CK3: The Rise of the VHLEictator

[JardyB10 4,865]

Part 1: Victor Alfredson

 

Hello everyone. As you all know, the VHL is introducing a third league, run by the likes @Victor and @Acydburn. This league will be based in Europe, and will be housing teams in Vasteras, Stockholm, Berlin, Cologne, Bratislava, and Paris. It's an exciting new change in the greatest sports simulation league on the Internet.

 

However, have you ever wondered about the history of the VHLE? How these two commissioners rose to power, and how they came to establish franchises in these cities to begin with? You may have read some false interpretations in the past, but I'm here to give you a detailed and lived-through tale through the ages.

 

It all began with this man here; Victor Alfredson, more commonly known as alfie_forever:

 

 

Yes, he claims to be Grey Eminence, but that's just something a slimy Intricate Webweaver like himself WOULD say, isn't it? Intrigue is his strong suit, driven by his ambitious, arrogant, and cynical ways. He's a quick young lad though, and has a fascination for history. Also he's a giant because @a_Ferk said so.

 

Victor's origins were always subject to mystery. Yes, he lives in England or some shit, but as a bit of a historian myself I know the boy is actually Latvian. Thus our journey begins in his homeland of Riga, on January 1, 867.

 

 

A humble yet privileged double count, Victor makes his court in Riga, under the oppressive yoke of the Duke of Courland. As a boy, he would often go on trips with his papa on the Baltic Sea. It was there he saw what he knew would be his life's work: Vasteras.

 

 

But the vicious Duke of Uppland is far too great a foe for a young Victor to take on now, and even if he were able to, he would be taking land in the name of his liege. Victor needed to grow, and gain his independence. To do that, he needed allies, and a wife and children to carry on his legacy. He appealed to the High Chiefton Palemon of Lithuania to the south, a man controlling nearly 1300 troops. However, Palemon refused Victor the hand of his daughter, saying that he had no interest in allying with a lowly count.

 

 

Victor could not believe the blatant disrespect. Realistically, this Lithuanian Chief is hardly more powerful than he! Alfredson intended to prove it, and he will conquer Europe all by himself if he had too. He started his conquest eastward, seizing Jersika from his neighbour. His first Victory, but certainly not his last.

 

 

He continued fighting eastward, picking off lowly tribal leaders one by one, consolidating their land, and preparing for his independence. Once he pushed up against the Russian kingdoms, he turned his eye north to Estonia.

 

 

In under 6 years, Victor was rapidly growing, although he was still only considered a Count. Courland possessed his de jure title of High Chief, so it was time to show Chief Kodere who the real power of these region really was.

 

 

Early expansion was going well, but he was in his 20s now, and he had no one to pass his legacy onto. Duke-level leaders still refused to arrange marriages with him, and frankly he was already becoming too powerful for them anyway. That's when he found the woman who would change the course of his lineage forever: Urve.

 

Urve was an Estonian woman residing north of him in Livonia. She was scholarly, sadistic, and deceptive, like a female alfie_forever. More importantly, she had a genius IQ that would be perfect for his bloodline.

 

 

His rapid expansion and marriage of foreign psychos didn't sit well with the locals though. They rebelled, and after a brief month Victor got his first opportunity to demonstrate what happens to traitors.

 

 

The bloodlust sent Victor and Urve into a passionate frenzy, and before long, Urve was pregnant with her first and only child: Victor's genius prodigal son, Acydburn.

 

 

Keep in mind, I said this was URVE'S only child. Now would be a good time to mention Victor's ancient religion, Vidilism. Like many other tribal religions, it allows for concubines. Somewhere along Alfredson's conquering, he picked up one such concubine, and unfortunately it wouldn't be his last. Very shortly after his son's birth, one such woman came to him with similar news, and just over a year later, she gave birth to a boy who was Alfie's spitting image.

 

 

Victor's children will play a major role in his story going forward. In the meantime, it was clear his heir was going to grow up to do great things. Meanwhile, he did all he could to make sure his second son, Victor Jr., was well groomed to allow his brother to manifest his destiny.

 

 

In the above images you might have noticed some shit going on. Not all was smooth sailing in Latvia, as the big mean Novgorodian Kingdom had their eyes set on Estonian land, a war Victor regrettably had to concede in order to focus on easier conquests. One day Russia will pay for this crime, but St. Petersburg never got a team, so that will be an opportunity for a future Alfredson.

 

 

After recovering from the near death experience that is the common cold in his 30s, Victor met and fell in love with an absolutely gorgeous red haired barmaid called Liga, a beautiful name that reminded him of his homeland. She suffered from some severe congenital scoliosis, but Victor didn't care. He loved laying with this beauty, and was confident the gods would favour him and give him a couple of quick, beautiful children, who weren't plagued by their mother's deformity. This did not happen, and it turns out, Liga was very, VERY fertile. Their first child would be a comely young man, but also big and deformed. What better name for such a child than Paris Revolution?

 

 

Speaking of children, the gallant Acydburn would come of age as a fine lad, and meanwhile Liga would continue pumping out siblings for the future king. After Paris Revolution was another giant hunchbacked child, with none of the comeliness of his brother. I must have forgot to get a photo, but this child was naturally named Robbie Zimmers. Very soon after that, Liga became pregnant again, to yet another boy.

 

 

It Really did not Stop, though.

 

 

With Victor's progeny getting out of control, he figured it was time for his best son Acydburn to get in on the action, and he arranged a marriage between the boy and a middle aged Amazonian commoner named Zwenislava. Meanwhile, Victor Jr. reached adulthood as a competent warrior, Liga gave birth to alfie's first daughter, Janelle.

 

 

While no photos were recorded of the event, Victor was able to re-establish the old Kingdom of Estonia as the Kingdom of VHLE. With his new political placement, he was able to put one of his disappointing children to use to shore up an alliance with the only real (external) threat to his goals, Novgorod.

 

 

A fun side note I forgot to mention earlier: Not only was Victor having several legitimate children, he was also at one point cucking one of his vassals, as he had taken his wife as a lover. In secret, Victor and the Lady Jersika had three children, all of whom were passed off as legitimate. It is around this era that his vassal dies, and his secret bastard daughter inherits the land.

 

 

Speaking of inheriting land, Victor finally decided it was time to put his immense skills in subterfuge to work, and modify the Novgorodian line of succession a little bit. While it wouldn't necessarily be beneficial to see his grandson inherit the largest bordering kingdom to his, and in fact could be dangerous to his main line of grandchildren, he thought it would be an okay idea to at least allow for that possibility. Thus it came to pass that the Novgorodian heir tragically died in the woods, bumping Paris Revolution's wife up in succession slightly.

 

 

Speaking of childhood prospects, Victor and Liga had yet another son that I completely forgot about. Historians believe this overwhelming amount of children in his court led the King of the VHLE to pursue new hobbies. These hobbies did not prevent Victor and Liga from having even more children...

 

 

 

 

...however, Riga getting beseiged by Prussians did:

 

 

Jaime and Cersei Alfredson would be the last children Victor was able to have. Not just because his extremely fertile concubine of 15 years perished, but the stress of that event, as well as the stress of being attacked by Prussians at all, in conjunction to Victor's gigantism, led to an inevitable conclusion.

 

On March 3, 903, Victor Alfredson, First of his Name, King of the VHLE, consolidator of the Baltics, and pursuer of Sweden, drew his last breath.

 

 

Victor was truly one of the greatest conquerors of his generation. Had he lived until he was 70, he may have been able to re-establish the Baltic Empire in the name of the VHLE, and perhaps even achieved his goal of establishing the league in Vasteras and Stockholm. However, this was a dream that is to be inherited by his son, Acydburn. Sadly, this is not the only thing Acydburn inherited.

 

While Victor was a fearsome ruler, he was not without his blindspots. He took so much land from Lithuania in his pursuit of re-establishing an empire, that he did not realize he was in possession of enough de-jure counties to re-establish the Kingdom of Lithuania. Thus, on his passing, due to extremely dogshit and archaic laws, half of his kingdom, the Kingdom of VHLE was passed on to his heir. The other half, Lithuania, went to Victor Jr.

 

 

With their Kingdom divided, the Alfredson dynasty have taken a big leap backward in their goals to take over Europe, and establish the VHLE as the Empire it was destined to be. Will Acydburn truly go to war with his beloved brother Victor Jr. to reclaim what should rightfully be his? And what of his not-so-beloved brothers, Paris Revolution and Robbie Zimmers? Will their ambitions help or hinder Acydburn in his quest to take over Sweden?

 

Find out next time on CK3: The Rise of the VHLEictator!

Edited July 15, 2021 by JardyB10

[a_Ferk 766]

7 minutes ago, JardyB10 said:

Also he's a giant because @a_Ferk said so.

imagine fighting a giant on the battlefield tho. would be pretty scary

[JardyB10 4,865]

2 minutes ago, a_Ferk said:

imagine fighting a giant on the battlefield tho. would be pretty scary

He did not participate in battles, but Victor Jr. may have. I actually intended to try to get VJ killed like that, but I didn't micromanage it enough, and that was probably for the best. Acydburn and VJ are BFFs, which doesn't make him threatening. I can't say the same for Paris Revolution and Robbie Zimmers, other new landowners.

[KaleebtheMighty 1,509]

Love me some crusader kings, absolutely epic!!

[N0HBDY 1,116]

When can I buy the audiobook?

[JardyB10 4,865]

6 minutes ago, N0HBDY said:

When can I buy the audiobook?

I do podcasts every week, so perhaps I can adapt them… 

[Victor 10,937]

Not sure if fantasy or documentary 

[JardyB10 4,865]

1 hour ago, Victor said:

Not sure if fantasy or documentary 

Hard hitting documentary

[JardyB10 4,865]

Part 2: The Reigns of Acydburn and Victor II Alfredson

 

Hello, and welcome back to story of House Alfredson, history nerds. It's been a minute. In our last chapter, the founder of House Alfredson, Victor I, rapidly expanded from his humble dual counties to take possession of the de jure kingdoms of Estonia (now known as the primary Kingdom of the VHLE) and Lithuania. So efficient was the expansion of the VHLE that he did not even realize he had conquered the Lithuanian Kingdom. Thus, on his death, the realm was divided between his two eldest sons: Acydburn and Victor Jr, aka Victor II.

 

With Acydburn being the eldest and wisest of Victor's children, he was meant to inherit all of his father's most important titles. Splitting the Kingdom was a surefire way to cause discord in the family. However, it is worth noting that Acydburn and Victor Jr. got along quite well as kids. In fact, they were best friends.

 

 

Still, the realm is stronger when it's together. Indeed, it did not take long for the vultures of the rest of Europe to scent the death and disorganization within the league. The Duke of Pinsk was quick to take advantage of the new King Acydburn being pre-occupied with the Prussian revolt. The bright spot to this time though, was the birth of a brilliant heir and his twin sister.

 

 

Of course, even this bright point of the Alfredson dynasty is immediately shaded as the legitimacy of these children would soon be called into question.

 

 

Of course, young Jardy inherited Acydburn's genius, so OF COURSE he is legitimate. Still, this scandal would make it easier for his subjects to conspire against him and his family. For the crime, Chieftain Rusins found his way into a dungeon for the rest of his life. Giltine was also imprisoned, but was released soon after this shameful incident. While King Acydburn was incensed at the transgression, he respects keeping his family's bloodline powerful, and his wife's Amazonian figure played a role in that still.

 

Other than Pinsk, it was clear that Acydburn's younger siblings were going to be an issue. Some of his vassal supported This Really Needs to Stop, while Robbie Zimmers unsurprisingly began rallying support for his own claim.

 

 

After the first couple of rebellions, Acydburn managed to conquer a couple of Lithuanian counties around his brother's Kingdom to continue expanding his father's creation.

 

 

It was at this point that the Duke of Greater Poland attacked. It was all the VHLEian armies could do, but they were repelling the Polish forces, and had the upper hand in the war. However, while the VHLEian troops were out campaigning, raiders from Sweden invaded the capital of Riga, and stole Acydburn's sister, Janelle, and she was forced to become the concubine of a Scandinavian reaver. To make matters worse, on June 7, 912, the VHLE suffered a devastating defeat at the battle of Plock. However, in a twist of what may have been good fortune, two of the King's many brothers, Paris Revolution and This Really Needs to Stop, were slain in combat. While this may have been a blow to the Alfredson lineage, it may have been a blessing in disguise, as treason from these brothers was inevitable.

 

 

While some Alfredsons exited this world, others entered it anew. Acydburn's second son, Jason "Ace" Alfredson, was born on August 18, 913.

 

 

Just because Acydburn lost two of his brothers, didn't mean issues with his family were through. The first was the matter of Janelle, which turned out to be a simple one. Not wanting to suffer the indignity of a foreign barbarian having his way with his sister, Acydburn sent assassins to Sweden to do away with his sister's oppressor. During this time, it became clear that Robbie Zimmers was becoming a problem at court.

 

Meanwhile to this point, Acydburn and his brother and bestie Victor Jr. had been allies. It had been said that while King Acydburn coveted his brother's kingdom, he did not have to heart to raise a hand against him, either with a sneaky assassin or in the field with his armies. Victor initially had issues conceiving children, and it is possible his brother was hoping he would naturally succumb to his gigantism before he could produce any issue. Eventually though, Victor II brought many fertile concubines into his court, and the children started coming. Acydburn did not want to raise a hand against his brother, but his brother's children were another story.

 

 

 

Despite this scandalous mishap, Victor and Acydburn continued to be great friends. Blood is thicker than other blood, after all.

 

 

Speaking of blood, it wasn't long before King Acydburn began following in his father's footsteps in both conquering new lands and having too many children. His brother intended to do the same, but the King of the VHLE was always one step behind him with a knife and a poisonous snake.

 

 

The stress of both creating and destroying babies was getting to the elder king. Fortunately he had his brother to comfort him in times like these.

 

 

Unfortunately, this comfort couldn't stop the horrible cycle.

 

 

At this time, Victor II was heavily depressed from his children constantly getting bitten by snakes to death and stuff like that. His habits turned unhealthy, and on August 4, 921, he drank himself to death. His two remaining children would succeed him, but he wouldn't live long enough to see them get killed under mysterious circumstances.

 

 

"I had to do this. I had to do this." Words that VHLE co-founder would say to himself over and over and over throughout his life. Victor Jr. had only child remaining, Queen Maija of Lithuania. She learned of the plot to murder her, so her court was on high alert to any assassination attempts. However, they were not on alert for abduction attempts. Acydburn imprisoned the young queen, locked her in the deepest darkest dungeon, and began waiting for her demise. Historians believe the guilt of murdering so many of his BBFF's young children drove him to choose the pious lifestyle that would become the true hallmark of his rule. But we will get into that later. For now, we will visit the heir to a Kingdom that will soon be bigger than the one Victor I founded. Jardy was raised with the classic Alfredson trait of arrogance, and soon enough he grew up to be a competent military commander, which was a departure from his ancestor's more subtle ways of dealing with the VHLE's enemies.

 

 

Unfortunately, the boy was cursed with shyness, a trait that will cause him trouble in the future. But that is a story for another chapter. For now, let's continue watching the Alfredson dynasty multiply in many interesting ways:

 

 

Indeed, King Acydburn was not content enough to make his own dynasty far too large, so he had to infiltrate his blood into one of his vassals as well.

 

In late 927 AD, the VHLEian King fell ill. He would recover from this illness, but at age 50, he was only two years younger than his father when he passed. Add on to the fact this his brother Jaime would later die in a duel, and his niece Maija would die in his dungeon, and he began to fear his own mortality. These events would contribute to his forming his next big goal: reforming the Vidalist religion.

 

 

With the death of the last of Victor Jr.'s children, the VHLE finally reached new heights of its size and power.

 

 

Meanwhile, Jardy Alfredson was already doing what his family did best, and began having way too many kids with his wife Titti. His eldest child, Terrance Fong, was born July 1, 927. Several more children followed, including one from Acydburn's other child, Based. He would sire a nearly perfect daughter, and name her aptly.

 

 

As though the gods agreed with this notion of there being too many Alfredson children, the fates would have it that young Boulet would be murdered by an unknown schemer. Was it one of his own brothers or cousins? Or perhaps it was his uncle Robbie Zimmers? We will never know. What we do know is that Zimmers was leading a rebellion against the crown at the time of the murder. It may have been an attempt to rattle the VHLE King, and make his health suffer just as Victor Jr's did.

 

 

Zimmers and his faction were eventually defeated, disbanded, and imprisoned. Over the course of the war, Acydburn would fall gravely ill, as cancerous growths would begin to plague his entire body. His physician's efforts to save his life would prove futile, as even the removal of his entire leg would not extract the murderous cells. King Acydburn was at the end of his life, and he knew it. He spent the last of his energy empowering the government for his son Jardy, beginning some building projects in Riga, and of course, reforming the Vidilist religion. This new religion would have an emphasis on conversion and conquest. Followers of Vidilism will now get restless during peace time, preferring to invade their neighbours to sacrifice them to the gods. While King Acydburn wasn't quite a pious enough man to reform the religion to every specification he desired, this new cult will pave the way for his family to grow as far as his father dreamed.

 

\\

 

 

With nearly everything in place before his passing, Acydburn finally turned his attention to the rebellious lords who rallied behind his traitorous brother, Robbie Zimmers. Before he had a chance to mete out justice to all involved, King Acydburn was dealt one final setback...

 

 

One month later, on October 28, 939, in the midst of another rebellion, King Acydburn succumbed to his wounds and affliction. Both kingdoms he worked so hard to unite passed on to his son Jardy, who apparently got severely disfigured during his father's campaigning.

 

 

Armed with a brilliant strategic mind and a new minted militant religion, Jardy was poised to lead the VHLE to even greater heights than the realm had ever known, perhaps finally across the water and into Sweden. However, his Uncle Robbie Zimmers was still on the loose, and Jardy suffers from much the same problem as his father did; having too many siblings.

 

Will Jardy rise above his ancestors, or will the deluge of rebellious vassals and ambitious neighbours lay him low?

 

Find out next time on CK3: The Rise of the VHLEictator!

[Ahma 1,428]

the plot thickens

[Nykonax 1,563]

1 hour ago, JardyB10 said:

However, while the VHLEian troops were out campaigning, raiders from Sweden invaded the capital of Riga, and stole Acydburn's sister, Janelle, and she was forced to become the concubine of a Scandinavian reaver

better than living with @Enorama i guess

[JardyB10 4,865]

By the way, as you can see, these rulers and their kids are constantly pumping out babies, so feel free to throw out baby name suggestions.