Why The Seattle Bears are a Dumpster Fire [1/2]

[eaglesfan036 4,598]

Why The Seattle Bears Will Be A Dumpster Fire

 

1)      Past History:

 

Here is a tally of the number of playoff series the Bears have won since their miracle cup run in S43 (Hint, you can count on one finger)

 

 

Honestly, I expected this number to be zero, as the Bears are arguably the VHL’s worst run franchise for a long time running, consistently missing the playoffs or quickly exiting them. The funny thing is, there have been a few times Seattle had some regular season success, earning themselves a bye week in the playoffs. The only problem was they fell flat on their face during the playoffs, Dallas Cowboys style.

 

2)      Gabriel Mcalister’s Back Will Hurt

 

I know this series to suppose to trash teams, but I will admit that selecting Gabriel Mcalister was a good pick. The Cleveland Browns also made the right decision in drafting Myles Garrett first overall, so Seattle is being managed at least as well as the Cleveland Browns. Outside of McAllister, the Bears don’t have much else of a roster. Their 200 tpe goalie is earning tpe at a snail’s pace, Laflamme is going to go inactive, and then Banacock has his two roster players, one of whom we will get to soon. Outside of that, the roster is comprised of a bunch of inactive scrubs, so Mcalister will have to try and carry this team.

 

3)      The GM Values His Players Like A Homer on HFBoards

 

One of my favorite things to do on HFboards is read trade proposals from other teams’ fans to the Flyers, because there are often many homers (on both sides). For example, Canadiens fans probably think they can trade Andrew Shaw and a 4^th round pick for Claude Giroux, cause Shaw is a beast and Giroux sucks. That is essentially what Banacock does, as he was demanding somewhere between 69 and 420 1^st round picks for Federov these past few offseasons.

 

4) Karma for S42/S43

 

S42 and S43 was a ridiculous time for the VHL. Bushito was clearly on a downward spiral and going inactive, and blue team and the board of governors were en route to save Seattle and replace him. Instead, the Bears essentially formed a union and went on strike, led by @phil and @da trifecta, and said they would only play for Busito or they would quit. So the league decided to keep Bushito in place, and shockingly he went inactive. This led to Higgins taking over as the temporary GM, and Seattle rigging absurdly winning a cup they had no business winning. I believe that the Bears have been cursed for that abomination of a season, which is why we won't see them win a cup again until S84. 

 

5) The Bears Don't Have a Member of Blue Team on Their Team

 

Everyone knows the best way to win in the VHL is to have a member of blue team join your team? Why do you think Davos threw a party when Smarch became commissioner? If Davos doesn't win the cup this year I will donate 1 cent to everyone in the VHL.

 

 

 

Edited August 14, 2017 by eaglesfan036

[Gudnason 607]

I'm honoured you wrote Seattle's piece before Cologne's 

[Gudnason 607]

Love the read man, it's like a PG-rated Robbie's roast.

[Gudnason 607]

And literally wouldn't be surprised if it took until S84 for the Bears to win a cup

[Kendrick 4,741]

Now is that an American cent or Canadian?

[Gudnason 607]

One piece of constructive criticism @eaglesfan036

 

Change the "will be" to are, or "will remain" since this is either present tense or continuous present tense, and not future tense.

[Corco 1,235]

2 minutes ago, punkhippie said:

And literally wouldn't be surprised if it took until S84 for the Express to make the playoffs 

[Gudnason 607]

Just now, Corco said:

[Corco 1,235]

fuck Shitattle

 

s43 was the goat tho

[eaglesfan036 4,598]

20 minutes ago, punkhippie said:

I'm honoured you wrote Seattle's piece before Cologne's 

Cologne is next

[eaglesfan036 4,598]

12 minutes ago, Kendrick said:

Now is that an American cent or Canadian?

Whichever is cheaper

[Kendrick 4,741]

7 minutes ago, eaglesfan036 said:

Whichever is cheaper

Canadian penny isn't even worth a cent in the U.S.

[Gudnason 607]

9 minutes ago, eaglesfan036 said:

Cologne is next

 

HOW ABOUT YOU HURRY UP AND WRITE IT, DONT CLAIM WELFARE FOR JOURNEYMAN

[Da Trifecta 1,896]

That's it, @Bushito and @Higgins let's get Da Trifecta back together in Seattle.

[DollarAndADream 3,356]

I remember that S43 run oh too well, considering I lost to them in the post-season there. Seattle has some alright pieces, including Federov, but just not at that price.

[Bushito 1,945]

S43 team was beast but yeah Vasteras will win a cup before Seattle

[Higgins 3,618]

trade Jacob to Seattle it's the only way

 

 

[TheLastOlympian07 2,388]

Review

I enjoyed reading this eagles. Good job. It was funny and truthful. Maybe the Bears pick up the pieces after this next draft. They can be saved in a few short moves. 

[Tagger 2,722]

TFW you realise you're the only GM whose lost a playoff series to the Bears since S43

 

 

[Gudnason 607]

Review: Wonderful read that is both funny and accurate as well. Looking forward desperately to see the entire series. Is Cologne's piece coming later today? @eaglesfan036