gorlab

Not until Jody 3 Moons takes his rightful place beside all-time greats like Ryan Sullivan, CAL G, and Detective Zero in the VHL Hall of Fame.

Not until Jody 3 Moons takes his rightful place beside all-time greats like Ryan Sullivan, CAL G, and Detective Zero in the VHL Hall of Fame.

I'm here to ensure Jody 3 Moons takes the VHL by storm and becomes the all-time leading point scorer. 

Yeah, us SHLers are all lame men.
 
 
Put it in lame men terms for us please, s ball.

Shablagoo!

Gorlab writes a 1000+ word bio about getting chicks preggerz....
 
What does that say about his e-penis?

Damn, you received a small reward for taking the time to write something league related, even though what you wrote had a silly/joking premise?!? Wow. What a horrid fucking league. Staying in VHL full-time guys, you've converted me.
 
Where can I do a writeup about how I tape my stack using 3" CCM lightfoil tape, making sure that no piece of tape overlaps another one, followed by spending 15 minutes waxing the tape job??

That's exactly what I said.
 
So why is it, when I say it i'm a pussy who is all bark and no bite, yet you are doing the EXACT same thing.

Damn, you received a small reward for taking the time to write something league related, even though what you wrote had a silly/joking premise?!? Wow. What a horrid fucking league. Staying in VHL full-time guys, you've converted me.
 
Where can I do a writeup about how I tape my stack using 3" CCM lightfoil tape, making sure that no piece of tape overlaps another one, followed by spending 15 minutes waxing the tape job??

For someone so intelligent you sure seem to be wrong about a lot of things.

Someone PM me a link to a point task. My cousin who has a masters degree in psychology told me he has about 4 free hours to help me out, so I'm hoping it will be enough to get me some tpe.

GTFO.

Why can't I enjoy both leagues, and still maintain respect form my peers? 

Yeah, us SHLers are all lame men.
 
 
Put it in lame men terms for us please, s ball.

Sorry, just had to highlight this absolute gem.

HOLY SHIT @ KESLER BEING A GM HERE. THIS CANNOT BE REAL LIFE.
 
CLOSE THIS FUCKING THREAD. CLOSE THIS WEBSITE DOWN. YOU ARE NOT COMING BACK FROM THAT.
 
 
 
SHL >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> THIS TRASH.

Any of you VHLers who are posting dumb ass gifs acting like I'm wrong are more than welcome to catch a fade with me anywhere.

I just got emailed a New Member survey, and I let this shit fly there, too, but I wanted to air out VHL in the public eye as well. I'm from SHL. I have over 1000 tpe there. I am a boss on SHL. I know exactly what to do to get my player to be good. In VHL? I'm 3 weeks in and still haven't done shit with my player, or this community. 
 
Here's why your trash league is horrid compared to us:
 
 
1) There's no rookie/mentor committee. Like, are you serious? When I signed up and created a player, nobody took 2 seconds to ask me if I had any questions (other than my SHL friend who I put as my recruiter). I was thinking some type of welcoming director or SOMEBODY would like, PM a new member and make sure they know what to do, but there was absolutely nothing.
 
2) I wrote my player biography, because I somehow found out that's what you're supposed to do, and some needledick takes 7+ days to grade it, and then basically tells me I'm a piece of garbage and gives me half the TPE that other people get, despite me putting a lot of work into that fucker??
 
Who is this piece of shit to tell me my joint isn't good enough and doesn't deserve full marks?? Do you want activity in your league? You've got to be way less strict. This isn't some high school summer program, it's a fucking sim hockey league that people come here for fun, not to be told that their writing isn't good enough and given a D-. I don't even remember who graded my shit, but if he ever tried to tell me something like that IRL he'd be knocked clean out. Jardy come see me anywhere in Saskatoon if you want to catch a fade on his behalf.
 
3) The GUI of your site is clunky as fuck. I know you're trying to make it look sleek or whatever, but it's shit. The absolute pinnacle of the shitty GUI is this horrid fucking text entry box you need to use to make forum posts / pm someone. The formatting is HORRID. BB Code >>>>>>>>>>> Whatever this shit is. This is like some forumotion, horribly coded garbage. I was typing up a response to the 'New Member Survey' (which was sent to me like 3 weeks after I joined this fucker) AND THE FUCKING TEXT LITERALLY STARTED GOING OUT OF THE TEXTBOX ONTO THE WEBPAGE ITSELF. I damn near died of laughter, but this shit is GARBAGE.
 
4) I dont even know if this is true, but it seems like GRAPHICS are pretty much what you need to be good at, if you want to get points for your player. I don't do graphics, so fuck off with that. I don't want to do text, because I don't want some fedora-wearing piece of shit to passive aggressively "critique" my writing and find some bullshit excuse as to not deem it worth the full reward.
 
5) I was creating my player, and noticed all the other prospects had a (S40) tag on them, so I put an (S40) on mine, thinking "okay there is a bunch of S40's here, so there is probably a draft coming up soon.". Then, out of the blue like a week after I created a player, I'm magically on the Moscow Shitwolfs??? I posted in their LR and they were apparently in the playoffs or some shit and they needed a 4th liner so they scooped me up??  WHAT???
 
This is what you want your new members to experience? Playing a handful of 4-5 minute games on some random team, out of nowhere, without any type of heads up???  A draft experience is one of the major moments in a sim player's career, and whatever this shit system you have here, where my player can be signed as a FA to play 10 games for a random team before he's drafted to another team, is just straight up horrid. This is like an NHL player getting signed as a FA in the playoffs and then getting drafted ~2 weeks after the playoffs end by another team? The fuck?? Who thinks this shit up??
 
 
If anybody even tries to argue any of the shit I posted, I'm either going to find Jardy IRL and knock him out, or retire and go back to the SHL full-time. If you are from SHL and I offended you with this post, then sorry.

Entertainment.

I'm the best ever. I'm the most brutal and vicious, and most ruthless champion there's ever been. There's no one can stop me. Svoboda is a conqueror? No, I'm Alexander, he's no Alexander. I'm the best ever. There's never been anybody as ruthless! I'm Sonny Liston,I'm Jack Dempsey. There's no one like me. I'm from their cloth. There's no one that can match me. My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart! I want to eat his children! Praise be to Allah.

Svoboda 3 I will fuck you up any day. Why on god's earth would I ever go to Prince Albert though??
 
People from PA come to Saskatoon. Not the other way around.

This is the thunderdome right? I thought you guys would understand it's implied, but clearly a vast majority of you didn't, so I had to spell it out.

lets go mosco red wolfs xD

Jody 3 Moons is the Travis Tritt of the hockey world. His style, impeccable. His hair, unfuckwitable, and his hockey skill, insanity. The man known as 3 Moons is the furthest descendant of a royal Ukrainian bloodline. His ancestors were practitioners of blood magic and gypsy voodoo who, before the time of Jesus, harnessed an ancient black magic and used it to greatly enhance the fertility of their blood line. After thousands of years of prosperity, this ancient bloodline has dwindled down to almost nothing. After the death of his younger brother, Jody 3 Moons is now unknowingly the last remaining link to this powerful blood line.
 

A depiction of the original 3 Moons bloodline
 
Although it's been thousands of years since his blood was first enchanted by the black magic, the power is still as strong as it was in each and every one of his ancestors. Ranging from kings to conquerors to artists to sportsmen, the 3 Moons bloodline is truly remarkable and Jody is no different. Someone who's style is so magnificent can only be described as great.
 
Jody's calling, however, was not conquest or artistry, it was hockey. When he was 2 years old, a young Jody saved a single mother who was being accosted by a mugger on a cold winter night. The mugger wielded two butcher knives but two-year-old Jody apprehended him with ease. After dispatching of this violent criminal, Jody realized the mugger's blades could be affixed to the bottom of his shoes to allow him to glide across any icy surface with ease. On that day a hockey legend was forged and Jody had found his life's passion.
 
By the age of 16, Jody was already a multiple MVP-winner of the Ukraine's professional hockey league and he had already inseminated well over 2,000 women across Ukraine. It was time for Jody to take his hockey skills and super-human sperm to another continent. Jody spent 7 days at the summit of a Ukrainian mountain with only 14 grams of psychedelic mushrooms, a wine skin filled with monkey's blood, and a goat who acted as his guide. When he re-appeared on the 8th day, he was completely convinced that his destiny was in North America atop the hockey world. So he departed his homeland of Ukraine, and like his ancestors before him, started his conquest.
 
Once landing in North America, 3 Moons tried out for a junior club in Manitoba and made the team. From there, his name spread like wildfire throughout the North American hockey scouting scene. His major strengths were everything. His power was akin to an African crocodile, his speed like a gazelle sprinting across the plains. His hands were nothing short of breath-taking and he could diddle about 10 girls in 23 second, a Manitoba Junior League record. 3 Moons was undoubtedly the total package. His junior career was filled with awards, trophies, and records. The most important of which, was the 1300 girls he inseminated within his first season in North America.
 

A small sample of Jody's handiwork
 
There is no down-side to 3 Moon's game. He is the descendant of a thousand-year-old black magic blood line. Do you really think he would have any negative aspects? He has over 2,000 children at the age of 16 for fuck sakes. Jody 3 Moons is gorgeous. A woman has never rejected him and he's capable of withstanding 10x the damage of a normal human being. Jody was ran down by an 18-wheeler when he was 5 years old, but was completely unaffected. He ran a half-marathon the next day, and probably got at least 1 girl pregnant. He never has used a condom but his monthly STD testing always comes back clean. He's been in a dirty hole or two, that much can be guaranteed. Undoubtedly, if he has one flaw, it's his uncanny ability to get women pregnant. Jody himself does not need the presence of a woman in his life, but it's thought that the power within his enchanted blood forces him into reproducing and continuing the blood line as often as possible. Another potential negative to 3 Moon's game is his stunning good looks. There have been several documented cases of his teammates becoming homosexual and leaving their wives after witnessing 3 Moons in the locker room. Finally, he's a bit of a pussy and will not resort to fisticuffs under any circumstances, despite being 10x stronger than an average human. Jody just gets down like that.
 

The character of Gunnar Stahl from the motion picture D2: The Mighty Ducks is loosely based on Jody 3 Moons
 
Jody has the raw talent and athleticism to play any position on the ice, including goalie, head coach, and general manager. He played a game of craps in Dubai with 7 billionaires to determine what position he would play throughout his career and it ended up being center. 3 Moons does not lose face-offs. Ever.
 
Jody 3 Moons will be taking the VHL by storm. He is already widely-considered the best player, nay, human, on the face of the earth, and plans to stamp this claim with a seal of 3 Moons authenticity in the upcoming VHL season. At the time of writing this Biography, Jody 3 Moons is the confirmed father of over 2700 children, and is suspected to be the father of at least 3000 others. He has never paid a single dollar of child support.
 
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The man himself - Jody 3 Moons aka Mr. I F*ck N*ggas Up For That