Harumpf

In case you lived under a rock and were not aware of the ridiculous season former Bratislava teammates Harumpf and Zoidberg had back in S40, let me quickly recap it for you. They were possibly the best Center-Wing combination to ever play in the VHLM. They combined for a ridiculous 364 points in 72 games. Let me say that again... 364 points in 72 games. Yes you read that correctly. Zoidberg had 113 goals, 77 assists and was a +108. Harumpf had 34 goals, 130 assists and finished with a +103 rating. They were flat out dominant and obviously went on to win the cup. Zoidberg won numerous awards for greatness and Harumpf won the Oates trophy for most assists in the VHLM and was 5th all time. The two of them had incredible chemistry, the likes of which we may never see again. Some would think why aren't these 2 doing everythng possible to re-unite in the VHL? Well, Harumpf just found out that Zoidberg signed a career contract with the Toronto Legion and will never be going to free agency. The only chance these two ever have to re-unite is for Harumpf to join Toronto. However, this may be a long ways off as Harumpf is very happy in Helsinki and is committed to the team and winning a championship there. So for now it we'll just have to put it in the back of our heads and speculate as to what will happen in the future and if we'll ever see these 2 on a line together in the VHL. Needless to say it'd be pretty ridiculous.

Zoidberg'd.

Glad you enjoyed it. btw, offense is correct spelling in the US, where I am writing this from. There is no incorrect spelling of that word, just preferred spellings in US vs CAN.

Helsinki Titans #1 In European Conference! After 27 games the Helsinki Titans remain in 1st place in the European Conference with a record of 17-8-2 for 36 points. They currently hold a 3 point lead over 2nd place Stockholm and a 7 point lead over 3rd place Cologne. The Titans have been playing well this season especially when you consider their early season schedule has pitted them against last year's champs the NY Americans 8 times already and they've also face Cologne 8 times. Both tough teams but they Titans have performed well going 4-4 against NY and 6-2 against Cologne, proving they are one of the best teams in the league. Currently Helsinki has the 2nd best record in the entire league behind only Quebec City, who they have to face this season. That game should be exciting when it does happen and both teams are loaded with talent. So who has been leading the way for the 1st place Titans so far this season? Let's take a look. James Faraday - 13G, 20A, 33Pts, 28H, 156Sog: Faraday is already looking better than last season as he's held on to over a point pr game pace since the start of the season. He's been shooting the puck a lot and logging a ton of minutes. He's tied for the team lead in goals with Naomi Young and has been a clutch scorer all season. He should continue to lead Helsinki in the goals and points department as he comes into his prime this season. Jackson Miller - 10G, 22A, 32Pts, 44H, 166Sog: Miller or "Miller Time" as he's sometimes called by fans has been just as good as Faraday this season and added a physical edge to his game with 44 hits. Miller is shooting the puck more than anyone else on the team, but his shooting % remains low at just over 6%. Look for that to improve as the season goes on. Miller will be one of the key players for Helsinki this season and is off to a great start at over a point per game. Don Draper - 7G, 21A, 29Pts, 68H, 72Sog, 49Blks: "The Don" has been awesome again this season and is leading the team from the blue line as expected. Over a point per game and a nice amount of hits and blocks proves he's doing what the team needs him to do. Create offense from the blue line, throw hits and dive in front of pucks. Draper is looking like one of the most dynamic defenders in the league again this season. Naomi Young - 13G, 14A, 27Pts, 16H, 131Sog: Naomi is playing great in her final season maintaing a point per game pace through 27 games. She is tied for the team lead in goals with 14 and has been her usual reliable self on face offs, powerplay and penalty kill. One of the league's legends, she is proving age has not slowed her down and she's determined to win a championship for Helsinki in her final season. We would not bet against her. Jake Wylde - 7G, 17A, 24Pts, 123H, 71Sog, 30Blks: "The Wild Man" Jake Wylde has put together another beastly start to the season with 123 hits in 27 games. I'm not a mathmatician but that's somewhere around 4-5 hits per game! What a stud. Wylde is destroying people all over the ice and also having a big offensive year with 24 points in 27 games. He is one of the most feared defenders in the entire league and is a key cog in the Helsinki machine. Oskars Harumpf - 10G, 10A, 20Pts, 26H, 89Sog: The Bulbous pants sharting sophomore is off to a nice start this season with double dimes on the score sheet. Noted as a playmaker, Harumpf has been lighting the lamp with regularity this season as he's tied for the 2nd highest goal total on the team. With his game improving every week Harumpf should be able to continue to provide depth scoring and timely offense for Helsinki as he is on the verge of superstardom both on and off the ice. More Harumpf jerseys can be seen at each home game in Helsinki every week. Tyson Stokes - 7G, 11A, 18Pts, 70H, 85Sog: Stokes has been great this season putting up points and opening ice for his linemates with thundering hits. Currently 2nd on the team with 70 body checks, Stokes is proving he can do it all. He's been able to score goals, set up goals and put people through the boards. He's worked well on a line with Harumpf and the two get better each game. Providing secondary scoring and a physical element, Stokes is in line for a nice season. Mike Szatowski Jr - 17W, 7L, 2OTL, 2.23GAA, .917SV%, 2SHO: Mike has been incredible for Helsinki this season. Coming in via trade in the off-season he's provided stability in net and even stolen some games this season. Playing the defending champs 8 times already, he's been tested early in a Titans uniform and has been up to the task. One of the best goalies in the league, he's led Helsinki to 1st place in the division and has awesome numbers to show for it. With Szatowski in net, Helsinki is capable of beating any other team in the league on any given night. Well there you have it, the 1st place Helsinki Titans are looking strong this season and everyone is on their game. With continued improvement and hard work over the rest of the season, there is no reason this team cannot lift the cup when it's all said and done. [935 Words]

4-3 NY

Titans Express Legion Vikings

Riggsy! Good luck in Calgary, it was fun playing together.

your play in this game was hella stinky.

Well it's been about 20 games since Oskars Harumpf "Harumpf'd" anyone, but he's hoping it happens again soon. Not since early in the season when Harumpf Harumpf'd the Bears on back to back nights has there been a Harumpf'ing. If you don't know what it means to get Harumpf'd, you've obviously not been following the career or persona of the great Oskars Harumpf, but let's just say it' when he scores 3 or more points against a team. They get Harumpf'd. Harumpf has been on the verge of Harumpf'ing a couple teams over the last 20 games with some multi-point efforts, but has not eclipsed that 3 point mark since the first 2 games of the season. Harumpf is playing well though, with 17 points in 22 games and is on pace to break last years point total, but a few Harumpf'ings would go a long way to eclipsing a point per game. Harumpf hopes to Harumpf someone soon and if he could choose any team to Harumpf it would be either NY Americans or Toronto Legion. His old pals Zoidberg and 3Moons are on these teams and could use a good Harumpf'ing to keep them in line. Harumpf doesn't want them getting too big of a head, so a little Harumpf'ing will be good for them. Let's hope it happens soon. -Harumpf

aahahaaa! That is true respect for his old linemate, he can't help but love Harumpf! I am glad he stood up for me, thanks Jala!

3 Great Players - 3 Different Paths Harumpf, Zoidberg and 3Moons back in S40 celebrating a goal together for Bratislava. We all know about the great trio that lead Bratislava to a cup back in S40, the legend of Harumpf and Zoidberg was well documented but when 3Moons "quietly" came over in a trade to join them, things really took off and the rest is history. A championship and multiple awards of greatness later, everyone knew these 3 players were well on their way to stardom. In this article we take a look at each one of their paths and progress in the VHL for 3 different teams. We'll start with the first to win a VHL championship and that is Jody 3Moons. Some would say 3Moons was handed the keys to the kingdom getting to play for the powerhouse NY Americans in his rookie season. He lined up with the great Xin Xie Xao and the duo went on to score a combined 218 points in the S41 regular season. 3Moons was the center and put up 110 of those points in an incredible rookie year. The Americans went on to win the championship and 3Moons was immediately a star and a champion in the league. Back to back championships for 3Moons between 2 leagues and he's looking good again this season for New York. About the only thing 3Moons didn't win in his rookie season was Rookie of the Year, but that's because an old pal of his would win it. Enter Sachimo Zoidberg, scorer of goals and stealer of dreams. The super sniper won rookie of the year in S41 putting up 111 points (1 more than 3Moons) and scoring 54 goals to take home the honor. A huge rookie season for the Toronto Legion as Zoidberg instantly became the face of the franchise as was even named team captain. Two amazing accomplishments from Zoidberg and he's already become one of the best goal scorers in the entire league. Despite Zoidberg's greatness Toronto missed the playoffs last season, but under his leadership they should be able to get into the post season this year and make some noise. Zoidberg has done well for himself in the VHL without his old center Harumpf, but still has yet to find the chemistry those two displayed in S40. We may never see such a pair again in the league. Now we get to everyone's favorite player Oskars Harumpf. After winning the championship with his boys in Bratislava and winning the Oates Trophy for most assists in a season with 130, Harumpf moved on to Helsinki and was named assistan captain in his rookie year. Quickly identifying Harumpf's leadership skills, the Titans were pleased to put a letter on his jersey (which is a 3XL short btw). The 5'5" 250 pound bulbous superstar was off to the races in S41, but in the lower scoring European conference he would not see the big numbers his old teammates saw in the pouros North American conference, where goals seem to be easier to come by. Harumpf would put together a solid rookie season with 51 points and 115 hits. Which is not bad considering the highest point total on Helsinki was 73. He had a good run in the post season making it all the way to the European Conference finals before losing to Riga in 6 games. Harumpf gained valuable experience and was a media favorite with his candid articles about sharting and being a dwarf among men. Harumpf is off to a nice start this season with 13 points in 16 games and the Titans are currently 1st in the division. Harumpf may not be as decorated as his former teammates yet, but he's well on his way to stardom. Fans around the league hope one day to see Harumpf, Zoidberg and 3Moons together again, but they may have to wait until later in their careers as each seems locked in to their current team and we doubt they'll be leaving anytime soon. Fans can always dream though. Like a line of Gretzky, Lemieux and Hull. We'll leave it to you to figure out who's who. (cough Harumpf/Gretzky). [660 words]

Muete Wranglers Bears Express

4-3 Helsinki

It's early in the season and Oskars Harumpf is plugging along, maintaining his point per game pace for the Helsinki Titans. 10 points through 10 games is not bad for the bulbous playmaker in his sophomore campaign. 3 goals 7 assists and a face off winning percentage over 52% is a pretty good performance from Harumpf so far. His physical game is not what it was last season, but with no practice hours into checking, 15 hits through 10 games is decent. That may be an area of his game he works on later in the season. Helsinki as a team could be winning more games, but a 6-5 record is at least over .500 so they'll take it. However, it'd be nice to go on a run here soon and get a few games over .500. Harumpf remains positive that Helsinki can make the playoffs this season and challenge for the championship, but they need to perform better going into the middle of the season then they have here early in the season. Maybe Harumpf needs to shit his pants again for them to get hot. He's always willing to take one for the team.

4-2 Express

Muete Reign Dynamo TITANS

Proud to be part of the leadership group again this season. GO TITANS!!!

Harumpf Poised for Breakout Season! Titans center Oskars Harumpf celebrates one of his 3 goals in the first 2 Helsinki games this season. You heard it here first, Oskars Harumpf is top 3 in VHL scoring after 2 games! He has 3 goals and 3 assists for 6 points. We realize most teams have only played 2 games, but we here at Harumpf Media are excited about his start to the season. He opened up the year with 3 points against Seattle and was named the #1 star of the game. His playmaking was on display as he dazzled everyone with his slick passes and shifty moves, 1 goal and 2 assists later, Seattle didn't know what hit them. He then followed that up with another 3 point performance in game 2 with 2 goals and 1 assists as he decided he felt like shooting a little more that game against that same Seattle team. Granted Seattle did not have their normal goalie in net, but points are points and Harumpf is looking good. Harumpf's only human linemate Tyson Stokes is also off to a great start with 5 points of his own and he and Harumpf are looking good together. Both players are much improved since last season and really seem to be clicking out there. With a computer linemate on the other wing, look for Harumpf and Stokes to do the majority of the scoring on that line this season. With any luck Helsinki management will bring in someone with an actual pulse to compliment Harumpf and Stokes, but even if that doesn't happen it's looking like Harumpf and Stokes can carry the load, especially if Harumpf continues his early season dominance. Besides the 6 points in 2 games, Harumpf is also looking strong in the face off circle with a winning percentage over 57%. Look for that to improve as the season goes on and he gets more practice hours working on face offs. Being primarily a playmaker throughout his young career, Harumpf actually worked on his scoring this off-season and it's showed early with 3 goals in 2 games. Realizing that he would have to put the puck in the net a little more this season based on the Titan's roster, it's nice to see that hard work pay off for Harumpf. He will always be a pass first player but he will do whatever the team needs him to do in order to win. If that's score goals, then he has no problem with that. If it's make incredible 2 line saucer passes over defenders, no problem there either. If he's asked to put someone through the board and break their clavicle, consider it done. Harumpf is a true team player. All signs point to the dynamic Harumpf having a big breakout season in his sophomore campaign. He had a solid rookie year breaking the 50 point barrier, but this season we believe he can become a point per game player and help lead Helsinki to a championship. So far he has "Harumpf'd" both of his opponents in the first 2 games this season. It should be a fun year for fans of Oskars Harumpf and the Helsinki Titans. [530 words]

Recently in the SuperCup game #29 Strauss the Grouses got "Harumpf'd" when Oskars Harumpf scored a hat trick against them in a 4-1 victory. Anytime Harumpf goes off and an opposing team falls victim to his 5'5" 250 pounds of hockey skill, that team just got Harumpf'd. This phrase was coined back in junior in S39 by Harumpf's linemate Sachimo Zoidberg who was looking for the perfect phrase to describe what Oskars Harumpf was doing to opposing teams on a nightly basis. You may remember this was the season Harumpf had 164 points and won the oates trophy with 130 assists. The entire league got Harumpf'd that season, but the saying works best in single game situations. Here's an example: Helsinki plays Riga, Harumpf has a 4 point game leading Helsinki to victory. Someone posts in the thread "You guys got Harumpf'd" or "You've just been Harumpf'd" either one will work, you get the point. Basically it's celebrating any time a 5'5" 250 pound bowling ball of a player goes off and helps his team win. Thanks to Sachimo Zoidberg for coining this phrase and feel free to use it whenever something Harumpf does excites you. Which should be often, because he is very exciting.

Helsinki Titans Season 42 Outlook Coming off a successful albeit disappointing Season 41, where the Titans made the playoffs but lost in the conference finals, the team is hungrier and more motivated than ever to win the cup this season. Management made some strong moves in the off-season to bolster the teams goaltending and with the returning players all improved, it should be a great year for the Titans. Let's take a look at the Roster: C - Naomi Young - TPE: 871 Obviously one of Helsinki's most popular players, Young is also the most offensively gifted player on the team and is their resident tpe leader. Young plays 1st line center and is unstoppable every time she steps on the ice. She also serves to motivate the team before the game with her "locker room presence." Young us a true superstar and one of the leaders on the ice for the Titans, she should have another huge year. D- Don Draper - TPE: 794 Nowhere near as pleasing to the eyes as Naomi Young, Draper is Helsinki's top defenseman and is both an offensive dynamo as well as a defensive stalwart. He gets it done in both zones and his offensive game is outstanding, especially on the powerplay where he had 21 points. Look for him to be one of Helsinki's top point producers next season as he's in line to build on his incredible 72 point season. D - Jake Wylde - TPE: 685 Man beast Jake Wylde also knows as "The Wild Man" is Helsinki's resident force of destruction. Racking up 257 hits last season he was among the league leaders and is one of the most feared players in the VHL. No teams likes to come in and play against Jake Wylde. His physical game is his strong point, but don't be fooled, the kid can create offense also, evident by his 51 points last season. Wylde is in line for a big season. RW - Jackson Miller - TPE: 498 Jackson Miller is one of Helsinki's snipers and can bury the puck as good as anyone in the league. 3rd on the teams in both goals and shots last season, Miller can light the lamp with ease. 29 goals was an awesome season for Miller, but he's sure to improve on that this season as he's stronger and more developed offensively. Look for 35-40 goals from Miller this year as he becomes one of Helsinki's go-to trigger men. LW - James Faraday - TPE: 486 Get use to seeing Faraday celebrates goals because he did it 38 times last season and is just scratching the surface of his immense talent. Faraday is a world class sniper and the player Helsinki looks to most when the game is on the line. Even nastier looking this year in practice than he was last year, Faraday should be able to touch 50 goals this season for the Titans. He's going to be a beast. G - Mike Szatkowski Jr - TPE: 793 New Titans goalie Mike Szatkowski Jr is already making an impression on his new teammates as he made the above save in a recent scrimmage. The guy has incredible hand-eye coordination and his focus is amazing. Nothing rattles him and he's so skilled he can makes tough saves look easy. Coming over from Riga, Szatkowski should give Helsinki a goalie who can steal games, especially in the playoffs and with their defense they should be hard to score on. Szatkowski should once again be one of the best goalies in the league, great acquisition for Helsinki. Well that's Helsinki's top 5 talents and along with their new all-world goalie they should be much improved from last season. The Titans also have great secondary scoring and defense with players like Tyson Stokes (399), Oskars Harumpf (370) and King Czar (348) rounding out the roster. These players all have taken big leaps forward and should be in line for much improved seasons. There's no questions the Helsinki Titans will be one of the top teams in the league this season. [673 words]

Well, you're favorite soiled pants bulbous superstar Oskars Harumpf is playing for someone's Ass in the SuperCup. Not being around the league for that long, Harumpf was confused by this team name, but I guess it's fitting considering some of the media Harumpf put out last season. After writing articles about sharting and playing with soiled hockey pants, it's not surprise that a team with Ass in the name had Harumpf high on their draft list. "Truly honored to play for Walcott's Ass, I embrace whatever team I'm on and in this case I will be embracing an ass. I plan to work my butt of the the Asses and help them win the cup. We have a pretty good roster and one of my Helsinki teammates Tykson Stokes is also an Ass, so at least I know someone. The rest of the Asses have been pretty cool so far and everyone seems committed to winning, so it should be a good tournament. Needless to say let's hope knobody kicks our ass."

Oskars Harumpf Off-Season Success! Oskars Harumpf celebrates as he breaks the 10 minute-mile mark. For 5'5" 250 pound Helsinki Center Oskars Harumpf, the off-season brings a chance for him to work on areas of his game that he feels need improvement headed in to next season. He had a successful rookie year, but he knows he can do even better in his sophomore campaign. One area he wants to work on is his cardio and endurance. Having such short legs it's sometimes hard for Harumpf to achieve success in dry-land training. He's not a great sprinter, he can't hurdle and he definitely can't do anything in the high jump, but he did reach a milestone this off-season in the 1 mile run. Harumpf's entire life he has been trying to break the 10 minute mark in the mile. We realize that may be laughable to people of normal height and weight, but when you're 5'5" and 250 pounds, running is not your strong suit. Skating comes easy to Harumpf because of the gliding factor, but running does not because of something called gravity. Coming off his rookie season, Harumpf is in the best shape of his life and decided it was time to try and break the 10 minute mark running the mile. After days of training and getting his body into shape, he went to the local track in his hometown of Middelfart Denmark where he spends the off-season. He started the run with a bang and managed to finish with a time of 9:57! He finally achieved his goal after years of trying. The joy Harumpf felt was infectious. His whole family was there to celebrate with him. Everyone was very proud of Harumpf and agreed he would have a huge season next year in the VHL. Harumpf went on to spend the rest of the week celebrating and spending time with family. The Harumpf family poses after their annual game of floor hockey. Oskars can be seen back row-middle. Every off-season after his hometown workouts Harumpf enjoy spending time with his family, none of which are very tall. With the whole family being huge hockey fans they hold an annual floor hockey tournament in the Middelfart gymnasium. Not everyone can skate so this kind of evens the playing field otherwise Oskars would just dominate and it would be no fun at all. It's an all day event with 2 teams and they play a 7 game series. This year it went down the wire with Harumpf setting up his wife Olga (seen far left in the green shirt) for the game winning goal in overtime of game 7! Harumpf dished a saucer pass over the heads of everyone on the court (roughly 5ft off the ground) and it landed right on Olga's blade, all she had to do was tap it in. Another great pass by Harumpf to win a game. We swear his skills have no limit. Good times were had by all the Harumpf's and they had a nice big meal after the game and drank into the night. It was wonderful for Harumpf to spend time with his family during the off-season. It refreshed him and kept things in perspective heading into next season. There's no doubt Harumpf will be ready to roll this season for Helsinki and after achieving his lifetime goal of a sub 10-minute mile, anything is possible for the dynamic diminutive playmaker. [533 Words] Media Spot for Week of (2/2-2/8)

Welcome to the team Szatkowski!