DMaximus 1,045 Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 (edited) I wanted to hand out some awards in categories not recognized by official awards. These awards have been created by me. There is no voting process and they are not officially recognized by the VHL Board of Governors. With that being said, let’s get to the awards. The Pylon Award – I had a coach who would always criticize a poorly performing player by threatening to pull them off the ice and replace them with a pylon. It was an empty threat because he never did it. But maybe the coach of this player should consider it. This award is given to the player with the worst +/-. The winner of the Pylon Award is… Bryce Zhields! Bryce led the league with a -49, barely besting 4 of his Seattle teammates. The Gandhi Award – Another hockey league that may or may not exist (I’m not exactly sure of the canon on this one). Has an award for the nicest player called the Lady Byng. We’re upping the ante and naming our award after the most well-known pacifist of all time. This award goes to the player with the least number of penalty minutes. The winner of the Gandhi Award is…Beau Buefordsson! Beau had 0 penalty minutes during his astounding 1939 minutes on the ice! The Timex Award – At one point the watch making company Timex had a slogan, “It’s takes a licking but keeps on ticking.” They had ads where people would smash things into a Timex watch and it would still work. Maybe that’s still their slogan. Maybe they don’t even exist anymore. I have no idea. I like to think this player wore a Timex during all their games. This award is given to the player that received the most hits this season. The winner of the Timex Award is… Beau Louth! Beau was hit exactly 300 times this season. Teammate Rauno Palo finished 2nd with 286. The John Wayne Award – There’s a famous idiom, “Shoot first, ask questions later.” The quote is not attributed to a person, but I imagine at some point in his life famous Western movie actor John Wayne has uttered those words. So this award gets named after him. This award is given to the player who took the most shots. The winner of the John Wayne Award is… Shane Mars! Shane took 533 shots this season. 58 more than 2nd place finisher Roctrion King. The “Hit the Broadside of the Barn” Award – Well I quickly ran out of names to assign to idioms and this one isn’t the actual idiom, but a take on it. This award goes to the player that had the most number of shots blocked. The winner of the HtBotB Award is… Oyorra Arroyo! Oyorra had 142 of his shots blocked. Special mention to Vaydar Odinsson, who had a league high 36% of his shots blocked. The “Can’t Hit the Broadside of the Barn” Award – This award is named after the actual idiom and goes to the player who had the most number of shots missed. The winner of the CHtBotB Award is… Roctrion King! Roctrion fired 372 shots that missed the target this year. This award does have some controversy because Shane Mars missed 377 shots, which means he should have won the award. But the award goes to Roctrion because Shane already won an award and Roctrion had so many less shot attempts. The Brick Wall Award – Not to be confused with similar sounding goalies or ex-players, this award goes to the player that blocked the most number of shots. The winner of the Brick Wall Award is… Lando Baxter! Lando blocked 189 shots this year, beating runner-up Basaraba Moose by 15. The Tired Legs Award – This award is given to the player who played the most minutes. It’s named because they probably have tired legs at this point. Coincidentally, this is the point where all creativity has left my body. The winner of the Tired Legs Award is… Robert Malenko! Robert played 2,324 minutes this season averaging 32.28 minutes per game. In 2nd is Scott Shawinganen with a slightly less yet still impressive 2,202 minutes. The Snap! Award – In 1990 Snap! released their hit song “The Power”, with its catchy hook “I’ve got the power!” For the next 10 years it was a requirement that this song get played any time the home team went on the power play. This winner of this award loves the power play so much, “The Power” is the only song on their Spotify playlist. This award is given to the player who spent the most time on the power play. The winner of the Snap! Award is … Jake Davis! Jake spent 412 minutes on the power play. The 1 vs. 100 Award - Named after a short lived TV trivia show hosted by Bob Saget and a shorter lived live trivia game on Xbox hosted by Chris Cashman (yes I had to google that). This person must have felt like it was them against the world. The winner of this award spent the most time on the penalty kill. The winner of the 1 vs. 100 Award is… Lew Bronstein! Lew spent 352 minutes killing penalties, almost 35% of his entire time on the ice! The Sean Archer Award – This award is named after the protagonist of the 1997 movie Face/Off. It is awarded to the player who won the highest % of face-offs this season. The winner of the Sean Archer Award is… Rauno Palo! Rauno won 63.10% of his 2,583 face-offs, barely beating out his teammate Beau Louth. The Castor Troy Award – This award is named after the antagonist of the 1997 movie Face/Off. It is awarded to the player who won the lowest % of face-offs this season. The winner of the Castor Troy Award is… Bryce Zhields! I didn’t want anyone to win multiple awards but Bryce forced my hand on this won, winning only 30% of his face-offs. That was more than 5% worse (or better depending on your point of view) than 2nd place player Carles Puigdemont. The Triple Deke Award – Named after what once was believed to be the greatest possible move to pull off. This award goes to the player with the most penalty shot goals. The winner of The Triple Deke award is… Leph Twinger! Leph led the league with 5 penalty shot goals. There were multiple players with 4 penalty shot goals. The Rocky Award – Named after the greatest fictional boxer of all time. This award is given to the player who won the most fights. The winner of The Rocky Award is… Ryuu Crimson! Ryuu beat up a league leading 4 people this year. Four other players were tied with 3 fight wins. The Glass Joe Award – Glass Joe is the infamous first opponent in the greatest boxing video game of all time. Easy enough for a 5 year old to bear, his record is 1-99. The winner of this award is the player who lost the most number of fights this season. The winner of the Glass Joe award is… Rauno Palo! Rauno lost 3 fights this season. 8 other players lost 2 fights. The Stars Award - Named after the Canadian band, this award is given to the player with the most number of stars earned. The winner of The Stars Award is… Matt Thompson! Matt earned 28 stars this season including 9 1st stars. Special mention to Kronos Bailey, Vyacheslav Smirnov, and Roctrion King, all who led the league with 10 1st stars. The “Always a Bridesmaid” Award – The award’s name comes from the common romantic comedy movie trope. This award is given to the player with the most number of stars who never won the 1st star. The winner of the “Always a Bridesmaid” Award is… Mikka Pajari! Mikka won 7 stars yet never won the 1st star. Bert Meyers finished next with 6 total stars. This concludes the unofficial award ceremony. Congratulations and/or condolences to all the winners! 1335 words... will claim for weeks ending 6/30 and 7/7. Edited June 29, 2019 by DMaximus jRuutu, Renomitsu, Fire Tortorella and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beaviss 4,949 Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 @jRuutu Palo got some good awards here jRuutu 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jRuutu 2,314 Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 Honored to win these awards! Especially the Glass Joe award is one that I will cherish! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLastOlympian07 2,388 Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 the thing is now you have to do this every year. forever. DMaximus 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt_O 896 Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 (edited) Shocked HHH didn’t win the Pylon trophy. FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY Edited June 28, 2019 by Matt_O Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlapshotWrangler 789 Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 Only 4? Damn, I need to step up my fighting game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Victor 10,549 Posted June 29, 2019 Admin Share Posted June 29, 2019 21 hours ago, DMaximus said: The winner of the 1 vs. 100 Award is… Lew Bronstein! Lew spent 352 minutes killing penalties, almost 35% of his entire time on the ice! Moscow legend @stevo thank you for your service 21 hours ago, DMaximus said: The winner of the Gandhi Award is…Beau Buefordsson! Beau had 0 penalty minutes during his astounding 1939 minutes on the ice! Damn if the Virkkunen Trophy was still around @Radcow would have a chance at 2 TPE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DMaximus 1,045 Posted July 1, 2019 Author Share Posted July 1, 2019 claim for week ending 7/7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elhandon 66 Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 Lando accepts this Brick Wall award. "Thank you for the award! Hoping to get some new shinpads for next year...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt_O 896 Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 On 6/28/2019 at 11:54 AM, DMaximus said: The Castor Troy Award – This award is named after the antagonist of the 1997 movie Face/Off. It is awarded to the player who won the lowest % of face-offs this season. On 6/28/2019 at 11:54 AM, DMaximus said: The Sean Archer Award – This award is named after the protagonist of the 1997 movie Face/Off. It is awarded to the player who won the highest % of face-offs this season. What a wild movie this was Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peace 1,518 Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 How did I not see this earlier? Although uh, where’s the biggest backpack award, feel like Peace’s carrying of Davos last season earns it, eh? Hahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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