Sorry it's like 10 days after posting this but I want to say this was actually a good read. Typically I completely disagree with your opinions but the way you presented stuff in here was pretty good.
In your first scenario I think you actually had really good intentions. The problem the other person probably had was the delivery. In a professional setting I think it's great to be honest with people. You should always watch out for coming off as hateful though. People have a hard time pulling out helpful information from things they interpret as hateful. If people are interpreting your words as hateful it probably isn't productive and it's just wasting even more time.
In your second scenario it sounds like the lady was just a bit of an asshole. They exist in all forms and you just have to learn to ignore them. Sometimes the battle isn't worth it. All in all that situation just blows.
The biggest thing I find here is that I don't think you have a problem with people being offended, you have a problem with people understanding your intent. Your first sentence is a great example. I think in most contexts these days that word isn't really offensive. It's weird that you have a problem with the leagues current situations because I don't think it was really about offending people. The words were banned because they demonize/segregate/ostracize a subset of people not because it offends them.
Overall nice write up about being offended by the fact that you can't offend as many people in the league now.