old team, at 31. There is a lack of logical reasoning for this sudden drop in the stock of this young Bolivian defenseman, and one can only theorize as to why he fell so far. The most believable theory is that the defensive market is over-saturated this season, and there was a lack of demand for such a player in the first 2-3 rounds. In fact, there is evidence behind this, as other highly touted defensive prospects fell a long way in the draft as well. Pierre Persson and Hugh Chan are both high-end blueliners who were projected to go in the first round, but neither were picked up until the late second round, while lesser known forwards such as Bud Knight and Zeno Miniti were taken way higher than expected. Another rumour about why Bismarck fell is that VHLM GMs noticed his poor play near the end of last season, as he seemed to get worse in the last 20 games, and decided to steer clear of him, in case he continued to get worse. However, this theory is hard to believe, as Bismarck have a good showing in the post-season with limited ice-time. The most popular theory seems to be the rumour that Bismarck is a cocaine adict and drug runner, and many teams would have wanted no part of that. However, this theory seems unlikely as there is no way Bismarck would have been able to stay in the VHLM for the entirety of last season if he was out doing drugs all the time. Whatever it was, Bismarck seems to have extra energy to prove the opponents wrong now, and it is likely that Halifax got a huge steal with their third round draft pick. Halifax manager Aran Thranduil stated to VSN's Aston Martin that Halifax feels lucky to have reacquired Bismarck and can't wait to see what he will bring to the ice this season. The feelings seem to be mutual. In a recent interview, Bismarck expressed his excitement to be back on Halifax, and admitted that he was a bit surprised as well, though it was a nice surprise, rather than a bad one. That doesn't mean Bismarck won't be out to teach his over-lookers a lesson this season. He plans to lay as many hits as he can this season, and to block every shot that comes his way. He has also been working on his shot, and wants to score at least 20 goals, to make his opponents pay. Already, Bismarck has been spotted at the gym, pumping iron, and reportedly now weighs in at 230 pounds of muscle. So to all the teams that passed on Bismarck in this season's draft, you've been warned.

1. Last season was fun. I'm hoping that I can have a larger impact this season. I really like Halifax. 2. Not really. Maybe Malmo / Davos, but I'm good with anyone. 3. Achieve 69 rep. 5. I'm BC boy, Vancouver Canucks. 6. Uh. I feel like all my teammates are gone. I played with Papa Gage last year on a pairing, but just getting to know all the knew guys. 7. This is my second season, so staying down.

First time attempting GFX. Never again! Not in 100 years, will I open up any photo manipulating software again. I mean, why the fuck is the text so pixely? I hate this sig with passion.

1.) There's a 50/50 chance of a 20 foot python who hasn't eaten in five months in the hallway. Out of everyone in the locker room who is going out first? So first AGM Acyd Burn and then left winger Acyd Burn. 2.) How do you get fired up going into a game? I do a lot of meth. 3.) Something funny I should know about you as a player as your new AGM? I like to do a lot of meth. Care to join? 4.) How do you think we finish off the regular season? With a party for da bois huehuehuehue. 5.) What is the most bizarre question you have been asked in a press conference during your career and who asked it? Yours and you. 8.) Who is the weirdest Player in our locker room? Me.

Boheem Bismarck | #69 D | 6' 5" | 230 lb. | Age: 25 | Halifax 21st SUMMARY Boheem Bismarck Born: June 9, 1993 Birthplace: Potosi, Bolivia Shoots: Right Draft: Undrafted STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES Strengths 1. Defense Defense has always been the area that Boheem Bismarck prides himself in the most. He can always be relied on to make a safe play in his own end or steal the puck away from an incoming opponent. He rarely coughs up the puck and will make amazing efforts to come back on defense, during an odd man rush. Never known to be the most heroic type, Bismarck rarely tires of playing defense. He is fine standing in his own zone whenever he is on the ice, game after game, and blocking shots. Bismarck believes that the reason defense is a position, is so that someone will spend time helping out their goalie, so that is what he does. 2. Puck Handling Not only is Bismarck good at taking the puck away from people, he also has a knack for keeping it away from them. Year after year, he has one of the best takeaway to giveaway ratios in the league, often having 3 times as many takeaways. Admittedly, part of the credit for this goes to his defensive ability, but he wouldn't have the same result if it were not for his puck handling. The way Bismarck is able to keep the puck in his own end, for minutes at a time, often leaves opposing coaches scratching their heads. Often, Bismarck is able to kill off a whole penalty on his own, not because he can out skate the other team, but because he can out stick-handle them, while using his big body to keep them away as well. Bismarck's defense, combined with his puck control makes him a deadly penalty killer and a decent powerplay quarterback as well. 3. Checking Bismarck is one of the better hitters on his team. Throughout his minor career, he has averaged over 3 hits per game. At 6'5, Bismarck is quite a big guy so getting nailed into the boards by him can be devastating for the opponent. Bismarck is also extremely good at the stick-checking aspect of his game. He has no trouble stripping the attacker of the puck, almost every time they enter his zone. Being hard-hitting and good with his stick makes Bismarck one of the top checkers in the VHLM and most opponents choose to steer well clear of him when they are on the ice with him. His physicality is a deadly combo with his puck handling and defensive ability, making him one of the toughest players to play against. Bismarck is a big, physical, intimidating presence and his style of play lets him perform even better in the playoffs. On Bismarcks highlight reel, you can see multiple occurrences of giving the body to the make a play as well as to protect his fellow teammates. 4. Skating Bismarck is a great skating, going from end to end with ease. Coupled with his puck handling ability he is a great two way defenseman that can beat most players with ease. He is deadly on the breakout, being able to take the lane. His speed along with his size and weight, make him an unstoppable wrecking ball down the ice. Skating coupled with his ability to throw his body around, makes for some unbelievable hits on the ice. Weaknesses 1. Discipline Bismarck has a bad temper, which he quite often lets get the better of him, resulting in boatloads of penalty minutes. So far this season, he has received 54 PIM in only 33 games with Halifax. Some say Bismarck needs to get better at controlling his emotions, while others think that it is the emotions that fuel him to play such a tight-checking game year round, without ever getting tired. One thing that is clear is that his lack of discipline has costed his team more than once this season 2. Passing Bismarck likes to take the glory when it comes to how he gets his points. He’s more of a scorer than a passer and likes to go from end to end on most of his plays. He seems to shoot the puck at the net from the blueline instead of passing it up to the forwards to crash the net. Even though he has a deadly shot on the PP there has been some concerns about his needing to spread the wealth. 3.) Penalty Shots Bismarck does not see himself as much of a penalty shooter, he would rather take care of the game during regulation. He’s more of a distance shooter than playing some one on one with the goalie. 4.) Faceoffs As a defenseman Bismarck does not take any faceoffs, this is something that is very foreign to him and rightfully so. Bismarck (left) in the S66 season, laying a hit on Dan Gles of the Mississauga Hounds.

The members of the Halifax 21st took place in a charity boxing tournament throughout last week, sponsored by Haterade. The finals featured featured early favourite Kenji Hachimura and Bolivian drug dealer / defenseman Boheem Bismarck. These two giant men had both been annihilating their competition, all throughout the tournament, both looking equally strong doing it. In the semi-finals, Bismarck drilled Papa Gage with his left hook, knocking him out cold. This was a shocker to much of the team, as Gage is no slouch in the sport of boxing either, standing 6'3 and weighing in at 225 lbs, he's one of the heaviest hitters on the team, and has been top 3 in team PIM in both of these past 2 seasons. The much anticipated matchup between Hachimura and Bismarck was advertised all through the city. Posters were plastered on walls, and TV ads played non-stop. Every hockey fan in town came out to watch the fight between the two giants. As they stepped into the ring, it was clear Bismarck had the advantage in the size category, standing a full inch taller, and 20 pounds heavier than Hachimura, however Hachimura was considered the easy favourite as he was better know by the team and all of them knew how he could throw punches. The two men stared at each other, the bell went off, and the fight began. The television commentary was as follows: Hachimura with a right and another right and another right and another right! Hachimura with a right! Another right! Another right! Hachimura with a another right and another right and another right and another right! Hachimura was a right! Hachimura with a right! Hachimura with a right! Two, three, four more to ten! Ohhhhh Bismarck's getting pounded! Hachimura with another right, TAKES BISMARCK DOWN!

Yesterday, Boheem Bismarck went on a quest to buy skim milk. He is a milk fanatic, but never likes to drink it before the game, because it doesn't mix well with the meth while he plays. On Tuesday, teammate Thorvald Gunnarsson recommended skim milk because it doesn't have the concentration of fat. Boheem decided he would go out looking for some skim milk the next day. He made sure to get to bed early that night, and after watching the last segment of a trashy remake of The Princess Bride, he took some insomnia pills with his evening meth and went to sleep. That night, Boheem had lots of nightmares and wacky visions. He dreamed of throwing up all over the team bus and having to clean it up in front of Guillaume Fontenette, a Frenchman off of Mexico City who Boheem considers his biggest rival for no apparent reason. In the dream, Fontenette laughed at him and filmed Boheem's distress while he cried all over the floor, making an even bigger mess. After this nightmare had subsided, Boheem had another, this time about losing his monthly paycheck from Halifax management and not being able to find it, only to notice empty meth packets piled into the garbage, which made Boheem come to the realization that he had blown all his money on meth and was so high the night before, he didn't even remember doing it. All through the night he thrashed side to side, hopping from one dream to the next, but never once waking up, until his alarm clock went off at 3 AM. Boheem shot out of bed like a cannon, still profusely sweating from the action of his dreams. Once he had realized nothing was wrong, he sat down in an armchair and rocked back and forth. Being from Bolivia, Boheem is a very spiritual guy. He believes in omens and other stuff of that sort. He thought that perhaps the bad dreams were an omen, a warning, attempting to tell him not to buy the skim milk. He chose to ignore whatever warning he had been given and set out, his rake over his shoulder. Boheem walked to the pharmacy, picked up the skim milk and went back to the hotel, but suddenly realized all of his teammates were either gone or still asleep. Boheem, never having been the most reasonable, assumed that they had all been kidnapped by Guillaume Fontenette and his cronies. So, without checking their beds first, he began walking to Mexico City. Boheem is no stranger to walking. He spent 4 years walking from Potosi, Bolvia to Halifax, after initially signing with the team in S62 but not arriving on the scene until S66. He is also no stranger to Mexico City. The metropolis was right in the middle of the route Boheem took to get to Halifax, and he spend 4 months there working in the drug market, so he could save enough money to buy food along the way. Boheem was ready to make a return visit to his old domain. Guillame Fontenette was about to pay for what he had done. PART 2 NEXT WEEK

1. My favourite team is HC Davos Dynamo. I hope to get drafted by a rebuilder that can use me right away. 2. Is meth allowed on your team? 3. Blue and yellow with an old fashioned boat as the logo. 4. We gotta all be active if we wanna win this year. We have to catch the top teams in TPE. 5. Meth. 6. Basaraba Moose. A good friend of mine from real life.

HALIFAX - Halifax 21st management recently completed a trade for Las Vegas winger Emil Passerelli. Passerelli is an experienced forward, in his 2nd VHLM season, and has been having a breakout year for Las Vegas, after being traded out of Saskatoon early on. He has a reputation for not being afraid to speak his mind and has been wrapped up in plenty of controversy recently. Las Vegas, knowing they weren't competing, sent their star forward off to Halifax, where upon arrival, he immediately took a brotherly liking to rookie defenseman Boheem Bismarck. Though there are a few similarities, the two are quite different, and you would never expect them to be friends. Bismarck is a meth-head from Potosi, Bolivia, and is generally quite quiet, while Passerelli is one of the biggest personalities in the league, but hasn't been known to do anything illegal. Passerelli is a lot more experienced, and not even close to the same type of player as Bismarck. This friendship is just one of the many surprises in Halifax this season. The next one will surely be Halifax winning the Founder's Cup.

1. Seems we have good battles with Saskatoon often. But honestly any of the competing teams are our rivals. 2. I think it will always be close. 3. Just to improve here and there. Obviously year one, I'm not going to be looking to score 70 points or anything. Besides I'm more defensive. 4. I think it is good. Lines seem to jell well. Everyone seems friendly with eachother on the site. 5. I am mostly leaning towards checking, defense and maybe puck handling or something like that. 6. The league parity.

Claiming for May 20-26

Well. I have only played 3 games and have done nothing. I want to get my offense going, and become a physical presence on the ice. Yes, but they have earned it. I mean I think Axelson, and Gaudette and Nacho were all in the same boat as me at one point. Not scoring every game. It is there turn to score. Next season it will be mine. Um, I think I can become an all-rounded d-man, just like my good friend Basaraba Moose, and maybe add a few points to the scoresheet. I like Hugh Chan. He is a defender who is a similar situation to me. I like playing with him on a pair here and there. John Madden / Basaraba Moose. Both are good friends of mine in real life and while Madden is more into it than Moose, Moose could teach me how to build my player well. Nothing. I think we're ready to go for the cup again.

Claiming for May 13-19

Player Name: Boheem Bismarck VHL/VHLM: Halifax 21st Cash I have: $1,500,000 Purchase Name: The First Generation Cost of Purchase: $500,000 Cash Left: $1,000,000

Last night, I, Boheem Bismarck, Bolivian defenseman, arrived in Halifax, to meet up with the GM of the team, so he could give me a full rundown of the roster. I wanted to know what kind of role I would be playing with my new team, and how everything would be working in Halifax. Aran Thranduil, the Halifax GM, took me through the roster one player at a time and showed me exactly how things would be going down this season. We met up at a restaurant about half a block from the Scotiabank Centre, which is the arena that the Halifax 21st play in, and he proceeded to list off the players. "First on the list we have Acyd Burn. He signed a contract this season as a filler in our roster, but has developed into much more than that. He currently holds the second line left wing position, and is very versatile. Burn is a very young player with tremendous potential and is a great presence in the locker-room. He already has one of the better shots on the team and spends plenty of time on the powerplay. Look for him to be a very effective force on the ice this season. I'm sure you'll love getting to know him. AJ Axelson is our first ling right winger. He spent about 40 games with the team last season in a minor role, but is one of the assistant captains this year. He's quieter in the locker-room than many other players, but he's a huge presence on the ice. He's easily the best playmaker on the roster and this season he won our fastest skater competition. His possession and penalty killing skills are almost unmatched in the VHLM league. Axelson currently leads the team in points and assists. Keep an eye on him up front. Now Anton Edvin is the veteran of the team. Now in his 4th season in the VHLM, 3rd with the 21st, he has managed to average 80 points in the past 2 seasons. His shot is probably the best of anyone on the roster, but he's a good penalty killer too. Naturally he is a right winger, but has spent most of his time in Halifax as a centerman. He is from Estonia and his English isn't very good, so he rarely hangs out with the team off the ice, but he's heading into his last VHLM season, and he wants to be remembered, so expect good things from him this season. Blake Gaudette is our captain and first line left wing. He is often the one being set up by Axelson, and can score with ease. Gaudette is one of the more experienced members, having spent the entirety of last season with the team. He has worked on his shot all summer, and now is producing close to a goal per game. He's quik, skilled, and unselfish. Gaudette managed 10 goals and 30 points last season, but you can be sure he will shatter all of those records in no time. This one is Dick Rash. He has mostly played a filler role for us, while we search for better options, but provides good depth and penalty killing ability. He is the toughest guy on the team, and if anyone is going to fight this season, you can be sure it will be Rash. He showed good potential when he first joined the team, about 2 seasons ago, and did manage 20 points his first year, but slowed down tremendously last season, to the point where we had to cut him from the roster altogether. He has turned in around considerably this season, which has earned him a look at the second line, but don't get too used to having him around. Fudge Popsicle is a guy we're still not sure about. He has improved a little bit after spending most of last season with the team. We actually put him on waivers last season after 48 games, but he worked on his game in the off-season, and we decided to bring him back. So far this season, he hasn't done much, but I'm still hopeful for the guy. He currently sits in a third line right winger role, but doesn't see a lot of minutes. Hugh Chan you'll be seeing a lot of this season. He signed with us just before the season began and currently jumps between our first and second defensive pairs. You'll spend time playing with him this season for sure. He isn't as physical as you are from what I can tell, but his 2-way play is superior to yours. Chan can probably teach you some things about defense this season and I look forward to seeing you two become friends. Next up, Jad Clapperton. Clapperton is a veteran on the team, after spending two half seasons here, but generally doesn't see a lot of ice-time. You will probably push him off of the depth charts altogether and take his spot on the 2nd pair. He generally doesn't get to play more than 30 games in a season, and we really only have him here as another filler, until we find another gem, such as yourself. Don't worry, he won't be mad about you taking his spot. He seems more interested in basketball either way. Kenji Hachimura is a good, young kid from Japan, who we picked up in the draft. He seems talented and has good potential, but just needs to find his game. I see a lot of good things in Kenji's game. He really knows how to lay a hit when he wants to, and can skate quite fast. He currently plays on the third line with Edvin and Popsicle and is slowly improving. I think, by the end of next season, Hachimura will be among the best, but he just needs to work on his game. The man who has been alternating top pair duties with Hugh Chan is Max Coffey. Defensively, Coffey is our best option, and is good on the penalty kill. However, he has no offensive upside. Coffey has played 2 full seasons with us, for a total of 144 games, in which he managed 26 points. Don't expect great things from him, but you will probably get a chance to play with him this season. Nacho is our first line center this season. He is very well rounded and can play in a lot of different situations. Defensively, he is our best player, and we often play him on the penalty kill, but he also provides a lot of offensive upside, though not as much as Axelson or Gaudette. Nacho is a real team player and is an assistant captain for us. He spent the entirety of last season switching between 2nd and 3rd line center roles. Nacho is good at everything, and whether they are a forward or a defenseman, I tell everyone to strive to be like him. Our top defender this season is a big guy from Nashville, by the name of Papa Gage. Like Nacho, Gage is very well rounded and I think you should strive to be like him as much as possible. He can lay the body, play defense, and chip in offensively. He spent last season with the team as well, and is a great locker-room presence. Look forward to playing with Gage in the future. Trevor Van Lagen is an outstanding young centerman, we picked up with our last pick of the draft. He is big-bodied, crazy skilled, and has a shot that makes Bobby Hull tremble. He currently plays in a second line role with Burn and Rash, and has had no problem adjusting to the VHLM. He is averaging over a point per game and is fourth in team scoring, behind each of our first liners. Van Lagen has great potential, and you really have to watch it in practice, or else he might make you look bad. He's quieter in the locker-room, but makes up for it with his on-ice play. Michael Johnson is one of our two great goalies. We initially signed him to be a backup, but he has earned a larger role than that and is currently splitting starts down the middle. He's competitive in nature, and is always competing with our other goalie. Recently, he hasn't been playing very well, but I'm sure that will change once he gets used to the league. Johnson is another guy that is quieter in the locker-room, but is a leader on the ice. Last but not least, Thorvald Gunnarsson is our other goalie. He is one of the funniest and most chill guys on the team. He is a real team player and had no problem with Johnson threatening his role as a starter, and has even become good friends with him. Thorvald is maybe not as competitive as his counterpart, but is a bigger presence in the locker-room and is more experienced in net. Hopefully that gives you an idea of what we have to work with, and good luck on the ice today!" As Thranduil finished talking, I felt this sudden feeling that I was right where I belonged. I immediately felt excited for the following game, and still can not wait to hit the ice with my new teammates. 1,554 words, claiming for May 6-12, 13-19, 20-26