He's not being offensive, he stated the problem with it. Which I agree with. It needs formatting, it needs stats, it also needs another con. Otherwise it doesn't even follow the RP guidelines.
https://vhlforum.com/topic/15247-rookie-profile-guidelines/
I don't really have a problem with his goalie's 105 mph slapshot. But there is a problem with the writing, there are a ton of typos, misused words, missing words, capitals for no reason. You can tell this was made in 5 minutes.
Zoiderberg even went out of his way to give a full on example of how he could improve it.