Harumpf

It was great playing with your Kachur, best of luck in Cologne!

Exactly!

After watching the NY Americans win the VHL Cup on saturday, Oskars Harumpf was happy for them and his former teammate Jody 3Moons, but he wants to be in that position next season. He wants to be the first player to lift the cup over his head and have it only be 5 feet 9 inches off the ground. Possibly the lowest cup raising in league history, but that story will be for after he wins it. For now he is looking to next season and has vowed to get Helsinki to the finals. He should be able to improve on his numbers next season and help Helsinki get even more wins. After his first playoff experience he's learned a lot about what it takes to win in the VHL post season and should be more prepared next season. He has mapped out a plan of development for himself and aims to hit those goals. He wants to have 90's across the board in Skating, Puck Handling, Passing, Defense and Face Offs. Reaching those plateau's should vault him into next level of league scoring, known as the point per gamers. Look for Harumpf to be a ball of fire next season and help Helsinki to not only a division title but a conference championship and finals appearance.

Congrats NY! Surprised 3Moons won anything without me tbh.

Way to go b2b Bratislava!

Harumpf and Helsinki Fall Short of Making the Finals 5'5" Oskars Harumpf after the game 6 loss to Riga. After beginning his career with 2 straight trips to the VHLM Finals and winning one championship, many thought Harumpf was destined to make it 3 straight trips to the Finals with an appearance in his first VHL Championship. He came close, but it was not meant to be as Helsinki fell just short of making the finals, losing to Riga in 6 games, the last 2 games being overtime losses. It doesn't get much closer than that and Helsinki played well but just couldn't get that crucial go ahead goal as all 6 games were 1 goal games. Harumpf played decent in the playoffs with 5 points in 11 games, including 3 in 6 games against Riga, but he felt he could have done more to help this team when they needed it the most. He wasn't able to get them an OT winner or even set up the OT winner. Harumpf did not record a point on the powerplay throughout the playoffs which is something he is disappointed in. He expects more of himself especially on the man advantage. 39 powerplay minutes in the post season and no points is something that will motivate him going into next season. Also his face offs were not up to snuff, winning just 42.40% of his post-season draws. Not bad for a rookie, but not good enough for Harumpf. He demands more from himself and will not stop working until he is the greatest center the league has ever seen. After the playoff loss, the first of his VHL career, Harumpf will be heading into the off-season with a renewed motivation. He never wants to lose a playoff series again and will do everything in his power to help make sure that happens. If it means 3 a day workouts, fine. If it means cutting back on the cookies, no problem. If it means putting Icy-Hot in all the Riga player's jock straps before the game, consider it done. Harumpf will do whatever it takes to win. He wants to bring a championship to Helsinki and will not rest until it is done. In a related Story: Oskars Haurmpf's soiled hockey pants were so repulsive during the Riga series that VHL officials demanded he wash them or be suspended. The problem started when Riga goalie Mike Szatkowski passed out after Harumpf had been stationed just outside his crease on a powerplay. The goalie got a whiff of Harumpf and crumbled to the ice. Officials gave Harumpf a 2 minute penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct and reported him to the league commissioner. Harumpf had no choice but to wash his hockey pants after game 4. He was very disgruntled about this and without his superstition intact, Helsinki went on to lose game 5 and 6 in overtime. One has to think if Harumpf was not forced to wash his pants that Helsinki would have won at least one of those games. There is now a possible lawsuit pending. Stay tuned for more details. 500 Words Media Spot for Week of 1/26-2/1

3Moons/Zoidberg, Crosby/Malkin, who can tell the difference, lol. Great rookie season for my old linemates!

Pick the winner, all three correct will earn 1 TPE (N/A is an answer here Game 5: Riga Game 6: New York Game 7: N/A Predict the score, Correctly predict the score and winner for 3 TPE Game 5: Riga @ New York - 3-2 Riga Predict the leading point earner of the series for 1 TPE Xin Xie Xao Predict the leading penalty minutes earner for 1 TPE Xin Xie Xiao Predict the leading special teams goals earner for 1 TPE Matt Bentley

Good series Riga. Best of luck in the finals.

Harumpf'd!

Game 4 Helsinki vs Clogne: Opening minutes of the 1st period, Cologne just scored a quick game opening goal and the Titan's find themselves in a hole early. Over the boards jumps Oskars Harumpf and his linemates Tyson Stokes and Willem Janssen, the talented trio is looking to respond. Harumpf loses the draw but quickly intercepts the oulet pass and takes the puck the other way. Harumpf enters the Express zone with speed and the defense is collapsing back toward their own net. Harumpf drops the puck to Don Draper who surveys the scene. Draper finds Willem Jensen down low, Jensen controls and is looking for a pass. Oskars Harumpf is battling in front, his low sturdy frame is making it impossible for the defense to move him. Due to the attention being paid to Harumpf, Tyson Stokes is wide open in the high slot between the circles! Jensen hits Stokes with a saucer pass! Stokes with the one timer...... Deflected by Oskars Harumpf! GOAL!!!! 2. Titans , Oskars Harumpf 1 (Tyson Stokes, Willem Janssen) at 3:33 Oskars Harumpf ties the game, Titans respond! What a huge 1st career playoff goal!!! Pass by Logan Laich intercepted by Oskars Harumpf in neutral zone. Pass to Don Draper. Pass to Willem Janssen. Pass to Tyson Stokes. Shot by Tyson Stokes. Deflect By Oskars Harumpf. Goal by Oskars Harumpf - Express : 1 - Titans : 1.

Great seasons for both 3Moons and Zoidberg! Can't believe you guys had any success at all without Harumpf.

GM 4: Americans GM 4: Titans GM 5: Americans GM 5: Titans

Titans 3-2

Good series. Respect to the Express. Congrats Titans!

Harumpf 1st career playoff goal!

Titans 4-2

Meute Titans Wranglers Titans

His hockey pants are definitely streaky, lol. Congrats on a dominant rookie season 3Moons!

Strong Regular Season for Titan's Rookie Harumpf! Harumpf celebrates his 19th goal on the season for Helsinki. Oskars Harumpf put together a very strong rookie season for the Helsinki Titans in S41 and will now get a chance to play in the VHL playoffs for the first time in his career. The Titan's rookie Alternate Captain transitioned well into a new league and brought a lot of energy and enthusiasm to his team. Coming off an award winning junior season and cup run with Bratislava last year, he went on to help the Titan's to a 42-23-7 record and a 3rd place finish in the European Conference with 91 points. At times during the year Helsinki was in 1st place, but they ended up finishing just 9 points back of the 1st place Reign. Harumpf learned a lot in his rookie season and will take that experience into the playoffs, which are sure to be exciting. Harumpf finished up the regular season with a solid 19 goals and 32 assists for 51 points, which was good for 6th on the team. The Titans leading scorer only had 73 points, so Harumpf should be proud of his performance. As a rookie in the lower scoring European Conference, 51 points is considered pretty darn good and it turns out he was among the top 50 scorers in the entire league this season. Harumpf was also strong in the face off circle, finishing at 55.96% on draws which was good for 10th in the entire league. One of the most surprising stats of his rookie season was his 115 hits. The 5'5" 250 pound Harumpf was not expected to be a physical force, but impressed many players and fans with his natural checking ability. He had the 3rd most hits on the team. Not bad for a guy who can double as an elf for Christmas. Harumpf played consistently well throughout the season, but really picked up his game in the last 10 contests. He was over a point per game in those match ups and is playing the best hockey of his young career heading into the playoffs. Hopefully he can stay hot in the post-season and help Helsinki win a championship. The team will be leaning on him for offense, physical play, face off wins and strong play in the defensive zone. Harumpf is ready for the challenge and word around the league is he has still not washed his hockey pants. Opposing players have been put on notice. Helsinki will be a force in the playoffs with soiled pants Harumpf being the possible x-factor. High end players like James Faraday, Don Draper, Willem Jansen, Naomi Young and Jackson Miller will be leading the charge on offense. Harumpf and other young up and comers like Tyson Stokes and King Czar will provide depth scoring and of course there is Jake Wylde destroying everyone from the blue line and Chris Raymond setting people up for goals. Goalie Kimmo Salo should be able to hold down the fort and we like Helsinki's chances to represent the European Conference in the VHL Finals. Harumpf has been to 2 finals in his 2 seasons in junior, so odds are he will appear in his 3rd straight championship series, this time in the VHL. The little big man has already defied incredible odds, so we would not be surprised to see him win the cup in his rookie season. [500+ Words]

Oskars Harumpf did not wash his pants this week and put up a 4 point game vs Calgary. He then went on to put up 2 points in the next game proving that soiled hockey pants are the way to go if you want to rack up points in th VHL. It's quite possible we see more players shitting their pants during games after Harumpf's amazing achievement. All kidding aside, Harumpf was thrilled to notch the first 4 point game of his young career and it bodes well for his future. He was dynamite on that night vs Calgary finishing with 2 goals and 2 assists. Harumpf then continued his great play putting up many more points over the next handful of games and has now broken the 50 point barrier in his 69 games this season. 19 goals and 31 assists including 10 powerplay points is a great rookie season for the little big man, especially on a Helsinki team where the top scorer only has 70 points. Regardless of what happens over the next 3 games, Oskars Harumpf will have put up a very impressive rookie season for the Titans.

You guys got Harumpf'd.

Harumpf's Hockey Pants a Cause for Concern Oskars Harumpf's soiled hockey pants, which he refuses to wash to due superstition. In what is now a well documented story, located HERE, Harumpf sharted his hockey pants during a recent game then racked up 2 assists in a Titan's victory. It's great that Helsinki got the win, but the problem is that Harumpf is a very superstitious player and now refuses to wash his hockey pants. The smell of dried shart is making things very stinky in Helsinki. Everyone knows of Harumpf's superstitions from last season when he won the cup in Bratislava and put up 164 points. Nobody questioned his methods and the team even embraced them, because whatever Harumpf was doing was obviously working. Helsinki has embraced his superstitions as well as they've had a great season and are right there in the mix for 1st place. They did not question him when he sacrificed a chicken before the last game vs. Riga, but this time Harumpf may have gone too far. Playing with soiled hockey pants has made things downright unbearable in the Helsinki locker room and also on the bench. Granted the pungent smell keeps opposing players from wanting to hit Harumpf, but it's also hurting his own team. King Czar has the locker next to Harumpf and the smell of his sharted hockey pants was so bad before last game that Czar got sick and puked in James Faraday's skate. On the other side of Harumpf's locker is Don Draper and he's been having migraine headaches from the stench coming from Harumpf's pants. Something has to give here or the Titan's may all get sick from this. Nobody wants to sit next to Harumpf on the bench either as his smell is atrocious. Harumpf says he will not wash his hockey pants until he goes 2 games without putting up a point. We spoke with him after last game, here's what he had to say. Media: Harumpf, what the heck is going on with your pants, why don't you wash them? You're making everyone sick. James Faraday just hurled in a garbage can. Harumpf: Faraday's got a weak stomach, he needs to man up, I sprayed my stuff with febreeze, I don't smell anything. Media: Did you have your olfactory glands burned off as s kid or something? One of our reporters just passed out from the smell. Harumpf: Alright alright, I know my stuff stinks, but if I'm putting up points I just can't wash it, I feel like I'd wash the good karma off and we'd go on a losing streak. We need to win the division and I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to win. Media: Even if that means skating with dried shit in your pants? Harumpf: Yes, whatever it takes. I want that division title. Media: Ok we have to leave now, this is hopeless, our camera guy just puked in his mouth. Harumpf: See ya. Well there you have it folks, Oskars Harumpf will do whatever it takes to win. Some may question his methods and he may be making his teammates sick, but if the Titans win the division, it will all be worth it. As we left the locker room we heard Harumpf's linemates James Faraday and Tyson Stokes whispering something about stealing Harumpf's pants and washing them, but we can't be certain as to what will happen. The repercussions of this could be severe. This is obviously a developing story. [575 Words] Note: I realize Shart is not a word, but for the humor of the article it needed to be included.

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