How Is Everyone?

[InstantRockstar 1,247]

I had a rough night last night. For the first time during the pandemic I just had a really hard day. For those that don't know, I struggled with sobriety and depression and all sorts of shit for years. People who have been in this league with me for a long time never even knew half of it, half of the stuff I went through because I never, ever talked about it with anyone, or to anyone. I was an asshole when I was here because of it but everyone just shrugged it off as me being a naïve teen (likely true anyways lol). But back on topic, I had a rough night last night. 

 

The pandemic has been getting to me, and the last 3-4 weeks if not more, someone kept trying to break into our house. It was subtle, and last night we caught them. I got 2 of them arrested at 3am, but I struggled the rest of the night. IDK what it was about but I struggled. I couldn't sleep, and it's just been a miserable day. 

 

I wanted to check in with all of you, how are you doing? Is your pandemic okay? I know this can be a struggle with everyone but I don't want anyone to feel like they need to struggle in private. Come to me, even in DM if you're not willing to talk here openly and publicly, and we'll chat. 

 

I hope you're all doing ok  

[Prout 373]

Love ya buddy Also if you need someone I’m always here. Hope your ok

[Doomsday 4,143]

Dumb crooks, but glad they're off the street. 

 

I have very reclusive tendencies with my anxiety, and it meant not going into a toxic environment at work. Combined with all the extra time with my family and diving back into the VHL, my mental health has arguably improved during the quarantine. It's been tough though, I want to see my kiddos in person again, but not until it's safe. 

 

Hang in there brother, we're gonna make it through this as a community. ❤ 

[Viper 530]

I'm always here for you, man. I've struggled with stuff, too, so I understand even the stupidest of shit.

[fonziGG 1,071]

12 minutes ago, InstantRockstar said:

The pandemic has been getting to me, and the last 3-4 weeks if not more, someone kept trying to break into our house. It was subtle, and last night we caught them. I got 2 of them arrested at 3am, but I struggled the rest of the night. IDK what it was about but I struggled. I couldn't sleep, and it's just been a miserable day. 

 

I wanted to check in with all of you, how are you doing? Is your pandemic okay? I know this can be a struggle with everyone but I don't want anyone to feel like they need to struggle in private. Come to me, even in DM if you're not willing to talk here openly and publicly, and we'll chat. 

 

I hope you're all doing ok  

This is exactly why i ask in my pressers over in the SBA how everyone is doing with the pandemic. I have not been okay for a while now if I'm completely honest. But I hope you're feeling much better now, that must have been one hell of a experience man.

 

My DM's are forever open for you or anyone in here.

[InstantRockstar 1,247]

14 minutes ago, fonziGG said:

This is exactly why i ask in my pressers over in the SBA how everyone is doing with the pandemic. I have not been okay for a while now if I'm completely honest. But I hope you're feeling much better now, that must have been one hell of a experience man.

 

My DM's are forever open for you or anyone in here.

[Renomitsu 934]

I'm sorry that you've had to go through what's likely a really stressful event that involves your family and your own safety, but am glad that it resolved in a way where you get some closure and a little extra peace. I don't know how I'd react in that same scenario, and frankly you handled it more bravely than I probably would have.

 

The last several months have been absolutely grueling for me, to be completely transparent. There has been a lot of uncertainty in so many aspects of life for everyone with the pandemic and recent political changes that it's hard to be at peace and without anxiety at this point. There was a three- or four-month period during the pandemic where a lot of medical education wasn't sure if it was appropriate to have medical students on service or not, and sudden demand for healthcare providers as some were exposed to the virus forced those states not even in the truest COVID hotspots look for alternatives for providers, and that included my institution. I've been exposed - though thankfully never tested positive - several times, and there are times that I can't sleep at night because of what I've seen in my ICU shifts.

 

It's also frustrating to be a fourth-year student in medical school, because our schedules have been disrupted and our clinical exposure limited until August of this year, but we're still held to the highest possible standard by residency programs that we can't interview properly for. I don't know what my residency program will truly look like because I don't get to see their facilities or speak with their attendings or residents in-person. Sure, it's expensive to run around the country and see what programs are like - but I'm going to spend the next three years of my life there and I don't know if the program that I match to on will even be one that I like. But while we're panicking about interviews and if any program will want us as much as we want to match to them, juggling clinical duties and teaching in the middle of a pandemic, we're supposed to keep it all together and be good mentors to the students below us that don't necessarily have the same clinical exposure, experience, or coping mechanisms we've developed.

 

Imposter syndrome in medical education - much like in law, engineering, business, and a hundred other fields - is pervasive. In so many ways I feel like I'm a blind man leading the blind, balancing so carefully my limited experience compared to attendings with my relatively large volume of experience compared to those earlier in their training. We're supposed to eventually become leaders in our communities starting next July, but right now I'm not even sure I'm comfortable in my own skin. I've recently lost a grandparent to COVID & its complications, and have also spent nearly as much time supporting my peers and underclassmen as I spend in the hospital. I can't even realistically return home because my current state of residence and where my parents live are both hotspots, I'm obviously in a situation where my exposure risk is extremely high, and my parents are nearing the age where they're considered high-risk (to say nothing of my remaining grandparent); these precautions will continue to be the case through Thanksgiving and likely Christmas.

 

So there. I'm obviously a bit disorganized, but I also frequently take a step back and realize there are others with so many more demanding and immediate problems than those in my little isolated med student world. I have food on my table, am applying to the programs and specialty of my dreams, and have a ton of opportunities laid ahead of me that I can look forward to during and after the pandemic. I'm also actually rather thankful for sim leagues, as they function as an escape where I can spend a few hours outside of the real world and focus on building a story - even if I have to do so hastily - without worrying about my own problems or those of others. They give concrete goals and achievements and a degree of certainty in a time where most else has been frustratingly ethereal, and I think I need something like that in my life as it stands.

[InstantRockstar 1,247]

@Renomitsu  you're a trooper. I know things get hard sometimes but know you're not alone. My DM is always open, always. Please keep me updated if you ever get overwhelemed or just feel like things are going tough. I'm here to talk!

[Laine 1,361]

1 hour ago, InstantRockstar said:

I had a rough night last night. For the first time during the pandemic I just had a really hard day. For those that don't know, I struggled with sobriety and depression and all sorts of shit for years. People who have been in this league with me for a long time never even knew half of it, half of the stuff I went through because I never, ever talked about it with anyone, or to anyone. I was an asshole when I was here because of it but everyone just shrugged it off as me being a naïve teen (likely true anyways lol). But back on topic, I had a rough night last night. 

 

The pandemic has been getting to me, and the last 3-4 weeks if not more, someone kept trying to break into our house. It was subtle, and last night we caught them. I got 2 of them arrested at 3am, but I struggled the rest of the night. IDK what it was about but I struggled. I couldn't sleep, and it's just been a miserable day. 

 

I wanted to check in with all of you, how are you doing? Is your pandemic okay? I know this can be a struggle with everyone but I don't want anyone to feel like they need to struggle in private. Come to me, even in DM if you're not willing to talk here openly and publicly, and we'll chat. 

 

I hope you're all doing ok  

Now I know as a 16 year old I may not be the best when it comes to advice, but please at least take a look.

 

I know how hard some days are. Not every day will go the best. You'll have good days and bad days and sometimes that's just the way life is. You just gotta make sure that the good days outnumber the bad days. Also know that even though you have no idea who I am, if you ever need to talk, I'm here and so are many other VHL members. Life is very hard right now for everyone with everything that's going on like the pandemic, but we can all get through this together. If you ever want to talk, contact me or anyone else who is willing to talk. We won't judge you, we will understand you.

In terms of how I'm doing, not exactly the best conditions but manageable. I've been getting lots of school work this semester which has made free time scarce. The pandemic has made things a lot harder for me socially and in school. I still frequently call my friends and all that, but I prefer to be in person. I learn way better in a classroom than I do at home. It's not like my grades have significantly dropped, I'm still working as hard as I can and my grades are still up as high as they can be, but it's just not what I'm used to. The VHL is one of the things that I am extremely thankful for during a time like this. I don't know how different things would be had I not joined back in May, but lets not dwell on the past.

 

Hang in there @InstantRockstar, the entire community is with you.

[fromtheinside 1,290]

I feel you buddy. Real life shit has been making me depressed for quite some time now.. and honestly I've used the VHL as an escape, which probably isn't the healthiest way to do with it, but whatever, I've at least met some great people in the past month and gained a little bit of joy. If you ever need to vent, or hell if you just need someone to chat with for a bit to keep your mind preoccupied, hit me up on Discord and Ill get back to you ASAP.

[InstantRockstar 1,247]

9 minutes ago, PatrikLaine said:

Now I know as a 16 year old I may not be the best when it comes to advice, but please at least take a look.

 

I know how hard some days are. Not every day will go the best. You'll have good days and bad days and sometimes that's just the way life is. You just gotta make sure that the good days outnumber the bad days. Also know that even though you have no idea who I am, if you ever need to talk, I'm here and so are many other VHL members. Life is very hard right now for everyone with everything that's going on like the pandemic, but we can all get through this together. If you ever want to talk, contact me or anyone else who is willing to talk. We won't judge you, we will understand you.

In terms of how I'm doing, not exactly the best conditions but manageable. I've been getting lots of school work this semester which has made free time scarce. The pandemic has made things a lot harder for me socially and in school. I still frequently call my friends and all that, but I prefer to be in person. I learn way better in a classroom than I do at home. It's not like my grades have significantly dropped, I'm still working as hard as I can and my grades are still up as high as they can be, but it's just not what I'm used to. The VHL is one of the things that I am extremely thankful for during a time like this. I don't know how different things would be had I not joined back in May, but lets not dwell on the past.

 

Hang in there @InstantRockstar, the entire community is with you.

much love Laine, 16 or not, wise for your age. Always appreciate the love  

[Peace 1,562]

2 hours ago, InstantRockstar said:

I had a rough night last night. For the first time during the pandemic I just had a really hard day. For those that don't know, I struggled with sobriety and depression and all sorts of shit for years. People who have been in this league with me for a long time never even knew half of it, half of the stuff I went through because I never, ever talked about it with anyone, or to anyone. I was an asshole when I was here because of it but everyone just shrugged it off as me being a naïve teen (likely true anyways lol). But back on topic, I had a rough night last night. 

 

The pandemic has been getting to me, and the last 3-4 weeks if not more, someone kept trying to break into our house. It was subtle, and last night we caught them. I got 2 of them arrested at 3am, but I struggled the rest of the night. IDK what it was about but I struggled. I couldn't sleep, and it's just been a miserable day. 

 

I wanted to check in with all of you, how are you doing? Is your pandemic okay? I know this can be a struggle with everyone but I don't want anyone to feel like they need to struggle in private. Come to me, even in DM if you're not willing to talk here openly and publicly, and we'll chat. 

 

I hope you're all doing ok  

I feel you, bud, I really do. 

I want to give you a piece of advice, but I fully admit it's not the stereotypical way a man thinks another man should deal with stresses; it's not normal, society would think this way of coping is soft, but I swear by this method and it works for me every single time without fail on the most restless nights I have with my own struggles.  (What I'm referencing here is how men are seen as 'tough, unflinching, uncrying; masculine' when in reality we're human, we have feelings, and we're more complex than that.)

Run yourself the hottest bath you've ever ran -- I'm talking absolutely no/very little cold water... just hot and nothing else -- then just sit in the water relaxing (assuming you're comfortable with heat and it's not burning you in any way). Focus on something other than what is stressing you out; I turn on some instrumental piano or guitar music and just listen to what raw musical notes sound like. In my option that is the most pure form is music, no lyrics to muddle up or take away from the notes. 

Close your eyes, but leave the lights on. This isn't a scented candles in the dark relaxing, it's just sitting there listening to music while the hot water works away at relaxing the muscles. When you step out you might feel a little cold, but generally mellow. Of course that's just me, but here's hoping it'll work for you too. 

Edited November 15, 2020 by Peace

[InstantRockstar 1,247]

8 minutes ago, Peace said:

I feel you, bud, I really do. 

I want to give you a piece of advice, but I fully admit it's not the stereotypical way a man thinks another man should deal with stresses; it's not normal, society would think this way of coping is soft, but I swear by this method and it works for me every single time without fail on the most restless nights I have with my own struggles.  (What I'm referencing here is how men are seen as 'tough, unflinching, uncrying; masculine' when in reality we're human, we have feelings, and we're more complex than that.)

Run yourself the hottest bath you've ever ran -- I'm talking absolutely no/very little cold water... just hot and nothing else -- then just sit in the water relaxing (assuming you're comfortable with heat and it's not burning you in any way). Focus on something other than what is stressing you out; I turn on some instrumental piano or guitar music and just listen to what raw musical notes sound like. In my option that is the most pure form is music, no lyrics to muddle up or take away from the notes. 

Close your eyes, but leave the lights on. This isn't a scented candles in the dark relaxing, it's just sitting there listening to music while the hot water works away at relaxing the muscles. When you step out you might feel a little cold, but generally mellow. Of course that's just me, but here's hoping it'll work for you too. 

love it. I'm 6'8 so I can't fit in my tub (fuck my life for tall people HAHA), but I did run about a 20-30 min shower, super freaking hot, music blasting, just mindless time in the shower, it was much needed. 

 

Thanks for the love  

[Peace 1,562]

18 minutes ago, InstantRockstar said:

I'm 6'8 so I can't fit in my tub

When a hot tub in the bathroom becomes a requirement.