twists

Are these just alt accounts

This thread is

On the other hand if you missed the first week of the bracket like I did, you now get 0 TPE

Warsaw Looking to Lose Another Playoff Series Under @N0HBDY Currently the Warsaw Predators are down 1-3 in their series against Moscow. N0hbdy is trying his hardest to not lose this series so he can finally say he won a playoff series as a VHL GM. The cards are currently stacked against them, as their players seem to be forgetting how to shoot the puck. When asked for comment Queefson responded, "I'm retiring after these playoffs so I'm just coasting. I think most of the other guys are too, I mean we can't win putting up only 20 shots". @Spartan obviously did not teach his protege how to setup an offense. Olober Syko appears to have showed up for the first time in his entire career, and he's giving Warsaw a run for their money. He seems to solely exists to ruin N0hbdy's hopes and dreams. Maybe one day N0hbdy can win a playoff series, but we doubt its going to be this one. Edit: I have been informed that the WC round is a BO5

Aww man vacation caused me to miss this. Not getting free teeps is sad

Warsaw Predators Press Conference Week Ending July 14th Answer 3 for 1 TPE, all 6 for 2 TPE. 1. The playoffs are officially underway, what player do you think will be the MVP? 2. Who do you predict will go 1OA in S95's VHL draft? 3. Do you think we'll have a long or short offseason? 4. Has @Garsh ever not been super literal? 5. Should Beketov's child be appointed commissioner effective immediately? 6. What do you think @N0HBDY will do in the offseason to improve the team (or tank)?

Claiming week 3/3

Damn this is awesome!! Love the article

SDM Not Looking So Hot It's been a rough few days for San Diego. After gaining a bunch of steam trading for @Ricer13's player, Spider Panda, and recruiting some good first gens, they have ended up on a 3 game losing streak. This bodes poorly for the Marlins as they were hoping to gain some steam going into the playoffs. The Marlins have had a rather tough schedule the past few games (with the exception of Ottawa who is apparently SDM's kryptonite), however that is no excuse. If the Marlins aim to go far in their playoff run, they need to be able to beat teams like Miami, Mexico City, and Houston. Maybe a change in lines is necessary, or some brief experimentation before the playoffs begin. We'll have to see what @Mysterious_Fish has in store. @Grape has been shit talking him mercilessly, so we have to hope he's got some type of strategy. Hopefully something better than losing more games.

Hell yeah man, I am about this

Oh no, he back

Warsaw Predators Press Conference Week Ending July 7th Answer 3 for 1 TPE, all 6 for 2 TPE. 1. Three teams are all within one point of each other for the 3rd seed/wild card spot, who do you think gets them? 2. Moscow has been hot on our tail, do you think @Spartan is cheating? 3. Who is your pick to win the cup in the VHLM? 4. What other sim leagues are you a part of? 5. Should the VHL invest in ice girls? 6. Some other sim leagues have a casino for player money, would you like that in the VHL?

Claiming week 2/3

I be out here scoring

SDM SDM SDM!

I apply!

Youre Not Fucking Retiring Biography This tale begins during the start of Season 94 of the Victory Hockey League. Eric Queefson was signed as a free agent to the Warsaw Predators. He was completely unaware of this signing and only found out when he returned to the VHL from his hiatus. @N0HBDY was excited for Queefson to come back to the VHL after spending some time in the VHL Player Assistance Program but was adamantly against Queefson retiring at the end of the season. Queefson was highly confident that he would be retiring after this year's playoffs run, and thus he enacted a plan. Queefson met with the best scientists from around the world and proposed his plan. He would create a test tube clone of himself while increasing the athletic ability of his successor. The scientists gathered Queefson's DNA and worked night and day for a week straight improving all aspects of it. They created a virtually perfect athlete for the VHL. After the DNA was successfully created, it was moved into a stasis chamber for accelerated growth. Within one day an embryo was formed, and within one week the clone had uttered its first words: "You're not fucking retiring". This was a phrase that was commonly said to Queefson as he tried to talk to N0h about retiring. This is how the scientists knew that the cloning process had been successful. The clone had memories from Queefson's past himself. Since the clone was now a fully formed baby, Queefson and the scientists debated names for the child. Many typical names were thrown around, such as Adam, Harry, and Hunter, but none of them were chosen. Queefson remarked, "What if we just named him his first words? That way N0h will never be able to forget that I retired directly to his face and against his wishes". All of the scientists nodded in agreement and thus a name was chosen. Youre Not Fucking Retiring. There were approximately 2 months before the trade deadline (when Queefson would retire), and that meant the scientists had to increase the growth speed even further. Within another week Retiring was able to put on skates and take his first steps on the ice. Upon stepping on the ice, Retiring had the abilities of a professional ice skater and blew away even the most aggressive of data models the scientists had put together. He was performing so highly at the ripe age of only 5 years old. The next day the scientists set up nets and gave Retiring pads, a stick, and a puck. They watched in amazement as he immediately understood the game of hockey and started peppering the goals with high-quality shots. After some more studying, the scientists asked Retiring to return to his stasis chamber for another period of accelerated growth. The scientists had gathered all footage of every VHL game played to date. They accelerated the clips to only last two weeks in total length and projected them into the chamber itself. Over the next two weeks Retired thrashed violently and aged 5 more years. Upon opening the chamber, Retired was quoted saying "I'm gonna hit a massive celly after I clap a biscuit bar down eh". The scientists and Queefson cheered in success. It was time to get Retiring some formal hockey training. Over the next two weeks of real-time, Retiring was coached 18 hours a day by VHL greats such as Mac Atlas, Leonard Triller, and Mark Calaway. Upon completion of his training, the only thing the coaches had to say was that Retired didn't have the physical maturity needed to make it in the VHL. For what they hoped was the last time, the scientists and Queefson asked Retired to get back into the stasis chamber. The scientists turned up their accelerated growth to the max, and Retiring was left inside until the trade deadline. On the day of the trade deadline Retiring was released from the chamber. Queefson came to visit his son to make sure he was in tip-top condition before he fully committed to retiring. Retiring was the ripe age of 21 years old, the perfect age for entering the VHL. Once again the coaches took Retiring out onto the ice and ran him through 18 more hours of training. The coaches reported that he had a higher ceiling than the three of them combined and decided their job was done. It was then that Queefson made his retirement official. Directly after the retirement announcement of his father, Retiring signed a contract with the San Diego Marlins for the remainder of the season. Will Youre Not Fucking Retiring become the best VHLer the world has ever seen? Atlas, Triller, Callaway, Queefson, and the scientists who helped them certainly think so. We will just have to wait and see! Players mentioned: @v.2 @Triller @Beketov

That is a little rude

@AJW I think we desperately need a question with Youre Not Fucking Retiring

Queef: The Official Story Although Eric Queefson has retired from the VHL, we will always have fond memories of him. This media spot looks to address his career as a whole and to mourn our fallen retired comrade. The Early Years Eric Queefson started his career in the VHLM like everyone else. He had a lot to prove as he was of Queefson descent. At the trade deadline, he joined the Las Vegas Aces. He saw lots of playtime immediately. In the remaining 13 games of the season, Queefson saw 11 assists and 0 goals. Almost PPG in his first season! The Aces made the playoffs but were knocked out in the first round after 5 games. He managed to put up 4 assists in the playoffs which seemed to match his regular season production. After the season ended Queefson began preparations for the VHLM draft. He was a highly sought-after prospect and was drafted 7th overall by the Philadelphia Reapers. GM @Pifferfish talked Queefson up in the GM discord saying he was his top pick in the whole draft. Queefson had not met Pifferfish before the draft, but they soon started a beautiful friendship. Queefson was voted the captain of the Reapers prior to the season starting. As a result, Piffer made sure to run his GM decisions by Queefson to make sure they were on the same page. I believe this was their key to success as a team. Season 88 was a magical season for Reapers fans everywhere. The season started slow, but by the end of the year, the Reapers had a beautiful 89 points and sat in 3rd place in the league. Queefson was a force to be reckoned with and put up 26 goals and 54 assists totaling 80 points. In the first round of the playoffs, the Reapers faced the 21st but made short work of them winning in 5 games. The next series was going to test the Reapers, they played the Hounds who were first in their division. Through a brutal series, the Reapers barely came out on top winning in 7 games. They had made the finals, what would happen next? The finals had everything, heartbreak, determination, leadership, and victory. The Reapers won in 7 games and Queefson was voted the MVP of the playoffs with 7 goals and 18 assists in only 19 games played. A spectacular wrap-up to his amazing VHLM career, it was now time for the VHL draft. The Draft and DC After the excitement of winning the Founder’s Cup, Queefson knew he had to settle in for the VHL draft. There were lots of rumblings as to where Queefson would be drafted, but one GM made it very clear that he would be taking Queefson at number 2. That GM’s name was @FrostBeard and Queefson was drafted right after Viktor Jensen at number 2 overall. Queefson was ecstatic, he was joining a young team in the DC Dragons and was going to have lots of room to flourish. Queefson was ready to make waves during his rookie season and went on to put up 12 goals and 25 assists for a total of 37 points in his rookie season. Not the best showing, but Queefson thought it was only up from there, that’s where he was wrong. The Dragons failed to make the playoffs and Queefson began to start making bad decisions. He stopped showing up to practice, failed to communicate with his team or GM, and eventually went awol. Queefson entered into the VHL player assistance program at the start of S90. He was dealing with a lot of mental health issues, and couldn’t represent his team in his current state. Queefson put up a meager 18 points in S90 and his rights would be traded to Moscow in the offseason. Moscow In the offseason between S90 and S91 Queefsons rights were traded to Moscow. Just as the season started Moscow GM @Spartan was able to pull Queefson together and get him out of the program. Queefson was placed on the top pairing and truly given a chance to excel as it was a rebuilding year for Moscow. Queefson had his best season to date and was able to get 14 goals and 41 assists for a total of 55 points. Everything looked up for Queefson, however in the offseason, Spartan decided to send off Queefson for picks to LA to help with the rebuilding effort. Los Angeles Queefson tried to keep himself together after a brutal trade that he had no say in, but it started to catch up with him. He played out his season in LA, albeit reluctantly. His efforts were questioned as he only put up 49 points in total, down from the previous year in Moscow. As Queefson's struggle with mental health didn't seem to end, he wound up back in the player assistance program by the end of the year with LA. Not helping the situation at all, Queefson’s rights were once again traded in the offseason. This time, his long-time friend Kaleeb would try to help him out of his slump. Malmo the Fixers Queefson had at one point been active within the Malmo organization. Some may call this a conflict of interest, but in the VHL those apparently don’t exist. After @KaleebtheMighty had noticed Queefson slumping, he made the move to acquire his rights in the offseason for relatively cheap. Kaleeb made valiant efforts during S93, but it was just not quite enough to pull Queefson out of his slump. Queefson remained away from the team for the entire season while putting up a disappointing 46 points. Despite Queefsons best effort at sabotaging the team, Malmo still won the Victory Cup. During the offseason Queefsons rights expired and he was acquired as a free agent by Warsaw. Warsaw and the Future As season 94 started Queefson made one last-ditch attempt to come back to the VHL. He joined his close friend @N0HBDY in Warsaw and aimed to help them make a good playoff run. We are currently at the trade deadline in S94 and Queefson has 9 goals and 38 assists for a total of 47 points. He is actually on pace to have his best season by just a few points. Warsaw also sits comfortably in a playoff spot. Can Queefson help Warsaw win the cup? Can he have a redemption season? We don’t have answers, so we’ll just have to wait and see! As exciting as this season has been for Queefson, he made a huge announcement on Monday. Queefson has decided that this will be his last year in the VHL. It’s been a bumpy ride for Queefson, so while it's a shame his career is ending early, he deserves a fantastic retirement. N0h let it be known that he did not agree with Queefson retiring, but alas that did not stop him. However, I’ve heard rumblings that Queefson had a child who may grow to play in the VHL soon himself. There will be more on this in a future point task or biography. Who could I possibly be talking about? Epilogue This was very fun to write, and I still issue apologies to all of the GMs who I may have fucked over their team by going inactive. I’m well aware that I have become known for going inactive and hopefully my new player will help break the trend. Mental health and the VHL player assistance program was a fun way to write about my inactivity, but it’s also somewhat true of the reason I went inactive. I have struggled with depression since I was very young, and I have a bad habit of spiraling when big changes happen in my life. I’ve talked about it in spurts before in VHL.com articles, but it is a really difficult issue that I struggle with on a daily basis. I know it's hard to imagine that I can really be that depressed when I joke around and hang out in Discord, but a lot of the time that's just a mask I put on. When I have gone inactive in the VHL, I tend to go inactive in all of my hobbies, chores, and with friends. When I get in that downward spiral I know I tend to cut out everything I enjoy. Naturally, this only makes things worse, and you’d think I could talk myself out of it easily since I understand what’s happening, but I can’t. I have been making big efforts to change that this year and moving forward. I work with a therapist to help me realize I don’t have to shut down when the going gets tough. I’m also finally on a good regimen of medication. Once again, I’m sorry for going inactive, but I really am doing my best to not do that anymore. I am looking forward to Youre Not Fucking Retiring having a great career with some cool people! I'll be back in the VHL soon enough!

I'm so glad I randomly found this post lol.

You take that back!