Scurvy

Dillos looking good!! Clown is spooky

The trade deadline looms in front of us and the post I had been waiting for to start this masterpiece just came out. ItItss Theme Week and my quest for that precious TPE to fight depreciation is upon us. The topic for theme week is simple, the Trade Deadline. Now normally it would be a topic that would fly right by me and irritate me that I really could care less, unless my player was on the block. But now that I am an assistant GM for the Miami Marauders that is still so clueless and usually hanging on @Ricer13 word to see WTF to do, it means a bit more. Now, the Marauders are rolling right now and currently in a locked battle with @rory Halifax 21s for the top spot in the Eastern Conference. But it has got me thinking about how to improve the team or if anything needs to be done at all. We have a great group of people in Miami that make a great locker room as well as a complete product on the ice. But hypothetically if I could make a few trades these are the ones I would like to explore: BAZOOKA JOE -D Philly Reapers - @ScottyP Now it's easy for me to want to pick a real-life buddy to join the Marauders to fill a need. The Marauders currently hold 3 amazing defensemen in Don Jagr @koty_k, Armas Jortikka @Kavadar, and Tina Hughes @tinafrombobsburgers. But adding some depth to the team might be what they need during the grind of the playoffs and a big burly dman like Bazooka could fill the role nicely. Philly is in the midst of a re-build and trading away a player like Bazooka might not make sense as he provides some depth for the next season or two as a decent earner and good build. And Philly needs defenders as it is rocking only two right now. So, this trade is a bit of a pipe dream (I think) but Bazooka Joe would definatly pair nicely with Armas Jortiikka or Tina Hughes to punish opposing foes all playoff long. Brigitta Sandstrom -D Saskatoon- @Acydburn Ok when I joined the league in S81 and I scoured the box scores trying to figure out WTF was going on in the VHL I saw the name Battre Sandstrom dominating the box scores on his way to the Hall of Fame. So, it Is without question the Marauders would LOVE to have a descendant of this player in Brigitta to join Miami as they fight for a Founder’s Cup. PLUS, this player already played 14 games in South Beach as a re-create it would be seamless. A true defender that is 3rd on Saskatoon in scoring with 25 points (6 pp goals) the belief is that on a team with a few more offensive weapons, Brigitta would be able to take some chances and flourish offensively while not having to be asked to do everything on the ice. Plus, Saskatoon would benefit greatly from some added draft picks or prospects for an outgoing player, destined for VHL greatness. There you have it. My uninformed and clueless AGM response to trade deadline fantasy desires of the Miami Marauders.

Great article! Logan is awaiting the police response! LOL

Fckin ANIMAL!!! Keep it goin!

ALL-TIME LEADER IN HITS/PIMS Don Jagr-D Its official! At roughly the half-way point of the season Miami Marauder defenseman, Don Jagr @koty_kbecame the All-time leader in penalty minutes (278) and hits (563). Jagr is a quiet killer on the team who plays a gritty style of play in front of the net. He is known for being a tough as nail defender who never takes a night off. However, don’t let the grit fool you. He also quietly contributes on offense as well. His quick outlet passes and punishing shot has netted him 7 goals this season to go with his 25 assists. A true leader on the ice he is deserving to hold the two records. Also, at the 44 game mark he still has a good chunk of season to add to his hit and PIM totals. Jagr also has a good chance to earn the shots blocked lead as well. He currently in 3rdplace with 317. The leader, Xiaoping Benguin Dinghao Aland is the leader with 393. Congratulations Don Jagr and thanks for being such a beast in Miami!

Miami Marauder Press Conference – Week of January 26, 2025 1. NFL playoffs are here. Do you even care? If so, who do you want to win? 2. We’re battling hard to be top team in league. What is the atmosphere of the locker room feel like for you right now? 3. I would say Halifax is our biggest rival right now. Do you agree? 4. Trade deadline is approaching. Is there anything you think needs to be added to our club? Or are we poised for victory? 5. Who do you think will be King Clutch on our team during the playoffs? 6. Dogs or Cats? I’m dogs

Pretty sweet!

bad ass!! Go Marauders

welcome @Rkhockey9!!!!

Well, another week has passed, and the league is buzzing with activity. We’re approaching the half-way point to the season and as always, it’s time for a tough guy tribute to celebrate those in the league that hit, fight, and grind for their teams. Let’s look at some of these animals that play hockey with a big bag of knuckles. Now, obliviously I can’t cover all the toughs in the league in this article so if your left out its nothing other than I have reached my word count. Savaisk Tzesar (MAL)- @comrade cat. (9 fights) A career Nighthawk who averages almost a point per game is 4th all-time in PIMS for Malmo just behind retired fellow tough guy Druss Deathwalker. Tzesar leads the league in fights with 9 (2 wins) which is a crazy high number at the 32 game mark. He’s currently 6th in PIMS with 99 and 10th in hits with 111. A true tough guy that terrorized the EU. Callum Gary Yannick Janser (NY)- @Daniel Janser (6 fights) There is no doubt that Janser creates players that strike fear into opponents in some way or another. His former build struck fear in defenders and goalies alike by sniping goals on his way to the hall of fame. So it makes sense that this build strikes fear in opposing forwards. A bone-crushing defenseman who leads the league in PIMs with 140 and is 3rd overall in hits with 157. Toby Kadachi (CHI)- @ROOKIE745 (5 fights) An absolute menace on the ice and current leader in hits (191). 3 straight years of with over 300 hits and on pace to easily hit that again. He is 3rd in PIMS with 111. A point per game player as well he is a true fan favorite in Chicago, a city that loves their tough guys. Guntis Gavilrovs (VAN)- @Girts (4 fights) The all-time leader in penalty minutes for Vancouver (in just 5 seasons). This animal is a fan favorite and total beast on the ice in all facets. Guntis can score, pass, and smash his way on his quest to another Cup. 131 hits and 71 PIMS this season Guntis has tried to temper his knack for retaliatory minors since he is so valuable on the ice but that doesn’t mean he has forgotten why @Frank drafted him so high in S92. Tommy Sleeves (HSK)- @dasboot (7 fights) In everything there must be someone considered the Champ, or best there is. Those words must describe our next enforcer. Tommy Sleeves. A killer every way possible this defender plays the game like a throwback from the 1980’s. A true enforcer eclipsed 411 hits last season and 336 PIMS. Already over 2000 hits in his career he is the all-time leader in PIMS and hits for Helsinki. He has 123 PIMS already this season and 176 hits shows that Sleeves is not slowing down. Honorable mentions: Grimgor Ironhide @FrostBeard Antonia Bucatini @CowboyinAmerica (Tough Girl Tribute) Fradin McGryer @Fradin99 Jussi Jokinenegg @HearnNation67 (6 fights) Boris Bone Breaker @RileyL (rookie- 86 PIM 89 hits)

This week’s Miami Marauder spotlight is on our terrific tendy Draw Mac @Koutsi. As of late, the Marauders have been pillaging the league to a 21-6 record, the top spot in the league. A lot of credit has to go to the pirate between the pipes, Draw Mac. A quiet but effective presence on the ice he does just about everything right. He is already the all-time leader in wins (90) and shutouts (21) in Miami history. This season, he has been lights out each and every night. 21 wins (1st in league), 8 shutouts (1st in league), and a 1.62 GAA average. He is elite and give his club a level of confidence to allow them to take some chances offensively knowing the brick wall is back there to help if needed. Mac has spent his entire minor career in Miami and has never had a losing season. He wants and needs a Cup to go by such a legendary minor’s career, and this season is his chance. Helsinki holds the rights to this beauty and used the 11th overall pick In S96 for him, recognizing a gem when they saw him. Thank you for a great season Mac!

Miami Marauder Press Conference- Week of January 19.2025 1. When you look at box score of each game. What is your favorite achievement you look for in your player? Hits, PIMS, Goals, etc? 2. Were a little over the quarter way into the season. Who is your team MVP to this point? 3. Which team in VHL has your favorite logo? 4. Which team in VHLM has your favorite logo? 5. Do you prefer coffee, soda, or tea? 6. What is your favorite book and/or movie?

Miami Marauder Press Conference – Week of January 12, 2025 1. First presser of the year. Does your player have any New Year’s resolutions? 2. Miami is in a 3-way tie with Halifax and Ottawa for top spot in East. What do we need to do to dominate the top of the standings? 3. Armas Jortikka @Kavadar is 41 hits away from being all-time hit leader in Miami. He has 19 hits on the year. Will he take the lead this season? 4. Do you think the VHLM needs more individual awards? Like top hitter? Etc? 5. Do you miss the VHLE as being an option for players? 6. Would you rather eat pie or cake?

week 2/2

This week’s Miami Marauder Player spotlight is defender, Tina Hughes @tinafrombobsburgers. Hughes a late acquisition coming at time when Miami desperately needed to fill a role on defense, as they only had two after losing one to inactivity. And what a gift Hughes turned out to be. Hughes plays a rugged style of defense and pairs well with either Dog Jagr or Miami’s other defender, Armas Jortikka. So far at 14 games in Hughes has 8 assist (including a 3 assist game) , 22 PIMs, and 31 hits, which leads the team. Even better is Hughes is earning at an incredible rate which means a huge leap for Miami in defensive play as they battle Ottawa and Halifax for the top spot in the Eastern conference. A great locker room presence and all-around complete defender the Marauders are going to be a complete team by playoffs. Miami has won four of its last five games with two games today against rival Mississauga and Philly. Best of luck Marauders!

hahaha! I know. He loves him! Worse profile pic ever

These are amazing! Please do Brian Payne someday!!

It will happen!!! I feel it

Miami Marauder Press Conference – Week of January 5th, 2025 1. The season has started, and we came out 1-1. What is your expectation for the team this season? 2. Does your player have any New Year’s resolutions? If so, what? 3. What did your player do for the holiday break? 4. What is your favorite sport? 5. Are there any VHL players that you idolize? Or try to craft your player like? 6. Best sandwich? Peanut butter and Jelly or Grilled Cheese? @James Harle

Logan Ninefingers #9 Vancouver Wolves Career Reflection Logan Ninefingers is going into his 5th season in the VHL and thus far has had a productive career. A Continental Cup has his name etched on it and he gets to play with a great group of players and coaches. As the #1 overall pick in season 92 the expectations and pressure were high in a city that demands winning and excellence. In Logan’s first season the team and Logan did not have a great go of things, missing the playoffs. He notched 32 goals, 31 assists, 240 hits and was in the talk for Rookie of the year but did not earn the honor. The season stung for sure, but the silver lining was the club had some tools to build around and the re-build was in full effect. Season 94 started slow again but the Wolves caught their rhythm and earned a wildcard playoff berth to finish the season. Ninefingers had an up and down season but got hot at the end and again hit the 32-goal mark and 76 points. His first playoff series though was a struggle for the Bloody Nine as he only notched 1 goal and 4 assists in 9 games. Season 95 came, and expectations were high as the core was now at a level of TPE where we should start dominating as a team. Logan had some struggles scoring goals but became more of an assist machine. He hit 89 points (career high), 62 were assists. 27 goals were a career low but 8 of them were game winners so some positives. The playoffs came and the Wolves were out in the first round. Logan struggled again in playoffs not even scoring a goal and only 3 assists. Not what Vancouver needed in a season when the team wanted to go deep into the playoffs. S96 was a defining year for the club and Logan. The team was really gelling and the emergence of teammate Riley Martin @Smarch really helped Logan find a groove scoring. He hit the 89-point mark again with 43 goals, 8 on the power play. He hadn’t felt this kind of confidence scoring since he netted 64 goals in Philadelphia during his minor league days. Also, S96 playoffs came, and Logan FINALLY produced. 8 goals and 15 assists in 17 games Ninefingers and company were able to raise the coveted Continental Cup. GM @Frank told Logan that “it’s the journey that matters and the ups and downs of a career are what make a player become a winner.” Logan took those words to heart and in the prime of his career he is looking to hoist that cup again. Season G A P +/- PIM HITS GW PPG SHG 96 43 46 89 20 79 141 6 8 0 95 27 62 89 37 141 168 8 5 0 94 32 44 76 20 88 189 6 5 1 93 32 31 63 -15 110 242 6 7 1 Totals: 134 185 319 65 420 750 26 25 2 Awards: Continental Cup S96 No VHL Individual awards.

The season has begun and It feels good to look at some box scores and hopefully watch the Vancouver Wolves march toward another Continental Cup. Around the league we have a lot of powerful clubs in Moscow, Davos, Calgary, NY, and Chicago so I am sure it will be an exciting season full of ups and downs. Not sure where I am going with this week “around the league,” but I’ll do my best. Vancouver had an incredible playoff run last season led by power forward, Riley Martin @Smarch and goalie Olober Syko @Spartan . To repeat it difficult to be sure but GM @Frank has made some bold moves to maintain salary compliance and brought in some great talent to help get Vancouver back to the promised land and avoid any unnecessary rioting in Vancouver. FORWARDS: The Wolves have a solid core on offense that has a good balance of defense and offensive prowess. Let’s look at the lineup: Riley Martin @Smarch- The road to becoming the elite go-to scorer in Vancouver was bumpy for the all-star. A sluggish start in his career despite earning hard each week and the giant 30-point turnaround from S95 to S96 gave Vancouver what it needed to win it all. One word describes Martin and that is GRIT. He grinded every week, never complained, and always has a team first attitude. True heart and soul of the club we look to him to lead the Wolves back to hoisting a second Cup. Pierre Marc Bouchard @Gaikoku-hito- What’s so great about the Wolves is I can say the exact same thing about all of them and PMB is no different. He only thinks of the team and cares little about personal stats. However, 81 points in his sophomore season is helpful. This season should be his breakout season and after 2 games he already has 5 points. Increased power play time on the top line with Riley should help get him in a groove and keep them PP points coming. Look for PMB to have a massive year! Matteo Stefano @mmrs617- Matteo came to Vancouver last season from Davos and eventually had to play his former teammates in the Continental Cup. Matteo has tremendous upside for the Wolves and plays hard every night. A pure two-way player that chipped in 25 goals last year and is a solid defensive forward. Matteo has started off hot already with 2 goals in 2 games. He has found good chemistry with PMB so hoping for a big season for MS. Celise Pereira @asteria- an off-season addition from Chicago Pereira brings a huge body at 607 and some much-needed depth. A defender turned forward Pereira helps with a solid defensive game and can score some goals as well. 1 goal and 1 assist in 2 games this season Pereira scored isn’t afraid to shoot. Eno Velvson @Nykonax- Another off-season addition that adds some excellent defensive depth which is needed for any club who wants to compete. The Wolves are looking for Eno to get his scoring touch back as he once had 30 goals in the M, 33 and 31 goals in the now defunct VHLE, and 27 goals in a rookie season in Riga. I think Eno has that skill level and being paired up with snipers like Riley Martin and PMB will help greatly. Logan Ninefingers- old bloody #9 is still looking for a finger. And another Cup. DEFENSE: On defense the wolves have an abundance of goonery with the current squad that sends fear into opponents and sometimes teammates. A few off-season additions look to help out the core of Trueno and Gavilrovs. Let’s take a look: Bollos de Trueno @Thunder- About to hit 1000 TPE in just his 3rd VHL season Bollos is a workhorse earner. 64 points last season Bollos is looking for his breakout season. A pass first dman with some grit he likes to block shots, make quick passes out of our zone, and throws his considerable weight around. A true power play quarterback and solid locker room presence who often makes sure to wish PMB a good night sleep. Guntis Gavilrovs @Girts- What is there to say about this animal. He’s massive, mean, and seems to hoard all the beautiful women to himself despite promising to share with his fellow teammates. Guntis has a name only his mother and the fans in Vancouver love. This dude fights often, hits everything, and still produces offensively. In the last two season Guntis has 36 goals (19 on the power play). Also, in just 4 seasons in Vancouver he is now the all-time leader in penalty minutes for the club with 869. He was a huge asset in the playoffs and a truly great teammate. @Girts and I have now won two cups together (1 in Warsaw-1 in Vancouver) and we look to keep adding to the trophy case. Einer Mathiesen @xsjack- Added this off-season the S95 #9th overall pick is having his debut season in the VHL. Winner of the VHLM Vladimir Boomchenko Trophy in S96 he tore the league up in Philly with 27 goals and 60 assist – 87 points. Over a point per game as a defender in two seasons in the VHLM while cracking 250 hits. The Wolves are looking for Einar to find that scoring touch in Vancouver and are excited to see what he can do. Scrungle Bungle @Novanod- SB has one of the better VHL names and adds some good depth to the defense in Vancouver. A journeyman in the VHLM and VHLE Bungle is no stranger to winning. SB hoisted two cups (back to back) in Cologne and the Wolves are hoping he brings some of that Cup luck to Vancouver so we can know what it feels like to hoist two in a row too. GOALIE: In net, Soju @Frank looks for his breakout season. 33-13 last season before taking a backup role at the trade deadline when Olober Syko @Spartan joined the club. It takes true leadership and a team first attitude for a goalie of his caliber to do something like that. The team in front of him is willing to block any shot for a goalie so willing to forego his own personal stats for winning. Soju also discovered last season that Soju beer tastes best when drank out of the Continental Cup so he is using that as motivation to earn another. Well, there you have it. The S97 Vancouver Wolves. Best of luck y’all. 1085 words Will claim Jan 5 and Jan 12

Oh boy