ctots

Tagged from beyond the grave, so I listen to this only to be called out on my inactivity and get called Christopher Tots, the worst nickname in the history of nicknames. Still clicked welfare though, so you win this round I guess.

Following a wildly successful season in the VHLE, Baxter Arcanum is enjoying a luxurious off-season before he begins his tenure with the DC Dragons. What has he been up to, you ask? Why don’t we check in on him? Baxter stands on the back patio of his new home in DC, a modest single-level ranch in a suburb whose exact location has been withheld for the sake of privacy. He’s pressure washing decades of dirt and gunk from the long-neglected clay bricks. He’s doing this project barefoot, which is definitely against the recommendation of the manufacturer. This is his second weekend in the new house, which he purchased outright with plans to maintain the property as a permanent residence. A series of top tier outdoor cooking equipment sit in the exterior kitchen area: grill, griddle, smoker, pizza oven, the whole shebang. Baxter is a man who spends a lot of spare time in flip flops drinking beers in the backyard, and he’s sparing no expense to make that experience as enjoyable as possible. With a long season ahead of him, no doubt every single game taking hits and blocking shots from the veterans of the VHL, now is the time to relax, celebrate, and find the mental clarity that will bring success for the Dragons in the future. Now that we’re approaching the start of the season, things are going to get serious, but for now it’s time to slack. Off-season is the season to be full of grilled meats and guacamole, and if you disagree then we are enemies forever. No backsies.

Fellow ukulele appreciator? That’s what’s up! I stink at it but I like to pretend.

Warning: adult language. At least one f bomb. I say the fuck word in this podcast. If you’re uncomfortable with hearing that word spoken by an adult man, you should strongly reconsider listening to this podcast. Warning concluded. https://anchor.fm/ctots/episodes/VHL-17-e1jqvlu

Hey dudes, I might say inappropriate words in this, I can’t remember. https://anchor.fm/ctots/episodes/Ctots-Ctalks-16-e1jqvie

I hope you're enjoying your vacation in the weird folks capital of the world! Every time I hear Christopher Tots a small portion of my soul perishes, but that's okay. I'm gonna have a beer in my own backyard sometime and just hope that you're also in your backyard having a beer. We can commune under the moonlight from a distance and still enjoy the same sacred space of a backyard gathering. It will be transcendental and also totally chill. The fact that you're posting podcasts while you're on vacation is making me feel like a total piece of shit for dragging my feet posting a PT this week. Consider me motivated.

Both of those EFL player names are better than any of the sim league names I've thought of, nicely done. Pretty sure McWolf's profile picture is just Wakko from the Animaniacs, but to describe him as a deranged cartoon wolf is probably not inaccurate, either. Never heard such contempt for jaywalking before, but I don't disagree. Just walk on the crosswalk. I want to identify as mysterious, but I haven't earned it. Maybe next year. Welcome to the fun of the VHL, Anthique!

Pretty good episode overall, except of course where you won’t play for the new best team in the VHLE, Oslo! (please don’t laugh) If super coach doesn’t happen soon I’m getting out my torch and pitchfork. It’s going to be a full scale riot. I still don’t know what an Elmebeck trophy is and at this point I’m too afraid to ask.

Feels crazy that we're so close to the draft already. Time is flying! I'm a big fan of Dogwood Maple just as a person. I would assume their player is also good. I appreciate you doing all the hard scouting work for us, you're amazing! Looking forward to learning even more from your mock draft, too!

I’d probably never know that rules were being broken if not for you. I was into the alarm noise, but I get why people might not have appreciated it. I respect the commitment to podcasting as an artistic medium, you’re an inspiration! Great listen as always, thanks for posting!

Oslo Press Conference Late week edition 1. What is your favorite place to sit? 2. I've been seeing lacrosse stuff pop up recently, what are your opinions? Would your player be interested in lacrosse or are they ice-only athletes? 3. Thermostat wars: what temperature do you keep your home? Bonus points if you answer in Fahrenheit. 4. Tell me about your player's stick: is it long and whippy, short and stiff, or somewhere in between? 5. You put in the game-winning goal and made your way to the locker room. What are you drinking to celebrate? 6. NHL question: are the Rangers going to stop the Lightning in round 3 to prevent the 3-peat, or is Tampa going to the final again this year?

Yeah I'll sign up for next season, TPE or not. Much more my style than VHFL, honestly.

A great podcast as always! I'm very sorry you're struggling with pain, I hope the specialists can provide some sort of relief for you. Stella Artois is a pretty good beverage, you're right that it should be served cold. It's not something I drink often, but when I do I like to also have a side shot of Jameson to go with it. Something about that combo feels correct. Milkshakes falling from the sky would be absolutely disgusting the day after. Sticky, curdling milkshake all over the place is less than ideal. Thanks for another excellent episode, I'm already looking forward to the next one!

Warning: I use words that your mom wouldn't want you to say at church. https://anchor.fm/ctots/episodes/VHL-15-e1jabc2 Subjects discussed: Fiddly bits about podcast recording Oslo's superstar players Donation TPE & how I'm accidentally missing out on it DC's playoff situation Ask me questions! NHL playoffs NRL nonsense (15:00 and beyond)

Warning: adult language is (probably) in this episode. https://anchor.fm/ctots/episodes/VHL-14-e1ja7v9 Subjects discussed: new recording space Baxter Arcanum's forgettable season Press Conference question answers

This is a bargain of a podcast: you reviewed the graphic AND reviewed the review. 10/10. Good luck with your adventures in the EFL! I try to be as involved as I can, but the community definitely isn’t as strong there as it is here. Affiliate earning is easiest there though I think, you’ll be king of the clickers!

The advice for Jack/Joey is really good advice for literally everyone. Do your tasks, don't tag everyone, don't stir up drama. I'm here for super coach. I have no pull with anyone important, but I'm enthusiastic. I'm glad you said something about your car beeping, because I absolutely thought it was the baby monitor or something at first. Congrats on the incoming little one! All the best wishes for you and your family!

Just caught the highlights of the Broncos/Titans game on youtube - once I figure out how to get the broadcasts stateside without handing the NRL my entire wallet I'll be fully plugged in. Really enjoying the faster pace of play compared to gridiron football.

https://anchor.fm/ctots/episodes/VHL-13-e1j41fj Double-length small episode somehow, I don’t know how it happened.

First and foremost, I’d like to show my appreciation for the entire Oslo Storm organization. The team has struggled this season, but morale has been high and nobody has let the lack of success on the ice bother them too much. Allow me to gush with positivity over everyone for a bit. @JB123 - Dude, you’re a hero. Thank you so much for taking on the task of pulling the team out of a tailspin and righting the ship this season. You do a great job running the locker room and being communicative - you don’t get near enough credit for what you’re doing! @Thunder, @Ledge, @Crstats23, @hcrooster96, @InstantRockstar- The good vibe of the Storm is entirely thanks to your contributions to the locker room. You’ve celebrated each other’s individual successes in an era where team success is low. I really appreciate your participation in the press conference thread, too! It may not seem like much, but those posts go a long way toward making me feel like my role as AGM is valuable. I’m going to miss you all as you move on to your VHL teams, but I’m so excited for all the success you will find there! No matter where your career takes you, know that I’ll be rooting for you and celebrating your high moments like a true fan. Next up: Bratislava! What a team, right? We love those guys. @FrostBeard @leandrofg- Thank you for grabbing me in the draft! And for running the team actively & successfully! I know you’ve got a lot on your plate, Frosty, but I never felt like the team was being neglected as a result. You’re doing great managing the team and I’m glad to be playing for you. Hopefully we can take it all the way this season! We can’t shower my teams with love without including the mid legends themselves, the DC Dragons! @Enorama& @fishy - I see the work you do to make DC a top tier organization. I’m very impressed and appreciative. It feels like the locker room is a true community who cares, and I’m happy to be a part of it. Miscellaneous love: @Berocka- You’re in my ears at least once each week to share your perspective on the league, and it’s always a good listen. The massive backlog of podcasts you’ve released over your VHL career are an amazing time capsule of league history as well as being genuinely funny and entertaining. You’re killing it! @MubbleFubbles - Thank you for your advice and suggestions in our JST run as Team Royals - I learned an absurd amount through that, you were awesome! @JardyB10 - You’re energetic, you’re controversial (in a good way), you provide me with literal hours of entertainment in the form of podcasts. You enjoy a lot of the same media that I do, and that’s super relatable. I very much appreciate the chaotic good energy that you bring to the league. @Tate - In the running for sweetest guy in the VHL, I am always delighted to tune into your podcasts whenever you release them. Our lives have a lot of parallels, which is absolutely delightful to me. The origin story of your player is one of the best written pieces I’ve seen on the forums. Thanks for being a great dude!

Beers earned! Thanks for the kind words, my friend!

Good shout, I did say that! Nice read, love to see it. Every week is appreciation week from now on.

“I don’t know how to do this stuff” Then you did it flawlessly. Classic Berocka. I feel silly for not adding backing music or sound effects now but I just didn’t think of it at the time. Great podcast as usual, thanks for posting!

Proud to be a little dickbag peon of the general population. Answer to the unasked question: it’s an anagram for my first name. Super creative, right? Big apology to @Zetterberg- I didn’t realize I was waking the dragon of stray insults. That’s on me.

5/23/22 1. Name a teammate who has impressed you this season - what makes you feel that way? 2. What's your favorite pizza topping(s)? 3. What is a popular thing that you absolutely can’t stand? (A song, a game, a show, a food, etc) 4. Which NHL player would you like to model your player’s career after? 5. What's more impressive in a 72 game season, 50 Goals or 70 assists? 6. Cookout season is here! What toppings do you put on a burger? 7. What song would you like to play when you score a goal?