Harumpf

This just in! Riga has been Harumpf'd! 5'5" 250 pound Oskars Harumpf was too much for Riga to handle this week when he scored a natural hat trick and the Titans beat the Reign 4-2. Harumpf was flat out dominant, scoring 3 goals in a row in the 2nd period and also winning 27/39 face offs taken in the game. He was all over the ice, dashing in and out of coverage and dangling around defenders with ease. Harumpf's 3 goals were his 24th, 25th, and 26th goals of the season, setting a new career high in the process. Harumpf now has 53 points in 52 games and is on pace to break his career high in points also. With this epic Harumpf'ing, Oskars helped Helsinki to just their 9th win of the season. Harumpf is having an excellent year personally, but he's really hoping to crack that double digit win mark. 10 wins seems much better than 9 wins and who knows maybe Helsinki can get 15 wins! We realize this is pretty sad, but you have to make the best of your situation. Harumpf will look to Harumpf as many teams as possible and play spoiler down the stretch.

3-2 Legion

Express Bears Mute Vikings

You guys got Harumpf'd!

You just got Harumpf'd

I'm new to making GFX, please be kind.

Welp. Helsinki has not been winning many games this season and it's been a tough transition for Harumpf, but he is learning how to lose and making the most of the experience. Harumpf has always been a winner, he won the VHLM championship, won the Oates Trophy and won the division with Helsinki last season, but now things are different. Inside Harumpf still has a winning mindset, but it's obviousl Helsinki will not be winning anything this season and is struggling to even win a game a week. They are also not scoring and being that Harumpf is a playmaker, he's had to take on an unfamiliar role as the teams go to scorer. Tyson Stokes and Don Draper are there to score also, but as a Center, Harumpf is looked to as the guy to create the offense. He's doing well with 36 points in 37 games, but Helsinki is struggling to score. Harumpf is disappointed in how the team's season is going, but realizes learning to lose is part of being a a hockey player. You cannot win all the time and sometimes you need a reality check. It's definitely been a reality check this year for Harumpf in Helsinki. He will cherish every win and every goal this season because neither are coming that often. Still though, Harumpf has learned to live with it.

Thanks for press on Harumpf! Looking fwd to playing with Thomassen at the next world cup! #TeamScandinavia

Vikings 5-2

Muete Dynamo Express Legion

...At Practice!!! Oskars Harumpf and Penis Hudson had to be separated at practce during a blue/red scrimmage. Things got heated. Many of you clicked on that subject heading thinking you'd come here to read about Harumpf losing his penis, fear not, the bulbous scoring wizard still has his manhood, however with the popularity of my "Harumpf takes penis out on town" radio spot from a couple weeks ago, I thought I'd continue the play on words. Harumpf had to separated from his friend Penis as the 2 of them got into a sticky situation in practice this week. During what was suppose to be a friendly blue vs red scrimmage among teammates Penis was playing a very rigid game and was being on hard on Harumpf in the corners. Penis kept hitting Harumpf from behind. Obviously Harumpf did not appreciate this, he felt Penis was being too aggressive. This is something that has been a problem for Penis since joining the team, he sometimes just stands up without warning and becomes very eager and determined looking, he has to find a way to release his tension or he could explode. Anyway, Harumpf was having no more of the way Penis was treating him so the next time they went into the corner together, Harumpf flattened Penis against the boards. Penis crumbled to the ice and looked to be done, but then without warning he stood up and spit on Harumpf calling him a dick! Harumpf was furious, not only because Penis spat on him but because a guy named Penis was calling him a dick! So Harumpf did the only logical thing he could think of and called Penis a pussy! Now everyone was thoroughly confused but just then Harumpf and Penis began to fight! Harumpf was pounding Penis, he was beating him so bad some would think he had done this before. It was no competition. Seeing the beating Penis was taking, the coach had to jump in and separate the two players. Penis really took a beating though, he was all red and chafed up and the coach told him to get to the locker room and put some ice on it. Harumpf was still mad, he thought him and Penis were friends, some would say they were in-separable. Not anymore though, now Harumpf and Penis were mortal enemies. Penis had crossed the line and Harumpf felt violated. We caught up with him for an interview... So Harumpf, we heard Penis violated you in practice is that true? Harumpf: Well he tried to, but I put a stop to it. Nobody violates Harumpf and if they try to they will pay the price. Is it safe to say you and Penis are no longer friends and you have cut him off? Harumpf: Yes. I hate Penis. I'm done with him. I tried to be accepting when he first came to the team, but then he turned out to be a real prick. I hope the team cuts him. Wait, are you saying you hope the team cuts Penis off? Harumpf: Yes, that is what I am saying. Throw him into a field for all I care. Wow, do you think the team team will give Penis an unconditional release? Harumpf: Yes, I think that's what he deserves. Ok thanks Harumpf, have a good one. Harumpf: Yep. 556 Words Sorry, I am really struggling for media ideas, with not many players on the team and not many wins I have to look for ideas where I can find them. Hope a few people got a laugh out of this.

Yes!

Well it happened, Oskars Harumpf put up 4 points against the Wranglers and Harumpf'd them! 1 goal and 3 assists in a classic Harumpf'ing which saw Helsinki win their 2nd game in a row! Helsinki also beat the Wranglers in the previous game 1-0 on a goal by Harumpf! If these teams played every game Harumpf would probably lead the league in scoring. A Harumpf'ing is nice though and it's been a while. Winning a couple games is also great for Helsinki and even though some people say they are trying to finish last, Harumpf will try and win every game and Harumpf as many teams as possible. Now with 27 points in 25 games, Oskars Harumpf is having a great season and there are bound to be a few more Harumpf'ings before the season is finished. So keep rooting for Harumpf unless he's playing against your team of course, in which case you may just get Harumpf'd. Harumpf'd is a registered trademark of Harumpf Industries and may not used by other players or teams.

Harumpf'd!

Vikings Muete Bears Reign

4-2 Legion

Harumpf Getting it Done Early in S43 Helsinki Super-Star Center Oskars Harumpf Looks up ice to make a pass. Well the cards have been stacked against everyone's favorite pants sharting superstar this season as he's on a bit of an island in Helsinki, but he continues to improve his game. It's well known that Helsinki is currently in a rebuild and Harumpf is one of only a few real people on the team along with Don Draper, Tyson Stokes and Penis Hudson, the rest of the roster is made up of robots who don't seem to get Harumpf's jokes in the locker room. Nonetheless, Harumpf is still working hard to try and get Helsinki some wins and is playing very well. Harumpf has posted 18 points through the first 15 games, consisting of 8 goals and 10 assists along with 63 shots and a 58% face off winning percentage. A very strong start to the season as he remains one of the bright spots for the Helsinki organization. Harumpf is on pace to break his career high of 63 points last season and is looking like a definite superstar this season for the Titans. It helps that he's playing 30+ minutes a game, but still even with all that ice time you have to play well to put up points and Harumpf has done just that. His game is looking great and there's still 57 games to play, this should finally be the year that Harumpf finishes at or above a point per game. Harumpf now joins us for an interview, Media: So Harumpf, are you lonely this season in Helsinki? Harumpf: No not really, my new buddy Penis is keeping me company. Media: Wait, what? Harumpf: Penis Hudson, he's a guy on our team, why, what did think I was referring to? Media: Oh okay, never mind then, let's move on. What do you attribute your success to this season? Harumpf: Well there's really nobody else on the team to score besides myself, Stokes and Draper so we're getting a lot of prime minutes. I worked hard in the off-season to improve my game and while we're not winning I am still content with my development. Media: Yeah you are looking like a superstar this season, how does it feel? Harumpf: It feels good to put up points but I hope we can get some wins here soon, points are great and all but long losing streaks are never fun. Don't get me wrong I love Harumpf'ing teams but it's not as exciting if we lose the game. Media: Remind us what a Harumpf'ing is again please. Harumpf: A Harumpf'ng is when 5'5" 250 pound Harumpf goes out and lights a team up for 3 or more points, if that happens the team has just been Harumpf'd. Media: Ah thank you, yes now we remember, so what do you expect from the rest of season? Harumpf: Hopefully some more Harumpf'ings with some wins mixed in. At this point I will be content if we get double digit wins, we have 3 in 15 games so I think it's possible to hit 15 wins on the season if we work hard. The fact that we traded our goalie will not help in that quest but we could surprise some teams and beat them if they underestimate us. Media: Thanks Harumpf, good luck the rest of the way. Harumpf: Thank you. [560 Words]

Well the Helsinki Titans may not be winning many games, but Oskars Harumpf is putting up the most points of his career so far. It probably helps that only like 3 actual players are on the team and he is getting 30+ minutes a game, but Harumpf will take it. 17 points through 14 games, 8 goals and 9 assists has him off the best start of his young career. It's exciting to score points, but Harumpf is hoping this results in wins for Helsinki. Having individual success is nice but Harumpf is a team player and wants to see his team win. He realizes this is a rebuilding year for Helsinki though so he's prepared to take a lot of losses. Still Harumpf will work hard to improve his game and enjoy every victory and Harumpf'ing as few and far between as they may be this season. He's enjoyed playing with Stokes and Draper and we all know about Penis Hudson. With any luck Harumpf will set a career high in points this year and find a positive from what looks to be a rough season for the Titans.

Dynamo 4-3

Express Bears Vikings Titans

Harumpf'd!

Harumpf'd!

EASTERN CONFERENCE (A1) Montreal vs (A2) Tampa Bay Winner: Montreal # of Games: 7 (M1) New York Rangers vs (M2) Washington Winner: Rangers # of Games: 7 WESTERN CONFERENCE (C3) Chicago vs (W1) Minnesota Winner: Chicago # of Games: 6 (P1) Anaheim vs (P3) Calgary Winner: Anaheim # of Games: 5