Harumpf

Oskars Harumpf, the super rookie for the Helsinki Titans had and interesting thing happen during a recent game vs the Bears. He had eaten a burrito before the game and was having some intenstinal discomfort during warm ups. He had to go back into the locker room and blow mud a couple times before the start of the game. He thought he was good to go and got it all out of his system but then mid-way through the first while back-checking he squeezed out a questionable fart and ended up shitting his pants a little. Yes, he sharted. However, the play turned around quickly before he could get off the ice and he found the puck on his stick, he then proceeded to set up James Faraday for a goal. After the play he went to change his pants and took 2 immodium. He had no more incidents the rest of the game and finished with 2 assists, the Titans won 4-2. Not even soiled underwear can stop Oskars Harumpf from producing on the ice. Just be sure to not check him from behind.

Titans Rookie Oskars Harumpf Holds a Press Conference The Helsinki rookie sits down for some questions following theTitans clinching a playoff berth. Here's Titans center and Alternate Captain Oskars Harumpf joining us now to answer some questions about the S41 season. He's played well for a rookie, putting up 27 points and 82 hits and he now takes the podium. Media: Thanks for joining us Oskars, how does it feel to have clinched the playoff berth in 50 games? Harumpf: It's a great feeling, the team's been working really hard and we've been in a tight battle with the Reign and the Express for a while now. We've managed to hold on to first and it's nice to be the first ones to clinch not only in our division but the entire league. We still have to hold on and win the division, but knowing we'll be in the playoffs lets us breath a little. Media: You've gone from winning the cup last year in the VHLM to now having an opportunity to play in the VHL playoffs, how do you think they'll differ? Harumpf: Well let's not get ahead of ourselves here, my focus remains on the regular season right now and winning the division, that's the most important thing right now. I do expect the VHL playoffs to be quite a challenge for me personally, I know it's a big step up from the VHLM, but I have a great group of teammates and I know they'll help me prepare any way they can. I feel I'll be ready, but I doubt I'll be up for any MVP awards this time around. Harumpf talks about rookies Zoidberg and 3Moons. Media: Speaking of awards, do you think you're in the running for rookie of the year? Harumpf: (Laughs) I doubt it! I think my old teammates Sachimo Zoidberg and Jody 3Moons have the inside track on that one. They've been awesome this year. I think 3Moons has around 75 points and Zoidberg about 65. They are way ahead of my measly 27. They've been big time performers for their teams right out the gate where I've played more of a secondary role, but I'm happy with that because we're winning a lot of games. I'm not worried about personal awards, the team always comes first. Media: How do you think you've fit in among your new team and how has it been serving as Alternate Captain? Harumpf: It's been incredible being a part of the Helsinki Titans. I honestly could not have hoped for a better situation. My teammates are all great guys and we have a lot of fun in the locker room. I think I've fit in pretty well. They've given me a little bit of rookie hazing, especially King Czar who keeps putting shaving cream in my jock strap, but other than that I think everyone likes me (laughs). Being an Alternate Captain in my rookie season is really an honor, the fact that the guys voted me in made me feel like a part of the team instantly. I can't tell you what it means to serve as captain of this great franchise in my rookie season, it's truly humbling. Media: What can we expect to see from your the rest of the season and in the playoffs, is an offensive outburst in the cards? Harumpf: Maybe, (winks). I know I haven't put up anything like my 164 points last season and some fans may have expected gaudy numbers from me again, but our team plays a more conservative game. Our top scorer only has 50 points in 50 games, so we're not the kind of team that's going to wow you with offense. We all play our roles and I think I've done that pretty well. My defense and physical game is coming along and my face offs are pretty good also. I'd expect to continue at about the same production the rest of the season and hopefully get hot in the playoffs for us. That'd be fun. Media: Do you think you have a good chance to win the cup? Harumpf: I do. I think we've shown this season we can skate with anyone and if we play a smart game we can beat any team in the league. Some teams may seem more flashy and exciting than us, but when it comes down to the nuts and bolts of it, we're tough to play against and I don't think any team will enjoy a 7 game series against the Titans. Media: Well thanks for joining us Harumpf, we won't keep you any longer, we know you have a plane to catch. Harumpf: Thanks guys, my pleasure. Go Titans! [725 Words]

This just in! Oskars Harumpf, you're favorite 5'5" 250 pound bowling ball of a hockey player has an innate ability to hit people. In fact he's currently ranked 1st on the Titans in hits among forwards! This is kind of amazing because he has literally zero practice hours into checking. Could it be that he was just born to check? Maybe his weight has something to do with it? It must be his weight because he's developing into a hitting machine. On pace for well over 100 hits in his rookie season. What will happen when he actually puts some pratice hours into checking? God help the rest of the league, lol. Oskars Harumpf could become a true force out there. He's going to stick to winning face offs, handling the puck and setting up goals for now, but he definely has some skills in the hitting department. Possibly a natural hitter given his low center of gravity and sturdy build. Just another thing to be excited about for fans of Oskars Harumpf and the Helsinki Titans.

Thanks for the mention! It's been a fun rookie season.

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Harumpf Gives Back to Community Oskars Harumpf poses with his wife Olga in holiday costumes (notice her tiny hands). Oskars Harumpf and his tiny-handed wife Olga gave back to the community this Christmas in a way that nobody else was capable of. They served as elves for Helsinki's annual holiday gift give away for the needy and very much looked the part. Everyone's knows Harumpf is just 5'5" and has a unique build, naturally his wife is of similar stature. Given their size, they were perfect candidates to play holiday elves for this event. Oskars was approached by the Helsinki Holiday Committee a few days before Christmas and asked if he would serve as an elf for the event. He quickly accepted and when they asked if he knew anyone else that would make a good elf, he offered his wife's services. The Holiday Committee was thrilled to hear this as they had no idea Harumpf was married to a local celebrity. Olga is the the winner of Helsinki's Tiny Hand Competition for 3 years running. Harumpf's wife Olga has the smallest hands in Helsinki, which is one of the reasons Harumpf married her. If you don't know the advantages of your wife having tiny hands, feel free to message the author of this article and he will enlighten you. It's truly the gift that keeps on giving. Harumpf and Olga were happy to spend time with those less fortunate and get to know the Helsinki community a little better. They handed out presents to all the boys and girls and everyone thought they were really Santa's little helpers. Kids took pictures with them and many lasting memories were made. Harumpf and Olga were not at all offended to be playing elves, they embrace their unique bodies and have been known to dress up as Ewok's on Halloween, so this wasn't that big of a stretch. Harumpf really enjoyed this day and even made a special new friend. Little Eduardo or "Harumpf Jr" poses with his gift. Little Eduardo was one of the boys Harumpf had a chance to meet and gave him the gift of a toy Zamboni. Eduardo reminded Harumpf a lot of himself at the same age. Eduardo was 3'7" and weighed 150 pounds at just 5 years old. Harumpf was almost the exact same size at the same age. Harumpf and Eduardo really hit it off and after a while everyone was calling Eduardo "Harumpf Junior." The real Harumpf liked this little chubby kid so much he gave his family season tickets to Titan's home games and all you can eat hot dogs. There was no questions little Eduardo was going to make good on that latter part of that gift. It was a great feeling for Harumpf and tiny-handed Olga to be able to do something special for the community and impact the lives of many needy children, especially Eduardo and his family. It's wonderful to give back to the community and we wish we'd see more events like this from teams around the VHL. Harumpf and Olga left the event feeling better than they had in years. What they may lack in height, they definitely make up for in heart. Happy Holidays. [500+ Words]

The Helsinki Titans celebrated New Years in style with Don Draper hosting everyone at his house in the Helsinki Fjords. It was hard to get there, everyone had to take a boat, but it was worth it. He's got a great place and he flew in the Finnish Bikini team to serve as waitresses. Harumpf was pretty excited about this because with him being 5'5" his head was at the exact same level as their boobs. Needless to say Harumpf had a very enjoyable night. He got hammered and kept untying the bikini string from the girls and running off with it while King Czar tooks quick snap shots at just the right moment. These have all been posted in Hartwall Arena's Titan Titty Thread, which if you're not a member of the Titans, you're shit out of luck and will never see it. Besides the boobs, the Titans had a great night, lots of good food and drinks followed by a late night game of shinny, which is always fun while drunk. Harumpf also slept with 2 of the bikini models so he was pretty happy. Hopefully his wife doesn't find out and King Czar didn't take any pictures of that, otherwise there could be trouble in the Helsinki locker room.

Wow, that's awesome! I'm going put that in my rotation.

Thanks.

5'5" 250 pound Titans Center Oskars Harumpf is not shy about his love for christmas cookies. In fact, he's been dominating christmas cookies for almost a week now as celebratory gifts come into the Helskinki Titan's locker room. Many of these gifts are tins of cookies, which Harumpf immediately opens and begins to devour. Most would call this selfish, but let's look at the facts here, Oskars Harumpf is 5 and a half feet tall and weighs 250 pounds, if there's a cookie within his field of vision, it's going to get eaten. Experts have projected that Harumpf could consume as many as 2000 cookies over the holidays. He's already eclipsed 500 and it's not even christmas yet. The moral of this story is, if you have some christmas cookies you want to eat, do not let Harumpf see them. He may be unselfish on the ice, but when it comes to christmas cookies there are no rules.

lol, glad you enjoyed those.

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Titan Take Over? Jake Wylde, James Faraday and Don Draper celebrate a goal in a recent game. The Helsinki Titans came into the S41 season hungry for a championship and with some new faces in the line up things are looking good. The Titans are off to an 8-5-1 start and are sitting in 2nd place just 3 points behind rival Riga Reign, who they beat 5-2 in their one match up so far this season. Some would say it's only a matter of time before the Titans take over 1st place in the European Conference. With a +15 goal differential, Helsinki has proven they have what it takes to put wins on the board. Experts believe we're just starting to see the beginning of something special brewing in Titan town. The Titans are getting scoring from everywhere with no player having less than 7 points on the season. Naomi Young currently leads the team with 9 goals and 8 assists for 17 points and is looking as advertised after she came to the team in the off-season. Willem Janssen and James Faraday are also off to nice starts with 16 and 15 points respectively, while Don Draper is just off their pace with 14 points, including 11 assists. Jake Wylde is getting it done on the blue line with 12 points and a team leading 59 hits and 22 blocks, once again proving he is one of the most well rounded players in the league. Speaking of well rounded, 5'5" 250 pound rookie Oskars Harumpf is off to a nice start himself with 9 points, 24 hits and a 51% face off winning percentage. The rookie is not looking out of place in the VHL and is getting better with each game. Jackson Miller, Chris Raymond and King Czar are also having solid seasons with 9, 8 and 7 points and Czar is 2nd on the team in hits with 36 and 1st in decapitations with 3 respectively. Titans goalie Kimmo Salo is possibly having the most impressive season with a 1.91 GAA and .920 Save % along with 4 shutouts and 8 wins. Some were worried Salo could not hold down the fort for Helsinki this season, but he's quickly proving his doubters wrong. The S41 Titans are all playing well and working great together as a team as evident by their team statistics. The Titans are currently ranked #2 in the league in goals against, allowing just 2.00 per game, which is quite an impressive number. They are also #1 in the league in shots allowed, giving up a mere 24 per game. When it comes to hits per game, the Titans are the 2nd most physical team in the league averaging over 18 hits per game. With that combination of physical play and tight defense, no wonder they are one of the toughest teams to play against in the entire VHL. Did we mention they're also 3rd in the league in Face Off winning percentage? Winning over 57% of their draws along with that great defensive play and a strong offense (4th in shots, 6th in goals scored) have the Titans looking like the team to beat in the European Conference. They already proved they can take out Riga with a dominant 5-2 victory earlier in the year so it's only a matter of time before the Titans take over. [550+ Words]

Needs more Harumpf.

Well your favorite 5'5" 250 pound rookie has been killing in the face off circle so far this season. Oskars Harumpf has an astounding 65.31% Face Off Win percentage, good for 1st in the entire VHLM. Even cooler is his teammate Naomi Young is 2nd with 63%, showing how strong the Titans are in the dot. Face Offs are often an overlooked stat, but if you don't have the puck you can't score and if you do have the puck, the other team can't score. 65 and 63% from Helsinki's top 2 centers will put them in a great position to win a lot of games. Harumpf is especially please with his performance as a rookie, given his short stature, but the fact that he can get so low to the ground on draw could be what's giving him such an advantage over his taller opponents. Just another unique skill Harumpf brings to the table. Speaking of tables, he's going to go eat dinner now. Gotta keep that 250 pound frame up after all.

Player Name: Oskars Harumpf VHL Team: Helsinki Titans Cash you have: 4,500,000 Purchase Name: Point Task Upgrade Cost of Purchase: 2,000,000 Cash Left: 2,500,000 Player Name:Oskars Harumpf VHL Team: Helsinki Titans Cash you have: 2,500,000 Purchase Name: VHL.com/Radio Upgrade Cost of Purchase: 2,000,000 Cash Left: 500,000

Riga, you just got Harumpf'd.

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Harumpf's first point in the VHL!

1st Win as a Titan!

Thanks Higgins! I'm proud to be part of this team and leadership group. Props to Raymond for being a great team player!

Thanks for notes. I have a nice picture at the top, perhaps that did not display for you? Color scheme matches the blue wording in the title and article body.