DoktorFunk

When Jolly Greene Giant officially joined the lineup for the Toronto Legion, he joined what was expected to be one of the best defensive cores in the entire Victory Hockey League. While the results weren't what they expected, Toronto is still progressing along nicely. The Legion finished 28-36-8, sixth in their division. The Giant tried as well as he could to contribute for the Legion, and he looked somewhat okay but didn't take the world by storm like he was hoping. The Giant finished 5th on the team in scoring with 13 goals and 31 assists for 44 points and a plus minus rating of -16. "The Legion struggled a little bit last season," says the Giant's agent. "It was a new group of guys in a new situation. It was a tough thing to get through. I thought the Giant played well considering what he was thrust into." The 2nd overall draft pick brought a very physical presence to the Legion's game. The Giant delivered 149 hits, the second highest amount on the team, and had 92 penalty minutes. "One of the things that the guys love is his physicality, ya know? He likes to make his prescience known." "I think the biggest revelation to the Giant was just how much it takes to be a VHL player," said the Giant's agent. "He's been working on his game. He was slow coming into the league. He needed to really work on his skating. His positioning to block shots and take a way opportunities has always been amazing, but he can't defend if someone blows right by him!" The Giant can be seen every single day on the practice rink running sprints. "He works hard, and he really wants to be a positive impact and not a liability. The Legion wants to succeed, so he's trying his hardest. He wants to set records for this team and help them win however he can. It's really important to him!" The Giant didn't think that it would be this difficult, but he's making the best of it. As soon as he hit the ice, it felt different to him. The atmosphere in Toronto was completely different from Ottawa and Philadelphia. "He loves the crowd, and he's kind of a show-off," says the Giant's manager. "He wants to seethe jerseys in the audience. I'm pretty sure his was the second best-selling one, next to Hextall." The Giant will hopefully take the things he has learned and make a bigger impact for Toronto in the coming seasons!

So I'm now actually going to try to be a full cap earner next week. That's my goal. That and to continue doing well with the Giant. Toronto has been in a bit of a Funk (no pun intended). After bringing on bigger names you'd think we would've caught fire a lot more than we have. But that's fine. I just feel bad for the other members of the team. I'm not too concerned if we don't produce like we expected, but I've had my fair share of winning. So I'm going to keep earning, not for myself, but for my teammates. It's time we had some success and enough excitement to keep people sticking around. Spring is here and it's been beautiful. I haven't been on discord as much because its just so dang nice out there in the world! Go out, get some air, stay away from people, and have fun!

1. Pretty excited about this trade! Hopefully it makes us more dominant! 2. Any of the ones where I got 2 goals. 3. It's bittersweet 4. I'm not sure. Cause Beaviss left? 5. Giant!!! 6. Sen for sure

Hey there! My name is DoktorFunk and I am the General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx! Welcome to the league! We need star players to make a name for themselves in Ottawa, and there is no better time than now. If you’re looking to prove yourself and really put in the work for a chance at glory, this is the team for you! We're making a run for the Cup this year. In return, we can promise you a locker room experience and training tips that are second to none! We have some of the brightest and most talented people in the Victory Hockey League available to you whenever you want. We could use a star winger in Ottawa! If you sign with us and let us help you develop, we have an even better chance. I’m not going to sugarcoat it; you get back what you put in in this league, and, if you’re willing to put in a little time, I promise we can have an amazing amount of fun and excitement together! If you’re interested, please quote this post and say “accept!” Whether you decide to sign with us or not, I hope you have the very best of luck in your career, and I look forward to speaking with you very soon! DoktorFunk General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx

Let's go Giant!

1. Pretty good! I think we still have plenty of time to turn it around! 2. I didn't check to see, but I gotta go Seattle 3. Cocaine, for sure 4. I believe Jolly did, if I'm not mistaken 5. All the goals! 6. Pretty good! Can't complain. It's been pretty hectic, but very enjoyable!

It's an honor and a privilege to be on this squad

Let's go Toronto!!!

1. Keep making puns! 2. Probably strategy games. I've played a lot of Civilization and still do. 3. I'd say punk, but my taste is really all over the board. 4. I really enjoy horror movies. 5. Popcorn, I would say. 6. I always crank it loud.

The Jolly Greene Giant has recently announced that he has signed an extension with the Toronto Legion until season 82. This will put the Giant in Toronto for the rest of his career, unless he gets traded. "The move just makes sense," says the Giant's agent. "The Giant likes playing in Toronto and he loves his teammates. We see potential in the team moving forward and Toronto obviously wants our talents, so the warm and fuzzy feelings were mutual for both sides." The Giant looks to improve on a team that is already stacked with future star defensemen. Toronto missed out on playoffs last season, but they're definitely hoping that they will make it back in this season. "The Giant thinks they will, and that he will be a large reason why," says the agent. "Expect a lot more offense from the Giant and from the Legion in general. Also, #WinForRookie."

1. Probably not a much as usual 2. I think it's all healthy. Give the good jobs to the hungry 3. Yes sir! Me and @Smarch together forever 4. Time to recuperate 5. At least playoffs!!! 6. I want to have a breakout season!

Jolly Greene Giant recently showed up to the Toronto Legion Press Conference with a noticeable difference. This was the first time the world had seen him since the Draft Lottery Tournament, and fans were shocked to see that he has, for the time being, dyed his body purple. "Ho ho ho," says the Giant, and he's right. The purple does really make him stand out, but fans aren't impressed. Toronto fans around the world have been using #FreeTheGreen to convince the Giant to return to his natural color. "The purple looks nice, but he's supposed to be green! This isn't what I was promised," says one fan. Fans of Toronto had taken to the pairing of the Giant and Lester Green as the Green Gang, something that the Legion has been quick to capitalize on for merchandise. The T-shirts have adorned many a fan at recent Toronto games. We will keep you posted as to what the Giant decides to do.

1. I wish it was Warsaw. I had the opportunity to develop Ajay Krishna and I want him to win it all! 2. Nope, but thats okay! 3. I did, and The Giant played great! 4. I haven't and that's something that I'm starting to rectify. 5. Pizza for sure! 6. Pineapple, ham, onion, banana pepper, and bacon!

EAT YOUR GREENS

1. Somewhat. Once both of my teams were eliminated, it becomes harder to care. 2. Should be really fun! I hope we do well! Or don't! Whichever is the better outcome for us! 3. 3rd overall 4. Planting beanstalks 5. Waffles. Pancakes become to cloying after a bit. 6. Blueberries!

Jolly Greene Giant has recently found a new hobby: music. The Giant has taken to playing the keyboard, something that his friends say that he's wanted to do for a long time. "Ho ho ho," he says, as he gingerly tries to fit his fat finger onto one of the tiny keys. The Giant clearly has some skill with music, as he's progressed at an astonishing rate for someone with his level of inexperience on the subject. He's started playing the organ music during Toronto games, something the coach has been mad about as it takes him off of the ice for several minutes at a time. The Giant tells us he has recently come up with a solution to this. He's having a Keytar delivered to his house within the next few days, which will allow him to continue following his passion for music even while playing games for the Legion.

So I'm in a bit of a weird place. Everything around me is taking up my time, but I still desperately want to be here. The rational voice in my head is saying that, in order to justify both, I might have to be something less than a max earner in order to allow myself the time. Or carve out time at work to write my stuff (like I'm doing now, but that's not super sustainable) because work is a boring fucking mess for the first quarter of the year. The temptation of clicking THAT button, though... is absolutely there. The only thing that stops me most times is the fact that people are usually nice enough to invite me to participate in their activities. But, when I can't be bothered, I want desperately to claim welfare. It's an interesting thing that it does to my brain because it actually makes me mad at myself whenever I actually go through with it! Years and years of optimization in video games and table top games makes me loathe even the thought of not wringing out every little bit of experience from every situation that I'm in! It's not even that the league takes that much time to do most of this stuff. A lot of the time I can have all my point tasks done in about 15-30 minutes. But, it's STILL a huge temptation to actually use that damn Welfare. More time I could be spending playing games, reading, playing music, studying a language, running, lifting, etc. It just feels, fundamentally, that Welfare is an admission of defeat. That I don't have or I'm not willing to commit the time to this site that I used to. I regret that I'm not more active in the discords. I think Welfare scares me because it holds a mirror up to myself. I started on this site because I was moving to a new city and starting a new job. I needed something to fill the boredom gap. And I have had a ton of fun and spoken with some amazing people. Now, I'm in the most successful period of my life I've ever experienced, and it's hard to admit that MAYBE that void in my life is just not filled by this site anymore. Maybe I've found some things that I'd rather be doing. Should I still be ashamed of using Welfare? No, I don't particularly think so. But clicking it every week just makes me feel sad. So I hold out on doing it, but I'm sure a day will come where I finally admit the truth that my life is better than it was, and sometimes its okay to just enjoy it. Take it easy. Relax. Have fun. Calm down, I'm not leaving. I just need to reevaluate what I do on here and whether that's really worth the time and energy I put into it. And I need to remember that TPE DOESN'T MATTER and I can still be great even on Welfare.

4/4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. I'm more excited for the new era! 2. They're playing Halo 3 Firefight 3. I would say Peace for sure 4. Invisible Ink in someones drink 5. Probably me 6. Hold ME TIGHTLEY

Ottawa?

3/4!

1. I think we did. It was one of those things where it will definitely hurt now, but it will be good in the long. 2. Not only did I listen to it; I was on it! It was great! 3. I think we can get better. We just need to find a way to gel better! 4. I do, but I've been silent lately EVERYWHERE in the discord. 5. The culture is fantastic with the team and everyone is really nice. 6. I actually think you already do a fantastic job with communicating with us, so idk.

Hey there! My name is DoktorFunk and I am the General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx! Welcome to the league! We need star players to make a name for themselves in Ottawa, and there is no better time than now. If you’re looking to prove yourself and really put in the work for a chance at glory, this is the team for you! We're making a run for the Cup this year. In return, we can promise you a locker room experience and training tips that are second to none! We have some of the brightest and most talented people in the Victory Hockey League available to you whenever you want. We could use a star like you in Ottawa! If you sign with us and let us help you develop, we have an even better chance. I’m not going to sugarcoat it; you get back what you put in in this league, and, if you’re willing to put in a little time, I promise we can have an amazing amount of fun and excitement together! If you’re interested, please quote this post and say “accept!” Whether you decide to sign with us or not, I hope you have the very best of luck in your career, and I look forward to speaking with you very soon! DoktorFunk General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx

Hey there! My name is DoktorFunk and I am the General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx! Welcome to the league! We need star players to make a name for themselves in Ottawa, and there is no better time than now. If you’re looking to prove yourself and really put in the work for a chance at glory, this is the team for you! We're making a run for the Cup this year. In return, we can promise you a locker room experience and training tips that are second to none! We have some of the brightest and most talented people in the Victory Hockey League available to you whenever you want. We could use a star like you in Ottawa! If you sign with us and let us help you develop, we have an even better chance. I’m not going to sugarcoat it; you get back what you put in in this league, and, if you’re willing to put in a little time, I promise we can have an amazing amount of fun and excitement together! If you’re interested, please quote this post and say “accept!” Whether you decide to sign with us or not, I hope you have the very best of luck in your career, and I look forward to speaking with you very soon! DoktorFunk General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx