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    Andy Nexber Aftermath

    in Archived Media Spots

    Posted

    *Ding*

     

            Huh? Who are you? Oh, that's who you are! Welcome to heaven. Who am I? I'm a guy named Andy Nexber, a never-was hockey player who died in a car crash after I landed in Helsinki! That's a little bit too much to process, right? I know you thought I was retired and all that, no. No I was definitely not. I still wanted to play hockey after becoming a free agent. But I was in a car, cruising down the beautiful Helsinki highway. And then, BOOM! I soon wake up in a place with an ass-bunch of clouds and- Woah! Sorry God! He gets feisty when you say a swear. Yeah. I've stayed up here for about 2 years and was watching a guy named Austin Towbaker. Oh boy, did he have some potential. I soon realized that this guy just got drafted! Please be Vegas, please be Vegas! Wait what?! He was drafted 5th overall by the Ottowa Lynx. I'm watching down on him right now! Oh man, how he has changed. He still has an autograph of every Riga player, including me. Soon after that, hey wow, I'm a free agent now! And when I fly to Helsinki, I get shivers down my spine.

     

           Oh, you want to know about my life after I was a free agent? Sure! I was so sad after my 6-year old niece died in a car crash. Like, 6 people died and everybody was badly injured. I started to drink. It soon became an addiction. Not proud of it, never will. And then my mom died. I started drinking double the beer. I went to the bar so much that everybody knew my name! After that great time at the bar, I got a call from the Helsinki GM, "Hey Andy, Remember me? I'm Rayz! "*burp* Hi Rayzzzzzz-uh how you been, man?" "Is this a bad time?" "No, no, no, it's ok." "Well get over here to Helsinki, I wanted to give you a jersey!" "Sweet man, peace." A week later, I got out of alcohol drinking and flew to Helsinki on an airplane. And then the crash came. What I remember is blood everywhere. I saw a dude named Trey Waterson, a guy from the States. He was dead. Very dead. I was soon shipped to the hospital, and right when my dad come in, boneless. Dead, dead, oh how it sucks. I did have a cigar in my mouth, and I guess I was completely zoinked out of my mind., so you could say it's my fault. No, a dude came crashing in at 110 MPH and went right into Waterson's car and soon pulverized my car. I swear to god I heard him scream "VITTAA KAIKKI, HAHAHAH!" which was Finnish for "Fuck you all, hahahah". He then ran into a lamppost and was killed. I made the Helsinki newspaper headline! "HOCKEY PLAYER DEAD IN CAR CRASH". That was terrible, that experience was terrible. Rayz soon retired the jersey number "78" in my honour. T'was a sad day. Anyways, see ya later, dude!

    Austin Towbaker Trade Rumors

    in Archived Media Spots

    Posted · Edited by Domino

    Hello everybody watching this on VHL Network! This is Dominic Drawes, you might know me as Austin Towbaker's agent. Today we have asked many people in the Greater Toronto area, would Towbaker get traded? And surprisingly, a lot of people said yes! So we have asked them also who he would be traded for on what team. And here is what the crowd said!

     

    "Towbaker? Great player. Was hoping he would be drafted by Toronto so we could have a kick-butt player. But sure, let him play in his hometown. Fucking stupid. We would love him to play for the Legion. Fuck Chicago. Just holy cow."

     

    -Guy we found off the street

     

    "HE NEEDS TO PLAY FOR TORONTO RIGHT NOW!"

     

    -Bob

     

    So yeah, there was a lot of non-advertiser friendly words that the Legion fans had to say. But there was a Calgary fan that we spotted and he never actually dropped a swear.

    He just said that Towbaker should play for Calgary. That's it.

    Many fans in the greater Toronto area. Probably the VHL capital of the world! We found Malmo, Calgary, Davos, London, every team! And most people wanted Towbaker on their team, along with The Red Menace as their starter. So these trades are what the fans want.

     

    MALMO TRADE:

     

    MALMO:

    A. Towbaker

     

    CHICAGO:

    S84 MAL 2ND

     

    The Malmo fans know how to think. They think the most realistic of the entire VHL. You might think I'm biased, but all of the Malmo fans said the exact same thing. All 1000.

    "Personally, the Malmo fans are the most coolest fans that I've met. I've also talked to Christopher James at the draft hall. You know, just about life and stuff. He wouldn't draft me, I just wanted to meet him. He's also a chill guy for a GM." 

     

    - Austin Towbaker

     

    MOSCOW TRADE:

     

    MOSCOW:

    A. Towbaker

     

    CHICAGO:

    S84 MOS 2ND 

     

    Just the same with Malmo fans, they have actual brains up in there. Actual reasoning for the win!

    "I never got to meet Euron, I had to rush right out of there as soon as the draft ended. I had a party to go to, no beer, just a party. I hope I do get to meet Euron soon!"

     

    -Austin Towbaker

     

    The trade rumors were in the Greater Toronto area. So it would be obvious that we would have at least one in Toronto.

     

    TORONTO:

    A. Towbaker

     

    CHICAGO:

    S84 TOR 1ST

     

    This trade is overshooting the likes of Towbaker. He is not worth a 1st. Definitely not. 

    "I'm honestly scared of Toronto a little bit. I've traveled there once and there we so many people recognizing me. My face and my jersey were probably the common ways they would find the information of finding me. There were so many different feelings about me. Some people insulted me for my give-away against Minny which lead to a goal. That happened last year! And hearing these people saying that they want me on their team, it scares me! Toronto doesn't have a goalie yet so that would be bad. They should call up Oskar, eh? *Laughter* Free pads just to sweeten the deal, huh? *Instense Laughter*" 

     

    Towbaker... he isn't really fond of Toronto. This kid isn't even a player in the VHL. Toronto fans are calling him bad, calling him good, calling him the most overrated player in the entire VHLM! So to you guys, respect players, ok? Or he might make jokes about your goalie problem. So... your choice.

     

    This is Dominic Drawes, signing off.

     

     

     

    (S81) D - Georg Landro, TPE: 66

    in Create A Player

    Posted

    Hello @GeneralLandro! Welcome to the VHL! I'm Domino, the AGM of the Minnesota Storm. Me and my GM, Laine, would love for you to be on our team! We could offer you 3rd/4th line minutes, we have great players, we're on track to make the playoffs, and much more!

     

    Quote this post with the tag #WEARETHESTORM if you want to join our team! :osl:

    If there was a new league, what would it be?

    in General Discussion

    Posted · Edited by Domino

    So, hi. I'm Domino. I want thoughts from you guys. I want the big brain thoughts for this one.

    I've been wondering if there was a new league, what teams would it have? Who will shine? 

    I feel like the league should be located in like... uh... Japan? No, it should be multiple countries. Asia? Holy macaroni, that's an ass bunch of teams and cities. Actually, why not. Asian leag- What? Will3 already did this? And he's actually pretty successful in it? Ah. Okay sure. You know what? I'm going to let you smart guys decide! Where the league should be,  what the teams are, but this is the league topic. We will decide with the poll up there. Or you can reply, it's your decision. Just gonna pop out with this article, see you later (in your nightmares) and have a good one. Bye. Also are you a stupid-head? That's what I thought.

    Minnesota Storm Press Conference Questions

    in Team Press Conferences

    Posted

    Minnesota Storm Presser! :osl:

     

    1. We had a very close game against Ottawa. How would you feel if you won against a team with only one loss?

    2. Should this team have stayed in Oslo?

    3. How do you think uour career in Minnesota is going so far?

    4. Do you think the Red Wings are going to do well?

    5. Do you think Eichel is going to go somewhere? If so, where will he go.

    6. What is love?

    (S81) D - Igor Zubov, TPE: 60

    in Create A Player

    Posted · Edited by Domino

    Hello @Russianmenice! Welcome to the VHL! My name is Domino, the AGM of the Minnesota Storm. We here would love to have you on our team! We could offer you a 2nd line spot on our team. We have great players, great LR, 2nd in Eastern, and much more!

     

    Quote this and tag #WEARETHESTORM if you want to join our team!

    VHL Trade Recap

    in Archived Media Spots

    Posted

    Hi

    It's me Domino

    Trade time wooooo

     

     

    1. SEA/PRG

     

    Seattle Bears Acquire:

     

    S81 PRG 4TH

     

    Prague Phantoms Acquire:

     

    Venus Thightrap

     

    Ok wow that is a trade.

     

    I've always thought of Venus Thightrap as one of the best players in the VHL. TPE is high, racks up decent points, it's a pretty good career!

    That's all I have to say, just move on. I have nothing interesting to say.

     

    2. SEA/DAV

     

    Seattle Bears Acquire:

     

    S82 DAV 1st

     

    HC Davos Acquire:

     

    Isabella Campbell

     

    Now, Campbell is a player of which I can actually explain!

    Banacock is a GM, right?

    GM can get TPE, they earn TPE a lot.

    So, if you put two and two together, you can figure out that Campbell has a lot of TPE!

    So a 1st is just the right pick for a player like Campbell, anybody could agree on that.

    99 points in one season, Gretzky's number is 99-

    Oh I think we got a conspiracy theory on our fast-typing hands here.

     

    3. SEA/CHI

     

    Seattle Bears Acquire:

     

    S81 CHI 1st

     

    Chicago Phoenix Acquire:

     

    Kasper Kankkunen

     

    hehe 1st round picks go brrrrr-

     

    So, just like with Campbell, Kankkunen (I typed that 1st try FYI) is a high TPE player getting lots of points! But unlike Campbell, Kankkunen didn't get 99 points in a season, so that makes them a failure.

    (Editors note Dom here, if you didn't pick up on the joke here, uh... 99 points is a lot in a season and it is really, really hard to do. Especially in the VHL. So 89 points is real good for Kankkunen. Just trust me on that one.)

     

     

     

    so thats the end of this...

    article

     

    bye stupid heads and big brains out there

     

    Armani's biggest fight

    in Archived Media Spots

    Posted · Edited by Domino

    I really enjoyed when the plot of this short story made me say "damn" when we found out about Armani's mom. I absolutely love this type of story. Hockey with fights, emotion, and everything you put in this. I would ahsolutely LOVE if you made more stories like this one. Armani's career (not in VHL) is amazing. 10/10!

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