pxzero

Oh, I don't know about that... In my neck of the woods, the Wine Rack is the source of alcohol with the longest hours. I don't particularly like it, but I have been known to down entire bottles in very short amounts of time and then proceed to have incredible, messed up nights. On nights like those, white is definitely the only answer. I can't upend a bottle of red.

6-2 Titans

Yeah. I want to see Dirk on this board while he still looks like real prospect...

Dirk's play has been dropping off. Why is the inside man not "helping" his permanent LW too? I blame the GM.

Since the expose on the Unknowns on the Lynx, there have been radical line changes. Both "Socrates" and the "True Unknown" have been cut, and Arnold and Annie now both play only D, on alternating lines. In the forwards, Dirk now plays LW on all 3 lines, opposite Bobby Ricky at RW with an alternating center. In theory, this is a good thing. Stats, on the other hand, are not as favourable. When the expose was first published, there had been 9 games played. Now, the team is at 18. As a team, the win rate has remained constant at 2/7 since Dirk's signing with the team. In the first 9, there were 4 blowouts (a loss by 4 or more goals), while in the back nine, with "better lines", there have been 5. And of their two wins, one of them was won in overtime, which was not necessary in the first 9. So what changed? While Dirk's play time has increased, and his +/- has been dropping a much slower pace, his individual stats gain has slowed down. In the first 9 games, he scored 12 points. Now at 18 games, he's sitting with 21, dropping from an average PPG of 1.334 to 1.000. While this isn't a huge change, it does mean that instead of improving with the better lines, Dirk is personally tapering off. Was Dirk a flash in the pan? Was his early success simply beginners bumbling? Will he be able to adapt his awkward left handed shot to his new home at LW? Or will he be out shown by the better players on his lines? Only time will tell. Tune in next week... Same Lynx time, same Lynx channel.

New lines looking good. Way to preemptively crush my media spot.

I'm not a grader, but is it meant to look like he has a gushing stomach wound?

Dark horse Dirk Firkley has scored an amazing 12 pts in his 9 games played, yet carries with him the burden of the second worst +/- in the league. At -21, he is a staggering 20 points below the next worst +/- on his roster, Dylan Raseri. With such a radical difference between the players, it begs the question, how is this even possible? A quick look at the statistics reveals a strange anomaly: Of the 9 goals Dirk has scored, 10 pts have gone to “Unknown Players”, and similarly, another 4 pts were earned by “Unknown Players” on his 3 assists. Indeed, the only point earned by any known player on the roster has been an assist by goalie Coca Cola! Looking at the depth chart, these stats come as less of a surprise. Dirk plays RW on line 3 with 2 unknown defenders, and C on line 4, with a staggering 4 big question marks. Our mission today is to put a face to some of these “?”s and, as a result, convince them that stopping goals actually *does* matter. Without further ado, the Unknowns: Arnold McDonald (LW): Arnold plays D on line 3, and RW on line 4. He also has some serious problems. In the locker room, or any time he can get near a camera, the half-brother of famous Ronald insists that billion dollar corporation McDonald’s made a mistake. “I was in the shower,” begins his mantra, “when the call came. When that stupid Arnold picked up the phone and changed our lives…” No one knows the end of his spiel, because who wants to hear that level of misguided self-pity, but Arnold insists on wearing full makeup at every hour of the day. His insistence on wearing the clown get-up has inhibited his on ice performance, and cut into his much needed practice hours, which could explain his effect on Firkley’s +/-. Annie Dowell (D): Annie has a lot of spunk for a 13 year old girl, and a surprising ability to skate; however, at the end of it, she is a 13 year old girl. If you would ask how a 5’1”, 99lb player stacks up against the hulking 6”+ athletes of the VHLM, the answer would be terribly, and you would be correct. Still, Annie is a definite fan favourite and loves to help anyone with their math up to a grade 7 level. She plays D on lines 1 and 4. Tyson “Socrates” Anderson (RW): He’s a borderline genius, but that doesn’t mean he belongs in the VHLM. This, unfortunately, is not a criticism of Socrates Anderson, but a personal quote after a particularly bad game against the Gladiators. Socrates, who plays D on line 2 and LW on line 4, would much rather contemplate the societal ramifications of a team who fields both a 13 year old girl and a full grown man who insists on clown makeup. But he’s still a nice guy. The True Unknown (D): This enigma has been a serious problem for the Lynx. Diagnosed with “shape shifting abilities” and wearing a bag over his head, it is impossible to tell if the True Unknown is even the same player game in and game out. “It’s ludicrous,” the coach commented, “I tell him one thing and he forgets it the very next game.” The plot thickens, as our research team uncovered a letter to the commissioner stating: “I think I saw a Wild player slip a bag on his head and change jerseys in game 8. That might explain why he was shooting the puck the wrong way down the ice…”. While the allegations cannot be confirmed, they certainly lend themselves to caution around True Unknown. With such an unstable biography, it comes a wonder that he plays D on both lines 3 and 4. That concludes the exposé on the colourful Lynx roster. Hopefully, without the shroud of anonymity, these players will make the time to actually improve their game and ideally, lead to a few more notches in the W column for the struggling team. Or at the very, very least, help Dirk with his abysmal +/-. (Bonus trivia: the worst +/- in the league is Joseph Baker from the Outlaws at -22).

Watchmen Royals Red Wolves Blades

5-1 Wild

Dynamo Americans Meute Express

4-2 Reign

He can't skate. He can't hold the puck. He sure as hell can't shoot. Yet somehow, newcomer Dirk Firkley has become an integral part of the struggling Ottawa Lynx VHLM team. The rookie RW was drafted last week in order to fill roster spots and take Lynx mascot off the ice and back into the stands - a decision that was met with more than a little controversy. "At least we recognize the mascot," one drunk Lynx fan complained. "What sort of name is Firkley anyway?" Despite the questionable name, Firkley has shown incredible promise, bumbling two goals in his first two games. Leading Lynx scorer, Bobby Ricky, commented on Dirk's unique play style, suggesting that hockey skills were learnable, but his obvious, innate luck is something that a player has to "just have". "Besides," Ricky mentioned, tapping the side of his nose, "If he has trouble improving, I can at least teach him how to ski."

gotta claim 2 this week =\

Meute Eagles Legion Reign

5-1 Americans

Claim 10 please

Definitely not Spider-man; however, I am still Amazing. Just kidding. But not really at all. I go to school for things that won't get me a job, and I spend a lot of time writing. Also, I enjoy watching CFL (RedBlacks), NHL (Kings) and NBA (Knicks). I think my most valuable possession is probably my library --which contains absolutely 0 leather-bound books-- or my Netflix password. I also enjoy long walks on the beach, except during 3 of the seasons because it's cold up here and screw that noise. Oh, and I know Noah!!.