pxzero

Content: 3/3 Good breakdown of the challenges the Blades face this year. Good luck this season... but not too much luck (Yukon 2 gud). Grammar: 2/2 Nothing major. full season under his belt and [a] plenty of practice hours - unnecessary article in the off-season, and, with the play-making ability - missing a comma* behind the net, where he has - missing a comma* *these might be debatable Appearance: 1/1 Looks good

Content: 3/3 608 words, check. Nice breakdown of Denis' career and future struggles. I'll keep a watch on his performance. Grammar: 1.5/2. I normally wouldn't dock you for the missing commas and whatnot, but overall it's adding up a bit. You've got at least 9 errors in 21 sentences, meaning that ~40% of your sentences haves mistakes. When it gets graded a second time, you'll get full marks from rounding, but I've gotta dock you on the first blush this time. I think you would have caught a lot of these with a careful proofreading. with turmoil, to say the least, and he has been - Missing commas cup winning goal[,] and lows - Unneeded comma Selected in the first round of the Season 39 draft, - word choice, I'd recommend "of" over "in" the young player's lack of size - missing the apostrophe, since the lack of size is belonging to the player He has made strides to be bigger over this off season - typo resulting in wrong word. Made strives doesn't makes sense. It will be up to Denis, in some ways, to create offense on the line, which, history has shown, is sometimes a difficult task for the smaller player. - missing commas. Also, it becomes a bit of a funky sentence when all the commas are properly in place. Caveat: There is a bit of room for debate on the comma after "which," but I broke it down and I think my way is right. third straight year[,] and [they] will need a - two ways to correct this: Either remove the comma, or add a pronoun for a proper independent clause after the and. I recommend just killing the comma. his lows have been too much for his reputation. It is likely that - I suggest a new sentence here, otherwise it becomes a run-on. So, this season is arguably the most important one of Denis' career so far and will either change the way people look at him, or completely justify [the] poor contract he will receive. - Missing a comma, word choice. The works a lot better than A, since you've proven that A. he is guaranteed a contract somewhere, and B. it will be a low one if he doesn't perform. Appearance: 1/1 Looks good, nice pics.

That's really odd! I guess it depends on the computer I use. The image is coming up fine for me now on my PC, but it didn't on my laptop. As for the bolding, I see now how you did it. Honestly, I just tend to make comments to show I've put thought into my marking. It still got full marks though

Content: 3/3 Well over the word count. That trade seems like a bit of a blow! Hope things work out on the Meute. Grammar: 2/2 Lots of missed commas, a few weird sentences. Nothing to lose points over. tested heavily as, at the end of Season 40, they - missing a comma Coming into the VHL, he turned - missing a comma , while dropping off during this... - Awkwardly worded. I would make this a new sentence and go something like "While his numbers dropped off this season, it was still..." or something to that effect. to win it all, so it had - missing a comma Nowadays in professional sports, everybody knows - missing a comma , and he can learn a few things... - missing the pronoun needed to make the second half of the sentence an independent clause On the defensive side, Travis Boychuk will run into yet another familiar face. - this is a preference thing, but I recommend this change because Boychuk already has 3 familiar faces in his former VHLM compatriots We look for the Meute to be one of the better teams play as a contender for awhile. - weirdly worded. I suggest "We look for the Meute to be one of the better teams, who will be a contender for a while" or something similar. Appearance: 1/1 Formatted well, easy to read. One of your images is broken, so be careful with that next time. Also, the bolding seems sort of random since it doesn't allow me to skim a sentence and fully understand it, but it also doesn't detract from the reading experience at all.

Firkley had an exciting draft week. First, he was drafted 10th overall by the Bern Royals, only to be traded immediately to the Yukon Rush. Then, in the VHL draft, he also placed 10th overall, being a surprise pick by the Toronto Legion. "It was a great surprise," Firkley admitted. "I mean, of course I feel good. The only thing better would have been to go earlier. Everyone want to go in the first round." There has been a reasonable amount of coverage over his mother's illness, and it was asked, again, if that factored into his decision to sign with Toronto for three years. "Honestly, no. I mean, she's always in my thoughts, but I always said I was going to play for whoever drafted me. Toronto did great things for me picking me up in the first round, and I'm excited to play along side some of their veterans." This week he skates with the Toronto training camp before flying out to Yukon. Firkley will play one more year in the VHLM on the offensively minded Yukon, alongside players like McJustice and Koenig.

Stockholm Ghostbusters: Part 2 (Now with formatting!) Previously: A mismatched band of ghost hunters waits for a call from the Stockholm Vikings, after it was announced that the team would move into a haunted arena. A construction worker encounters a strange being. *** It glimmered for only a second, but that was long enough. "Over there!" shouted Olaf as he darted down the darkened corridor toward the visitor's locker room, his thunderous footsteps echoing throughout the whole Köttbulle arena. Ted followed clumsily behind, carrying with him all the sophisticated ghost-detection equipment they could afford. With one hand, Ted recorded, in grainy night-vision, the trek into the tunnel. With the other, he held onto the P.K.E. meter that had been MacGyvered together using a tuning fork, a bent spoon, three nine volt batteries and a Cam Fowler rookie card. "Oh man," Ted said ominiously for the camera. "Fowler is starting to glow. There's a ghost close." This is Olga. Yeah, me too. In another section of the building, the Adonis-like Sven was putting his clothes back on. Olga, the always-ready former model, was panting slowly. "That was...," her voice trailed off in ecstasy. "I just love these haunted adventures," purred Olga. "How long do you think before those other two catch on?" Sven didn't answer. He slipped on his shirt and started walking towards the bleachers they were supposed to be investigating. Every time the ghostbusters got a call, Ted and Olaf would run amuck doing whatever there was to be done, and Sven and Olga would find a dark corner. Then, when they were both satisfied, they'd show up to put together all the clues that the other two had found, thus solving the mystery. Ted and Olaf had yet to catch on to the system. Even if Ted ever did discover, and possibly want a better cut, he'd be easy to bribe with drugs. He wasn't the brightest. He thought a hockey card and some batteries could detect psycho-kinetic energy. Sven got to the edge of the bleachers and looked over. It had only been four days since the "malevolent entity" had allegedly attacked a construction worker, throwing him from the second floor bleachers to the pit below. The workers hadn't been back since. Sven looked down and saw the a pool of dried blood where the ice would eventually go. For a 'ghostbuster', he wasn't very superstitious, but he couldn't imagine that boded too well for a new team. That being said, Sven just didn't believe the story. The construction worker was a drunk, and everyone knew it. His story was probably the result of a terrible game of telephone. He had probably just slipped over the railing, and somehow, in his drunken stupor, thought he saw something. What that thing was had probably changed a half dozen times between his chat with the paramedics, his boss, the accident report and the amateur reporters who thought they had an interesting take on a sports story. Sven had done this enough times to feel certain there was something else at work. Unfortunately, he was also wrong. "Hey!" yelped Olga way behind him, interrupting Sven's thought process. "I just told you I need a break." Sven turned around quickly and raced back to where he had left her. He found Olga reclining with her eyes closed, and her once-elated expression had turned a little sour. "Ölga, what happen? I was outside." "Yeah right." "No, really. I..." he froze. "Olga, loök out!" The model opened her eyes, then gasped, quickly covering what she could of herself. Standing between them was a shimmering hockey player in an Iron Eagles uniform, his jersey emblazoned with the number 8. Sven did what any half-brained neanderthal would do and dove screaming at the man. "Olga, save yourself!" Sven's muscled body tore through the air and he levelled his shoulder for the blow. It was then that Olga screamed, not because of the hockey player, but because Sven was now flying through the air toward her -having come through the shimmering man in between them. "Cut that out!" shouted the ghost. "It feels funny." Sven crashed into the ground, narrowly missing Olga. "You!" he gasped. "You hurt the construction worker." "No," said the ghost. "It wasn't me. I'm Tukka Reikkinen. I'm here to help you." "Then what IS the danger?" asked Olga, eyeing the hockey player a lot more closely. Her hands fall away from herself, intentionally exposing her form. Then, they heard Ted scream. The spooky corridor leading to the Visitor's Locker Room Ted and Olaf heard Olga's scream echo down the long corridor from which they had come. "Olaf! Lets go. There's a ghost near by. I think the ghost has Olga!" Ted's glassy eyes widened and he swung the camera around, the glowing Fowler rookie card visible in the bottom left corner of the frame. The ghost, apparently, did not have Olga, because it stood glowing in the dark corridor from which they had come. "Hi there boys," growled the glowing figure. "I'm glad you could join me. My name is Pensfan101." To Be Continued, Again.

Content: 3/3 Nice write-up of the Legion draft picks. Long enough, well thought out, interesting. Grammar: 2/2 LIke usual, twillcox got most of 'em. Also I wanted to give you 0/2 for this one: Dirk Firkley - RW - 120 TPE Drafted: Round 1, 10th Overall Finley joined the... You got the player name wrong, 2 lines below the player's introduction. Appearance: 1/1 Well formatted, easy to read. Overall: 5.5/6 + 6/6 = 5.75 rounded to 6/6

Content: 3/3 Not a bad first article. Cutting it pretty close on the word count though - you've got 473 words, down to 446 if you cut out the descriptions of the photos and the Cap'n/Reporter. You made the cut, but a little more content wouldn't be amiss. Also, you mention that there's very little in the ways of hockey in Riga, but don't forget, we've got the professional VHL team, the Reign there! That's gotta count for something. Grammar: 2/2 Lots of errors in comma placement. I'm going to give you a pass on this week's task because it's your first, and it's mostly dialogue, so I'll assume it was just the way they speak. That being said, I'm going to keep an eye on the next one. This is a lot of proofreading errors for such a short article. Pay special attention to the wrong punctuation errors, those are big ones. Some corrections: Welcome, Cap’n. First off make these separate sentences. Well, growing up, I... missing a comma hockey; however, I found missing a comma, and I like a semicolon before however (the semicolon is always a debate, I will never dock you for it. I will, however, always mark it as an error) the first time scouts... removed the semicolon Then, not long later, traded missing commas Gladiators. How wrong punctuation. Should have been a period. Also, it’s great missing a comma In terms of points, I would missing a comma I am a two way defenceman, I can go.. Change punctuation. Either . or - Also, I am not afraid to get a little physical, I am a hard hitter and, if needed, I will drop the gloves.. missing commas Thanks Cap’n. Good luck this season. Wrong punctuation, should be a period. Appearance: 1/1 TThe colour coding between the speakers was nice, formatting was solid. The pictures seemed a little bit slapped in there, but I've been guilty of that sometimes too. All together, not a bad first article, but I know you can do better! Good luck with Minot

yeah Higgins. Stop having a life that isn't VHL.

Content: 3/3 Brilliant. And this alliteration: "bench after briefly being a bitch." Also, I want every official document to have the words "absolutely dumped" in them, regardless of whether said phrase makes any sense in context. Grammar: 2/2 I caught one! That elbow belong to Brennan McQueen. That elbow BELONGED Appearance: 1/1 No pictures? No crying families? Jk, official documents just need to say "absolutely dumped" and be formatted nicely.

I agree a with everything that twillcox has down, but I don't feel that you deserve to lose the points this time around. Content: 3/3 I noticed you repeated yourself a number of times, which isn't as big a deal if you're closer to 550 or 600 words than when you're barely hitting the mark at 450. You also transitioned into the interview portion without giving the reader any warning, which isn't the nicest. Really, I think the biggest fault is that your article is so short. A few more words here and there would flesh it out beautifully. I'll keep my eyes open for your next article, but you'll get full points this time. Grammar: 2/2 Twillcox got most of them. Appearance: 1/1 I found that grey really tough to read after a few lines on the white, actually. That being said, you also broke it up into nice bullets and had a picture. I'd love for you to tie the picture in more, or give it a subheading explaining how it relates to the story for next time. Totals: 5/6 + 6/6 = 5.5 TPE, rounded up to 6.

Content: 3/3 It's always interesting to see a player break into a new role/position on a team. I'll keep an eye out to see where Raymond ends up in the future, but it's awesome to see that he's willing to break out of his comfort zone for the good of the team. Grammar: 2/2 Lots of small things that look to be proofreading errors. Not going to cost you anything though. Helsinki, Finaland - I'm not sure if that's a typo, or some non-English way to spell Finland. Looking up Finaland got me a final fantasy website, which amused me. titans - Titans From what it looks like is the general manager and coach had Raymond running drills with the defense and being mentored by Don Draper. - Awkwardly worded. I'd suggest: What it looks like is, the general manager... Many believed - Missing the d for past tense. Victory Hockey League team. If he switches - make this two sentences. Well, we caught - missing a comma, or skip the word 'well'. team's captain - missing the ' indicating possessive to the team, and captain doesn't need to be capitalized since it's not a proper noun. medal rounds, soon it will - missing comma, didn't need to capitalize the I Appearance: 1/1 That light blue was a bit hard to read, but altogether you made it legible. I really love that picture.

Content: 3/3 Congrats on winning the cup! The article bounces around a bit, but it has enough cohesion and new information to be entertaining. Good luck with the Titans. Grammar: 2/2 Nitpicking, like I always do: ...Founder's Cup, 4 games to 2. - Missing a comma (I also prefer numbers below 10 as written out, but that's just me). Everyone on the team brought their game to a higher level, and this was a true team effort from top to bottom. - Missing the comma joining two independent clauses. Even a clutch managerial decision came into play by their GM Kitras, - awkward word order, I recommend: "Even a clutch managerial decision, by their GM Kitras, came into play" Watchmenneeded - missing a space, "Watchmen needed." ...together on the same line: Harumpf, Zoidberg and 3Moons. Wrong punctuation, should be a colon. Appearance: 1/1 Simple, but effective.

I'm in

Good luck man, hope you're tip top soon.

I am, unfortunately, a Knicks fan. 4-15 after last night's mess. Aww yeah. For some insane reason I also really like the Pelicans. Actually, that's not true. I just like Davis. Unibrow power. At least the Raps are doing amazing, and as a Canadian I can hop on that bandwagon. We The North!

Content: 3/3 Good interview, and a well executed media spot about a difficult situation. I like chip on MacInnis' shoulder and his insistence that every minute counted. Grammar: 2/2 Nothing that hurts the read. Only 2/4 of my suggestions can even be considered errors. Nitpicking: Dominate player should be dominant player "Said MacInnis" should follow a comma, not a period. Your second sentence is a bit of a run-on, but that's a preference thing, not an error. The ellipsis in the 3rd last sentence doesn't make grammatical sense, but I can see it's there for style. Appearance: 1/1 Nice picture, great font, quotes in blue. Nothing to complain about

I'm just stoked that Dirk made the cut!

Overview- 3/3 - I really like the way you broke down Teibert's hockey background. I would have liked to see more information regarding his home or school, but it appears that his life has been totally devoted to hockey - a trait that is very useful in a VHL player. I also like how you outlined his improvement in certain areas which later came back as his strengths. Grammar- 1.5/2 - There a lot of things here that make it very jarring to read. You have a lot of sentence fragments that seem to belong to a previous idea. Here are a few examples: Working on his game with a drive seldom seen in a kid of his age. Dashing his teams playoff hopes, and significantly reducing his stock in the draft. As well as scoring a respectable 44 points in 59 games, while playing on the second line. A team with a good core of Jody 3 Moons, Jaime Hill, Nicklas Karlsson and Kyle Kingma. You also use commas in a few places that they don't belong: continued to grow, as a kid, >> continued to grow. As a kid, playing hooky, and ply his craft. >> playing hooky and plying his craft He reads the play extremely well, and always seems... >> no need for the comma OR you needed to make the second half an independent clause by writing "and he always seems" Presentation- 1/1 - Very well laid out. Pros- 2/2 - I like the pros you've laid out. They come a little short of the 200 word guideline, but you did try to stick to 3-4 sentences an idea. (155 words) Cons- 1.5/2 - You're also a little short here on the word count (170), but you really didn't go for the 3-4 sentences guideline. (You did 3/2/2). Also, while it is funny, I'm not sold that ineffective trash-talk is worthy of being a full demerit towards your player.I feel like you could have fleshed this part out a bit more and feels very rushed. Overall- 9/10 It's a really nicely put together article, but it feels very one dimensional and there are some grammatical errors that really hinder the ease of reading.

Yeah, I'd never penalize you for something like that, especially since I think my view is pretty much out of favour. Also, your spot was just written so darn nicely!

I've read the Grammar Girl and a number of other arguments on the same subject. You will never convince me otherwise, but that's because our focuses are in different places. In the way you use "however", you're definitely allowed by modern standards, but I'll never believe it's as effective or grammatically sound. 99.8% efficiency isn't 100%, but that's personal preference I guess.

Can I just use this on a week of especially bad hangovers and pretend I'm still scholarly? If so, I support this.

This is such a sticky argument, because we're trying to decide what is "greatest" and what makes sense. The Godfather: Part 1 is often heralded as the greatest film of all time, and that film has nothing in it that I can remember annoying me. Raiders of the Lost Ark has a lot of silliness, but it's also a campy adventure romp, so the silliness made sense and also didn't bother me. Interstellar is a very serious movie with very serious concepts in a very gritty world... and then very stupid things happen that are just lazy scriptwriting. People die in horrendously cliched and preventable ways, in a film that is asking me to take it very seriously. So I took it seriously and went, "Jonathan Nolan, you seriously could have written a better scene." They focused on really big ideas, and those ideas were PHENOMENALLY executed. But they skimped out on a lot of things that could have improved it. Tighter scenes, better motivations, and less frustrating music choices would have improved the film. These are all simply my opinions, so they're not some gospel truth, but I truly didn't like Interstellar as a film. I did love it as an idea.

Interesting movie with amazing concepts and great acting, spoiled by script-writing laziness. Should have been better.

Content: 3/3 An interesting read with a pretty valid point. I love the point-of-view, and the great word choices. "Flesh-beings" was a favourite. Nice quote too. 788 words Grammar: 2/2 Very small things with no real bearing on the reading, but I have to point them out anyway. Caution: VERY nitpicky! basically run by us robots. However, that doesn't >> basically run by us robots; however, that doesn't. However always comes after a semicolon. problems. However, >> problems; however, Same thing. I know semi colons are out of vogue, but that's still a hard fast grammar rule. Each player can only be signed for one season, and has a static cost. >> for one season and has... There is no reason for the , since it's a list of only two so it doesn't qualify for an oxford comma. More specifically, you're not joining two independent clauses. VHL GMs, and a new >> VHL GMs and a new Same thing with the comma. is a valid concern, and it should be noted that Robots are here only to serve you humans, and not make your lives worse. This second "and" in the sentence does not belong. Appearance: 1/1 Great picture, easy read, well formatted.