BluObieZ

I feel like this was made just for me G: Sam Sung- Asian import goalie. Tech mogul who's worth billions. Who uses technology to be like iron man. Center: P Ennis yes his first name is just P. Fuck off. He is a center because your cock is centered between your right and left leg. More comedic gold couldn't fall onto your lap. LW: Macdonald Berger RW: Jack Daniels Defense: Dick Long. Come on people. Someone should use some of these. Moe Lester. Come on... bit of dark humor. Someone should really use these

With the Xavier special tonight unexpectedly you must be thinking one of two things. What in the holy hell did you just witness because you either don’t know who the player was or you are thinking god damn it I wish Robbie turned that into one of his scripts. Well he may just do that so don’t worry your little head about it. Robbie know exactly what you want so before his time is done here a more detailed script will drop. Not only for the Xavier story but for other players that played for the Zimmers agency. All will wrap up the players story in nice little bows and make you laugh and maybe even fucking cry. Yes dramatic shit may go on. I don’t really know and I don’t care right now. But having made this announcement we do not know which players will get wrap ups but you could only assume that Robin Banks probably will not and a few others but names like Robbie Zimmers, Sir William Covington III, Guido Schwartz Esq will most likely receive the. Which players would you like to see a wrap up on before the King leaves for good?

Hey since I am getting closer and closer to leaving this thing we call a league I thought I should go back and revisit some of my more popular players. Revisit them. See what they are up to and give them a ending. So sit back and enjoy. Xavier Martinez in a suit walks in front of a camera as two girls in bikinis fan him with large palm trees. He snaps his fingers, a girl appears from behind the camera with a glass with cocaine on it. He proceeds to the snort the cocaine before shoving her away and goes right into what the video is about. Xavier Hello people. Welcome to Xav estate Cocainery here in cocaine central in Mexico. Here at Xav we pride ourselves in the best shit anywhere in the world. No matter if it’s a bump, a dime bag, kilo or a fucking cocaine submarine. We here at Xav have your best cocaine needs in our best interest. Why? Because if you are happy, you come back and you make me a richer man. Money makes the world go round my little gringos, and I know what you fuckers like. Cocaine. The good stuff. White powder. White dragon. A video package plays showing naked women picking the plant, turning it into cocaine, cutting it and getting it ready for sale. Xavier We only employ naked women. Why? Well they can’t steal from me. They would be stupid if they tried to smuggle it out inside them. Plus it is better to look at. So when you come for a tour of Xav plantation you will be met with naked women on their knees because they are here to serve your every need, and I do mean every. If you are happy, you will be back so what’s better than a blow job before you do some blow? That’s what our company slogan is “Go blow yourself” Cut to later Xavier is touring his whole plantation when he finds a plant that looks off. He turns to a Pablo Escobar looking guy (down to the mustache) Xavier Burn it all! Cut to later Detective Byron Coca is standing with his task force near the villa. They appear to be getting ready to raid the villa. Byron looks at his men and starts to give a long boring and slightly inspiring speech. Byron Men today is the day. The day you have been dreaming all your life for. Well… not your wedding your day. Or the birth of your child, and probably not as important as a good Fajita after a long day of cracking skulls. Cause you know, nothing is better. But this moment is still up there somewhere between bad head from your wife and that feeling after taking a big dumb. Yes you all know that feeling. But do not let these words of wisdom deter you from the task at hand. The man we are going after has long been the biggest cocaine king pin. Paying off all our informants to give us false clues and feed us lies. He has also paid our fellow brothers and sisters’ way better than our salaries. I mean like probably ten times as much. We really can’t keep up with paying that much. I see why they would turn on us. But that is not my point… Cut to Xavier is hosting a cocaine party. High class people from around the world have flown in for the party at Xav Villa. People doing cocaine off any surface that will hold the powder. Xavier appears at the top of the stairs as he looks at the party. His wife dressed in a dress made of literal gold walks up and kisses him. Xavier LETS PARTY! Cut to Xavier is doing a massive line of cocaine when his young son Pablo walks up to him and hugs him closely Pablo Daddy! Thank you for the best birthday party ever! Xavier Oh son we celebrate you and the snow that we just got Pablo looks at his father confused Pablo But Daddy this is Mexico there is no snow here Xavier Oh young Pablo, snow pays for everything here. You will soon learn that. Cut to Detective Byron is sobbing as he continues his speech. Byron This mother fucker took my wife from me. She was the best wife and now she is gone. She now cuts coke and gives blow jobs for this piece of shit. Sure he can give her everything she ever wanted and he must be well hung because I know my little two incher never pleased her. BUT! That is not my point. I find it hard telling our kids that mommy is not a cocaine slut. Paid to do whatever this fucker wants. I had enough of him working hard to destroy whatever I worked my ass off to build… Well he probably doesn’t really have to work hard at it. With all that money things come easy. Cut to Xavier goes into his office at the top of the stairs and closes the door. A naked woman walks in and dumps a literal bucket of cocaine on Xavier’s desk. Cut to Byron is sitting in a small police car. He appears to be praying. Byron Please let me have a win. I need this. I have to go home and let my kids know that daddy is not the failure that they know that I am. I need this. Let little Maggie here be my chariot to victory over this scum. He is the reason why there have been cuts and I will no longer stand for it. I can barely do anything about it, this is my last chance before I give up and take a bribe and join him. If you can’t beat em join em right? Byron tries to ram the front gate of the compound but does not even make a scratch on the gate. He lets out a scream and begins to cry. Byron GOD DAMN IT!!!!! You couldn’t give me this victory. You couldn’t just fucking let me ram this down like it was an action movie. You are probably up there laughing. Well guess what? My Maggie might be destroyed and my drive might be shaken but I will go forward! A defeated Byron climbs out of the car and begins to climb the gate. He rips his pants before falling off the top and onto the other side. Clearly hurting himself in the process. He stands up and looks at his men. Bryon This man is finished winning all the time. Do this for the budget cuts we have been with. Do it for the men that turned on us. Do it for my wife. DO IT FOR MY PANTS! Cut to Xavier Martinez sits at a desk looking all coked out, almost like he is dead but all of a sudden he snaps out of it and looks around the room in a cocaine stare. He looks at the Tony Montana coke mountain in front of him before diving first into it. Just then he hears the sound of his front door being broken down Byron FREEZE! It’s the police!!! I said freeze! Okay… you do you and I do me. I just want Xavier and please don’t shoot us. Due to budget cuts we have five bullets amongst us Xavier in his coked out state cocks his fingers like they are guns as he gets up and slowly moving towards the door. Fade to Black

1)Like I said we would. Never doubt me. I got that championship fever. I got 3 cups in 3 seasons 2)Why fix a winning formula? 3a) You don't want to know. Lets just say it involved hookers, coke and a elephant named Tiger. Which I found odd cause he aint no fucking elephant. 4a) I have no idea who are the rooks. So i will go with one of them 5) Cup or bust 6) Dont really care

Orion Slade is about to enter his second season in the VHL. He is on a roll of epic proportions. How epic? Well he has three championships in three seasons. How could this be? Well in his two seasons in the VHLM he had two cups. Add those to the cup he just won in Helsinki, it would make it three cups in three seasons. If you are new or you just plain forgot/ignored Robbie. Orion’s goal is to win as many cups as possible before he wins. He calls it his “Cup Tour” If everything goes correctly, Orion will have a cup in every season played. He also intends to play for as many VHL teams as he possibly can. Which can and should make the chances of many cups harder. Orion will have to choose carefully about which team he picks to play for. Only the top teams in each season actually have a shot at him. Which is why he picked up his player option for his second season in Helsinki. The Titans already on a historic run in the finals, finally got the monkey off their back and won it this past season. Now that the monkey is gone they are going for it again and by the looks of it will be the favorites to win and repeat as champions. This is most likely Orion’s last season in Helsinki because the team will probably enter a rebuild and he already gave up the shot at the last ever “Robbie 1, 2” just so he can stay on and win another cup. If you are not sure what the Robbie 1,2 is, you must be new because even if you hated Robbie you knew that he liked to sign his rookie contract with a kicker at the end. The kicker was a player option on the third season. A option that was more likely not to be picked up, that way his player can hit the open market and find a team better suited for his player and was closer to winning a cup. Basically fucking over the team that just drafted him, for his players own gain. This lead to teams not drafting any Robbie Agency player high because out of fear that they would leave in two seasons. Hell Orion Slade was like a Third round pick (refuse to look into it, may have been a 4th) I think now that the dust has settled and someone would do a redraft, Orion would go much higher in the draft. Or at least listed as the steal of the draft. Both Robbie and Orion are very happy with where he was drafted because the favorite to win the last few cups saw enough in him to draft him because they knew when it came to the upcoming season, the last season in their cup window they will have the young gun just entering his prime. It was a smart decision by the team and by Orion to stick around another season. Both moves will most likely be paid off with another cup.

I think it’s pretty much set in stone right now. If it wasn’t right when it happened, it is now. What in the holy shit are you talking about Robbie? FUCK YOU! That’s what! No… I am talking about how Orion Slade is the steal of the S65 draft. A fact that really shouldn’t shock you because many of my players have been viewed as steals of the draft because of me being a supposed “Locker room cancer” and my well known Robbie 1,2 teams rebuilding were scared to draft my players because they will leave after just two seasons and they would leave the team with a sour taste in their mouth (no homo) But yet again, here we are my last ever player and yet again I did it again. But how? Why? Are there no better players? Um no. Orion was draft late in the 3rd fucking round like come on. It’s pretty certain no good players are left on the board that late. The only reason Orion was on the board was because I pretty much said don’t draft me. I wanted to go undrafted so I can pick my team. BUT NOOOOOOO @Quik THE FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!! Drafted Orion. He took a “gamble” in the 3rd round because he knew if he could get me to sign he would get a good player. It wasn’t much of a gamble because that late into the draft you can pretty much autopick or just forfeit picks so taking a stab in the dark at a player that may not sign is actually a pretty small risk with potential for high rewards. Now here we stand, Orion and The Sink have their cup and going for another. All because of this calculated risk that The Sink took in the 3rd round that turned out to be the steal of the draft. Hahahaha fuck you!

Wow... no Orion Slade...

1. Yeah cause I said it. We'll get one next season also 2. Caring enough to stay awake 3. The finals were over before they began. Literally. And now they literally are over. 4. Couldn't give a fuck less tbh 5. Bo7? Wtf 6. Orion Slade will win the most cups for a player in league history. Prepare for the trash talk. It will be epic.

Ah yes... 4 in 6 seasons

Leaving the VHL for good in a few seasons I'd like to helm USA again

I have a player option on next season. Since this is my last player ever i want to switch teams every year and win a cup every season

1. Partying 2. Pretty easy, they have no chance 3. Play Orion all you can. He is the teams horse shoe 4. Don't really know. I'm pretty ignorant 5. Sure why not? 6. Calgary. I want to destroy them

Stop me if you heard any of this before. The Helsinki Titans are going to the finals. Stop? Well that was fast… Damn it! Whatever will I write about then? Well guess what? I will continue talking about the Helsinki Titans. This will be the Titans third finals in a row. That’s Patriots and Warriors level right there. Sure those team win championships and Helsinki is still waiting to win. Well guess fucking what, I hate to break it to you but the Titans will be the champions this season. It’s just written in stone. Now this is where this is going to take a left turn. Or uh a right? I don’t know. Why? Because it’s very hard to write an article on something that I do not know about. I probably looked at maybe four game threads this whole season. I do not know the stats or anything. So I am literally taking guesses here. All I know is that we are off to the cup. So it’s time for wild shots in the dark because well, that’s what I do. Hell other than my own player I have no idea who else is on the team. But bear with me here. You would think that the team that has failed to win the cup in the last two attempts would be a bit afraid that it would happen again this season, but if you asked players on the team they seem pretty relaxed and excited for the chance to finally win it. Orion Slade the rookie sensation is looking for his first cup in his career. Orion is on a great streak of his own. He won two cups in the VHLM and with a cup this season it would be three cups in three seasons. Which is the opposite of the Helsinki curse that is going on right now. Orion might just be the thing that the Titans need right now. Sure he isn’t their best player, but he is just one lucky mother fucker. He just keeps winning. Something that this team needs right now. They must move past the last two years of failure and disappointment and they must win the cup. If they fail to win this time around they may go down as one of the best teams to never win the cup. It would be quite sad if they fail, but Orion is pretty confident about their chances. “Look, stop with these stupid questions. I had enough about hearing how this team failed year after year. Have I failed? Or have I lived up to my promise? I think I lived up to my career promise. So till I fail. Which I won’t. All of you idiots can shut the fuck up. I don’t want to hear about any of this. So you might as well start the questions about how it feels to be a VHL champion, because I refuse to answer any questions about any of this” The finals will be exciting. I think. Helsinki should take it in five games because they are that fucking good. If you disagree, then you are an idiot. Helsinki will own you and the series. Enjoy!

With this season almost done the question soon will become, where will Orion Slade take his talents next season? Does he even know who is the favorite next season? Does he even care to look into it? So many questions and Orion probably does not have the answer…yet? Does he care to look into it? Probably fucking not. Orion is pretty ignorant, much like his agent Robbie Zimmers. So to expect him to look into teams for next season is expecting too much of him. It’s like expecting Donald Trump to do anything Presidential or anything that would make the country great. Orion says “Trust me when I say this, I will be playing for the cup favorites next season. Count on it. Write it the fuck down because it will happen. Sure maybe the team that everyone expects to win next season might not sign me, but another favorite will come by and be like make us better by signing with us and we will get you your second cup” How does Orion even expect to do all this and know that the team that he is signing with is actually not fucking horrible? Well he claims he has a way of making sure that the team he signs with truly is as good as they say they are, and no it’s not looking into who the team has. Orion doesn’t care what people say, he doesn’t care if people say that teams just will refuse to sign him. To that he says “Cool, let them not sign me. It just makes my end goal come that much closer to coming true. If I have to sit a season because no one wants to sign me then I will still still have 3 cups in 3 seasons played. To stop my this train you must fool me and make me sign with you. But you can’t do that, because I am smarter than you. I went to the fuck around school of Robbie Zimmers. I know what I need to do and how I will do it. Enjoy” There is no way of telling where he will sign. We only know that he will not sign in Calgary because that team is a failure with a piece of shit GM that has no idea what he is doing. He will most likely not sign with the new expansion teams, because they most likely will not be good enough next season to compete for a cup. So that leaves a short list of Seattle, New York, Riga, Davos… Can’t remember the rest but those four teams are pretty high up on the list of teams Orion would love to play for. Are any of those teams going to be good next season? He has no idea right now. Nor does he care. He will figure it all out in the coming weeks and will pick his new team once free agency starts. But one thing that is sure, his free agency will bring the league back to the free agency fuckeries of the past.

Orion Slade woke up in a jail cell but was not arrested. No this is not a riddle with an odd answer. It truly is the headline in Helsinki. Orion Slade the supposed human with super human powers somehow woke up in a jail cell much to the police’s surprise. They let him go because they couldn’t really charge him with “breaking into a jail cell” this was after a night of partying. Reports around the city had Orion going bar hopping with what is described as a gaggle of hookers. He fucked none of them but he likes to go out to bars with them because no other hockey star can say that his entourage is hookers and drug dealers. This is just one more thing in the long list of crazy things Orion has done in his short time in Helsinki. In his short time in Helsinki Orion has celebrated Christmas in May by making cocaine rain downtown, robbed a bank (has not been proven), had super human battle with aliens (also not proven) so him waking up in jail cell is actually pretty tame for the guy. What will he do next? How will he celebrate his first cup in the VHL? We will just have to wait and see.

Orion Slade has refused to show up to any practice leading up to and any during the finals. The rookie forward is stepping up his confidence about the finals and how he promises the Titans will be the champions so why would he practice “Excuse me but I’m gonna take a page out of Allen Iverson’s book… kinda. We talking about practice. Not the cup. Not the cup we are about to play for. Not the cup we grew up dreaming about winning. But we talking about practice. Now if you asked about me missing practice during the season, sure then you can make a fucking stink about it. Ill still be an ass about it, but you would have more of an argument. But the sad fucking fact here is that we talking about practice man. You guys think that it’s something so wrong that I refuse to show up. Well come on. Why would I practice? We got this. We don’t need practice. All we need to practice is drinking a shit ton of alcohol in celebration. Hell… I don’t even fucking know who we are playing. I guess it will be a shock to me when I get on the ice. I really don’t care about them. Fuck em”

Ladies and germs it's time! for what? well Orion has a goal of getting a cup in every season that he plays in. Helsinki is the favorites by far heading into the playoffs and Orion looks to be well on his way to be 1 for 1 in his goal. It will be very interesting to see how many cups Orion finishes his career with but for now people should take this in for the entertainment value. Orion will for sure about every win, goal this upcoming playoffs and players on other teams will for sure be looking to knock that smirk off his face like the annoying fuck that he is, but if you ask Orion if he is worried about the extra coverage he says "Look, I know that other teams hate me. Sure I am not the best on the team, but I will for sure rub it in your face every time I score, every time that I am on the ice you will want to shut me up, But I won't so Invite you to come and try to stop me. Try to injure me, try to stop me from being a pest, try and stop me from winning the cup. You will fail at it all. "

1) The Titans clinched the Victory Cup with a good number of games to spare. What does that say about this year's roster? Um... We're amazing? 2) How many Titans will end up leading in their respective categories by the end of the season (goals, assists, points)? All of them 3) Do you treat these last few games any differently than the ones that mattered? Lol no, I think we take it easy. Play with our opponent like a dog with a chew toy 4) What's the #1 thing Helsinki needs to fix in practice, going into playoffs? How much blow we do. Needs to be doubled. 5) Which would look the best for a crowd of Finland fans- whiteout, blackout, or all-blue? White. We could could call it Montana Mountain. 6) Home ice is usually an advantage come playoff time. Does it help to play in front of a crowd that's cheering you on? Fuck yeah. Why wouldn't it?

Claiming a 2nd time

Please change these

Short Bus happened. I literally gathered all the most hated people around the league on the same team. It was epic. The part that didn't happen was the Idaho Potatoes

As insane as it sounds but the Idaho Potatoes were almost going to be a thing. If you do not know what I am talking about read my just posted MS “Whoops Did I do that” Or just continue to read this. Back when I was the NY GM my end game plan was to move (or try to) the team yet again to a small shithole town in Idaho and call them the Potatoes. Then I would have had a fire sale of all players “setting them free” and then quit as the GM. The team would have gone onto becoming the joke of the league. I would have had many seasons of laughter out of it. Why didn’t I end up doing it? Well partly because I built up so much ill will with every GM in the league that no one wanted to trade with me even if I was looking to get slaughtered in trades. I was looking to fall on my sword just so I could get one last laugh. But looking back I am happy that I didn’t do this because NY has become the premiere team in the VHL and don’t you fucking doubt it.