Gustav

Hey, I don't remember if I entered this. Sorry if I did already.

Halifax again. I'd love to see them in the playoffs for sure, we're doing disproportionately well against them.

SUNDAY--The round robin portion of the World Junior Championships has concluded, and Team Asia, the team that everyone thought was totally screwed heading into the tournament, absolutely was, as their record of one win and...well, whatever, has actually exceeded some people's expectations. While Asia ended up looking like the VHLM's Philadelphia Reapers in a few games, they actually looked fairly worthy in a few others, taking Team Canada to a shootout and even dominating Team Europe defensively in a 2-1 win. The team's general manager (ok, fine, it's me) has gotten some positive acknowledgement (ok, fine, maybe one of my teammates once congratulated me on the win) for these performances, with the (entirely nonexistent as of yet) management skills of the team being (not really) attributed to its relative success. And while this is, to most people, exactly what was expected or maybe a little bit more, the results were not quite good enough for the league's more...interesting...followers. Early this morning, a mob of approximately 200 self-proclaimed weaboos marched (or Naruto ran) on VHL headquarters, with signs bearing slogans like "STHS IS RACIST" and "THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME IS MIGHTIER THAN TPE--ABOLISH THE LEAGUE'S UNFAIR OFFICIATING". While it is unclear what exactly was being protested, according to a few of the more diplomatic of the crowd (read: neckbeards carrying thesauruses), "something was amiss" just as soon as Asia lost, even once, as their "superior culture" should have easily been enough to propel them to a clean sweep of the tournament. The protest even turned violent, with some witness accounts documenting league commissioner Beketov taking a body pillow upside the head and several individuals being detained after (unsuccessfully) attempting the ancient art of firebending. Players and management from Team Asia, as well as VHL representatives, declined to provide any further commentary on the matter.

...Please notice Asia's win...

Toronto New York Calgary Seattle

Calgary 4-2

1. Who do you see taking home the Founders' Cup in the VHLM this year? 2. You've gone through a lot of the draft's mid-to-late-round prospects. Tell us about a player from that field that you haven't mentioned yet that you think could end up being a legitimate steal. 3. Going off of that, are there any players that you think might be picked as a bit of a reach? Not necessarily too early, but surprising in placement? 4. Is Sonnet's profile picture waifu trash?

I'd quote every single one of the last 5 posts but I don't want to annoy people. Just know I agree and can't wait to see my team get demolished take home a win or two.

Do Canadians not write "defence"?

Now that Lynch is on our side this is quite a bit easier.

I laughed out loud at this. You have no idea how much I enjoy reading your articles, whether I’m in them or not. Some of the most in-depth stuff I’ve seen.

Yeah I got you there—this probably isn’t strictly based on TPE anyway. If I made a mock draft it would probably be all about TPE and there’s no way I’d be at #7. Good luck wherever you’re drafted and whenever; at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter

This is based on TPE rankings as of Sunday—I’m at 182 here and listed as 160. I’d say this probably isn’t much different from the rankings if they were based on today’s TPE rankings—Tagger probably assumes that those who are active will stay that way.

The mock we’ve all been waiting for! Very well done but you don’t need the new guy to tell you that. Ridiculous how much time you must have taken to brighten our day. This is the first time I’ve seen Garcia be projected as a first-round pick, but you make it seem believable. Can’t wait to see what happens!

There go the 2 assists from Garcia. Oh well, it’s still a win.

First star for Garcia! Somehow managing to get on an offensive hot streak lately.

This game would have gone to overtime if May didn’t even show up and Houston played without a goalie. ...and without putting the extra man on the ice. 7 shots? I know Philly has completely sold out but this sim still shocks me with how much it’s possible to suck.

*Looks at Past’s TPE* *Looks at TPE of Nielsen/Paddywagon/Garcia* You’re certainly entitled to this opinion but it’s definitely a bit out there.

Weed is better than steroids

You mean you’re not? *Helsinki immediately drops to #10*

HOUSTON--Callum MacElroy, the Bulls' token Scotsman, has been the center of a good deal of media attention thus far, for, well, being drunk and Scottish. Last night was no exception, as he went on one of his very own drunken rants when asked about his feelings on the upcoming (and deep) VHL draft, making a very bold (and indeed impossible) prediction about his standing. "Ah dunnae kinn wa anyain woods draft Helmsley. Born in 1970? Gezz a break. Thaur's nae way he can e'en skate. Ah hae an uncle 'at was born in 1970. Noo swatch, he was an accident, but aam bonnie sure by lookin' at heem 'at if ye waur born in 'at year ye hae nae reit tae be oan th' ice. Swatch at me, thocht. Aam thee meters taa an' mah reit bicep weighs 10 kilograms. Ah bevvy a keg every scran an' Ah can break a barrel in half wi' mah wee finger. If barcelona doesnae tak' me number a body overaa, 'en ah dunnae kinn whit they're thinkin'." There is no VHL team in Barcelona, but the smell of whiskey was too strong for reporters to think of much else. Also, MacElroy has already been drafted--this season, he was made the last pick in the VHL draft, courtesy of the Calgary Wranglers. When told this, MacElroy didn't seem to fully register the information at hand, as the subject shifted to the inferior shoe size of Shane Mars and much of the media sought out a different Bulls player to interview.

Behold! This is (I think) the first article of mine that isn't some dumb story about what stupid things have happened in Halifax over the course of the past week. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course. I've been seeing quite a few "destination rankings" threads done by (probably more experienced) members of this league, in which destinations are ranked based on not a whole lot. Reading these, I thought one of these would be perfect for a person such as myself. I can demonstrate my far-reaching expertise on the inner workings of this league by talking about the very-little-to-nothing-at-all I know about each team here, while also potentially being horribly wrong about everything I'm going to say. Just like any professional sportswriter. *Disclaimer: Though I've ranked every team on this list, I have no particularly strong feelings about any team here, positive or negative. These rankings are simply based on gut feelings and slight edges I think some teams have over others for my personal development. In no way is this thread supposed to mean "I have to play for my #1" or "I won't play for my #10." I'd be thrilled to be a part of any team here, and if you're a GM of a team ranked low on this list, feel free to change my mind. Anyway... 1. Helsinki Titans (GM: @Quik). Big shout-out to @Sonnet right away here for being the best GM I could hope to play for in my first season. He's the reason why this team is at #1 (plus I hear Quik is cool). I'd love to have an established teammate (and, mind you, best goaltender in the league) that I can count on from the start. Fun fact about this one: until yesterday I always read the spelling of the city as "Helsinski," and I've even read it correctly a few times and thought "wait, that isn't right." But yeah, let's go Titans for the time being. Besides, Tagger did a podcast a while ago saying that Helsinki could make good use out of a defenseman, and I trust Tagger. 2. Seattle Bears (GM: @Banackock). Yeah, yeah, first in the league. But check this out--3 defensemen on the roster, one of which is a S63 player with 260 TPE. If Garcia is drafted here, he's guaranteed ice time from the start. Banackock seems nice and this seems like a particularly good fit for a developing player in terms of exposure. 3. Malmo Nighthawks (GM: @Advantage). An expansion team this high on the list? Sure! I play for an expansion team and I love it. I'm going to be the millionth person to say it, but the sick logo doesn't hurt. Though I'm sure the expansion draft (and possibly the draft itself) will bring a few higher-TPE defensemen to Malmo, right now the roster is entirely empty, and if Advantage has me lined up as a potential draft choice, this team has a lot more freedom (and probably a lot more inclination, given their expansion status) to make Garcia a present and future priority. 4. Moscow Menace (GM: @Victor). Same thing here with the expansion teams--Garcia will be #1 on the depth chart in Moscow before he knows it if they don't make any big trades. The only defenseman above 300 TPE is at 318 and is from S64. The only problems here? I have no sort of connection with anyone remotely related to Moscow (though I'm sure they're nice people, and, again, I'd be thrilled to play anywhere) and, to be frank, they don't look great on paper. May be headed to the #1 pick so there's a chance I'll end up playing with Helmsley but other than that I don't see this team succeeding immediately. 5. Vancouver Wolves (GM: @Beaviss). Admittedly, this team went up a few spots in the rankings because Beaviss was one of the first people, if not the first person, to help me at all in this league, even managing to do so before Sonnet (I think McWolf was the other one to beat him to it, making that the best thing Halifax has done all season). 3 defensemen on this roster, too, but Garcia is practically guaranteed to be a second-line player for quite some time here--the top line of Harding and Philliefan figures to continue to be that way until one of them retires. 6. HC Davos Dynamo (GM: @ShawnGlade). Garcia can definitely make it up to the first line here, but first he has to catch up to Cayden Saint (S62, 429 TPE) and Alvaro Jokinen (S61, 501 TPE). Besides, Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen is the defenseman of the future for this team, at 433 TPE already despite being from S65. Even if Garcia makes it up to the top line, he'll only ever be second-in-command. 7. Calgary Wranglers (GM: @Bushito). Here's our final team with 3 defensemen. The difference here? Two of them are from S65 and at 297 TPE, showing that they're at least active enough that Garcia will be behind them for a good while. Being #4 on the chart for a while would make him not only a second-line player, but also fairly expendable, as many teams only use three defensemen and the most he'd bring to this team would be valuable trade material as a prospect. 8. Riga Reign (GM: @hedgehog337). Hedgehog seems pretty nice and I wouldn't mind being a part of this team. In fact, a 5-round mock draft today by @gregreg (go check that out here) placed both Garcia and fellow defensive defenseman Charlie Paddywagon in Riga as two second-round picks. Ryan Kastelic and Shawn Glade figure to be the top line in Riga for a good amount of time to come, though, and with all the picks Riga has in store for this draft, it's hard to envision Garcia playing a whole lot in Riga from the start. 9. Toronto Legion (GM: @Devise). Same situation as Riga: solid top line (Robert Malenko and Tzuyu). While Garcia could certainly get playing time here as well, first-line status is a long way away. Below Riga as Riga has the edge in both current and future success. 10. New York Americans (GM: @Spade18). This team's roster is absolutely saturated with defensemen, and while players like Dragon McDragon (S58, 115 TPE) don't figure to be much of a threat, their top line is still great (Joseph McWolf and Ryan Sullivan Jr.). Besides, the Americans seem to have gone all in on winning NOW, as they only have one pick in the upcoming draft. Very difficult to see Garcia being drafted by New York in the first place, but if he does, this team doesn't seem to be set for success in the future.

Would have been funny to see Jack Lynch light up the scoreboard. Only one point though, we’ll get them next time.

Jerry Garcia penalty for diving 14 seconds in. What is this I’m not building no Crosby

Can confirm, am a Sabres fan. Phil Housley must be coaching in Vancouver too.