DoktorFunk

Moscos 3-1

¿Tres?

Day 8?

Calm claiming clam

If I had to only be known for a couple things, I'm okay with these. ?

1) It's an all furry bear suit, but not in THAT way. 2). Malmo, and we've already done it. 3). 2000lbs of protein powder. 4). Raining Blood by Slayer 5. Acyd's, because I've always wanted to fight Hogan 6). Absolutely. No one does it better.

Clemson

Unsung Hero: The Mississauga Hound Quick shout out to the original Hound, @GustavMattias for getting me so involved in the league. Seriously, if it wasn't for you reaching out and offering help, as well as drafting me to the best locker room in the Victory Hockey League, I probably wouldn't still be here. I'm not gonna say that this site has changed my life, because that's kind of silly. But, it gave me something to sink my teeth into after moving to a new city, and gave me a group of people to talk with and have fun with that I could be frank with and share some of the burden with. Season 66 seems like so long ago, now. But, thank you all the same. It's been a fun ride, so far, and I'm still hoping Jerry and Scott can play on the same team at one point. I'm sure we'll see each other in the finals again. Keep practicing that slap.

Unsnug Heroes: The Seattle Bears Well, time for another theme week! It's been that quick of a season already? Christmas is around the corner, and winter is in full effect in the northern hemisphere (which changes everything, save for people like @Berocka who lives in the upside down. This is the time when we need to snuggle up and get warm. But, the real heroes are the ones who can't get snuggled and cozy. We're talking about unsnug heroes. My friend @Banackock has been working his ass of in freezing weather. I really respect that. He hasn't had much time to do anything other than work, which makes him ESPECIALLY unsnug. I really respect his work ethic and all that he does for the team. Thank you, Bana! @HenrikZoiderberg I'm assuming has been doing something similar. He's gotta be really busy running around for the holidays, and not much time for him to get all snugly is common for him. Still, he finds time to pop into the locker room, and manages to make me laugh every time he does. Thanks, buddy! Speaking of laughing, @Berocka manages to make me do so with his dry wit and deadpan sense of humor. I really appreciate the passion and commitment he puts into his player, too, even though it hasn't paid off.... yet. @Rayzor_7 has been invaluable to the team. He has an amazing analytical mind and has helped us find ourselves on more than one occasion. Snuggle hard, dude! @HulkHogan hasn't rested and is always on the grind to get his championship back. He also happens to play really good hockey. He doesn't seem like the snugly type, but he put up with my fan fiction so he gets a shout out here. ? @Acydburn not only plays great, but is an inspiring presence and is so much fun to talk to. Stay gold, pony boy! Snuggle big, my man. @oilmandan only recently joined us, but he has been fun and active, and you can't put a price on that. I'm assuming he's freezing his ass off too, so get your but inside and get to snuggling! @Steve brings a reliable, exciting vibe, even though he can be down on his performances. Snuggle up, bud! I think you're great! We can't have a conversation about surviving the ice without our Ice Giant, @FrostBeard. You're killing it from halfway around the world, my brother! Snuggle with some bees for me! @Esso2264 get drunk, mon ami. It's cold up there. Thanks for your memeable presence and putting up with the emoji spam. And lastly, thanks to @DollarAndADream for approving my reviews when trivia doesn't happen. Still not sure I'm doing it right, but I appreciate it all the same. Spend some more time in the locker room! You're fun! I'm glad you're all my teammates, and I'm glad we consistently have fun together! Even when it doesn't turn out like we hoped, I'm still having a great time! We can all hopefully snuggle soon, in the Bear Den! 506 words, claiming next week I guess? Edit: I've been informed it's unSUNG heroes, and not unSNUG heroes. Oh well. It all still applies

Clamm

Week deux

Calm

Clam

Yeet dab claim

Yup. Had to jinx it.

Cmon Nixon, you used to be cool

The Seattle Bears are back on top of the Victory Hockey League standings after winning four games in a row. We caught up with Seattle's Scott Greene to see how he and some of the other players in the locker room felt about it. "Well it's nice. For the first time this season, I finally feel like we're back on top," says Greene. "It's been hard to find the chemistry this season. We haven't been BAD, but we just haven't been living up to the expectations we had after winning the Cup last summer. It was a hard road back, but I finally feel like we're getting hot again." We asked Greene what he thought their biggest challenge would be going forward. "Honestly? I'd love to say we have it sorted out, but Vancouver is going to be tough to beat. That team has been fantastic this year. When we meet them in the playoffs, it's going to be explosive, I think." We are all looking forward to it.

Happy Honda Days! Claiming!

Happy Holidays, peeps.

73. What are some of your hobbies? I play guitar and bass a lot, although not as much as I used to. I wish I had more time. That being said, I do plan to start another band soon. 74. How old are you? If you don't want to give an exact age, give us a range of 10. If you're 25, 24-34 etc. IDC I'm 28 years of age. 75. What do you do for work/job/school/life? I sell jewelry to people who want to buy it. 76. What are some foods you dislike? I can't stand mushrooms. 77. Do you have any pet peeves? Incorrect grammar and spelling. It really bugs me. 78. What's one of the coolest/most memorable thing you've done in life so far? I was on a TV show that aired across all 50 states when I was little.

The Funk Doktor's Guide to Building a Character Hi there! I’ve been here in the VHL for probably about as long as Gustav was when he made his first article on how to build an effective player. I’d like to lend you my expertise. So far, my character has been incredibly average, so I would like to show you how you can achieve the same level of greatness that I did. This will be borrowing the same format of build guide that Gustav’s does, for the purposes of being absolutely absurd. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS ADVICE SERIOUSLY. IT COULD CRIPPLE YOUR CHARACTER. STATTTTTTSSSS!!!! Checking: Slamming your big ol’ body (or booty) into another boy. When you want to get frisky and down and dirty more often, upgrade this stat. Really good for when you’re in the club. Fighting: Most important stat if you’re over 6’4”. It’s importance cannot be overstated. Hockey is a game about fighting, and scoring goals is secondary. I made a player that was below 6’4”, so I was screwed and had to focus on making a player that could score. Basically, if you want to be a large lad or an absolute unit, put points into this. Discipline: Polar opposite of Fighting, so who cares? It’s not fun being good, anyway. Not even actually sure if this helps people at all. Skating: Upgrading this will make your player do more fancy figure skating routines on the ice. Can be fun to read about in the post-game summaries. Strength: Helps you get jacked, brother. Mostly just makes you feel good about yourself and your self-esteem. Don’t you already feel better? Puck Handling: Handle my puck, daddy. Puck handling makes your player really good at juggling pucks with their bare hands. Face-offs: The more you upgrade this, the more your player will watch the movie “Face-Off” starring John Travolta and Nicholas Cage. My player, being a centre, went from barely ever watching the movie to having a flat-screen visor in front of him while he plays to watch it the whole time he’s on the ice. Passing: How effective you are at reliably passing a joint or brewski from one player on the ice to another. If you’re worse at it, your teammates might become mad that you’re “bogarting” whatever illicit substance you may be consuming. Don’t be a dick, bro. Scoring: Ah yes, the goal of life. Scoring affects how good you are at getting laid. I have 99 scoring, so I’m swimming in women and men all the time, and you can be, too. That being said, please get yourself tested for STI’s as often as possible if you choose to upgrade this (that itch never goes away). DEFENSE: Defense isn’t important. Penalty Shot: Second most useful stat, bar none. Make sure to make this your second priority. Leadership: Third most important, because your team is going to be needing an Alpha leader to take over the ice from the opposition. Nut up or shut up. And last but not least, please put all the money you ever get from your contracts into experience. Experience is the most important stat because you can basically buy it to win. In other words, the Victory Hockey League is basically a pay-to-win game. *Decision Making Formula: I really couldn’t tell you what this means, but I think it has something to do with how attractive you are to whoever you’re trying to score with, or what attack to use against your opponent in a fight on the ice. For example, if I have high scoring, I might be more likely to actually sleep with one of my opponents instead of fighting them. If my fighting is the same amount as my scoring, however, I might be fighting and having sex AT THE SAME TIME. Decide which you want more, and put more in that stat. It’s really that easy. Goalies don’t matter, because they can’t score, but I’ll go over them anyways. Size: Gotta be big. Imagine a whale in a hockey uniform. Now you have the goal you’re shooting for if you’re a goalie. You need to fill up as much of the net as possible, so if you can get plastic surgery to fill up the pipes, do it. Agility: Point is moot if you have size, but agility will let you small pieces of crap actually TRY to stop someone from putting the biscuit in the basket. Rebound Control: Not sure what this does. I ASSUME it helps you get back on the horse after your player is dumped by their girlfriend. Thanks, Melody. L Style Control: This one is also simple and important. It affects your SWAG. You need SWAG, or you’re basically worthless. The higher you put it, the more luxury clothing, watches, cars, whatever you can name, your player will have. Hand Speed: Gotta have good hand speed. If your hands are slow, you suck. Or, might as well start sucking. Reaction Time: Keep your pimp hand strong. You need to be able to stop any incoming rounds from an opponent’s gun. The streets are mean out here. Penalty Shot: Your ability to kill whoever might incur your wrath. Leadership: Same as above. As for what order to do them in? That’s up to you, but if you want a really mediocre player, upgrade scoring to 99, defense to 99, puck handling to 90, skating to 90, and everything else scatter haphazardly around like you have no idea what you’re doing. If you want to make a good goalie, don’t. There are too many goalies right now and no one cares. You need to be a forward to get anyone to care. So what have we learned? Probably nothing at all, but I had fun writing this, and I hope you had fun reading it. As it stands, I’m actually pretty happy with my build, but, if you somehow thought I was serious this whole time and wanted to take my advice, please read Gustav’s original build guide, as it’s actually really helpful. ___________________________________________________________________________________ 1008 words, claiming for two weeks.

I see we still love each other